This article is in partnership with National Black Nurses Association.
As crazy as 2020 has been, it has stood as a reminder of the power in the healing process. Though as a society we encountered our share of pain as we were met with job losses, furloughs, civil unrest, untimely deaths, as well as mental and emotional overwhelm, we are doing our best to survive and come together as one. We have become more united in our shared trauma, and have begun to shift our focus on areas where it's needed. The pain and the release of healing. Assisting us in our healing journey both figuratively and literally on the frontlines of this pandemic are nurses.
These frontline workers have long been considered essential by our society, but perhaps their necessity has not been as felt as it has been in the past years. As the spread of the pandemic widened, cases increased, and hospitals became overcrowded with those affected gravely by the disease, nurses proved to be the ones offering a human touch to the way they worked to heal. They went above and beyond to make ailing patients who were isolated due to coronavirus to feel less of the sting of being alone. Add economic struggles to the disparities experienced by marginalized groups and communities in the healthcare system and the disease affecting POC at disproportionate levels, navigating these uncertain times can be difficult to say the least.
For the work that nurses have had to do as healers during this trying time, xoNecole is thanking them in a major way with our partnership with National Black Nurses Association. Below Atlanta nurses and Wellstar nurses fill us in on how they are navigating work demands, patient losses, and fear while embracing their calling.
Alicia Coley, RN
Courtesy of Alicia Coley
Title: Travel Nurse
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: 10 years
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"It's definitely been a major adjustment compared to pre-COVID working conditions in the medical field. I noticed there had been a higher than normal demand for nurses due to increased hospitalizations during this pandemic. Full-time staff nurses had been overwhelmed with the patient load. Therefore, we as travelers came in to provide temporary relief. Gowning up from head to toe with the appropriate Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) for every single patient had become the new norm since the patients I worked with were all COVID-19 positive.
"Lack of supply of PPE, at times, was frustrating. I remember units having to be opened up so we can create more space for admissions. One of the hospital campuses I worked at was re-opened and dedicated to taking COVID patients from all the nearby surrounding hospitals. Overall, you had to have tough skin, catch on quickly and care for the sickly patients. Working as a team was very important!"
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"It wasn't always easy because family members were not allowed on the units AT ALL. Therefore, we were required to call and give an update to family members each shift in the afternoons. It was important for me to remain kind, be empathetic and take care of patients the best I could. There was one particular patient that I saw decline from fully functioning to flaccid over time. That was disheartening. I ended up spending more time in their room because now they could no longer do anything for themselves.
"Continuity of care is encouraged, so you really get to know the patient and you also become familiar with their family member(s) via phone. For this specific patient, I made sure the family got to FaceTime their family member per their request when I worked. Although the prognosis was poor, I believe the family was just grateful to see the patient while they could and talk to them weekly."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"I naturally enjoy learning about topics on health and wellness. In the midst of the pandemic, I ended up starting my own business where I sell an all-natural elderberry syrup. It's paramount during these times because it's a wonderful immune booster that is loaded with antioxidants, has anti-viral, antitussive and anti-inflammatory properties. Studies have shown that if you take elderberry syrup within the first 24-48 hours of infection, you decrease the severity and duration of your cold/flu-like symptoms! My company is called Alchemi Naturals and this is what keeps me motivated and busy.
"I wake up with a sense of purpose and feeling more fulfilled knowing that I am helping to bring people back to wellness. To support my overall wellness during this time, I make it a priority to meditate daily, exercise regularly, eat a well-balanced diet and consume content on personal and spiritual growth. I also stay busy with learning more ways to grow my business and bring as much value as I can to my customers and my social media platform."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"One thing I can say for sure is that I am a huge proponent of boosting one's immune system. I think that is what I advocate the most because it is naturally designed to protect you. Working in a number of different hospital settings will really open your eyes when you come in contact with so many people that have pre-existing health conditions. I have become more passionate about sharing health-conscious information and encouraging people to take care of themselves. These times have solidified my feelings of purpose in my field because I realize now more than ever that nurses are needed! Patients depend on us. It's important that we show up, work as a team and get everyone back to their loved ones."
Tanisha Mcfarlane, RN
Courtesy of Tanisha Mcfarlane
Title: Travel Nurse; currently working in Emergency Department
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: 10 years
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"Being on the frontlines of a pandemic has been very challenging physically, mentally and emotionally. I love and enjoy helping other people so becoming a nurse was just an extension of my purpose. Prior to the pandemic, nursing has had its challenges (working short staff, being verbally abused and sometimes physically abused by patients, and working 12 hours and only being allowed to take a 30-minute break). During the pandemic, some of the normal struggles were intensified but with added stress due to the increased volume and acuity of patients.
"Death is always hard but watching so many people expire in such a small time period was nerve-wracking and it became the new normal, bad as it sounds. In May, I lost three coworkers in one month due to COVID and I think that was when the reality of this pandemic really set in."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"The 'no visitor' policy was very much a struggle for everyone. On a personal level whenever I am not well, I call on my family for emotional support so I thoroughly understood the emotional stress patients endured during their hospital stay. I felt that our duty as nurses was to make patients feel as comfortable as possible even if that meant finding a few minutes to video chat family members as a comfort measure.
"At times, it was overwhelming because we were working under a lot of stress, with limited resources and short staff but we were now responsible for updating family members via phone. Imagine finally catching up on things and then the moment you think you had a moment to take a minute to yourself, you have several people on hold waiting on reassurance and depending on you for their confidence that their loved ones are going to be OK."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"I have always made my family a priority but recently they have been the only thing that keeps me going. I am a first-time mom and that in addition to the pandemic has been heavy mentally but every day I choose to be better than I was yesterday overall. In my downtime, I look up new recipes to try, exercise and plan safe but fun things for my two-year-old son. My son couldn't have been here at a better time because he is my encouragement to stay positive even in my struggles and I am grateful. My husband-to-be is also a nurse so it is helpful that I can vent to him and he understands on a level that not everyone can."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"The pandemic has solidified that my purpose has always been to help people. My biggest fear was always not being able to protect the people around me from such a virus. I cared more for them than myself and again nursing is the extension of my purpose. If I was to extract my personal attributes from my career and just looked at it on a financial gain, then nursing wouldn't be the field I would have chosen and that's how I knew it was more than the money for me. It takes a special person and God chose me."
Brandy Perry, BSN, RN
Courtesy of Brandy Perry
Title: Charge Nurse in Progressive Care Unit at Wellstar Paulding Hospital
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: Six years
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"Being on the frontline of the pandemic has been one of the most challenging times in my career. Caring for patients during this pandemic has been emotionally challenging because we are continuously fighting this battle for our patients and families. I pray every day that my patients will not say their last goodbye but will instead receive the great news that they can go home to their family."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"It has been challenging to watch my patients not having their families with them during this difficult time. On the other hand, I have gained many honorary aunts, uncles, parents, and grandparents in the last year. I am privileged that I was able to connect deeper with my patients as I know they needed my support and guidance more than ever."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"I find myself calling on my children, family members, and friends more often to check on them. It's also very important to have some downtime to rest and self-reflect on any stressful and challenging circumstances that I have encountered."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"I have never been so proud to be a nurse. I truly see the difference we make every day for our community."
Ashley Pugh, RN
Courtesy of Ashley Pugh
Title: Burn ICU Registered Nurse
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: 10 months
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"I came [into the nursing field] at a time when COVID was already ramping up so I don't know anything else. There's obviously less family at the bedside, but since I'm in a critical care area we are able to make exceptions for end of life situations."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"Fortunately, the COVID numbers are relatively low in the Burn ICU. We are also the only unit that cares for children. This allows us to make some exceptions in visitation on a case by case basis. Our leadership team also works hard to ensure that we are staffed in a way that allows us to have those caring moments with our patients."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"I'm not ashamed to say that I pamper myself big time. I've probably purchased every fancy skincare trend you can think of. I'm also a Louisiana girl so I've used this time to get in the kitchen and cook a lot of true Southern cuisine."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"This experience allows me to put faces on policies. A lot of times it's hard to understand how the government and political decisions impact individuals. Not anymore. It's important for nurses to use their voices and participate in the decision-making process. We have the experience and we have insight that is critical to improving the health of our country."
Lauren W., RN
Courtesy of Lauren W.
Title: Travel Nurse; currently working in Progressive Care Units
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: Seven years
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"Since the pandemic began in early 2020, there have been many changes in how nurses (and the healthcare system as a whole) approached patient care. For instance, while limiting the spread of infectious diseases within the hospital has always been a top priority, the stress around personal protective equipment, patient procedures, hospital staffing, and visitor policies have been the most highlighted this past year. We increasingly realize the importance of each role in this system. You appreciate the environmental service workers that clean your isolation rooms just as much as you appreciate that manager going the extra mile to get the appropriate staff and supplies. Do we still have a long road ahead of us? Yes. But I think we see how much we are interconnected, and how that plays into providing the best care possible."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"It was tough to see my patients feel alone and physically isolated from their support systems during this pandemic. Part of quality patient care is incorporating the family in the process. This gives the patient comfort in what could be the most stressful time of their lives, hospitalization. On top of that, you include a global pandemic that is taking lives every day. Therefore, as much as possible, I personally encourage that patient's family or emergency contact to call the patient throughout their stay, or make sure that the physician updates the family on their treatment plan in order to keep them involved and their anxiety low.
"If I have some extra time in between work duties, I even stay and talk with patients for a few more minutes. Most times, they just want a little more education on their treatment, to share their family or pet stories, or even just chat about their favorite TV program. While it may not seem like much, it could mean the world to someone, and make a stressful day turn around for the both of us."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"Due to a constant changing environment, work-life balance has been extremely important in maintaining my well-being. I found that doing solid work on my own mental, physical, and spiritual health helped me get through it. It is impossible to pour from an empty cup. Therefore, much effort is made in maintaining a healthy diet, my spiritual practices, and a support system of friends and family to keep my cup full. Even if that means setting boundaries, spending time alone catching up on my hobbies or favorite TV show, or even practicing social distancing with my mask as I take a nature walk. I have to take care of myself first, period. Thankfully, I also have been afforded the opportunity to leave my work at my job for the most part. I HAVE that title, I AM NOT that title."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"Throughout my nursing career, I am grateful to have worked as a leader and mentor in several institutions. Yet, my experiences this past year has solidified the importance of employee health and health education for everyone. Therefore, I recently obtained my graduate degree in public health and started a nurse blog, Hey Leux, to help me pursue this field. No organization can be successful without the health and well-being of their employees. Studies have even shown that contributions to an employee's work-life balance, training, compensation, and work environment can increase productivity and quality of service. I hope to combat this in the next chapter of my nursing career as an educator, and to continue to be a positive light and a guiding hand to those who need it."
Maisha 'Mai' Harvey, NP
Courtesy of Maisha 'Mai' Harvey
Title: Nurse Practitioner for Emergency Medicine
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: 15 years
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"Burnout is at an all-time high. People are tired! You know burnout is real when you have no desire to work any overtime. They are literally throwing money at nurses and providers all across the country because of the shortage. It's one thing to work a lot of hours but pre- vs post-pandemic overtime just isn't the same. Between the pandemic, politics and the regular stressors of life, it wasn't easy facing a mysterious disease that's literally killing people daily.
"In full transparency, I shifted to Emergency Medicine from another specialty just three months prior to the pandemic as I was on the edge of burnout. I came off a schedule that was seven days on/seven days off to currently working three days a week. The new schedule has been a blessing for me in the pandemic as it has allowed me time to recover both mentally and physically. I've been intentional about preventing burnout which is why I haven't worked much overtime. The extra money comes with an emotional toll that's just not worth the trade for me."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"One side of the visitation restrictions not well known to the public is the personal aspect. My family, friends and friends of friends reach out for me to check on their loved ones who are admitted to the hospital. I've had family members and friends who have driven past numerous hospitals just to be at my hospital. They knew I'd be there and could always come by to check on them. Over the months, I had joy and some sadness making my rounds to check on people. Unfortunately, not everyone has survived. Experiencing this closeness followed by death more than once has emotionally been difficult but I wouldn't change a thing, nor do I have any regrets. It has been an honor to be there for the patient and their loved ones."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"I've actually spent more time in nature than ever. Previously, if it wasn't a beach or exploring a new county, I was not about that outside life! I found myself enjoying taking simple walks in my neighborhood. My meditation walks are very peaceful and energizing. It was something about the sun beaming on my skin and the alone time with my thoughts. It has been a much-needed escape from the unknown. Over the summer, I found local parks and even made day trips to random parks all over the state. Who knew Georgia had so many hiking trails with astonishing waterfalls? I even purchased a few plants but that isn't going too well right now. But they still bring me joy!"
