Ah, afterplay. I'll be honest with, y'all—while I am indeed impressed by a man who brings his "A" game in the foreplay department, I am totally enamored with a man who is a master at afterplay. If you're not exactly sure what that is, it's basically when you've got the kind of sex partner who doesn't simply climax, immediately roll over and fall asleep (ugh). It's when you're with someone who is attentive enough, intuitive enough and into-you-enough to want to provide a little extra attention, affection—or perhaps even something more than that—once the deed is "done".
To me, not only is an afterplay man the mark of a great lover, it also shows a man who has some pretty impressive stamina and staying power too.
Why do I say that? It's because I know that men falling asleep after sex isn't something that they just came up with, all on their own; there is actually a science to it all. Long story short, when a man ejaculates, he releases norepinephrine, vasopressin, nitric oxide, serotonin, oxytocin and prolactin. Prolactin is not only tied to sexual satisfaction, it is also heightened during sleep. Meanwhile, oxytocin and vasopressin are two other chemicals that are at their peak during orgasms; plus, they are associated with relaxation and catching z-z-z's. So basically, when a man cums and those chemicals are triggered, it's like he's receiving a huge boost of pleasure and the ultimate sleeping pill at the same time. So yeah, when you take all of this into account, if a man is able to muster up the effort and energy for afterplay, he definitely deserves a round of applause.
But what if your man is, eh, lacking in this department? Honestly, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Chances are, all he needs is a little motivation to stay up, just a bit longer. My hope is that these tips will inspire him—and you—to do just that. Because if you've ever experienced real afterplay before, you know that sex only gets better—and you and your partner only get closer—whenever you get some of it.
What Is Afterplay?
1. Kiss
Kissing is hot. Lord knows that it is. But sometimes, in the moment, we lose our lover's lips in exchange for deep breathing, dirty talking and sometimes, even screaming at the top of our lungs. Something that you and yours can do to reconnect at the end of an orgasm is to kiss each other. Because kissing triggers the "love hormone" oxytocin in our system, it can immediately create a feeling of warmth, safety and even sentimentality. That way, should your man start to drift off to sleep, at least you will feel like he is present; that he didn't simply "check out" once he "got his".
2. Cuddle
I've got a girlfriend who hates to cuddle after sex. Meanwhile, her husband absolutely adores it. In the beginning of their marriage, them not being on the same page in this area wasn't that much of a big deal. Oh, but as the years have passed, it has become more and more of an issue for him. Because my friend isn't very physically affectionate, in general, her husband looks for sex as a time to be able to hug up, spoon and get close in a way that they aren't able to do as much when they are, say, watching a movie on the couch. I get that too because cuddling is a way to create, not just physical, but emotional intimacy with your partner.
Plus, cuddling is also able to reduce anxiety, lower bodily inflammation, ease chronic pain, strengthen your immune system and, ironically, make it easier for both of you to fall asleep.
So, if your man is like, "Baby, I'm trying to hang in there, but it was so good that I've got to at least take a cat nap", ask him to meet you halfway by agreeing to spoon with you. It's a classic afterplay move that tends to satisfy everyone involved.
3. Fondle
Although the findings on this kind of run the gamut, on average, it takes a man around five minutes to have an orgasm while it takes us women around 14 minutes. This is why the best male lovers know that 1) foreplay is paramount because it slows them down while giving their partner time to "warm up" and 2) it's best if they focus on their partner getting off before they do. Shoot, since a man can cum in five minutes, it's pretty much a given that he—with the help of you, of course—will find his "sweet spot". But if he puts himself before you and then he's exhausted or even needs 30 minutes or so before the next round, that could, at the very least, leave you irritated—if not mad frustrated.
If there are moments when your game is so good that he simply can't stop himself from "running ahead of you", another awesome afterplay move is to get him to fondle or even finger you. If the foreplay was there and the sex felt great, sometimes all you need is a little extra stimulation to take you right over the edge in a matter of a couple of moments.
