Ah, the diaspora gap. It's shrinking, sure, but man do we still have lots of work to do. Lately, I've been finding myself lighting my candles with my wine, chatting with the ancestors, and finding new stand-out content to encourage myself to be more intentional in finding ways of getting closer to our eternal greatness of home besides the obvious visit (thanks COVID). And by this, I don't mean just going out and purchasing a shirt with the continent. I mean truly touching basis on what it means to be black in the hills of Ghana, or the markets of Nairobi, or the beaches of Zanzibar.
Or even Zamunda.
Amazon Prime Video
My curiosity set my sights on one of the most anticipated movies of this generation, Coming 2 America, the sequel to the 1988 cult classic, Coming to America. And the excitement of it's release, hilariously has everyone in full African mode.
The film, set in the lush and royal country of Zamunda, follows King Akeem and his trusted confidante Semmi as they embark on an all-new hilarious adventure that has them traversing the globe from their great African nation to the borough of Queens, New York–where it all began. Eddie Murphy reprises his role as the ever-charming Prince Akeem and leads an all-star cast of our faves, including Arsenio Hall, Wesley Snipes, James Earl Jones, Teyana Taylor, and more.
In partnership with Amazon Transportation, Amazon Prime is taking the royal treatment up a notch by adorning 220 delivery vehicles, four trucks, and one plane with specialty wrapping featuring King Akeem. (Check out more photos of the fleet here.) They can be seen in eight key U.S. regions to celebrate the Zamundan Royal Family's return to America. On top of that, Prime Video has partnered with local Black-owned restaurants to provide over 5,000 meals to those in need. Yet another reason this film is one for the books!
If you're like me, you were excited to throw on Amazon Prime Video to immerse yourself in the motherland as we revisit what's been going on in Zamunda since 1998. And honestly, this inspired me to explore other people's stories about venturing to America from Africa. What country did they migrate from? What was their purpose? Were they looking for love like Akeem? Did they want different opportunities? And if so, did they find it?
I found three Africans who were all open to discuss their journeys of coming to America. Here are their stories:
*Some responses have been cut or edited for clarity.
Bahati Nzuri | Nairobi, Kenya
"A lot of people ask me, 'Why America?' or why I chose to move here. Well, I went to SCAD, which is the Savannah College of Art and Design. We had a career fair at our school where they came to visit so they were just putting the name out there and it really stuck with me because I really, really just wanted to go to a creative school.
"In Kenya, at the time, there weren't that many schools that did that, mostly because Kenya is traditional so there's not that many schools that focus on the creative industry."
"What's odd to me, is when I tell Americans this story, it shocks them, like 'What do you mean you just left to go to a different country?' But I feel like it's kind of normal in Kenya to do that. Or maybe if you're from a third world country, it's kind of normal to try to go after experiences outside [the country]. But for Americans, they find that to be crazy. I dealt with it, though, and I have some family here and a lot of my best friends were coming to the States as well, so I never really felt alone.
"But anyway, because it's really hard to get financial aid as an immigrant, I had to apply to lots and lots of scholarships to minimize my cost. I studied branded entertainment which is a cross between advertising, TV production, digital marketing and because it's a new field with social media and a huge part of our culture, it's considered a STEM degree.
"Ultimately, I just really wanted to experience the working world and the working culture here, so I guess you could say I came [to America] for opportunity. And it's really intense; the working culture here is insane, people are constantly, constantly working."
"But I do feel like it's growing me as a person. I've changed a lot and I'm here to stay (for now)."
Damilare 'Dami' Kujembola | Lagos, Nigeria
Courtesy of Damilare 'Dami' Kujembola
"I'm originally from Lagos, Nigeria, where I was a practicing entertainment lawyer. Entertainment law wasn't as popular to specialize in because it wasn't as lucrative as oil and gas or corporate law. However, I was attracted to the idea of being one of the pioneers within this space, so I decided to pursue a master's degree in Los Angeles, the world's capital of entertainment. So in 2014, I received a scholarship to pursue a master's degree at USC.
"The plan was to acquire my master's degree within a year, gain some practical experience, make connections in the U.S., then move back to Nigeria to help develop the entertainment industry by effecting advancement of the law. But God had other plans."
"Moving to Los Angeles was very tough for my family, as I am the first-born and we have a strong bond. I remember seeing my mother shed a tear for the first time in my life, and my dad's parting words were for me to 'remember the son of who I am.' Those words have stuck by me to this day. After a while, I realized the master's degree program left me feeling unequipped to make an impact in the entertainment industry back in Nigeria. Also, during this time, I noticed the African community had a small presence in Los Angeles.
"It was difficult for me to find African food, get a proper haircut or even find mentors who had gone through a similar experience. This wasn't because they didn't exist. It was just hard to find if you did not know anyone. Also, a lot of people had very little knowledge about the continent and there was a lack of representation for the culture. This was my opportunity to make a difference."
"After graduation, I was offered a job by one of my professors, who was the GC of a top digital media startup. During this time, I learned about so many opportunities that could be available for African entertainment, so I decided to transition from practicing law to representing the continent and the diaspora. My business partner, Timi Adeyeba, and I formed Amplify Africa to create community for Africans in the Diaspora, to educate more people about the cultures, reality and opportunities on the continent, to create representation for African interests in the diaspora and to help regain the diaspora's trust in the continent.
"As our team expanded, we realized the yearning for the continent isn't exclusive to African immigrants, as there are other people whose ancestors were forced off of the continent into slavery and who have, over time, created their own culture."
"As a result, we have expanded our vision to bridging the gap between the continent and the Black global experience of the African-American, Afro-Carribean, Afro-Latinx, and Afro-European communities. We, now, boast about being one of the biggest media companies for the African diaspora. We've produced over 100 events in 13 cities around the U.S. pre-COVID, including the Afro Ball, a Gala in partnership with U.S. Congress, who provides Certificates of Recognition for Africans and people of African descent excelling in their respective fields.
"Although I haven't seen my family in person since 2014, outside of video calls, this is the year that I can finally reconnect with them. So, I guess you could say my purpose in moving to America, was to find my purpose. And the sacrifice was well worth it."
Penelope Maria | Gweru, Zimbabwe
"I moved here about four years ago in 2016 when I was 19 years old, but that wasn't even the initial plan. When I finished high school, the plan was for me to go to the University of Zimbabwe to study law, because that is something that I always wanted to do. I was passionate about it, I was on the debate team, and I was good at it, so that was all I knew.
"I went to the city in Harare—that's the capital city and where the university is—and we filled out the application and we completed all the requirements and even got my ID."
"It just so happened that that after testing exceptionally well on my high school exams, my sister (who was in the States already) called my mother and told her, 'Why don't we try to bring Penny to the U.S. to come to school? She's a smart girl and she'll go places over here.' I never took her seriously and kind of brushed it off, but she was so persistent. So, I looked up colleges where she stayed in Virginia. But it was so expensive to go to a four-year college.
"I found a community college near where she lived and submitted my application as an effort to at least try. I knew in my heart I didn't want to be in Zimbabwe [and] I didn't want to go to school in Zimbabwe. So I applied and got in. Before I left, I didn't tell anyone, I just disappeared. I didn't want to jinx anything or I didn't want to make a big deal and things suddenly didn't work out.
"The best feeling was when I arrived in America and our plane was landing and I said to myself, 'I'm here.' And it's funny because the first thing I noticed was that the air smelled different. It was one of the best moments of my life."
Things have been going pretty great for me. I love it here.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
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Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
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Featured image by Drazen Zigic/Getty Images