Only Jada Pinkett-Smith and her mama can have me crying in front of my computer at 10 o'clock on a Monday morning and the latest Red Table Talk drop was no exception. In a special episode, Jada, Willow, and Adrienne were joined by GRAMMY-award winning artist, Alicia Keys, who replaced the legendary red table with a piano for today's segment.
During their discussion, Alicia opened up about the lessons she's learned in life, love, and motherhood and shared what she thinks is the biggest misconception she thinks that people have about her:
"Probably that I'm very happy or that I'm very strong. But I get the sense that people expect me [to be]. They're like, what do you mean you don't feel bad? Oh, and my favorite one. They don't think I curse. I'm like, what the f*ck?"
Along with dropping a few F-bombs and sharing some laughs, there were also some deeply intimate on-camera moments that Alicia had with Jada and her gang where they discussed the real reason behind her no-makeup campaign, struggling with self-worth, and being a recovering people-pleaser.
Here's what we learned during the episode:
Alicia Keys On Her Issues With Self-Worth…
According to Alicia Keys, many of the empowering anthems that flooded the radio over the years were written from a place of despair. Although songs like "Girl on Fire" and "Superwoman" may be about strong, independent women who know what they want in life, she wasn't always one of them.
"I have been doing this thing for many years where I have been downplaying whatever it is that I need because I never want to come off too demanding. I just need that little bit; I don't need a lot and I've always thought that that was actually a very righteous, beautiful way to be."
It wasn't until recently that Alicia learned that pouring from an empty cup isn't only unrealistic, it's impossible.
"I realized that, in fact, what I've been doing to myself and what I've been actually asking the universe to give me is only a little bit, I've been battling potentially some self-worth issues because, for whatever reason, I'm feeling like I'm not deserving of greatness. And I've been smushing it down for so long that if it's become a habit, a bad habit."
On Being A Recovering People-Pleaser...
"I don't even know how to get mad. I don't even know what it's like to just lose my mind on somebody just totally lose it. And my mother, on the other hand, is very good at being angry and kind of sharing her true feelings, which I actually admire deeply about her. So many times I looked at her like, I wish I could do that, which would be so freeing. But I think because she raised me and it was her and there was a certain balance that I had to naturally take in order for the relationship to work. And then I kind of took that with me everywhere. So then I became that person with everybody."
Alicia Keys On Why She Stopped Wearing Makeup...
We all hate the infamous "wow, you look tired" comment at work when the truth is, you really just aren't wearing makeup today, so Alicia Keys decided to do away with it all together. According to her, after years of wearing a full face of makeup, she eventually didn't recognize herself at all.
"I didn't even know my face. I didn't even know my own face. When I took off all the stuff and I looked into the mirror, I didn't know that person. It was that drastic."
Eventually, Alicia saw that her need to wear makeup stemmed from the same people-pleasing mentality that she had been trying to overcome all along.
"I was realizing that I wanted to know myself more. Then I started getting in his head trip about like, oh my gosh, I've done that because I've been told to do that. Succumbing to whatever people's expectations of me are, which is mostly pretty much my life. Like, Oh, what do you expect from me? Oh, let me do it."
On The Most Challenging Time In Her Life…
"I would say finding the strength to let go of the people that weren't serving me. Yeah. When they were so integral in everything that I had known and I felt almost so dependent on them, I felt in my mind I thought that without them I wouldn't be me. Yeah. And that took a long time to come to terms with that. People definitely assist you in your journey for sure. But they don't make you. Yeah. Nobody makes you, I make me."
Alicia Keys On Lessons In Motherhood…
There are people in your life who are meant to be blessings, and those who come into your life to teach you a lesson; but Alicia Keys says that her son and bonus children have been both.
"They've taught me to appreciate the vibe, to appreciate the magic and to know when it's not there. There [are] moments when something is actually magic and you're like, you know what, I'm gonna go ahead and stay here. Yeah. And I might be really late tonight, but the magic is here and it's worth it. And then there's other moments where I'm like, there is no magic. I don't have to try to conjure up the magic, hurry up and make the thing happen. No, it's not happening today."
Alicia says that the lessons she's learned in motherhood have even crossed over to her professional life.
"Go, make sure you're where you need to be, you know. So that's been cool cause I used to just beat things to death. If I wasn't working 19 hours a day, I wasn't actually working. That's stupid."
Watch the full clip below!
Featured image by lev radin / Shutterstock.com
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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