5 Reasons You're Still Single

Sep 27, 2018 15:41 PM +0000

In the years that I've spent navigating through dating app profiles and YouTube tutorials on "how to be un-single", I've noticed a common trend: single women tend to get their advice on being single from married women.

Now, although it can be wise to take heed to these ladies' advice since they've obviously found success in the area, the time has come for single women to reclaim the narrative surrounding what it means to be single in 2018.

You see, I view dating the same way I view technology: both landscapes are changing at such a rapid rate that the advice you receive from someone who's been married since 2004 is the equivalent of trying to use a Motorola Razor to Facetime a loved one: the form just doesn't fit the function. Am I suggesting that you totally dismiss the wise counsel of your counterparts in committed relationships? Well, sort of… Let's just say instead of throwing away all of the advice that you've received up to this point, we're just removing some bugs. Consider this your upgrade.

The best place to start when it comes to shifting the narrative is to come into agreement that most – if not all – of us are doing this whole "single and dating" thing totally wrong.

Yep, I said it.

This could very well be at no fault of your own and could simply come down to the fact that your dating strategy is obsolete. Fret not. Here's five ways to take your dating tactics from the '99's to the '10's.

Whether it's fear or lack of technique, your flirting game is stuck in junior high school. Look, flirting isn't always about awkwardly winking your eye from across the room – although this may apply. Sometimes it's as simple as a warm smile and engaging in light, witty banter. If the thought of flirting gives you hives, remember that it's not one-size-fits-all. Maybe your approach is more girly with dainty hair flips or maybe you're more laid-back and like to incorporate a gentle graze to his forearm or biceps in between jokes. Whatever makes you most comfortable will make you most confident. Show him what you've got!
▲

I say this with love: some of us need to be a little more humble. If you've been single for a while, it could come down to "timing" or "waiting on God," but for some of you, it's simply because of that stank attitude of yours (someone had to tell you, sis). I know we don't always want to be bothered with "Hey, Beautiful," and "Ayo, my Nubian Queen," we get in a day, but for the guys who don't mean any harm and just want to say "Hello," what do you have to lose by softening up a bit and engaging? Your time? Girl, in case you forgot, you're single! Use these moments to brush up on your flirting skills and to just be kind. Even if he doesn't end up being your man, don't knock him down if he's trying. Plus, who knows, he might just be the wingman to a very fine, but very shy friend, so be nice, don't blow it.
▲

When was the last time you did something that actually aligned with your deep, personal interests? Like taking a painting class or volunteering at the local Boys and Girls Club? I don't know why in 2018, we're still asking "where are all the good men at?" Contrary to popular singles' propaganda, good guys are everywhere you are and everywhere you should be. Are you always taking the same route to work and never leaving your side of town on the weekends? Instead of sticking to your same ol' tired routine, why not switch it up a bit and go to that after work happy hour or even try that new spinning class at the gym? You never know who might be in attendance.
▲

That "I'm single so I don't have to do x, y, z," mindset is doing you a great disservice. You think that just because you're single, you don't have to look presentable and smell nice when you leave the house, because, after all, who are you trying to impress? Taking care of yourself, shaving, and keep your spaces tidy aren't just basic practices to uphold until you get a man. It's a lifestyle choice to become a better woman for yourself. Prepare yourself now, that way, when he arrives you won't need him to complete you, he'll complement you.
▲

My God, when will you release yourself from the chains of Tinder and actually see for yourself what the real world had to offer? There's nothing like a real life "How'd you guys meet" story that tangles in fate and perfect timing. Why not create your own love story? One that will last the test of time? There have been millions of happily-ever-after's thanks to the internet and social media, but don't let algorithms and some guy in Silicon Valley have all the fun. See some world!
▲

Featured image by Shutterstock

From Your Site Articles

Related Articles Around the Web

ALSO ON XONECOLE