Amid the news of the coronavirus pandemic, April beckons us out of our winter hibernation and into the warmth of spring. Venus blesses us with some lighthearted, flirtatious energy when she moves into Gemini on April 3. The Full Moon in Libra on April 7 helps us bring balance to areas of our lives that are in disarray.
Mercury's transit in Aries reminds us to think before we speak but also grants us the conviction needed to speak up for ourselves when needed. Toward the end of the month, Taurus takes center stage inviting us to indulge in the sensual pleasures of life and align with more abundance.
Check out how this month's cosmic blueprint affects your sign:
Aries
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Happy birthday to the leading lady of the zodiac! Your solar return is supported by Venus entering Gemini on the 3rd, awakening the social butterfly in you. On 4/4, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction can potentially offer you a transformative career opportunity that requires you to overcome a deep-seated fear of yours. As we work our way to the Full Moon on the 7th, be mindful of your temper especially in dealing with personal and professional relationships. Getting on the same page with others may prove to be difficult when Mercury moves into your sign on the 11th. Breathe through the discord and try to find a happy middle ground.
The Sun transitions into Taurus on the 19th helping you take a more practical approach toward your finances. It's time to reel in the spending and focus on saving. The New Moon on the 22nd invites you to consider what financial goal you'd like to reach within the next six months. If you're up for adding a new source of income on your list, now is the time to tap into those hidden gifts and talents. Once Mercury moves into Taurus a few days later, you're ready to strategize your way to more wealth. On the 25th, Pluto begins its retrograde and the next several months encourages you to face any fears related to harnessing your own personal power and making shit shake when it comes to your career. It's time to lay the self-sabotage to rest and surrender to your success!
Taurus
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April kicks off with your ruling planet moving into Gemini on the 3rd. This benevolent energy blesses your finances and loves life through your gift of gab. Don't be modest, babe. Now is the time to sell yourself and that amazing product or services you have to offer. The Jupiter-Pluto conjunction on the 4th supports you with a transformative opportunity to share your expertise with a wider audience. On the 7th, the Full Moon reveals how some of your habits and routines are draining you (and maybe a hater in the workplace, too). Mercury shifts into Aries on the 11th which could bring up some hidden anger if you're not feeling heard. Use your words like a big girl and speak up for yourself in a tactful approach.
Your birthday season begins when the Sun moves into your sign on the 19th. The New Moon on the 22nd invites you to make a wish for what you want to accomplish in the next year. Don't forget to show off that new birthday makeover while you're at it. On the 25th, Pluto begins its retrograde, encouraging you to connect with the voice of your own inner guru. The time during this transit is best spent refining your code of ethics, spiritual beliefs, and philosophies about life. If you're in school, you'll feel pulled even deeper into your studies with the desire to master what you're learning. The month comes to a calm close with Mercury moving into your sign, making you the topic of discussion and the go-to for guidance, advice, or a shoulder to lean on.
Gemini
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Venus is giving you some extra TLC this month when she moves into your sign on the 3rd. As the social butterfly of the zodiac, your charm factor goes up another notch when the planet of love peruses through Gemini. On the 4th, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction helps you overcome a big fear with a lighthearted approach. Who said that healing has to be difficult? In your case, laughter is the best medicine. On the 7th, the Full Moon boosts your creativity and your need for some adventure—romance included. Love won't just show up on your doorstep so get out there and do what you do best—FLIRT!
Taurus season officially begins on the 19th and over the next month your focus is on your inner world as you prepare for your birthday season. Meditate, reflect, and get plenty of sleep. Your dreams will reveal what habits, hang ups, and relationships you need to release before your solar return. The New Moon on the 22nd offers you the karmic reset that you need to feel more confident about the new directions you're going in when it comes to exploring how you can turn your natural gifts and talents into a stream of income. On the 25th, Pluto begins its retrograde and over the next six months you'll be transforming trauma into grace, wisdom, and a deeper love and appreciation for yourself. Working with a therapist can equip you with the psychological tools you need to thrive in close, intimate connections of all kinds.
Cancer
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The month begins with Venus moving into Gemini on the 3rd. Matters of love take on a more private approach during this transit. Take it slow and get plenty of sleep to receive some new money-making ideas in your dream time. On 4/4, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction supports you in stabilizing a partnership whether romantic or professional. The Full Moon on the 7th could have you considering a move if you've outgrown your current living arrangements. At the least, there could be a convo you need to initiate with your roomie who keeps paying the rent late or leaving their mess in the common areas.
Do your best to keep your temper in check once Mercury moves into Aries on the 11th. Your drive for success is admirable. Just make sure you're not stepping on any toes or rubbing your boss the wrong way. As the saying goes, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you." On the 19th, the Sun moves into Taurus, making this a good time to reconnect with friends and the New Moon on the 22nd invites you to expand your social network. Over the next month, you could be meeting some key players that will help turn your vision into a reality. On the 25th, Pluto begins its retrograde through the fall. This transit is intended to help you transform your personal boundaries so you can experience more fulfilling, healthy interactions, and relationships.
Leo
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April takes off with Venus moving into Gemini on the 3rd helping you attract good fortune and opportunities through your social network. As the saying goes, "It's not what you know. It's who you know." On 4/4, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction supports you in getting to the root of any health issues while helping you stay disciplined in making those new habits stick! The Full Moon on the 7th invites you to share our beauty with the world, whether that's through an inspirational thread of tweets or a new selfie on IG flaunting your makeup skills.
On the 11th, Mercury moves into Aries and you're in the mood for some adventure. Now that the retrograde is over, it's the perfect time to take that girls' trip to Bali. A week later, the Sun moves into Taurus which brings your focus to climbing the social, and professional, ladder. Recognition for a job well done from someone you look up to is likely during this time. On the 22nd, the New Moon could have you stepping into a new job title or more influence among those who admire you. Pluto begins its six-month retrograde on the 25th, helping you shift your energy and mindset to align with your desired lifestyle (and body goals). The month comes to a sweet close with Mercury mellowing out in Taurus for a few weeks, reminding you that achieving your goals isn't a race but a marathon instead.
Virgo
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The planet of love and money blesses your career progression with some important convos taking place throughout the month. On the 4th, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction helps you reach new heights in your creativity. It may not always feel comfortable but your authentic expression matters so don't be afraid to share your truth! The Full Moon on the 7th could reveal how you've been mismanaging your finances. Practice a little constraint by getting back on that budget. If you think you're being overworked and underpaid, this could be a good time to negotiate a raise. On the 11th, Mercury moves into Aries for a few weeks. Be mindful of any pent up aggression you're harboring and seek healthy ways to express it like taking a kickboxing class.
The Sun moves into Taurus on the 19th and your hunger for knowledge could have you applying for school or booking a trip to a distant land that you feel connected to. The New Moon on the 22nd invites you to explore a new way to approach your spiritual wellness, making this a great time to sign up for that online course about balancing your chakras. Once Mercury links up with these two luminaries, your mind is ready to absorb new information to incorporate into your own belief system as well as your spiritual practices. Toward the end of the month, Pluto begins its retrograde, helping you transform the narrative that has neglected your inner child's deepest desires for adventure, creative expression, and love.
Libra
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The beginning of the month has you curious and adventurous when it comes to matters of love. Meeting someone during your travels or in an educational setting is likely during this transit. When it comes to money, consider what you're an expert at and create a course for others who are interested in learning your craft. On the 4th, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction supports you in transforming dysfunctional family dynamics and clearing out the remnants of generational karma. Your Full Moon on the 7th invites you to show the world what you've got—whether it's your ASSets, skillset, or all of the above.
