In this week’s episode of ACross Generations with Tiffany Cross, a podcast where Black women from different generations tackle pressing subjects while sharing their experiences. The show's host, Tiffany Cross, along with guests Dr. Joy Ellington and Ariel B., delved into how their relationships with their fathers have influenced their personal lives.
An absent parent or a strained parent-child relationship, particularly between fathers and their children, can significantly affect an individual's life trajectory, especially their perception and formation of interpersonal relationships.
Research suggests that individuals grappling with paternal absence or conflict may exhibit various traits, including a constant need for validation, difficulty in communicating through problems, using sex to gain attention, and struggles with trust and abandonment, to name a few.
Historically, society has often associated absentee fathers primarily with the Black community. However, a recent study has challenged this narrative.
In a clip shared on the podcast's official Instagram account, Dr. Joy Ellington revealed insights into her quest for approval, a pattern she attributed to her strained relationship with her biological father—a dynamic that remained unresolved until his untimely passing.
"When people are seeking validation from someone else, be it from a father or whoever, you're weakened, she said. "You've given the control of your life to someone else, to their discretion. I can't afford to do that because I only have -- one life."
Despite the complex relationship with her biological father, Dr. Joy Ellington disclosed that she found the love and sense of wholeness she had been missing through her bond with her stepfather.
Further in the video, Ariel B., who was adopted and never met her biological father, reveals her struggle to differentiate between sex and love.
"I know that I struggle separating sex with love very bad," she stated. "I have girlfriends all the time that are just like, 'Oh, knock the dust off!' That sounds terrible. Just use it when you want to."
In response to this admission, Tiffany echoed Ariel B.'s sentiment, suggesting that understanding one's sexual behavior requires examining the underlying intentions.
"I'm actually a little envious. You're not trying to resolve some daddy issues. Like maybe you just have agency over your sexuality, and this is what you like to do,” she said.
Toward the end of the clip, Dr. Joy Ellington revealed that her upbringing in a predominantly male environment, coupled with her experiences with her biological father, has made it challenging for her to express emotions.
"I had a great aunt that had seven sons. I lived my life with them," she said. "It's hard for me to cry. I don't mind. I was never going to be that beggy woman. I don't need you, but I don't let the desire to dictate my feelings."
Discussions on these topics are crucial within the Black community because it allows individuals to uncover their traumas' root causes and begin the healing process.
For those interested in exploring this subject further, the full episode of Across Generations with Tiffany Cross is available now on its official YouTube page.
Daddy Issues with Ariel B. and Joy Ellington
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Mercury enters Aries from April 16 until May 10, and what you were trying to see through or understand better while Mercury was retrograde here last month, you are experiencing a breakthrough now. Mercury in Aries is insightful and courageous, and people are more likely to speak their minds and initiate conversation with this energy. Mars then enters Leo from April 18 until June 17, reminding us that sometimes it’s okay to be a little more selfish and to focus on what you need right now. Mars in Leo brings forth confidence, creativity, and passion, and brings an exciting energy to charge of your life and advocate for yourself.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, bringing some earth sign energy into the mix, grounding and nurturing what you are creating in your life right now. On April 27, we have a New Moon in Taurus, and this is an abundant and fruitful New Moon. This is one of the best New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions for your financial world and a time for seeing new opportunities for abundance. On the last day of the month, Venus moves into Aries until June 6th, and love requires a little more passion, independence, and excitement during this time.
Overall, April is a month of feeling things through, taking more intuitive risks, investing in yourself, and balancing your needs with the needs of your relationships.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what April has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
Mercury finally goes direct on April 7 and then enters your sign from April 16 to May 10, and this is going to clear up any miscommunications that you have been through. With Mercury now in your sign, your conversations are lively, your mind is inspiring, and you are thinking one step ahead. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign from April 30 to June 6, and love is also moving forward for you now. Overall, this is a month where you are experiencing some happy outcomes and loyal support.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
April is a month of passion and purpose, Taurus. You are living in your abundance, and are focused on valuing yourself and the things you are bringing to fruition right now. Venus, your ruling planet, goes direct on March 12 after being retrograde in your financial house since March 1, and you are moving into the month experiencing more opportunities and also feeling more respected in what you are accumulating for yourself and standing your ground on.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and it’s all about you right now. This Taurus Season is smoothing things out for you in love, with new relationship developments unfolding and life flourishing for you. The New Moon this month is in your sign on April 27, it’s time for a new beginning. You are truly embracing your strength in April, making things happen for yourself, and no longer doubting your future and what is possible for you.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
This month is all about the options becoming available to you now, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month on April 7, you no longer feel as held back or out of place as you may have in the past weeks. With Mercury now direct, your thinking is clearer, and you are seeing the opportunities in your career and professional world that you may have missed before.
