6 Signs You're A Love Addict

You "Fall in Love" VERY Quickly.

C'mon now. How is it that you just met someone two weeks ago and you're already in love? More than that, how is it that you've been able to do this four times in a row?

Albert Einstein said one of my favorite quotes on love — "Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love." It's a reminder that no matter what these wack reality television shows portray or how many celebrities rotate relationships on a weekly basis, love is more of a choice than it is a feeling. And to be able to make a wise choice, you need to take out the time to get to really know someone.

And no, you don't really and truly know someone in a month. You can be attracted but not truly in love. Is there anyone that thinks what I just said is ridiculous? Well, you're already showing signs of being a love addict.

"Needy" Is a Word Men Often Use to Describe You.

Being needy is not the same thing as having needs. There's no point in being in a relationship with someone if they're not willing to give you love, respect, support, communication, and affection.

But neediness? Needy people are insecure and clingy. They are borderline possessive and don't honor boundaries. They think that being in a relationship means their significant other isn't supposed to have a life outside of it. They are exhausting and draining.

It can be a hard pill to swallow, but if the past three guys you've been out with used "needy" as a reason to call things off with you, before giving push back, ask yourself if they possibly had a point. Because the one thing those guys all have in common is…you.

You Lower Your Standards in Order to Be in a Relationship.

Another sign of a love addict is someone who wants to be "in love" so badly that they would rather lower their standards than be alone.

Be careful with this one. Like I tell people in some of my relationships coaching sessions, "You only end up bending over backwards when your bar is too low." Besides, your standards and values are a part of who you are as a person. By ignoring them in order to make a relationship "work", you're misrepresenting yourself and the kind of relationship you truly want.

In other words, you're entering into a facade. A relationship that's not genuine. If you're OK with that, that's a red flag — on so many levels, it ain't even funny.

You Do Most of the Work in Your Relationships.

I'll raise my hand in this class and admit that, for years, this was my biggest problem. I felt like since I loved you, I should go above and beyond to show it — even if that meant doing your part. In fact, I believed that the more love I gave, the more loving the relationship was. Nope. Here's another problem with love addiction:

What you think you're doing out of "love" is oftentimes more like what you are doing out of fear.

Are you constantly going above and beyond for a man because you're scared to lose him if you don't? At the very least, you are co-dependent. At the most, you are leaning into love addiction.

You Live for the Fairy Tale.

Some of my friends get irritated with me whenever I say this but…whatever. If when it comes to relationships, you say that you're "living for the fairy tale", I want you to take a moment to look at what you're signing up for:

Fairy tale: a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures; an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.

By definition, fairy tales are children's stories. Fairy tales are usually so incredible that they mislead you. Words have power. Is that really what you want?

A love addict compares their love standard to Prince Charming and Cinderella. Someone who has a healthy sense of love wants their own love story — one that is with someone who is committed to the good and the bad, the ups and the downs. One that isn't about "…and they lived happily ever after" but is more about "…and they stay committed through it all."

You Don't Feel "Whole" Unless You're with Someone.

Whole means "full". Whole means "complete". Whole means "not broken, damaged, or impaired; intact". When you're in a relationship with someone, it means that there are two flawed human beings trying to make something work.

My point? You run a faaaaaaaaaar greater chance of not being whole — of being broken or damaged — when you're with someone than when you're not because people make mistakes, people sometimes hurt others…people ain't perfect. I'm not saying that you shouldn't want to be in a relationship. I'm saying that if you want to be in a healthy relationship with a flawed human being, you're better off making sure you feel full and complete before dating them — not after.

Women who believe the complete opposite? Yep. They show classic signs of having a love addiction. And nothing good, healthy, or lasting can ever come from that.

True love is a choice. Not an addiction. Always remember that.