On the 11th, Mercury lights up your relationships with passion and fury. Be mindful of power struggles over the next few weeks but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself when necessary. The Sun enters Taurus on the 19th bringing your focus to sex and intimacy, making this the perfect time to get a little closer to your loved ones. The New Moon on the 22nd could present a new stream of income and, with Mercury moving into Taurus, your money-management skills are improving drastically. It's time to strategize your way out of debt and into wealth. Around the end of the month, Pluto goes retrograde, encouraging you to embrace the power of the Divine Feminine and the wonders that you can create when you embody your magical essence.
Scorpio
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April kicks off with Venus inviting you into closer, more meaningful connections. As one of the deepest signs of the zodiac, you'll enjoy this transit and the chance to see others, and yourself, in a vulnerable way. On the 4th, the Jupiter/Pluto conjunction helps you overcome any fears of being in the spotlight and sharing your truth. If you're aiming to expand your social media presence, this aspect is super supportive in doing just that. On the 7th, the Full Moon helps you break free from a karmic cycle in your relationships. It's time for you to receive as much as you give to others. Mercury moves into Aries on the 11th getting you motivated and in the gym just in time to get that summer body together! You'll be feeling a little aggressive during this transit so be mindful of your interactions with your co-workers. It's not what you say, boo. It's how you say it.
On the 19th, the Sun enters Taurus coupled by a New Moon on the 22nd inviting you to take a relationship to the next level. An engagement could be in the midst for some of you while others of you are making an important business connection that has the potential to take you places professionally. Once Mercury joins these two luminaries on the 27th, you'll be ready to sign your name on the dotted line. The month winds down with the planet of transformation starting its six-month retrograde, making this an opportune time to assess the way you communicate with yourself and others. Our words are powerful spells that can create our personal Heaven or Hell on Earth. Use your magic wisely.
Sagittarius
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You enter into the month with Venus moving into your opposite sign on the 3rd. If you're single and ready to mingle, it's time to hit up your local brunch spot. For the coupled Saggies, this transit can bring some fresh, exciting energy back into the mix. On the 4th, the Jupiter/Pluto conjunction supports you with a lucky breakthrough financially but it may require you to step outside of your comfort zone to receive it. Believe in your gifts, babe. You wouldn't be offered the opportunity if you weren't capable of exceeding in the role. The Full Moon on the 7th is a great time to gather with new and old friends alike to celebrate your wins—regardless of how big or small they seem.
Watch out for that feisty temper of yours when Mercury moves into Aries on the 11th. We know you love to debate like you're a candidate for the next presidential election but bae may not be in the mood to spar with you so bring it down just a bit. On the 19th, the Sun enters Taurus shortly followed by a New Moon on the 22nd. A focus on improving your health and well-being is your top priority. It's time to commit to those new habits that will result in a more balanced lifestyle. On the 25th, Pluto goes retrograde, helping you blast through those subconscious money blocks so you can get on a smoother road to your prosperity.
Capricorn
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The month kicks off with the goddess of love reminding you that "health is wealth". Sign up for that spin class or learn about some detox plans to get your summer bod going in full effect. On 4/4, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction helps you get clear on what really matters and where your energy is best directed. The Full Moon on the 7th illuminates how you can take a more balanced approach to achieving your career goals. This is also a good time to renegotiate existing contracts or to ask your boss for a raise. On the 11th, Mercury moves into Aries, bringing your focus to family and home. Being nice may not be your thing but try to have a little tact when letting your roommate know that you're tired of cleaning up after their lazy ass.
The Sun enters Taurus on the 19th inviting you to nurture your inner child. This is a great time to pick up that old hobby, take a weekend getaway, or indulge in some romance. On the 22nd, the New Moon supports you in planting the seed for new creative projects. With Mercury moving into this part of your chart, you're reminded to believe in the value of your self-expression. The month ends on a more introspective note with Pluto going retrograde, initiating you into some deep, inner work that will uncover hidden aspects of your relationship with power and how you utilize it in the world.
Aquarius
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Romance, adventure, and creative inspo overflow when Venus moves into flirtatious Gemini on the 3rd. On the 4th, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction invites you to explore your hidden desires as well as any judgements you have about actually having your desires fulfilled. The Full Moon on the 7th has your 3rd eye wide open and ready to receive the next set of instructions on your journey. Teaching, writing, and traveling opportunities are likely on the agenda. On the 11th, Mercury moves into Aries instilling you with the conviction you need to speak your truth. Choose your battles wisely though. Every fight isn't worth your energy.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Taurus, bringing your focus to family. The New Moon on the 22nd has you planning some home renovations or a relocation. Once Mercury comes buzzing along (and your tax refund is deposited) you'll be hitting up your local HomeGoods to beautify your space for any home entertaining you'll be doing this spring. April winds down with Pluto going retrograde on the 25th inviting you to integrate hidden aspects of yourself that are necessary for you to actualize more personal power.
Pisces
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The month begins with Venus bringing the good vibes, and the tea, straight to your living room. This is the perfect time to bring the party, or a small get-together, to your home. On 4/4, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction encroaches you to embrace your desire for connection and a purpose-driven approach to life. Your big heart is capable of changing the world around you. The Full Moon on the 7th marks the end of a tough cycle. You either allow the pain to make you or break you and you've chosen to allow yours to be the catalyst for your glow up.
On the 11th, Mercury moves into Aries, giving the courage to stand up for your worth. Prices are going up, baby! The Sun moves into Taurus on the 19th followed by a mellow New Moon on the 22nd, making this an opportune time to work on practical ways of expanding your social media platform, website, or YouTube channel. Your influence has the potential to get you in a sweeter spot financially. On the 25th, Pluto goes retrograde for six months, encouraging you to "be the change that you want to see in the world".
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And that is why, while I was recently out in cyberspace seeing what the topic of sex had to offer (of merit), a particular study especially caught my attention. The reason why is because, while the topic of faking orgasms has been explored, pretty much ad nauseam at this point, what I haven’t personally seen a lot and enough of is how to stop them from happening so much and when people do them, what personally caused them to in the first place.
Today, we’re going to strive to get down to the root of some of those queries. And so, if you’ve always been curious about how to make the cycle of faking orgasms stop, this piece just might shed a little light. Here’s hoping anyway, chile.
Faking Orgasms. Why I Loathe It So.
GiphyDo you ever stop to think about certain songs from back in the day and wonder if they were released now, would people try to cancel them (hmph, as if this culture ever really cancels anybody for really anything, right?)? An example of what I mean is Alexander O’Neal’s song, “Fake”. If you’re too young to know it, or it’s been a while since you’ve heard it, feel free to go back and listen to the lyrics in order to grasp where I am coming from.
And why am I bringing it up in the context of today’s conversation? Well, whenever I think about folks faking orgasms, that song almost instantly plays in the background of my mind because, while he’s basically talking about the word from the definition of “to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc.,” when I think of “faking it” in a sexual way, definitions like “to deceive,” “to pretend” and “anything made to appear otherwise than it actually is” are what I ponder — because y’all, I don’t care how many people do it, how can any of those definitions truly be good, right or helpful when it comes to copulation? Deceiving your partner into thinking that you climaxed when you actually didn’t? Pretending to be satisfied when you actually aren’t? Making sex appear like it’s one kind of experience for you when it actually…isn’t? SMDH. Yeah, that is something that I can never personally get behind, which is why I once penned, “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” for the platform. To me, since sex is about establishing a profound mental, emotional, and physical connection, how can that truly and authentically happen if one or both involved individuals are not being honest with each other about what they want, need and desire in order to make that happen?
Yeah, when it comes to the ever so popular fake orgasms, I’ll pass and will forever encourage others to do the same.
Faking Orgasms. Why So Many People Do It.
GiphyHere’s what’s wild, though — even if what I just said made complete and total sense to you, there’s still a really good chance that you’ve faked at least one orgasm before (check out “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”). Know what else? There’s also a good chance that your partner has done the same (check out “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)”. And why is it that so many continue to do it, even if, in the back of their mind, they believe that it’s at least somewhat counterproductive?
Well, from the personal conversations (and coaching sessions) that I’ve had with both men and women, the top reason for why so many men fake orgasms is because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings by telling them that the sex isn’t as good as they might think that it is, and when it comes to women, they fake in order to hurry up and get the experience over with — which, when you really think about it, for both genders, the motives are pretty much two sides of the same coin: people not being satisfied and trying to avoid sharing that reality with their partner.
OK, butwhat does science say is the main cause for men and women faking it? Well, a top reason for whya lot of men decide to go that route is because they simply want to get the experience over with (although being unable to orgasm due to drunkenness, medication, and/or boredom ranked pretty highly, too). And women? Difficulty achieving an orgasm is the biggest one (check out “How Can You Know For Sure That You've Had An Orgasm?” and “Ladies, Please Stop Pressuring Yourself Over Vaginal Orgasms”). Hmph, when I stop to take this all in, I find both reasons to be unfortunate. On the male tip, is it just me, or does it seem like there is a real disconnect of intimacy if that is why men fake it? What I mean by that is, if you’d rather “hurry up and get done” — are you having sex with your partner or at your partner (some of y’all will catch that later)? And, as far as the ladies go, if you are so uncomfortable and/or self-conscious and/or embarrassed about not being able to climax to the point that you will lie and say that you did — do you trust your partner enough to tell him the truth and then are you willing to work through the process of achieving an orgasm…together?
These types of questions are what piqued my curiosity when I happened upon a study of over 11,000 participants that transpired over in the UK. The focal point of it? Since faking orgasms is so prevalent, what actually causes people to stop? Because listen, none of us are actually going to get anywhere if we only focus on the problem and don’t seek to find some sort of solution (lawd).
Faking Orgasms. What Actually Makes People Stop.
GiphyOK, so from what I’ve read and researched, The Journal of Sex Research hassemi-recently published the study that I was just referring to. Before we get into what caused people to stop lying — umm, faking orgasms, check out these findings first:
·51 percent of participants claimed to have never faked an orgasm before
·Close to 66 percent of men and 34 percent of women say that they have faked an orgasm
·Almost 19 percent of men and 35 percent of women say that although they have faked one in the past, they have since stopped
·Almost nine percent of men and 20 percent of women are currently “faking it”
Yeah, I already know. The discrepancies between the men and women are quite noticeable. Let’s keep going, though, because the reason for why men and women decided to stop is the main reason why we’re all here — plus, it’s pretty interesting.
So, when it comes to the demographic of individuals who no longer fake it, what brought them to that point and place? Fascinatingly enough, around 26 percent of both men and women said that the communication between them and their partner improved while 24 percent of both men and women said that it was because their partner became more attentive. Well looka there — when couples connected on a mental and emotional level, the physical aspect of sex got better. Some other points did come into play, though:
·Around 29 percent of women and 25 percent of men decided to be content without having an orgasm
·Around 19 percent of men and 18 percent of women decided to get orgasms on their own (i.e., masturbate)
·Around 19 percent of men and (wow) two percent of women were caught faking it
·Around 15 percent of men and 10 percent are currently not having sex
OK, so when you read all of that, what tripped you out the most? As someone who works with married couples and is a huge advocate of them gettingthe most pleasure possible out of their sexual experiences, honestly, the first three (because, if you are married, please don’t settle fora sexless dynamic). I’ll break down why for each one.
