Reality star and actress Apryl Jones is opening up about how childhood abandonment issues have impacted her life and romantic relationships, including with her ex, Omarion Grandberry.
The former couple, who dated for over four years, share two children: 9-year-old son Megaa Grandberry and 8-year-old daughter A'mei Grandberry. On her Wounds in the Way podcast, co-hosted with Melissa Reed, Jones shared these revelations in an episode titled "Dealing with Abandonment and Neglect."
The 37-year-old disclosed that her experience with abandonment began at age 5 when her father was incarcerated. Following his imprisonment, Jones, her mother, and three siblings were forced to move in with her paternal grandmother in Cincinnati, as they were the only relatives living in the States.
The Comeback star revealed that her abandonment issues worsened when her mother returned to Chicago with her two older siblings, leaving Jones and her sister behind. This separation occurred as Jones' mother attempted to regain financial stability and wanted the older children to finish school.
During this time, the Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood star recalled her mother visiting during holidays and the younger girls splitting time between Ohio and Chicago. Despite these arrangements, Jones felt abandoned by both parents – her father due to his imprisonment and her mother because of the limited time they spent together.
Apryl Jones On How Her Past Experience With Abandonment Affected Her Relationships
As the discussion shifted to how her past experiences affected her adult relationships, Jones revealed she had faced abandonment issues with Grandberry during her postpartum period. The mother of two explained that because they were quite young when they fell in love, Grandberry lacked the knowledge to properly support her during those tumultuous times.
“One of those happens to be with the father of my kids. I feel like that was a really trying time. We were young, you know what I mean. I feel like both of us were new in having obviously children. I was going postpartum with my daughter, and I feel like he was trying to figure out his life dynamic with his mom and his family. I was trying to sort through my feelings with postpartum…He didn't have the tools, and he didn’t know how to sort that out and provide and support for me emotionally. So I felt alone. I felt neglected. I felt like I need your support, I need help, and he just didn’t how to give that to me,” she said.
Jones explained that she extends grace to her ex, acknowledging he wasn't equipped to support someone dealing with neglect and abandonment issues. However, the Goon Squad star admitted this period was triggering, as she found herself in a familiar situation where her family life was unraveling.
“That’s not a blame… I can’t be mad at him because, at the end of the day he didn’t have the tools of how to show up for someone who was abandoned,” she stated. ”That's also another case scenario. But I definitely felt like I didn’t have anyone. I don’t have any family here. I don’t have any cousins in LA or anything like that. His family was essentially my family. He was my family. It was difficult to have the closest person in your proximity feel so far away… It was a trigger for me.”
Months after the birth of their second child, Jones revealed that the "Touch" singer requested a temporary break from their relationship. When Grandberry showed no interest in rekindling their union due to his lack of support and late nights out, Jones decided to end the relationship, realizing their romantic partnership wasn't meant to be.
Later in the conversation, Jones shared that Grandberry's decision to request a break ultimately benefited them. The pair have since learned from their mistakes and now maintain a solid co-parenting relationship for their children.
Jones also revealed that the breakup with Grandberry taught her to communicate more effectively.
Apryl Jones On Why She Still Has Abandonment Triggers
When asked about abandonment triggers, Jones admitted they still surface occasionally, mainly due to her father's passing and her unexpressed feelings toward him. However, the Angie's Cure star emphasized that she now possesses the tools to manage these issues effectively.
“I’ll think they’ll always be there, but now I have the tools to move and shift around them. But I feel like, especially with my father passing away this year, I didn’t really get an opportunity to have the finalized conversation that I wanted to. So it’s kind of still embedded. But it’s something like thank God like I’ve been able to sort through, and I feel like my dad is here, and I talk to my dad although that might seem a little crazy. There’s peace around my dad.”
Toward the end of the episode, Jones disclosed that she had made peace regarding her father's passing because, as an adult, she attempted to involve him in her children's lives. However, due to his inconsistent presence, the star established boundaries to protect her children, a decision her father respected.
“When Megaa was born, I had a conversation about, you can be a part of his life. This is your second chance to be able to, you know, be a dad, grandpa figure to them but I need consistency. The moment that I felt like he wasn’t consistent was when I was like I have to protect my kids and that was after A’mei was born. I stood by those boundaries, and I’m not ashamed or mad at myself for doing it because my protection has to be protecting my kids.
"So that’s the part I feel like thank God I did that, and thank God I wasn’t an angry person…It was like I tried…My dad knows that I loved him, and I know my dad loved me but there was a lot of damage that had been done. You’re talking about 20-something years of not having that father figure in your life and still being able to say I’m allowing you in like that was big for me. I know my dad understood. So I can live with that,” she said.
Jones' transparency regarding abandonment issues, the importance of healing, and effective communication is admirable. The star’s openness may spark engaging conversations and potentially inspire others to seek help in healing from their own traumas.
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My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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