The Black Girl's Guide To Adulting

Everything Costs Money

Bills, bills, bills, can you pay my telephone bills? Can you pay my automo-bills? If you did then maybe we could chill. Right now, if someone were to offer me 6 months of free groceries or free tickets to Coachella, I would pick the former with the quickness. No questions asked. I said what I said.

The beginning of the month is a constant dark cloud over our month because we know that we are going to have to pay our rent, electricity, gas, and wifi bills – maybe even cable – if you're bougie like that.

For recent grads, a good majority of our college expenses were in a vacuum. You likely paid a good chunk of your schooling through grants, scholarships, loans, and possibly parental assistance on a semester basis. There was a lot of stress around the beginning and end of each semester, but what was required from you was a lot more nuanced. Now, we're being asked to make decisions regarding health care plans and life insurance, when 6 months ago the highest level of financial planning we obtained was organizing an 8 person spring break trip to Cancun.

Tip: Get organized as quickly as you can regarding your mandatory expenses. Food, shelter, transportation, student loan repayment – the basics – should be prioritized from the jump in order to avoid hiccups. I create Google Calendar notifications for my bill due dates and set up automated payments to ensure timeliness. I also met with a financial planner to discuss my long-term strategy. After doing some basic budgeting, you will have a better sense regarding your flexible income and can pursue financial mentorship for more complicated concepts like 401(k) planning and saving for graduate school. You need to know what you're working with so there are no surprises.

The Same Routine Can Get Monotonous

Depending on your job and overall lifestyle, the day to day life of adulting can get old pretty quickly. Wake up, work, eat, sleep, repeat will pretty much be the mantra of the next few decades, give or take a few vacations (depending on how many days you get off *cough cough*) and spontaneous sick days. That being said, it is important to spice up your life whenever your daily routine is getting too stale.

Tip: Grab your girls and go on a short weekend trip to a nearby city or visit a new cafe that has been catching your eye. Days and weeks can blur together, months passing at a time before you realize it, if left unchecked. You need to be very intentional about making time for yourself and experiences that will make you smile amidst the slow days. Reclaim your time.

Your First Job May Not Be Your Passion

Listen here, lean in close: It's okay not to love your first job – or first couple of jobs. Even jobs you love can stress you out when the hours are demanding and/or you depend on them to pay your bills. Upon connecting with a few of my friends to discuss our new lives, a common thread is the overall shock of working full-time and how drastically different or unfilling the work is compared to our original expectations.

Tip: First, remember that learning what you dislike from a career perspective is often as just as important as learning what you do like. Whether you decide to leave or stay, during your first few months/years into a new role, you are developing a set of transferable skills that will make you a stronger employee in your next job. So, don't quit as soon as your job isn't how you imagined. Work to maintain a strong reputation, give yourself time to truly assess your environment, and try to make the best out of your current situation, so leaving on good terms is actually an option.

Maintaining Old Friendships And Building New Ones Requires More Effort

We all knew it was coming, but moving away from all of our college friends and connecting with them less frequently is a definite down downside of adulting. While you'll certainly make new friends and FaceTime the old ones, you'll eventually have to come to terms with how little free time you have for a social life in general. Unless you work with your new friend group, meeting new people can be more challenging.

Tip: Be more thoughtful about the relationships you want to maintain and the kinds of people you want closest to you. Quality does not equal quantity and it's okay to accept that some friendships are just for a season.

But, as a general tip: Be intentional.

If having a solid group of friends is important to you, actually work to cultivate one. If keeping up with your old friends is important to you, make sure you check in every once in a while. Join book clubs, invite your neighbor over for a wine night, send your BFF a funny meme to check in on her. Going with the flow does not always pan out in a world where everyone is growing, stretching, and moving at the same time. If you care about something, make it known.

Dating in Your 20-Somethings Is A Mixed Bag

I have found dating in your 20-somethings to be like a box of chocolates. Some chocolates have pretty coating but taste disgusting, some bizarre chocolates taste surprisingly good, and sometimes, it's just better to stick with what you know. All in all, there are a number of options, you don't always know what you're getting, and you can't eat all the chocolates at once, but the temptation is there.

When I first thought about moving back to NYC, the promise of an active dating life was certainly a plus. Especially, after living in Utah for a few months. While dating is definitely an option, I quickly learned that first dates get old pretty quickly and there is such a range of experience and expectations in one age demographic. Some people are already 7 years deep into their careers and want to lock it down immediately, while some barely know where their next paycheck is coming from. Guys who I originally saw myself with ultimately did not fit the bill and taking the time to truly get to know new people while balancing busy work schedules and the occasional existential crisis can grow to be too much. As annoying as dating in college was, I found it to be a lot simpler.

Tip: Despite the cliche, some of the greatest tidbits of dating advice that I've received about dating in our 20's is the importance of spending time working on ourselves, understanding what we truly want, not being afraid to communicate, and asking people to step up or to step away. There is so much pressure to compare ourselves to those around us, especially in the age of social media, and there is this incessant pressure to have all the answers. In reality, most of our peers are just as lost as we are. The harsh reality is that we'll just have to kiss a couple frogs – or keep trying different chocolates – until we figure out what truly works and who makes us the happiest. Our 20's are for growth.

There's no turning back

If only we could just decide not to adult for a few months. Just temporarily freeze the impending bills and demands and simply exist. Wouldn't that be nice?

Tip: Well girl, this ship has sailed. Bon voyage. There's no turning back. There will be ups and downs, tears and celebrations, and moments where you question it all. But, after you get ahold of your schedule, finances, and figure out who and what brings you joy in this new chapter, adulting really isn't half bad.