Sex
When anyone asks me to describe the dating scene today the first thought that comes to mind is Drake's "Doing it Wrong" lyrics, "We live in a generation of, not being in love, and not being together." Even previously while in relationships, something always felt temporary and inorganic and there was never much certainty of a title or status. I couldn't recall the last time I was involved with someone and felt total fulfillment from anything in the situation other than sex. Many situationships these days begin and end in sex, and maybe a little false hope of commitment in between.
Those were the men I referred to as my "something to do" boo because the peak of the productivity between us occurred only during a spontaneous Netflix and Chill night, thereby designating them as something to do when there's nothing to do. Of course, there was the usual night out to eat here and there, and maybe a movie, but never anything that knocked me off my feet and gave me an experience that was remarkably unique. I think sex played a heavy role in the lack of effort. Was this what I preferred? Absolutely not.
By nature, humans desire love and companionship, no matter how much they try to deny it. I'd take a romantic walk in the park with my partner any day over a random night of sexcapades.
It was one Sunday morning that I woke up and realized there was some truth to a tweet I recently came across which read, "Women can eliminate weak men in a single generation by simply refusing to sleep with them."
After some heavy reflection and contemplation, I decided that it's best to hold back on sex until I'm in a fulfilling committed relationship. Normally, women choose to practice abstinence until they're married, but I knew my limitations and wanted to set a realistic goal for myself. I believe that for any woman seeking to settle down and be in a committed relationship with someone, they might also want to consider eliminating sex until then.
Here are the ways you can approach and practice abstinence while dating:
Always keep in mind and prioritize your long-term goal.
When you reach a point where you're past the fun exploration stage of dating and your expectations have heightened, make sure your ultimate goal is at the forefront of every decision you make. You should choose who and how you date based on what's the best fit for your choice to omit sex until commitment.
Pay attention to the initial signs, there are going to be key characteristics of someone who's truly interested or just looking to "hit it."
Don’t Be Afraid To Be Open About Your Preferred Lifestyle.
As vibes thrive and passions rise, inevitably next comes a physical attraction that can't be ignored. You don't want to go parading around your anti-sexual requirements, yet you also don't want to behave in a way that gives the impression of rejection. Verbalize your decision to hold out from sex and see where he stands with it. This communication helps clear up any mixed signals, set the tone for physical interaction, and establish the overall dynamics to your budding relationship.
Listen To Your Instincts To Avoid Long-Term Disappointment.
There's definitely a fear of waiting and holding out only to end up very unsatisfied. A good way to avoid this fear or a possible satisfaction mishap, is to try and begin your new journey with someone whom you've already formed an emotional bond, whether sex previously happened or not. This way you have an idea of what's in store and the desire is more organic.
If you're dating someone new, analyze the chemistry (especially since good chemistry hardly ever disappoints us.) If the vibes are strong, that's reason enough to avoid sex with faith that it will be an anticipated bonus once you two establish a committed relationship with your beau-to-be.
Know Yourself And Know Your Limits
When deciding on abstinence, first ask yourself what will I do to avoid temptation? For myself, what I chose to do was identify a number of strategies that work for me. I made a vow to always remember the feeling I get from just being in the presence and priority of my ideal partner, that is the feeling I prefer over a night of passion. If positive thoughts are not enough to keep you focused, try using sexual substitutes. Pleasure stores can become your best friend. Also if intimate nights indoors are a temptation danger zone for you, only agree to dates in a public or a group setting until a commitment is established.
▲Surround Yourself With Friends and Family Will Keep You In Check
Sometimes the worst feeling when dating without a title and being sexually involved with that person is the uncertainty. There's no exclusivity, which can sometimes mean no guidance or expectations either. In this case, you resort to overthinking and questioning everything. That's why having a solid support system helps. The right people can remind you of why it's important to focus on your goal and not put yourself back in that position. You can identify a few trusted "go to" loved ones who won't let you forget how much you deserve your happy ending.
▲Stay Booked and Busy
This is a perfect time to pick up a new hobby or dive into some desired past times. Focusing on a new venture will keep your attention and schedule occupied, whereby leaving less idle time for thoughts of sex. You'll find that engaging in activities that keep you happy and busy proves to be rejuvenating and makes abstaining from sex much more possible.
Once I began shifting more of my energy into my writing, reading, and entrepreneurial tasks, there was very little brain capacity left to even consider sex.
Have Faith And Never Give In, Things Will Happen Exactly How You Imagined.
It's definitely easier said than done to practice abstinence. There are bound to be times that you'll want to renege, but the thought of a setback and the outcome of giving up alone aren't worth it. Your faith and belief system have to be stronger than your self-doubt. As in life, we only get as much as we ask or work for, therefore set your standard and trust it. Use the tools provided in this resource, along with reassuring self-talk, as belief that your long-term desires are greater than your short-term needs. Once your faith can't be tested, your personal goals will begin to unfold in your favor... so hang in there.
The emotions that develop while sexualy active with someone you want more from is something natural and sometimes undeniable, yet also a possible set up for disappointment. Depending on your situation, holding back on a few minutes of passion could save you a lot of energy, hurt, and heartache.
If certainty and commitment is what you seek, try it out and choose to be sex-free while dating. You won't be disappointed.
▲Featured image by Shutterstock
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