Through Thick or Thin: Choosing To Love How You Look At Every Weight

Slimthick sounds cute and all for the 'gram, but I have been fighting to get back to my "pre-college" weight, well, since college.

I've had my moments of success with everything from Bootcamp, Paleo Dieting, Whole 30, and now Crossfit. Yes, I am a Crossfitter (but I promise I don't talk about it all the time). After so many rounds of ups and downs, it's hard not to shift your perception of yourself. While I am still not where I want to be with my fitness, this time around I am loving myself every pound of the way.

It's interesting, growing up I always felt a little insecure about my shape.

I was tall, curvy, and developed from the jump! Because of that, I felt like I needed to dim parts of myself.

I would sway my hips a bit less when I walked, because they moved enough on their own. Clothing that looked totally "normal" on other teens hugged my figure. Even today as a 31-year-old woman, I am hyper-aware of how my pencil skirts fit me when I'm in an office environment – less I get a reaction similar to Demetria Obilor, the beautiful news anchor that was body shamed for simply being confident in herself. Basically, I could wear a potato sack, and still get an "aye miss lady!" while walking down the street.

So the seed was planted long ago: the idea that something needed to be fixed in order for me to look ideal.

In college, I gained a typical Freshmen 15. Nothing too distressing at first. The real weight gain happened after college, as soon as I entered the corporate world. Turns out, sitting at a cubicle does not count as cardio. My body starting changing in ways that I wasn't accustomed to. One day I looked in the mirror, and I HAD A BACK ROLL. Naturally, I began all of the workouts and strength training. It worked like a charm, but not for long.

Every time I would really start to see results – life would happen. I would become a little too busy at work, travel would pick up. Hell, I've even succumb to some good ole' happy, stress-free relationship weight. Each time, I would have to restart to make up for lost progress, and the guilt that I placed on myself just wasn't healthy or helpful. If anything, it discouraged me from feeling empowered and ready to get back into the fight.

In 2017, I think it finally clicked.

I started Crossfit, again. Thank God for muscle memory, because I was tested to my core physically and mentally.

Like clockwork, life hit me again. Hard.

Running a side hustle, loss, being on the road for my 9 to 5 almost every week…there were major setbacks.

I realized though, if I am meant to be in this for the long haul, I have to allow myself some grace.

Note: I said, some.

In the past year, I allowed myself the grace to walk on the beach in a bikini, even though I didn't lose that last 5 pounds before vacation.

I granted myself grace to actually be in the moment and enjoy brunch with the girls, while not beating myself up about how many carbs I ate.

Every day, society or social media tells us that we must meet a certain standard of beauty to be accepted. What kind of trauma are we doing to ourselves when we are constantly bombarded with the notion that we are never good enough? I have always believed that the language we use when we examine ourselves is self-fulfilling. At this point in my life, I can't and I won't continue to add on to the attack. I am striving for a healthy body and mind, and it's a lifelong journey. I know that my body is a work in progress.

It took me a while to have the audacity to flaunt it and feel sexy regardless of where I am on the spectrum.

What if we choose to love how we look at every weight? Realize that you are allowed to pursue weight loss goals and feel confident in your body at the same time. I am 15 pounds lighter today than I was this time last year. I've gained muscle, improved my endurance. Tightened things up and changed the way I look at a healthy life, holistically. I still have back rolls though. And cellulite. I still probably drink too many lattes. But I am proud. Skinny, thick, slim, fat… whatever.

I love who I am and I will never hide the sashay in these hips again.

What's a body mantra that you're going to shout loud and proud this year? Let us know in the comments down below.