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"My purpose has always been to educate my people about health. It's the main reason I went back to obtain not one but two advanced degrees. The pandemic has added an additional layer confirming this is where I'm supposed to be. People don't seem to understand how I can comfortably walk into a COVID patient's room with no fear. My response, I'm covered in the blood of Jesus and PPE! I was built for this!"
Stephanie McLean
Courtesy of Stephanie Mclean
Title: COVID Crisis Travel Nurse
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: Seven years
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"The COVID-19 crisis was something we as nurses did not anticipate, but we had to adapt quickly. Being on the frontlines and having to adjust to new screenings, protocols, and procedures daily was very overwhelming and a change from our routine pre-pandemic. My encounters with patients are met with more of a mental challenge, because now I must make sure I keep myself protected from this very contagious virus. From wearing an N95 mask for 12 plus hours, gowning up in full PPE to go into each room, and sometimes having to relay messages to patients from other healthcare providers are just a few of the ways my world has changed. This shift in the healthcare system has caused an increased patient care load and decreased time to really spend with each patient, which is tough for nurses like me who enjoy talking and spending time with their patients."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"One of the hardest parts of nursing during the pandemic has been trying to be a support system to my patients. Since there is a no visitor policy unless it is extenuating circumstances, we have become the closest thing to family on top of being their nurse. It is a challenging task when you become the only listening ear for your patients while they are experiencing so many emotions and spend most of their time alone. I have felt very overwhelmed at times because I am constantly thinking about how I can provide the best care on top of running around, charting, passing medications, and keeping up with doctors' orders.
"On one occasion, I was taking care of a patient that was battling terminal cancer and the policy was unless a patient was on comfort care, he or she could not have visitors. At this time, the decision was not made yet whether this patient would be transitioned to comfort care-only measures. I was on the phone with this man's wife; she was screaming and crying saying she just wanted to visit her husband. She stated they had young children at home, and she knew he was dying, and she just wanted to visit him. That broke my heart. I remember going into the manager's office and explaining the situation almost in tears. I just could not imagine being married and not being able to see my spouse in his last few moments. Thankfully, this situation was rectified, but I will always remember that conversation."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"On my off days, I take time to destress and I do a lot of self-care. Some of those things include exercising, juicing, meditating, and journaling. These activities help me to declutter my mind and recover mentally so I can be rejuvenated when I return to work."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"Working during this pandemic has solidified my purpose of why I became a nurse seven years ago. My passion has always been to serve people from all walks of life and play a part in them returning to their optimal level of health. In this pandemic, I feel like that has only been magnified. There are days that I have been stretched thin and pushed to the limits with so much responsibility. But in these moments, I am reminded that I was placed here for a reason and my patients are depending on me to deliver the best care possible!"
Bianca Ferguson, BSN, RN
Courtesy of Bianca Ferguson
Title: Medical-Surgical/Telemetry Registered Nurse
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: Five years and seven months
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"For me being on the frontlines of a pandemic has been a life-changing experience. Before this pandemic, I went to work with a clear idea of how I would be taking care of my patients. I was confident that my skills and knowledge would get me through each shift. For the first time in my career, each day I walk into work with uncertainty of how the day will end."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"It has been an overwhelming, heartbreaking yet rewarding experience. For nurses, not only are we having to do our job, we are also having to be there to support our patients emotionally because their families aren't able to physically do so. I also feel that it is necessary to step in because emotional support can be beneficial to overall healing. It is heartbreaking because not only are these patients fighting to overcome COVID, they may feel alone, so if I can assist by staying in the room a little longer or holding my patient's hand to reassure them that they aren't alone, I'll do that."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"During these times, I have been lucky to have an amazing support system. My family and friends have supported and encouraged all my decisions during these times. I have found myself traveling to different states and assisting hospitals where the needs are far worse than what I have experienced in my hometown. I am supporting myself by praying, staying positive, and taking all precautions necessary to stay safe. As far as my mental health, I make it a requirement to meet with my therapist frequently to release frustration and recharge my positive energy."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"These times have only reassured me that I made the right decision to become a nurse. I made the right decision to choose a career that allows me to see someones vulnerability and deliver holistic care without judgment. During this pandemic, I have had the pleasure of being an ambassador for a movement here in Atlanta to help those in need. #wekeepatlantaalive is a movement geared to give credit to everyone on the frontlines while giving back to the community. A small percentage of any merchandise purchased will be put back into our community. Find out more here."
Kristeen Thrash BSN, RN
Courtesy of Kristeen Thrash
Title: Assistant Nurse Manager at Wellstar West Georgia Medical Center
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: Seven years
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"Working during a pandemic is something I never saw coming when I was in nursing school. It was something that I studied and read about but never fathomed. When COVID-19 first hit, we were afraid, nervous, and concerned for our team members and patients. However, I felt prepared. My professional experience and training as a nurse has helped me push through and remember why I am here in the first place."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"Serving as a support system to my patients has given me more purpose. There are so many joyful memories of serving our patients during the pandemic, including helping a patient connect with family by holding up the phone to initiate a FaceTime conversation. We have gotten extremely creative when it comes to getting our patients the support that they need."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"Something I try to make sure I do daily is unplug. When I am at home, I limit my time on my phone and make sure that I spend quality time with my daughters. I also enjoy reading my bible. COVID-19 has taught me how to seize the moment. Before COVID, I would always have my phone in my hand and spend countless hours watching TV, but those things are no longer a priority. My family, especially my children, have been a source of renewed strength, peace, and motivation. I also make sure that I take excellent care of myself spiritually, mentally, and emotionally."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"I feel like everything happens for a reason. I feel like God chose me to be here, in this place, because He has a higher calling on healthcare workers' lives during this season. Nurses are compassionate and feel that it is our duty to protect and save our communities, and I think that we (Wellstar and around the world) are doing an awesome job at it! This pandemic has shown me how strong and resilient healthcare workers really are, and it makes me proud to be a part of such a selfless a group of people."
Nurse Keziah, CPN
Courtesy of Nurse Keziah
Title: Certified Pediatric Nurse in Medical-Surgical, specializing in pediatric surgery and trauma cases
Length of Time She's Been a Nurse: Six years
The difference between working in a pandemic versus other times in her career:
"2020 was definitely the year of the nurse. The devastating impact of the COVID-19 virus on our communities made the role of nurses more important than ever before. There have been many tough days in my career as a nurse, but nothing comes close to the stress, fear, and anxiety that I have felt working as a nurse in the midst of this pandemic. In the early months of the pandemic, the hospital would adopt new system changes almost daily as new evidence was introduced about COVID-19. It was difficult to navigate through all of the changes at first, but with time, things became more adaptable. Health screenings, temperature checks, the use of masks, and visitor restrictions have become normal features of my work life."
How it has felt to be even more of a support system to patients amid COVID:
"COVID-19 has been devastating for everyone involved. Strict visitation restrictions have affected all patients, not only those diagnosed with COVID-19. It has been difficult seeing the mental health and psychosocial effects of the pandemic on our pediatric patients. Many patients are admitted with complex psychosocial backgrounds where parental support is limited or non-existent. On our unit, we have experienced an increase in gunshot wounds and child abuse cases, particularly affecting our young African-American patients. Let's not forget, we are fighting two different wars here: COVID-19 and racism. Racism and implicit bias have been issues in nursing for a long time. I have found it increasingly important to provide support to patients with little to no support after suffering from trauma. I have made an effort to sit and talk with patients who are alone or hold crying infants who have been deprived from their parents."
What she does for mental health and wellness during a pandemic:
"It truly takes a special person to be a nurse. We often neglect our own self-care, while working hard to care for those in our communities. I have experienced a ton of anxiety and depression during the pandemic as I have struggled to manage stress from work and school while being forced to socially distance in the midst of a global pandemic. As a night shift nurse, I often struggled with social isolation and sleep deprivation; but these challenges have become a lot more difficult to manage as the pandemic progresses. I have created wellness goals for myself to holistically address my mental and physical health needs. These goals include reducing screen-time on mobile devices and television, reading more books for leisure, cooking healthy meals at home, increasing my physical activity, blogging more consistently, and being more intentional in my interactions with family members and friends.
"This past year has taught me to the importance of maintaining strong connections. Life can be taken away from us in an instant, so it is important to forgive others and cherish each moment with those special people in your life."