The more you can embrace your authenticity, the less time you will spend doubting how others perceive you, remember that this month.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, highlighting the romance in your life and bringing forth understanding and compassion within your close relationships. You are letting go of old attachments or self-doubts that haven’t been serving your love life, and are growing closer to your own heart in the process. Before April comes to an end, Mars enters your 3rd house of communication, and you are overall leaving the month focused on your progress, your vision, and taking up space because you deserve to.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
This month is all about balancing your time and energy wisely, Cancer. You are being reminded not to overwork or overwhelm yourself in April, and to focus on doing the things that are within your control right now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of the month so you are feeling really passionate about the things you are developing in your life right now, but it’s all about finding the right balance between your personal goals and your needs in your relationships as well.
The Full Moon in Libra on April 12 will be a time to devote your energy to self-care, close loved ones, and overall getting some time to decompress. You are ready to let go of the things that don’t make you feel safe or nurtured and are receiving an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon in Taurus at the end of the month is a time to focus on your intentions on your community, friendships, and aspirations in life, and to pay attention to where you can create more abundance here.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
Things are turning around for you for the better, Leo. April is a dynamic month, and you are owning your inner alchemist. With a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on April 12, you are getting the messages you have been looking for and the mental clarity you have found is bringing closure to some of your close relationships. This month is about being flexible and trusting the changes that are happening for you right now.
On April 18, Mars enters your sign until June 17, and this is huge for you. You began the year with Mars retrograde in your sign, so you are getting the opportunity now, to rewrite some of the things that weren’t working for you at the beginning of the year. You are overcoming previous obstacles, and experiencing a breakthrough in your life this month. Before April ends, there is a New Moon in Taurus, highlighting your career, reputation, and professional life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for what goals you want to come to fruition for you now.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
This month is all about building new foundations in your life, Virgo. You are feeling more supported and in tune with your own inner needs and interests, and it’s bringing you closer to people and systems that resonate. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct this month on April 7 after being retrograde for the past few weeks; bringing more clarity, understanding, and compassion to your partnerships in life. You are focused on love this month and are working together with others to make your dreams come true.
Mid-month, Mars moves into your 12th house of closure and endings, and there is a journey of healing that you experience until June 17. You are motivated to understand yourself better and are looking at the past more right now in order to do so. This is a month of recovering and healing from what has been, for new foundations to be built upon. The New Moon on April 27 is a beautiful way to end the month, as you are getting glimpses of a new, abundant, adventure that is ahead of you.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
This is a big month of closure for you, Libra. The Sun is in your 7th house of love for most of April, and your heart is in the right place. With Venus, your ruling planet, going direct on April 12 after being retrograde since March 1, you are finally able to take a breath. You are not experiencing as many obstacles when it comes to communication matters and you are feeling like you have the tools you need to move forward right now.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on April 12, and you are ready to let go of what isn’t working for you. You have been through a lot recently and have gained the clarity you need to let go of old attachments. Venus moves into your house of love before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling more in tune with where things are moving forward for you, rather than what you are leaving behind. Your heart moves through a journey in April, and your emotions are showing you a lot.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
April is a month of success, progress, and dreams coming to fruition, Scorpio. You are focused on your health, your priorities, and creating space for the new beginnings that you are creating in your life right now. The Full Moon mid-month is a big closure moment for you, and you are owning the fact that you have healed and you are no longer the same person you were in the past. This is a month of stepping into your power and feeling supported in doing so.
Mid-month, Mars enters your 10th house of career and public life and you are shining within your purpose. Over the next month and a half, you are going to be gaining some new opportunities that will be serving your professional life and goals. This is the month to show up and to let your skills, talents, and authenticity shine. On April 17, there is a New Moon in your opposite sign, Taurus, and you are leaving the month with some pleasant surprises in store for you in love as well.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
April is a new beginning for you, Sagittarius. You are focused on putting the action and effort behind your goals, and you are being proactive within the opportunities that you are looking for right now. With a Full Moon in your 11th house of aspirations mid-month, you are letting go of the way you thought things would play out for you and are owning a more abundant version of things.
On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus, which will be highlighting your health and what your body needs more of right now. This is a New Moon to set your intentions for your everyday life and to create a new, beneficial routine that will make things easier for you at the end of the day. Before the month ends, Venus enters your 9th house of adventure, and you are leaving the month with your sights set high. Travel plans are likely, and this is a good time to create some new plans for yourself.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
April is about putting one step in front of the other with patience and dedication and trusting the decisions you are making for yourself right now, Capricorn. The Sun is in your 4th house for most of the month, and you are yearning for your safe spaces, comfort foods, and loyal people. Giving yourself more time to decompress, take care of yourself, and ground your energy is essential this month.
Mars enters your 8th house of transformation mid-month and will be fueling your need for some change, excitement, and emotional rejuvenation over the next month and a half. You are entering an impactful moment of the year for you, and you are motivated toward change right now. The New Moon at the end of the month is in a fellow earth sign, highlighting the romantic new beginnings you are entering now. Overall, this month is a process, and you are opening new doors while finding gratitude in what is here for you now.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
April is about giving yourself time to process, accept, and gain a new perspective, Aquarius. You are being guided towards friendship, connection, and community, and are understanding what may be creating the discord in your life that has been distancing you from that. The Full Moon this month is happening in Libra on April 12, and you are ready to let go of feeling like you have to do it all at once or all alone. This month is a reminder to take your time with all the experiences you want to have, trusting that they will come to fruition for you.
Mars enters your house of love and partnership on April 18, and you enter a passionate and steamy time. Romance is in the air for you as you move through the month, and you are spending more of your time with those who you want to move forward with. Venus also moves into a relationship area of your chart before April ends, and you are surrounded by love and community. Overall, this month is showing you that you are not alone and you don’t have to go through the heavy stuff alone either.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
This is a month where your heart is shining, and you are feeling in tune with the progress you have made in your life and within your relationships, Pisces. You are owning your value, your worth, and the beauty of who you are, and are ready to leave the past behind. With Mercury and Venus both going direct in Pisces this month after being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you are in a better space than you have been, and there are fewer obstacles and miscommunications in your life.
You have been through a journey of understanding yourself better through your goals, perspectives, and interests, and have been committing yourself to your authenticity. On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus happening, and this New Moon is a good time for communication matters, getting your message across, and for your creative pursuits. With the clarity you feel within your mind and heart right now, you are making a lot of progress in April and feeling pleased with where life is headed.
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Have mercy. Now, I will give each of you a moment to read that over again because, I think that if you didn’t catch what she was conveying the first time, you will on the second go-around. Clearly, her husband could stand to take it up a few notches in the foreplay department (and/or she needed to get her hormone levels checked — I presented both options) because she wasn’t receiving enough arousal fluid during sex, although she did produce what seemed to be enough vaginal discharge and lubrication the rest of the time — and no, those aren’t the same things. What’s wild is a lot of people don’t know that.
Yep, believe it or not, although your vagina is a warm and wet place, what can cause it to have the moisture that it does is a variety of things. Today, let’s dive into what those are so that you can know what to pay close attention to, should there ever happen to be a…shift in hydration.
What Is Vaginal Discharge?
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If your mom or grandma ever told you that you don’t need to douche because your vagina is “self-cleaning,” what she was basically saying is you don’t need help to remove the old cells and unnecessary bacteria that’s down there because that’s what your vaginal discharge is naturally created to do. If you’re curious about where vaginal discharge originates from, it’s actually not just one spot; fluids that come from your uterus, cervix, and vagina all help to make up vaginal discharge which, when healthy, can range from being clear to being off-white in color.