4. Engage in Oral
A pretty much surefire way to get yours (or get yours again) is to have your partner engage in a little cunnilingus. Come to think of it, since both men and women are (reportedly) comfortable with oral action only lasting between 10-11 minutes, unless your partner is the most selfish man on the planet (which would require me penning a totally different kind of article), he can muster up enough energy for some licky-licky, even if he is too tired (at the moment) for some sticky-sticky.
5. Watch a Movie
There's a married couple I know whose schedule is so tight (partly due to the houseful of children that they have) that, the only time they are really able to get any alone time together is after 11pm. They try and make a point to, at least three times a week, stay up and hang out for a couple of hours around then. If you can relate, another way to incorporate afterplay is to watch a movie together. There's something sweet and totally stress-free about being able to curl up with your partner in bed so that you can check out a favorite past film or check out a new one together. And yes, it counts as afterplay because it cultivates intimacy. All good afterplay does.
6. Talk
I know that guys read a lot of the content on our site too. So yes, fellas, I know that this particular point is probably causing some of you to roll your eyes (in the most masculine way possible, of course). But from what my male buddies have told me, they are not opposed to pillow talk following sex. No, what they hate is "deep" pillow talking. So ladies, the whole "Where is this going?", "Are we ready to take it to the next level?" or, if you're married, talking about the bills, in-laws or work-related stuff is not even remotely what consists of giving good afterplay. Reserve this kind of talking for affirming one another, laughing together and seeing how you both can talk each other into going at it…again…at some point.
7. Eat
If you're someone who loves to work out then you can probably relate to how good food tastes after you do it. Well, sex is the ultimate form of exercise, right? A way to refuel and get some extra quality time in with your partner is to have sex and then enjoy a snack together. Now, I'm not saying that you should have a five-course dinner. But a bowl of strawberries (they remove bacteria and boost the libido), a spinach salad (spinach increases blood circulation), a couple of bananas (they will replenish the iron, potassium, and calcium that may have been lost during your romp) and—get this—pizza all top the list of being great afterplay cuisine.
And why pizza? Aside from the fact that it's pizza, there's a study that revealed that many people (2,000 millennials, to be exact) immediately felt closer to individuals who happen to like the same foods that they did. And 46 percent of the people polled liked it when their partner liked pizza. So, if you want to gas your partner up to go another round, try the strawberries, spinach and bananas. But if you want simply want to get some bonding time in and you bask in the afterglow, order a pizza.
They're all awesome afterplay moves. The kind that will make you and yours the ultimate afterplay pros.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream
Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage
What Is 'Erotic Self-Focus' & Why You Should Definitely Try It
Feature image by Shutterstock
- Mental Foreplay Hacks That Ultimately Takes Intercourse To New Levels - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Want Him To Come Inside You? Read This. - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Is Foreplay Important To Sex? Here's Why It Matters - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
RELATED
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
And even though I’m not personally a social media (account) user, I must say that two things that I find to be pretty sad about where TikTok is headed (should it truly and finally come to an end) are one, all of the money that it’s going to cost its creators (I actually read that it will be close to a whopping $1.3 billion in the first month of a ban) and two, the fact that when it comes to researching things to write about, TikTok is so much better and easier than Facebook or Instagram (Mark Zuckerberg is a real trip right now; keep checking up on him too…SMDH).
A great example of this: learning about the diaper rash face cream trend that everyone seems to be raving about these days; especially on TikTok. Yeah, it all might sound crazy on the surface, but I’ve actually got some intel, along with videos from Black women who don’t regret putting something that was made for a baby’s butt (relatively speaking) all over their face.
Are you ready to see if it’s something that just might work for you as well?
Video credit: @_nvrseeme via TikTok
Diaper Rash on Your Face Even Has a Name: Face Basting
GiphyYou learn something new every day, chile. Personally, I think a big reason is because something new is made up all of the time. LOL. Take skin or face basting, for example. Now, unless you are someone who already puts diaper rash cream on your face, I’d be close to shocked if you know what that term means. If you’re like me — someone who just found out while conducting research for this piece — and you’re curious, skin basting is what happens when you want to do an overnight treatment on your skin with the help of diaper rash cream (face basting is when you apply it to your face only).
