The "Men Are Trash" movement bothers me. As a feminist, I should be joining the marches and making posters for the movement. But, I'm not though. And the reason being is that I believe men are a lot more complicated and sensitive than we give than credit to be. Allow me to explain to you how I got here.
I am a listener and lover of the wildly popular podcast, The Read. Every week, there is a letter about a guy with great penis that a girl doesn't want to let go. Crissle and Kid Fury would begin their rants on trash men and saving yourself from heartbreak.
I would, nine times out of ten, agree with the advice; but as I laughed, I couldn't help but feel like a hypocrite.
The truth is, I know a ton of good black men.
The type who have been in relationships for five plus years. With no real drama or outside babies. You know, guys who hang out with their fathers on a regular basis. Or the type of men that spend Saturday mornings on three-way phone calls with their mom and sister.
Clearly, these types of men aren't trash. In fact, they have the qualities that we should all look for in a man. But, what if I told you that those exact same men, have attention issues and it plays out as them flirting with other women?
See, men are EXTREMELY sensitive and human.
They leave this vulnerable side for women they deem worthy, and as such, they treat personal things as something a woman must earn. Which makes me think, why aren't we doing the same? Why are we dying to bring the guy we just met to our family reunion?
We might have laughed at Tasha in Insecure, but some of us have been on date number one with a guy, thinking about future kids. This led me to the self-reflective question: Could it be that women have unrealistic expectations that leads us to thinking that a man has trash behavior?
When Jay released 4:44, I was obsessed with everything about the album. He came out and said that he's been leading us astray. This album was the manifestation of his motto, "Hov did that, so hopefully you don't have to go through that."
He told us he was trash, and the steps he had to take to overcome it. He even brought in more men with different points of views to show us, "Hey, men are complicated as f-ck."
They don't know what they are doing when it comes to love (any more than women). See, what I have come to realize is, traditionally, men aren't expected to figure out the "love shit." They must get money, provide for the family, be the protectors. AND, they can't cry or bitch about how hard it is.
With something as rare as this album (and the footnotes), there should be pieces celebrating vulnerability. You would think we would all talk about how some of the most powerful men in the industry discussed their shortcomings in love. Instead, it was the exact opposite. people were downing him for revealing his deepest secret. They even went so far as to say that Beyoncé wasn't a true feminist and she was DUMB for sticking around.
Can we just stop and laugh at that?! Has no one heard "Ring the Alarm"?
Bey put in years... Shit, a decade with this man. She made it clear she wouldn't just walk away from something she built. Plus, they have a MARRIAGE, not a relationship that doubles as a situationship. I'm ranting, but the point is, I found myself frustrated and disgusted by the public response.
It made me realize that men are not trash, we just have a distorted mentality when it comes to men in relationships.
Movies have ruined us all. They have us thinking that relationships are just a matter of finding the right person, who's attractive, makes you laugh, possibly gives you "leg-shaking orgasms," or, at the very least, has money. Then BAM, we're all set. Life falls into place, cue the happily ever after music. But, like Jerrod Carmichael said, there's a reason fairy tales don't have sequels.
The truth is, no one wants to see what it takes to sustain that level of happiness.
People see Michelle and Barack Obama now and laugh at their cute little love story. "Oh my gosh! A hole in the floor board of the car!"
But no one thinks about the constant internal debates Michelle probably went through during the "in between" period of her man becoming the love of her life that he grew to be. Sure, he was charming. Had swag too. But shit, he wasn't on her level. She was placing her bets on potential and her heart. I can just imagine the phone calls with her girlfriends back then: "A hole? His broke ass! Run Chelly, run!"
If you haven't been in a serious relationship, let me be the first to tell you, they are HARD. It's no fairy tale and there damn sure isn't a rule book to get it right.
So instead of saying, "Men are trash," let's say that men are complicated emotional human beings with penises.
Let's agree, they don't always get it right. Let's applaud a man when he reveals a weakness. Let's show some compassion and patience. Remember that even with money and #lifegoals, there are still real things to overcome in relationships.
- What Women Mean When We Say 'Men Are Trash' | HuffPost UK Life ›
- A History Of The Term “Men Are Trash” ›
- Men are trash and there's no arguing against it | News24 ›
- It's Time To Take Out The Trash Men In Our Lives ›
- How, if You're a Man, to Deal With the Fact That You're Probably Trash ›
- Men Are Trash Viral Twitter Thread Feminism ›
- Women banned from Facebook for saying 'men are trash' | Dazed ›
- Are men trash? ›
- Why 'Not All Men Are Trash' is no different than 'All Lives Matter ... ›
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert