You don't always have to wear a cape to be a superhero - and Anjelika Washington is proof of just that. Though she plays Elizabeth "Beth" Chapel on CW's Stargirl, Anjelika uses her platform to advocate for Black girls and our younger generation and ensure justice on all fronts. With powerful Black women such as Angela Rye, Keisha Lance Bottoms, Eboni K. Williams, Ilhan Omar, Stacey Abrams, and Kamala Harris on the front lines of politics, Anjelika Washington is a powerful role model for those inside and outside of the entertainment and television industries.
On a hectic Thursday evening, I had the chance to catch up with the real-life superhero herself over the phone about saving the world on and off-screen through her human rights activism, how she became interested in acting after failing an arts elective, and the Black female vote in the forthcoming election. Anjelika and her energy were just the spark my day needed.
Drea Nicole
After exchanging mental health check-ins with one another, she revealed to me that she was in her hometown taking a week off from the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles before returning to Atlanta to film the second season of Stargirl. Though the CW hit series only premiered this year, Stargirl has quickly become one of the DC Universe's most sought-after television programming series. "To be completely honest, when I auditioned for Stargirl, I did not know that I was auditioning to be a superhero. I just thought I was going to be a friend of a superhero," Anjelika admitted.
Because the casting agency had given the auditions specific code names, the character breakdown did not mention anything about a superhero, a superpower or any super suiting up. Though she had an inkling as to where the show was going because of DC Universe legend Geoff John's involvement, who was the co-writer of Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) and Aquaman (2018), she had no idea what she was in for - a life-changing on-screen journey. The day before her screentest, she found out that she was auditioning for Dr. Mid-Nite, Beth Chapel's alter ego, and she was no less than shocked.
"I felt equally obligated to be honest with Beth Chapel's story as my version, as I did the responsibility of playing a Black superhero on TV because I knew I didn't have that growing up," Anjelika said.
As a working Black actress in Hollywood, many will manifest and visualize their dream role, but the feeling of watching your visualization come to life is a feeling like "wow," as she described it. In the midst of the worldwide Black Lives Matter movement, the arrival of Dr. Mid-Nite on DC's Stargirl and watching a Black woman suit up to save the world is no less than perfect timing.
"I don't take it lightly [and] I think I'm very aware that representation matters. It's heavy on me right now, especially with the tragic news that crushed my spirit of no justice for Breonna Taylor. I get to be a superhero on a show that fights for justice," Anjelika noted.
As she continued to express her gratitude for being one of the newest additions to the fictional Justice Society of America as a superhero in her own right, the actress suddenly became speechless and began to trip over her own words. "I'm trying to find the words, but I guess I just feel a very big responsibility to be as honest in my real life and honest in my work - more now than ever," she told me.
"I don't take it lightly [and] I think I'm very aware that representation matters. It's heavy on me right now, especially with the tragic news that crushed my spirit of no justice for Breonna Taylor. I get to be a superhero on a show that fights for justice. I'm trying to find the words, but I guess I just feel a very big responsibility to be as honest in my real life and honest in my work - more now than ever."
With Black women such as Halle Berry and Alexandra Shipp as Storm in the X-Men franchises, Emmy Raver-Lampman as The Rumor in Netflix's Umbrella Academy, and Nafessa Williams as Thunder in CW's other hit show Black Lightning, Anjelika believes while there has been some improvement in representation in the superhero universe, there's still work to be done.
"Batwoman is a great start. When I look at Batwoman and I look at that cast, that's what all shows should look like because that's what the world looks like. My world looks like the cast of Batwoman," she said referring to the Javicia Leslie-starring CW series having a diverse cast of white, Black, Asian and Latino actors. "I don't think it's just about Black people having representation. We say representation matters because Asian girls need to see Asian girls on TV; Latina girls need to see Latina girls on TV; Indigenous girls need to see Indigenous girls on TV. Everybody needs to be represented and at this point, I'm just in the fight to hold the entertainment industry accountable and ensure that we make a world that looks like the real world."
Unfortunately, the real world is up in arms as we speak as we prepare to (hopefully) elect a new president into office and Black lives are still at risk every day we're alive. Luckily, Anjelika has no issue using her platform for the greater good of human rights activism and wants to use her celebrity as a means to uplift voices in marginalized communities. "If I'm going to be blessed by God to have any type of platform, I need to be using it for good because it does nothing in the world to sit idly by, watch all of these awful things happen, and say nothing. If I want change to happen in the world, I'm gonna have to be the change," she said.
"If I'm going to be blessed by God to have any type of platform, I need to be using it for good because it does nothing in the world to sit idly by, watch all of these awful things happen, and say nothing. If I want change to happen in the world, I'm gonna have to be the change."
Anjelika holds herself just as responsible as her peers and elected officials to create call-to-action items including encouragement for voter registration or even as seemingly small as signing a petition. "If I believe that holding our officials and people that we elect into office accountable, I need to hold myself accountable and hold my community accountable."
With the election coming up in less than 30 days and the raised stakes of the Black community, Anjelika knows what time it is for the Black community, especially Black women.
Drea Nicole
"The Black female vote is always important and we're usually always right. I love that about us," she said and added that her brother even encourages people to vote for whoever Black women are voting for. "He's right because we usually are. You look at the numbers and Black women didn't vote in Trump! We didn't do that! We knew ahead of time that this was going to be a very bad idea."
Moreover, she recognizes that Black youth vote just as, if not, the most important element of the upcoming election. Anjelika works tirelessly to engage the Black Generation-Z and millennial vote and urge the crucial note of their involvement. "When you look at what Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are committed to doing for Black people, once you actually break it down and go to JoeBiden.com to read his plans for Black people in America, I don't think that any Black person is going to disagree," the actress said endorsing the Democratic presidential candidate's Lift Every Voice plan.
Though she understands the community's anguish about Kamala Harris' past as a prosecutor, Anjelika finds it hard to argue that what Trump has done to this country is not worse than anything on Biden or Harris' resume. "I am willing to risk it all and take my bet on Joe Biden and Kamala Harris any day [rather] than stick with what we have. Think about the last four months of just this year during the summer of 2020 and imagine that being the next four years - are you OK with that?"
With the obvious answer being "no" due to the economic, public health, social justice and climate crises impacting our day-to-day lives, Anjelika encourages everyone, especially the Black community, to get out and vote for Biden and Harris. "Black people assume that their vote doesn't matter because we look at Breonna Taylor as an example and we see no justice. We see that we don't matter, but the truth is the people who made those decisions, we vote in."
When we all vote, we facilitate the change we wish to see. Anjelika's unapologetic stance is a reminder of the superpower we have in us all.
For more of Anjelika, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image by Drea Nicole
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
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Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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Featured image by Giphy