And just why would you do something like this? Well, for one thing, diaper rash cream tends to have a good amount of an ingredient called zinc oxide in it. It’s beneficial for your skin in a myriad of ways including the fact that it 1) helps to create a protective barrier on it; 2) can shield your skin from damaging UV rays; 3) locks moisture into dry skin; 4) helps to heal damaged skin tissue; 5) can help to prevent bacterial infections from occurring (or spreading); 6) increases the production of collagen; 7) slows down the signs of skin aging, and 9) can even treat dandruff.
If you add to that the fact that the lanolin and dimethicone (which are also skin protectants) are also in many diaper rash creams — hell, why wouldn’t you consider putting at least a dab or two of the stuff onto your face to see if it helps at all? I mean, GOODNESS.
Video credit: @staria_brantley via TikTok
Why Face Basting Is Better than Face Slugging
GiphyAnd what if you’re reading all of this and you’re thinking that face basting sounds a lot like something else that you’ve casually come across: face slugging? If that is the case, you may be wondering if there is a difference between the two. There is.
Face basting is about letting diaper rash cream soak into your skin for a significant amount of time. Face slugging is when you substitute the cream for a thick ointment like Vaseline or Aquaphor.
The method behind the madness of “slugging” is it could possibly help to heal dry skin and keep it soft for a longer period of time — although, to me, it seems like a surefire way to clog up your pores (so please report back, if you’ve tried this before). Plus, I can only imagine what your pillowcases and sheets end up looking and feeling like the next morning. Yeah, on the slugging tip, I’ll pass.
Video credit: @that.calliegirl via TikTok
Who Shouldn’t Attempt to “Baste Their Face”
GiphyAs you can see from the TikTok videos that I’ve interwoven throughout this article, some women are real fans of face basting. Still, that doesn’t mean it should be the go-to remedy for everyone. For one thing, if diaper rash cream only had zinc oxide, lanolin, and dimethicone, you might be all good; however, that isn’t the case. Mineral oil, fragrance, and other ingredients that are oftentimes in diaper rash cream could potentially irritate your skin.
Another thing to keep in mind is because diaper rash cream is also thick (like Vaseline), there is a chance that your breakouts could get worse due to potential pore clogs. Same goes for if you have oily skin or super sensitive skin (because a baby’s bottom has “tougher” skin than the skin that is on your face).
In all of these instances, if you want to see if diaper rash cream could be the skin remedy that you’ve been looking for, avoid the full-on basting and just apply a bit on your face. Wait a few days to see if there are any unwanted side effects and go from there — although it’s also a good idea to keep in mind that you can always purchase some plain zinc oxide ointment or speak with a dermatologist about what would ultimately be best for you.
Other Practical Uses for Diaper Rash Cream
GiphyWhew, chile. Now that you know what diaper rash can do for your face, you’d be more than warranted to be curious about if it can benefit you in other ways. The answer is actually…yes. Hangnails. If you “baste your nail cuticles” with it a couple of nights a week, it will help to keep your cuticles well-moisturized (since hangnails pretty much come from dry cuticles).
Vulvovaginitis. Vulvovaginitis is a technical term for irritation of the vulva. So long as you apply the ointment to your vulva only, it can help to bring temporary relief to itchiness or irritation (it’s good for girls as well as women, by the way).
Thigh chafing. If thigh chafing is something that you deal with,the zinc oxide that’s in diaper rash cream can serve as a barrier for your skin, so that it’s not as much of an issue.
___
Personally, I’ve got a pretty good skin regimen going right now, so I’m not sure if I’ll be doing the face basting thing any time soon. Now nail basting? Diaper rash cream just might have me sold there. Because when you stop to think about the fact that you can get so much from a (roughly) $10 container or tube — why not?
Y’all, who knows if TikTok will be done this year. Just in case, let’s use this article as an opportunity to thank it for the hacks that sometimes do actually work.
Well done, TikTok. This time. LOL.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images