Wellness

5 Tips For Staying Strong When You're The Strong Friend

Let's face facts: sometimes people just aren't there for us like we need them to be, when we need them to be. And honestly, maybe it's no fault of their own. It took me a very long time, tons of arguments, a few dropped friends, and a lot of tears to even come to this realization.

I'm one of those strong friends. You know the one who comes over to visit when the baby is sick, who attends all the events, calls to check up just because, is the literal shoulder to lean on when life throws a curveball, and is there through births, deaths and all of life's shenanigans in between.

Don't get me wrong, my friends have definitely been there for me… at times; but other times they haven't. Those were the times that mattered most. As "the strong one," I hardly have friends who check up on me when I'm down and out because they assume, I always have it together. They assume that because I'm strong for them, I have a reserve tank of strength to handle my own misfortunes and life's messes. Funny thing is, I don't. Calling myself strong does not indicate that my friends are weak in any way, I appreciate them all for what they add to my life. It's just that sometimes, this strong friend, needs a strong friend too.

Over the years I've learned to cope, and I've even mapped out a few tips for boosting my self-esteem and courage when I have to do it myself. Here's how you can learn to stay strong when you're the strong friend.

Words of Affirmation

I've recently developed this habit of literally speaking positivity to myself. When I'm driving in the car, when I'm in the shower, when I'm cooking, I always repeat these mantras and positive affirmations to myself: "You is kind, you is smart, you is important!" Speaking strength into myself always gets the ball rolling for boosting my courage.

Take Your Own Advice

We tend to think the advice we give others isn't for us, when in fact it's quite the opposite. In my down times, I've sometimes reflected upon conversations with and advice given to my girls and reminded myself of some of the advice I offered to them. The old cliché is true, you have to practice what you preach and take our own advice sometimes.

Prayer and Meditation

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Prayer is so powerful. One of the ways I've been able to regroup and rejuvenate when I need a pick-me-up is through prayer. Knowing that some being is out there greater than any friend can provide much-needed peace. Sometimes just being still and quiet, spending time with your own thoughts also lifts your spirits and energy; it's almost miraculous.

Keep. That. Same. Energy.

We rally behind our girls when they need us most! It's amazing how we transform into the hype man for our friend when her boyfriend acts the fool, or how we're instantly a cheerleader when she finally decides to walk away. Sis, don't forget to use that same energy for yourself!

Get your Issa Dee on. Stand in front of the mirror and hype yourself up! It's hard sometimes, but the same energy you give to others, you must find the strength to give it to yourself.

Self-Help Books

Many times, I find out more about myself, and even sometimes my strength, in the pages of books I'm reading. Reading inspirational and motivational books and blogs is sometimes like listening to a friend who knows everything. For me, reading provides a peace of mind, but when I can get my life together by flipping some pages, I'm all in!

Sometimes we all need the friend we are, but that's not always the case. When life forces you to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, tap yourself on the back and find the strength you need to go on. Keep in mind these tips while you do that, remembering that you are the strong one!

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