When it comes to how much vaginal discharge you should be experiencing on a daily basis, a lot of what speaks to the time of the month that you are in (as it relates to your cycle). For instance, if you are ovulating or pregnant, it’s natural to see an uptick in how much discharge your body produces.
However, the times when you should have some sort of cause for concern is if your discharge is a different color (like yellow, gray, green, or brown) and/or the texture is different (like if it’s thick like cottage cheese) and/or it smells strong or fishy and/or you have some itchiness, irritation or burning as far as your discharge goes.
If any of these are the case, you are probably dealing with an increased level of discharge because your body is trying to fight off some type of infection. What that means is you should make an appointment with your doctor, so that they can give you a proper diagnosis. As far as how much discharge is considered to be “normal,” although that somewhat varies per individual, on average, you shouldn’t expect more than one-half to one full teaspoon of vaginal discharge on a daily basis.
What Is Arousal Fluid?
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Okay, so here’s the thing about your vagina being wet — even if you aren’t sexually aroused, it will have moisture in it. That is by design because your vaginal walls and cervix create a fluid that helps to keep that part of your body lubricated so that you can remain comfortable and your vagina doesn’t experience any tearing or injury. Keeping that in mind, when you do become sexually stimulated and blood flow increases to your genital region, something that transpires is your vagina walls will produce a particular type of wetness (via your Skene’s glands) — and that is oftentimes referred to as arousal fluid.
Something that’s worth noting about arousal fluid is it typically only shows up when you’re aroused and, as far as its texture goes, it’s usually clear, slippery, and kind of mucus-like. It should also go on record that the more “into the moment” you are, the more arousal fluid your body will probably produce. This is a good thing because it helps to make sex more pleasurable by reducing the amount of friction that you could potentially feel during intercourse.
While we’re on the topic of this one, you might be wondering if, when it comes to squirting, what women are releasing is an abundance of arousal fluid. Eh. Although this is probably going to be a debate until each and every cow comes home, what many science experts say is while there is some vaginal lubrication and arousal fluid that are present during squirting, an involuntary release of urine is transpiring too (check it out here, here and here). Do with that what you will, chile.
What Is Cervical Mucus?
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It was around this time last year that I penned a piece for the platform entitled, “Ladies, This Is How To Keep Your Cervix Super Healthy.” I thought it was a topic that should be addressed because, although the cervix doesn’t typically get discussed a lot (definitely not as much as the vagina does), that doesn’t mean it doesn’t deserve its props. As the part of the body that is the base of your uterus, your cervix is what your menstrual blood flows out of, it’s the “exit sign” that babies follow when you’re giving birth — and it creates a type of mucus that makes it easier for you to get pregnant.
As far as your cervical mucus goes, it is a fluid that your cervix produces that does two main things. The first is to, yes, make it easier for sperm to travel in order to impregnate you during your time of ovulation. The rest of the month, though, cervical mucus serves as a protective barrier, so that unnecessary fluids do not enter into your cervix.
That said, something that’s important to keep in mind about cervical mucus is its texture changes throughout the month. For instance, right after your cycle ends, it might be a bit sticky; around day seven, it might become like thinned-out yogurt; as you’re ovulating, it will be stretchy and slippery (sort of like egg whites), and then, as your cycle approaches, your cervical mucus will probably be dry.
Aside from your cycle, other things that can shift the texture of your cervical mucus include certain medications, vaginal infections, stress, birth control, and breastfeeding. And how can you know that something is a bit “off” when it comes to your cervical mucus? It shouldn’t have an odor, or a dark color and it shouldn’t be itchy or irritating. If it is any of this, see your physician.
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This is one of those articles that I really wish that high school-level science class did a better job at breaking down because, the more that we know about our vaginas, the better we can be at taking care of them.
As for the wife who I mentioned in the intro — oh, we got that spit thing worked out. Chile, there are way too many fluids going on down there — CLEARLY — to have to rely on that. Just sayin’.
Anyway, the more you know. The more that you freakin’ know.
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