In the early days of becoming acquainted with my body, I focused my attention primarily on my clitoris. I remember being young and curious and wondering why it was touches to that area left me wrought with spasms nothing short of euphoric. That bundle of nerves is responsible for over 7,000 nerve endings and because of its high nerve concentration, it can be easy to fixate one's attention on that part of the body, but other parts of the body shouldn't go overlooked.
Involving others to indulge in and engage with my body led me to exploring other erogenous zones of my body, parts of me that felt dormant until awakened by the tender love and care of a beau. The touch from a lover can ignite a trail of fire in parts of your body you didn't know desired that kind of feeling. Tapping into the pleasure principles of erogenous zones leads to optimal arousal during foreplay, which in turn leads to a heightened sexual experience.
Read on for examples of erogenous parts of the body you and your partner should explore during sex:
THE LIPS
“A good kisser really turns me on. I like it when they know how to kiss me just softly enough. I like sucking on one another's lips and then licking one another's lips. No tongue. Tease me with it." - Jean
The mouth is actually a very sensitive part of the body, which is why kissing can sometimes feel so damn good whenever we engage in the act with someone else. Increase how intensely you feel the sensation there by alternating in speed and depth of how you kiss your mouth. Go from soft and sensual to deep and passionate, tender and brief to purposeful with plenty of tongue.
THE NIPPLES - WOMEN
“I love it when my girlfriend takes one of her tits and puts it in my mouth and pushes my head against her while I suck on her nipple. I can hear her moans around me and feel it through her body while I'm taking her. It's the sexiest thing and I get super turned on." - Kathy
Breasts aren't just for grabbing – suck the tit, tantalize the tit. Caressing the breasts does create pleasure throughout the body, but it's nothing like having the attention front and center on the nipple. They are a vessel of sensitivity and deserve love and affection. Incorporate them during foreplay by having your lover suck on them, flicking them with his/her tongue, and if you're a little daring, have them nibble on it a bit. The amount of pressure you enjoy varies from person to person, but the reality is the same, playing with your nipples is an instant panty-soaker.
“For me, there's nothing like getting head from my guy while he touches my nipples at the same time. It's all I need to get hot." – Elle
MEN, TOO
“I like a lot of things during foreplay. I like positions that facilitate mutual oral like 69 or on our sides. What I really, really like is my nipples being sucked by the firm lips of a woman." - Matthew
Men can enjoy receiving attention on their nipples too. As mentioned above, nipples are a very sensitive part of the human body, but because they are sexualized more so on women due to our breasts, people sometimes overlook the fact that men have nipples with pleasure-receptive nerve endings too. Trace gentle circles around his nipples with your fingers or nails to tease him. Use your mouth to outline his nipple with your tongue, practice flicking against it, bringing it into your mouth to suck briefly, and then giving a little bite. He'll hiss in delicious, agonizing anticipation.
THE NAPE OF THE NECK
“I like biting, compliments of how I'm such a good girl, having my hair pulled, being made to beg for it, and his hand wrapped around my neck. Yes. Take it." – Leslie
I remember being cuddled once by my long distance ex. We were in the spoon position and he suddenly started to kiss the nape of my neck. I was surprised at the way my thighs rubbed together and the sensation it sent down my spine that made me writhe against him even though he was barely touching me at all. I was a waterfall that night and it was because the nape of your neck is a center of nerve endings. Have your lover kiss, caress, nibble, and maybe even breathe languidly against that area and watch how positively your body responds to just that touch.
Men are also very sensitive in the neck area, sometimes even more than women might be. Kiss or lick his neck by gliding your tongue all over the side of his neck as a means to stimulate him. Drive him even wilder by sucking on his neck. Purse your lips against a spot there and go as crazy as you want with how deeply you suck, as long as you aren't concerned about leaving a mark. My personal favorite is a deep bite against a man's neck or shoulder blade.
THE INNER THIGH
“I like it when she's moving down my body to give me a blowjob and I get the sensation of her hair against my skin as she moves. I feel this intense anticipation because I know exactly where she's going and her hair acts as a tease." - Darryl
The inner thigh is an area of the body super packed with sensitive nerve endings as well. However, in order to really be affected, it's an erogenous zone that might require a little more pressure than others. Have your partner nibble, kiss, or lick the insides of your thighs. Alternate between hot and cool and add ice cubes to the mix. Have your partner trace a line along your skin with the ice and then blow behind it with their breath. The sensation plus the anticipation of your partner being so close to your center but not touching you there will drive you absolutely crazy.
THE PERINEUM
“I was on my knees the other day and he was in a chair. I was supposed to be paying attention to his balls, but I went a little lower this time, and watched him as he enjoyed the pleasure I gave him by licking that area. It really turned me on and I don't think he had any idea that that was there, wanting to be played with." - Amanda
The perineum is an area of the man's body that is highly sensitive to touch and can actually be another way to increase the intensity of his orgasm if done correctly. The perineum is the patch of skin between the balls and anus and can be most easily accessed while in the missionary position. When you see him about to orgasm, reach down between his legs and press your knuckle against that spot. It's also possible to stimulate that spot during other points of intercourse, like during foreplay while you're going down on him. Open up his senses by showing the extent of how sensitive that erogenous zone of his is.
THE EARS -- TALK DIRTY
“It's hard to find a woman who knows how to describe her sexuality in depth so I really love it when a woman can talk dirty to me. The nastier, the better." - Shawn
Ears are incredibly sensitive and are responsible for your auditory senses which in turn send signals of pleasure to your brain, heightening your experience. Trace the outside of his or her ear with your tongue or finger. Fuel desire and arousal even further by keeping your mouth close to their ear as you moan or breathe. Add dirty talk while you're there to intensify the moment even further. Watch and feel the way your body pulsates in response.
“I love it when he comes up behind me to nibble on my ear, especially when I least expect it. And then when he runs a hand up along my body to cup my breast? It is on!" - Dani
What are your favorite erogenous zones on your body? What are some of your favorite zones to explore on your partner's body? Share with us below.
- Erogenous Zones: Everything You Want to Know | Greatist ›
- The lesser known erogenous zones - and how to find them | The ... ›
- 9 Hottest Erogenous Zones for Women (Including Ones You're Not ... ›
- Women's Erogenous Zones, Ranked By Science | Time ›
- erogenous zones - Dictionary definition of erogenous zones ... ›
- Erogenous zone definition and meaning | Collins English Dictionary ›
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The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
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Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
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Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak