Even though I can never hide when I'm upset from my husband, I used to hate talking about it, especially if it was because something he said or did. I just couldn't do the whole confrontational thing... and still can't fully.

I literally told him I don't like talking about certain things because, "It just doesn't go over well."

But considering we promised to the rest of our lives, I had to get over this fear of confrontation and talking things out, even when it doesn't go the way I hope. And if you have those fears like me, it is important to remember, at the end of the day, you and your partner will always end up on the same page. To overcome your fear of having hard conversations with your partner, check out my tips for better communication below.

Say How You Feel, Sis


It's crazy because it really is that simple, but it's so much easier said than done. When my husband and I first started dating, it would take me daaayysss to tell him something he did that bothered me. It wouldn't be until he asked me if everything was okay that I would respond, "Well you remember the other day when…?"It was even worse when multiple things would pile up and I'd have to play catch up with a list of things he did over the course of a few days. I can only imagine how overwhelming this was for him.

If you think about it, you can't really be upset at how your guy, or anyone for that matter, is acting, or for something they're constantly doing, if you haven't told them how you really feel about it. You're just setting yourself up for failure with the risk of driving yourself crazy. Honestly, there's a very likely chance you feel like he should already know what's wrong and how to fix it in a way that pleases you. Not the case. As amazing as any man is, and as flawless as the connection and chemistry feels, we all know he's not a mind reader. So just say what's on your mind, respectfully. You'll feel so much better.

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Press Pause On The Expectations


And this isn't one of those moments where I'm saying to go in and not expect anything to avoid getting your feelings hurt. It's actually kind of the opposite. I realized that my husband most likely isn't going to have the reaction I fantasized about him having; you know, the ones you see on TV and in romantic comedies, because that's just not his personality. So going into a conversation with these unrealistic expectations not only put pressure on him to respond the way I wanted him to, but it also had the potential to cause even more friction because he didn't meet my expectations.

For me, it was coming to the reality that I don't want to try and change the core of who he is to conform to how I think he should react or even feel. I had to completely get outside of myself, which was so hard because clearly bringing these concerns to him was all about me, how I felt, and how I wanted him to respond. So now, even though I still have a long way to go, I bring up issues with the simple intention of letting him know so that we can work as a team to come to a solution.

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Patience Isn’t Fun, But It’s Necessary


It's one thing to get over the fear of having the conversation, but having to keep having it is like, "Seriously?" There were so many times when I had to exhale a sigh of relief because I finally brought up something that was irritating me, only for it to happen again shortly after. Like dude, we literally just had this conversation. But looking at it from his perspective, he can't flip the switch on the way he's wired overnight. I'll be real, sometimes his lack of changing on my timeframe would discourage me from saying something at all.

Why keep bringing it up if it's going to keep happening? Instead of coming down on him and rudely reminding him of the multiple times we've discussed it, I found that it was better for me to tell him in the moment that this was an example of what he did that bothered me. Sometimes guys take longer to actually get stuff. Bless their hearts. It takes time, and not just a conversation.

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Why Is It So Difficult?


Isn't it crazy how we can trust our boyfriend, husband, friends, etc. with everything else but our feelings? Like, our true feelings? The ones that we try to hold in to come across as more understanding and admirable. That is super tough. It's this level of vulnerability that we've held tight for most or all of our lives and don't want to give it to anyone, even the ones we're perfectly fine with spending the rest of our lives (sleeping) with. One of the things that bothered my husband the most about me holding things in, was that it would make me feel like I had to tackle situations by myself.

And even though I convinced myself that I was on this island because "I can handle it," that wasn't true. I thought I could fix things myself and eventually get over it without any confrontation. Also not true. Listen, if there's anyone you should be able to trust with your concerns, it should be your husband; especially if you have an issue with something he said or did.

No, you don't have to lean on him for every little thing, but if you see him as your best friend, forever, and all that jazz, you can overcome your fear of talking to him about anything.

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