First, if you used to fake orgasms and no longer do because you have settled for — pardon the pun — anti-climatic copulation…settling is exactly what you are doing. Listen, even if you’re not able to achieve a vaginal orgasm (and many women are not), it’s important to remember that there are oh so many other kinds to choose from (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”). And what if you’ve tried those and still there are nofireworks? Make an appointment to see your doctor (to get your hormone levels checked) and/or a sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). Remember, the reason whyyou have a clitoris is so that you can experience the heights of sexual pleasure. If that’s not happening for you, it’s important to do all that you can to get to the root of why.
Secondly, not faking it because you have taken matters into your own hands — literally. So, here’s my issue with that. Unfortunately, our culture is so lust-crazed that we tend to forget (or is it ignore?) that sex shouldn’t ONLY be about cumming; sex should also be about connecting. And so, while masturbation may help you out in the climaxing department, it’s essential to not get so used to it that you fail to bond with your partner or that you put up walls of resentment because there are things that are happening when you’re alone that aren’t happening when the two of you are together. In other words, don’t let jacking off or solo sex toy experiences get in the way of heartfelt and honest conversations with your partner about your sexual needs (check out “How To Get More Of What You Need In The Bedroom” and “Sooo...What's Your Favorite TYPE Of Sex?”).
Finally, getting caught lying — again, I mean, faking it. Yeah, I know that I’m not the only one who noticed that there is a pretty big difference between how many women caught their man acting like he had an orgasm when he didn’t vs. how many men noticed that their lady acting like she had an orgasm when she didn’t. To that, let me first say that if you thought, “If a man ejaculated, he came. Duh” — look updry orgasms sometime. Believe it or not, it is possible for men to orgasm without cumming. And to the fellas (who may be reading this): I continue to be amazed by how you can’t tell if a woman is faking it because even if she is yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs, if her vagina isn’t contracting, guess what? Yeah, between that and extra lubrication coming from her vaginal area —those are pretty common signs that an orgasm has transpired; this basically means that if you don’t notice these things going down, how attentive of a sex partner are you? #justsaying3 Tips to Avoid Faking Orgasms
GiphyNow that you know what science says about why people fake orgasms, did any of the intel surprise you? More importantly, if you can personally relate to what was said, did any of the information inspire you to make some changes in your own sex life? Yeah, if faking orgasms is indeed a thing in your own world right now, as I close this out, here's three quick tips:
1. Remember the definitions of fake. Never forget them. Deception. Pretending. Making something look like something that it is not. No time to get into all of this today, yet I have worked with many people who fake orgasms and…fake other things in their relationship. You don’t want to deceive your partner or yourself. It’s not going to help the relationship. Ultimately, it’s only going to cause hurt and/or harm. Communicate your thoughts and feelings in the way that you would like to hear someone convey theirs to you (respectfully, thoughtfully, etc.); do make sure to share them, though.
2. Stop “performing”. Start being REAL. Know who fakes a lot of orgasms? Porn actors (I prefer to call them that over “porn stars”). That’s because sex work is…work; it’s a billion-dollar industry that people get paid to act like sex is always the bomb. You’re not a porn actor, so why put that kind of pressure on yourself? No matter what the reasons are for why an orgasm isn’t coming for you, if you are having sex with someone who can’t handle the realness of the reasons or “worse”, doesn’t care — don’t put that on the sex or yourself. Sis, you are simply sleeping with the wrong person/people.
3. If you build it, one way or another, it will come…and you will cum.Do orgasms come easier for some than others? 1000 and 10 percent. That is absolutely not the point, though. If experiencing this type of pleasure is what you long for, with the help of your intentions, your partner’s willingness, and if need be, professional assistance, you can get there. Not by faking it — by being honest about the fact that you need more time, patience, and empathy.
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Clearly, faking orgasms is a common thing; that doesn’t mean that it has to be the case for you, though. As you unpack what has made you start, process how to make it all stop.
Hmph. Better to take a while in order to experience what true bliss feels like than to keep faking it and never really know.
Words to live — and lie down — by. #wink
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