Hmph. I was just telling a friend of mine last night that when it comes to periods, I don’t think that women get even one full week off from dealing with them. There’s the PMS week that comes before it. There’s the week that we’re on it. There’s the week that we’re recovering from it. There’s the week that we’re ovulating. DAMN.
And when you really sit and ponder the fact that a period is something that we have to deal with for several decades of our life — well, I don’t know about y’all but there is a conscious and constant pursuit on my part to find as many ways as possible to keep from totally losing it (due to being irritated by it) until my cycle passes.
Preferably, I like my remedies to be as natural as possible. If you’re on the same page, here are 10 all-natural things that you can do (that I can actually vouch for) that really can keep you sane whenever Aunt Flo (as grandma used to call her) comes to town.
1. Take Some Evening Primrose Oil
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If there’s one oil that I wished that I had gotten into my system a helluva lot sooner than I actually did, it’s evening primrose oil. Not only does it help to heal and prevent acne, ease up eczema-related symptoms and make skin super moist and supple from the inside out, but it’s also a beast when it comes to making PMS symptoms and cramping more endurable.
Thanks to the high amounts of the fatty acid gamma-linolenic acid (GLA), along with the vitamins B6 and E that’s in it, evening primrose oil helps to reduce bloating, minimize breast discomfort, alleviate headaches, and can help to make menstrual cramps less intense. As a bonus, it’s great for menopause-related symptoms like hot flashes, insomnia, and even hair loss.
The key is to not wait until your PMS symptoms arise to get into your body. If you want to see the best results, it’s best to take evening primrose oil all month long.
2. Put Some Fresh Roses in Your Room
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If there’s one time of the month when you certainly shouldn’t hesitate to pamper yourself, it’s when your period arrives. That’s why you should put a vase of fresh roses in your room (preferably red — no pun intended).
Aside from how the sight of them can help to calm you, did you know that the scent of roses is highly therapeutic too? Yep, aromatherapy is pretty powerful and there are studies to support the fact that taking in the scent of rose can actually help to reduce period pain. Dope.
3. Consume Less Foods…More Often
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The bigger the meal, the more energy it requires your body to break it all down in your system. Listen, your body is already taking quite a beating when you’re on your period, so give it a break by eating smaller meals. At the same time, try and consume smaller ones more often, so that you can get the fuel that you need to not just get through your cycle but function as normally as possible in the process too.
For the record, this doesn’t give you license to go to every drive-thru within a 10-mile radius of your house. Junk food can actually make your period worse. This brings me to the next point.
4. Eat Iron-Rich Foods (and Cook Them in a Cast Iron Skillet)
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Did you know that every time your period rolls around, you lose around 1 mg of iron? If you’re a heavy bleeder, it can be 5-6 times that much. That’s why it’s super essential that you consume iron-rich foods, in preparation for your cycle and while you’re on it. Dark leafy greens; red grape juice (the pure kind not the cocktail); dried fruit; lentils; oats; red meat; pumpkin seeds; quinoa; shellfish, and dark chocolate all fit the bill.
You know what else does? Cooking in a cast iron skillet. I own one and maybe it’s the Music City (i.e., southern) in me, but I don’t know anyone who takes cooking seriously who doesn’t. And just how does it help you to get iron into our system? Believe it or not, the iron in the skillet actually helps to transfer iron deposits into your food. Just one more solid reason to grocery shop before your period and why cooking more instead of eating out is best for you — all the way around.
5. Also, Consume More Anti-Inflammatory Foods
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Here’s something that makes a lot of sense (although I’m not sure how many of us actually give it as much thought as we should) — anti-inflammatory foods can help to make cycles easier as well. Long story short, prostaglandins mimic hormones. They are responsible for things like inflammation and uterine contractions. So, when you consume foods that fight against inflammation, that can make your menstrual cramps less severe. Foods that top the anti-inflammatory list include berries; salmon; green tea; peppers; grapes; tomatoes; olive oil; broccoli, and almonds.
6. Avoid Alcohol. Embrace Magnesium-Rich Smoothies.
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One more thing as far as your diet is concerned. To be frank, science is still doing quite a bit of research on whether or not alcohol should be an absolute no-no during your period. However, what we do know is alcohol dehydrates the system and dehydration undoubtedly makes cramps worse.
Aside from water and herbal teas, if you’re a fan of smoothies, this would be the time of the month to enjoy a few extra (preferably homemade) ones. Make sure they’re magnesium-rich while you’re at it. The reason why is that it’s a mineral that decreases the discomfort of cramps, increases blood flow, and helps you to sleep better.
Foods that are good sources of magnesium include bananas; spinach; avocados; yogurt; kiwi; raspberries; cantaloupe; papaya, and dark chocolate — all of which are beyond delicious when it comes to ingredients for smoothie recipes.
7. Rub Some Clove and Cinnamon Oils onto Your Abdomen
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Imma tell y’all what — if you ever have a toothache, get yourself some clove oil. It will knock that ish right on out! That’s thanks to its powerful anti-inflammatory properties that can also reduce puffiness, sagginess, and fine lines. Cinnamon oil is loaded with antioxidants and acts as an astringent which makes it an ideal ingredient for a DIY skin toner (just make sure to dilute both oils with water and/or a carrier oil because they are too strong to be applied alone).
Anyway, as far as periods go, the anti-inflammatories of the cloves and cinnamon are proven to reduce period-related discomfort when you apply a mixture of them directly to your abdominal region. If you blend 5-7 drops of each to one cup of olive oil (it’s an oil that also decreases period pain), warm it up and gently rub it in that area, you should feel relief within 30 minutes or less.
8. Take Naps
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According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, a nap that lasts either between 15-30 minutes or 90 minutes (yep, that one…LOL) can help to reduce daytime fatigue, increase alertness and help you to be more productive (cat naps on lunch breaks anyone?). And you know what? All of this applies to you when you’re PMS’ing too. As a bonus, prioritizing naps during that time of the month can also help you to stay in a better mood — so don’t look at extra sleep when you’re PMS’ing and on your period as a luxury; science backs that it is absolutely a necessity.
9. Give Yourself a Lavender Foot Massage
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Something else that you shouldn’t sleep on (pun intended) is either getting a massage or giving your own self one during this time of the month. If you apply pressure to your inner ankle, it can ease pain just like massaging your abdomen area will. Not only that but a good 10-15 minute foot and ankle massage can help to increase blood circulation, release toxins and reduce your stress levels too.
If you really want to take things to another level, apply a blend of lavender oil to a carrier one like grapeseed or sweet almond oil, zap it in the microwave for about 10 seconds, and rub the oil on your feet as you’re massaging them. The scent of lavender provides a calming sensation. Plus, lavender oil helps to reduce anxiety, relieve depression and improve your quality of sleep.
10. Sleep in the Fetal Position
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Last one. A lot of us continue to sleep in the fetal position because when we were in our mother’s womb, we developed that way. If you’re not one of those individuals, you might want to consider trying to do so when you’re on your period. From what I’ve read and researched, it helps to reduce pressure in the abdominal area which makes cramps less intense.
The more you know, sis. The more you know.
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- When's The Best Time Of The Month? For Sex, Fitness & To Conceive ›
- These Foods Will Make Your Period So Much Easier To Handle ›
- 10 Organic Tampon Brands You Might Want To Try On Your Next Cycle ›
- Best Supplements For Period Cramps Pain Relief - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, & Wellness ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
So…I wanna say that it must’ve been when I was either in the seventh or eighth grade that I participated in a series of etiquette classes.
As antiquated as that might sound to some these days and although I don’t remember a ton about them, what I am forever grateful for is learning how to properly set a table and what utensils to use at big formal dinners. When you’re a kid, you think stuff like that is totally unnecessary. Oh, but grow up, move in some circles and you’d be surprised how much random tips will hold you down in a pinch.
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
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Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
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