Know Your Worth: When Is It Time To Walk Away?

Charmaine Patterson

May 21, 2019 06:23 AM +0000

Ah, the strength to walk away. It's a lot easier said than done, but some situations make it a lot easier than it could be.

Whether it's a job or a relationship, walking away from a place you've already succumbed to as your comfort zone is tough, no matter how obvious it is that it's time. But once you realize there's better out there for you, and you recognize how hard it is to ignore that, it makes the decision not only easier but achievable.

If you're finding yourself asking if it's time to walk away, consider the following questions for further insight on when it's truly time to walk away:

If you're considering leaving your job because you aren't getting paid what you're worth, it's really helpful to do a little research in your industry and city first. Check out the salary of other people who have the same title on Google and/or Glassdoor. If you feel comfortable enough, you can even ask some of your coworkers to get a comparison. This will help you have a little leverage if you decide to ask for a raise.
Related: The Cost of Asking: What Happens When Women Negotiate?
I did this same type of research with one of my previous jobs that I was at for roughly six years before I had to walk away. Let's just say the average person with my title and in my city (and even in my building) made roughly $10,000 more than I did. But that still didn't help when I got the courage to ask for a raise. I was told "no" multiple times, and it wasn't because I didn't deserve it. Instead, the reason I was given was that I should've negotiated better when I first got the job four years ago. I didn't even know how to do that back then. Still, if nothing else, this was an obvious sign it was time to move on.
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Just like a career, situationships have the power to make us stay much longer than we should. If it's something that you feel like you should get away from, ask yourself what the commitment level is like. Do you feel like you're being loyal, giving it everything you have but aren't getting the same love back? This could seriously lay the foundation, or at least the pavement, for you to walk away on. Similar to asking for a raise, it's not bad to ask the person you're "with" about the commitment and the future of your relationship. The answer you get back can seriously be telling; especially if there's still no level of commitment established at the end of the conversation.
At the end of the day, it's really about what you feel like you deserve. If a title is important to you, then go for that. But if not, then at least make sure you're not getting played or taken advantage of. Ultimately, knowing your worth is recognizing what you're willing to put up with, so it's only up to you to decide what type of commitment you really want. Just remember, whatever you decide, you're worth having what you truly desire.
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If it's a situation where you're not growing, and there is absolutely no potential or room for you to grow, that says a lot. If it's your career, do you feel like you've hit the ceiling where you are? Is there any space for you to advance to the next level? I realized it was time for me to leave my previous job when I was hit the reality that there was no space for me to grow at all. It wasn't even just about getting a raise. I also felt like I wasn't being challenged and every day at work felt mundane and unmotivating. I went from being excited about my job to, over time, feeling complacent in it. Another factor was that I worked there for so long, I saw so many people come and go. And they weren't just going to any old other job, they were advancing in their careers and making serious moves. Now, it wasn't a thing of comparing myself and feeling like I should be further along because other people were; in all honesty, timing is everything. But it did serve me notice that I was way too comfortable and needed to be challenged.
The same applies to relationships. It's not about looking and seeing your best friends and sisters getting engaged after being together for a lot less time than you've been in your situation. It's about realizing where you want to go in life, and again, determining what you're willing to stand up for.
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This point can apply to both a job or a relationship, or any other situation that you might have to walk away from. For starters, don't get it twisted; it's not about coming up with an ultimatum to get their attention, or throwing out the idea of you leaving just to see how they really feel. Because in reality, if you have to ask, you probably already know the answer. But you should seriously evaluate what the reaction is when you make it clear you have no problem walking away from the situation.
Related: Amanda Seales Says You Need to Know Your Market Value
Is it a response to where they couldn't care any less, or does it really make them look at the situation differently and realize your worth? You don't have to make threats or try to scare anyone. So think extra hard before you make this move because you might have to back it up with taking actual steps to walk away. If anything, their reaction should serve as enough evidence of whether you should really stay or nah.
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This one kind of goes without saying. If you're literally being mistreated, whether it's physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, etc., then you're worth much more than that. No one deserves a relationship where they're beat down, cheated on with no remorse (or even if there is remorse, no signs of change), and where they don't feel valued. Of course, we all know not to look at our relationships for value (working and personal), but they should at least lift us up and make us feel good about ourselves.
No matter what you think, that's definitely not too much to ask.
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Featured image by Getty Images

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