How her purpose as a nurse has been solidified:
"Although pediatric patients were being diagnosed with COVID-19, this population did not require hospitalization at the same rates as adult populations. At the start of the pandemic, low census rates resulted in many lay-offs and reduced work hours for hospital staff at my current organization. I would sometimes feel guilty being flexed from a shift, knowing that nurses around the world were losing their lives from working overtime in COVID-19 hotspots. But after seeing the impact that the care I am providing has had on my own community, I understand that each nurse plays an important role in preserving our communities and keeping our nation healthy.
"Nurses around the world are risking their own physical and mental health to provide care and support for strangers while putting themselves and their own families at risk. Working in healthcare during a pandemic has been difficult, but I have never been more proud to be a nurse. We are the true heroes."
For more information about the National Black Nurses Association, visit their website, www.nbna.org. Keep up with Wellstar by following them on Instagram @wellstarhealth.
Featured image via Alicia Coley
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Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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Mercury enters Sagittarius on November 2, will be retrograde from Nov. 25 until Dec. 15, and will be in this sign until Jan. 8, 2025. Mercury in Sagittarius is bold and outspoken but, in retrograde, can come across as impulsive and brash. Thinking before speaking is important right now, and so is considering your values and interests before committing to something new. Since Sagittarius rules long-distance travel, this isn’t the best time to plan a new trip or to rush the ones already in place.
Consider where you want to be, and take your time getting there.
What to Expect from Mercury Retrograde in Sagittarius
A little more than a week after Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, Mars goes retrograde in Leo. With these important transits happening in fire signs, energy can be misdirected right now. It’s about looking at the full picture and not overwhelming yourself with too many options or interests. Take your passions and align them with your heart and willpower, without confusing inspiration with ego. Emotions are running high, yet this activation is creating a breakthrough in personal development before the year ends.
Read below to see how this Mercury retrograde transit will be for you. Read for your sun sign and rising sign.
ARIES
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and you are focused on the bigger picture right now, Aries. With Mercury retrograde in your 9th house of adventure over the next few weeks, this is the time to expect the unexpected and to go at your own pace. Don’t rush the clarity that is meant to bloom for you right now, and take things one day at a time.
Even if you don’t have all the answers you need right now, there are still some important truths and insights to gain. You are in the process of reinventing yourself and your life, and the universe is helping you get the space in order to do so. If you are traveling over the next few weeks, remember to be flexible and to go over plans thoroughly.
TAURUS
Mercury goes retrograde, and you enter a time of change and rebirth, Taurus. This transit, for you, is an opportunity to gain balance, perspective, and empowerment. Your commitments and close partnerships are being addressed right now, and you are seeing where your needs are being met and where they aren’t. You are on a journey of letting go and allowing more, and this is the time to focus on being more flexible rather than controlling outcomes.
This retrograde could also be affecting your shared finances and earnings, and this is a good time to take another look at the money coming in and the money going out and make sure things are in order here. Trust your intuition right now, Taurus.
GEMINI
Mercury goes retrograde in your sister sign, Sagittarius, and you are ready for a fresh perspective in love. This retrograde will highlight your 7th house of partnership, connection, romance, and inner harmony, and your heart is figuring things out right now. Confusion or disagreements are more likely within your relationship dynamics, and this is the time to address what your partnerships need.
If you have been feeling out of balance when it comes to love, then this is the time to get things back on track.
This Mercury retrograde is helping you gain a new perspective and reminds you that you deserve the love you are looking for. Use this time to forgive, grow, and use better judgment regarding matters of the heart and the relationships you are building in your life right now.
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CANCER
This Mercury retrograde transit for you is a chance to gain some renewed clarity regarding your health, well-being, and work life. You could be feeling more pressure to perform and have it all together on the job, and there is a need to delegate, let go, and take care of your health more right now, Cancer.
This transit will highlight where some cracks are seeping, where you may need to build stronger foundations and healthier daily routines, and also how you can manage a better work/life balance. Your daily lifestyle may feel a little more difficult to find consistency in right now, and this is because new avenues and perspectives are waiting for you to grab ahold of. Overall, use this time to listen to your inner voice and do more of what feels right for you and your body.
LEO
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and this transit highlights your 5th house of romance, creativity, passion, and happiness, Leo. This retrograde is an opportunity for you to address what and who makes you happy and how you can show up more for these fortunate experiences in your life. You are looking at if you’ve been making your happiness as much of a priority as it should be this year and also taking a look at what sources help you align with that energy altogether.
This time is about being a little bit more flexible, doing things differently, and being open to a new perspective. Relationship developments are also providing your heart more clarity right now, and you are balancing your needs with the needs of your partnerships and creative ventures.
VIRGO
Your ruling planet Mercury goes retrograde before the year ends, and this is helping you rebuild your foundations, Virgo. Mercury will be retrograde in an area of your life that has to do with your home, history, family, and emotional stability- and you are getting a new grasp on things here.
Where you have been planting your seeds and building for your future are coming up for review during this time, and you are gaining clarity on which of these foundations is stable enough to continue to build upon. You could be feeling less secure than you would like to right now, and this change of pace is helping you reassess your goals and figure out what is worth it for you and the legacy you want to live.
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LIBRA
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and the focus turns towards your communication channels, Libra. Mercury retro is already a more chaotic time when it comes to communication, and with this retrograde also happening in your 3rd house of insight and communication, you may feel this heaviness a little more right now.
This transit, for you, is about taking your time getting your message across, being patient while traveling and running errands, and giving yourself space to gain some new clarity.
Meditation, journaling, and talking to someone who can support you are therapeutic, and know that your voice deserves to be heard. You are looking at ways you can take up more space and show up in the world without letting your insecurities keep you away from true connection, vulnerability, and understanding.
SCORPIO
This Mercury retrograde is happening in your 2nd house of income, values, assets, and self-confidence, and you are taking a step back to assess your current reality, especially financially, Scorpio. This is a good time to go over your spending habits and earnings, to find greater balance here, and to think about some of your financial goals moving forward.
Look at your resources, skills, and talents, and make sure what you are receiving is equal to or greater than what you have been giving. Less is more right now, and this isn’t the best time to overspend or overindulge, as you need more time to grasp your current stance on things, and how to increase your overall wealth and abundance.
SAGITTARIUS
With this Mercury retrograde happening in your sign, it’s hitting a little closer to home for you, Sagittarius. This is a good time to refine your goals and direction in life and how you want to show up right now. You deserve to be able to change your mind when you need to, and you are thinking about some of the things you have done and what you want to do moving forward.
Miscommunications are more likely while Mercury is in retrograde, but you can use this as a source of empowerment, knowing that you are living in your truth and allowing yourself room to grow in the process. Remember to be a little kinder to yourself during this transit and to give yourself the grace you need right now.
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CAPRICORN
This Mercury retrograde for you, Capricorn, is about rest and taking care of your emotional world. You are being given the opportunity to spend more time alone, to gather your strength, and to heal before you enter the new year. A lot has happened, and there have been many changes in your world this year. This Mercury retrograde is here to help you find acceptance and closure.
You are in a preparation stage right now, and things can feel a little more lonesome in this energy, but with a different perspective, you can see just how much of this space your heart truly needs right now. The past is coming up for you to see things in a new light, and you are ready to gain some renewed insight, closure, and healing.
AQUARIUS
This Mercury retrograde highlights your friendships, community, and your hopes and dreams, Aquarius. You are being reminded of the importance of connection, but more significantly, of good connections. You are looking at who and what surrounds you right now and gaining clarity on whether this energy matches who you are and the things that you stand for.
Your social circle and the people around you are shifting as the power dynamics do, and you are finding your place and purpose amidst this change. It’s about identifying who and what makes you feel good and aligning things in your life to bring in more of that energy. Don’t be discouraged right now; find your people and ask for support.
PISCES
Your career and ambitions are the focus during this Mercury retrograde, Pisces. You have a lot to address here, and you are gathering your skills and talents and reminding yourself that you are worthy of your dreams. Miscommunications and setbacks are more likely within your professional world, but they are here to ask you if what you are striving for, is really what you need right now.
You are thinking a lot about how you show up in the world, what you want to be known for, and what successes you still want to obtain. This isn’t the time to let anyone’s idea or vision of you define who you are; rather, define that for yourself. Show up as you want to be seen, and don’t count yourself out right now, Pisces.
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