Sex
I am a sex-positive Black woman. People often tell me they wish they could be like me. They love how open and unapologetic I am about my sexuality. It wasn’t always this way. Like many of you, I was raised to believe that sex was something we had but never talked about. Due to the complex and unique history of sexual oppression that Black women have faced, expressing our sexual desires out loud is not something we typically do.
However, my outlook on how I viewed my sexuality changed about a decade ago after I became acquainted with the sex positivity movement. The sex-positivity movement has been around since the 1960s, however, it has largely been led by white women. Sex positivity promotes consensual, safer sex and the expression of human sexuality as a whole. Rather than liberating what's between your legs, sex positivity embraces pleasure, erotic energy, and sisterhood.
Thanks to anthems like “WAP,” being a sex-positive expressive Black woman is becoming more commonplace. As Black women become more liberated, they are challenging shame-infested ideologies and redefining their relationships. Black women deserve great sex and being open about our bodies, sharing our feelings, and expressing our desires are the best ways to make sure we are getting just that; great sex!
If you want to know if you are a sexually expressive woman, here are some traits you should look for.
She listens to what her body needs.
A sexually expressive woman is in tune with her body's needs. If she wants to have sex, she has it. If she wants to go down on her partner, she does. If she doesn’t, she won’t. She is aware of what her body desires and wants during her sacred time and is unapologetic about following its lead.
She talks about sex out loud.
Sex still carries a lot of shame for most people. A sexually expressive woman can talk about sex with her friends or with strangers in a way that is welcoming and nonjudgmental. Whether it’s discussing threesomes, blowjobs or her favorite sex position, a sexually expressive woman knows that talking about sex removes the taboos around it. She also knows that the more she talks about sex, the better her sex life will be.
She asks for what she wants.
There is so much power in being able to tell your partner exactly what you want in and out of the bedroom. A sexually expressive woman likes to check in with her partner regularly to let them know what she likes or doesn't like and what needs to be changed. She also isn’t afraid to tell them what new things she’d like to try. Sexually expressive women know that the responsibility for their pleasure is their own.
She is vocal during sex.
Sexually expressive women are very vocal in the bedroom. They may scream, cry, moan, growl, or laugh. They know that sound is freeing and a part of expressing their pleasure. Sounds are a way to express energy and manifestations (but that’s another article). Sexually expressive women are unattached to the sounds and are more concerned with how their body feels rather than the sound they make.
She recognizes consent is important.
Sexually expressive women understand that consent is sexy in every part of intimacy. Their partner has the right to not engage in their desires. They respect their partner's boundaries as they want their boundaries respected in return.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Roberto Westbrook/Getty Images
ALSO ON XONECOLE