Semi-recently, I was having an online conversation with a group of people about birth control — well, more specifically, condoms. As all of the men were talking about one of the perks of being in an exclusive relationship is not having to wear one at all, it was interesting to hear how many women say that they didn't really like rubbers either. While I totally get why men would prefer to go "cover free" (if you know what I mean) and while I also wasn't exactly the poster child for prophylactics in my past sex life, condoms have come a really long way when it comes to its thinness which enhances the sensation of sexual stimulation; because of this, it would seem that, for women, this would make using one so much more, well, pleasurable.
"Yeah, but when sex goes for longer than 20 minutes or so, condoms really start to get on my nerves" is what a lot of the women shared. As I listened more, what I realized is a lot of ladies find rubbers to be annoying because they seem to be low-key allergic to them and so, of course, it makes sense why rubbers would be triggers. Since this is a topic about safe sex that isn't discussed a ton, I wanted to take a moment to share with you how you can know if you are somehow allergic to condoms — and what you should do if that is indeed the case.
How Do You Know If You’re Actually Allergic to Rubbers?
There used to be a time when, when it came to which kind of condom options you had, it was pretty much a coin toss between lambskin (it's made from the thin lining of a lamb's intestines) and latex. While some people prefer lambskin as an alternative to latex, it is effective at preventing unplanned pregnancies and it's also FDA-approved because it's porous (which means it's not as effective as latex when it comes to shielding you from STDs), not super stretchy, is harder to find and more expensive than latex ones, that's why latex usually tends to win out. The challenge is, if you happen to be allergic to rubber, latex ones can cause vaginal irritation, and/or if you go with an oil-based lubricant in order to "reduce the effect" of the rubber-to-friction-during-intercourse issue, the oil can either degrade the potency of the condom or cause it to slip off altogether.
So, let's pause at the "allergic to rubber" point. What are some of the signs that this may indeed be what's transpiring? If during or after sex you experience itching, swelling, redness, or even a slight rash, this means that you could be experiencing a mild allergic reaction to a latex condom. Beyond that, anything like coughing, sneezing, difficulty breathing, nausea, rapid heartbeat, stomach discomfort, or along these lines means that something more serious is going on and you should probably make an appointment with your doctor to see what kind of treatment they would recommend.
Oh, and if you're wondering if condoms can give you a yeast infection, the answer is "yes" although that's not really because you're allergic to them; that's more about condoms throwing off of your pH (check out "Sis, This Is How To Keep Your Vagina's pH Balanced"). Whenever that happens, a vaginal infection can pop up as a direct result.
Are You Sure That It’s the Condom? Perhaps It’s the Lubricant (or Something Else).
OK, but what if you've been using condoms for years and it's only been as of late that you've not been feeling 100 percent after having sex with one? If that's the case, something that you might want to ponder is if you've changed brands and, if so, if it could be the spermicide or lubricant that the brand uses that is giving you so many problems.
As far as spermicide goes, it's what helps to kill sperm, right? Well, the active ingredient in it is nonoxynol-9 and it's got a rep for sometimes irritating vaginas. As a matter of fact, some studies indicate that it can actually cause women to be more at risk (I know, right?) for STDs like gonorrhea and chlamydia because it has a tendency to break down the effectiveness of the vaginal mucosa that helps to protect the skin that is inside of your vagina.
And lubricants? It's actually not uncommon to be allergic to the ingredients that are in them as well. If the more that you think about all of this, you do believe that it's what's in/on the condom and not the condom itself that is giving you such a headache, you might want to either go with a condom that doesn't contain any spermicide or lubrication at all. And what if you don't want a "dry condom"? I totally understand. If this is the case, you can always purchase a separate lubricant brand that you are comfortable with (silicone ones are pretty good; water-based ones are great for sex toys) or you can make some yourself. It's a lot easier than you probably think. For tips on how to go the DIY route, check out "If You've Always Wanted A 'Lubricant Cheat Sheet,' Here Ya Go".
Are There Any Other Options/Alternatives?
There's no way around the fact that when condoms are used correctly and consistently, they are 98 percent effective. And when you let it sink in that STDs continue to reach all-time highs, even if you do end up coming to the conclusion that you are indeed allergic to latex condoms, unless you are in an exclusive relationship and you both get regularly tested, that still isn't a good enough reason to not use rubbers altogether. So, what should you do? Go with other alternatives that are on the market. We've already touched on the pros and cons of lambskin rubbers. That said, another alternative is polyurethane condoms. The good thing about them is they are typically thinner than latex, they don't have any type of odor to them, and they absorb body heat better. So, what's the downside?
Well, some people say they don't stretch as well as latex ones do, they're not the tightest fit and, they seem to break more than latex does. Then there are polyisoprene condoms. These are the kind of condoms that are made out of synthetic rubber which means they don't have the proteins in them that standard latex rubbers do; this is good to know since the proteins are usually what results in allergic reactions. Some other cool things about polyisoprene rubbers are they're stretchy like latex and are far less likely to tear. The con is they tend to be thicker which means your partner may not get the kind of sensation he's after; in fact, he might find them to be a tad bit uncomfortable overall. And when it comes to purchasing these alternatives, where do you go? Well, if you're looking to make discreet yet affordable buys, Undercover Condoms is a site that won't disappoint.
Welp. There you have it. An article on condoms that hopefully connected a few dots so that you'll know how to switch up your safe sex game so that you can remain protected and also irritation-free. Enjoy, sis.
To learn more about all things vaginal health and wellness, check out the xoNecole Women's Health section here.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
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