OK. I'm gonna start this off by saying, out the gate, that dating a friend is a bit of a complex topic. On one hand, I'm a huge advocate of it because I wholeheartedly agree with what the late and great R&B singer Johnny Kemp once said when he sang, "the best of friends can be lovers, after all". Indeed. In fact, let me tell it, a lot of marriages would go the distance if folks actually married, not just "a friend" but someone they consider to be their best (highest quality, highest standing, most excellent, most suitable) friend. Why? Basically, because we tend to have so much more tolerance, understanding and willingness to work things out when someone is our very best friend. When we see them as anything less, not so much.
There is a flip to this, though. As someone who was once in a relationship with one of my best friends for several years and is no longer friends with that person now, there are a few things that you should think about long and hard before making that kind of shift in your relational dynamic. For me, I regret getting involved with this particular close friend for all kinds of reasons. Again, not because I don't rally for friends transitioning into more-than-friends. It was because he was into me, I wasn't all that into him and yet I convinced myself that, since he was such a good guy, I should talk myself into making "it" happen anyway. For the skimmers out here, let me just say that if you've got to convince yourself to be with anyone (or it looks like they are trying to "talk themselves into" being with you), that is absolutely NOT a good reason to make a relationship happen. You deserve to be with someone who you're totally into, "they" deserve to know what that feels like — and vice versa.
Still, if you and your friend have a mutual attraction, you do feel a bit of a mutual spark, you're both currently single and there is a part of you that wonders if you both should take things to the next level, here are some things that I highly recommend that you strongly consider — so that making that move can significantly up your chances of proving itself to be totally worth the risk.
Know That Yes, a Relationship WILL Change Things
When it comes from going from friends to more-than-friends, where some people mess up is they actually tell themselves that not much will change after the switch is made. In their minds, all that will really happen is they'll go out more and maybe become sexually involved. First of all, becoming sexually involved with someone changes things (it's designed to); if not immediately, eventually. Secondly, the mere fact that the two of you decided to become "more", that speaks to an immediate shift and you wanting one. And sometimes — no, most times — there's no going back once you do.
Can you see the future? Oh, the power we would have if we could. We can't and so yes, making this move is a bit of a gamble. All I'm saying is this is definitely not something that should "just happen". You need to be realistic about the fact that going from friends to more-than-friends can have a ton of benefits. It could also bring about some regret if you're not careful as well.
Whatever You Expect to Switch Up, Discuss It. Beforehand.
There's someone I know who was friends with someone else, dated them to the point of being engaged, broke up with their fiancée, remained friends (see, it happens) and now, all of these years later, he and his ex are considering making a go of it again. What's the hesitancy? Well, back in the day, the goal was marriage. He's divorced now and has no real interest in getting married again while his ex has never been married before. While she's not sure if jumping the broom is a true desire of hers, he cares enough about her and what they currently share that he wants to make sure that he doesn't end up wasting her time or standing in the way of the kind of relationship that could lead to marriage for her, with someone else, in the future.
That's some grown-up ish right there. Problem is, he's been discussing all of this with me more than with her because he wonders if expressing all of this could make things super awkward and possibly ruin the potential of something romantic. Maybe. Yet what's worse is to go ahead and start dating and/or having sex, with both of them assuming one thing, when they both couldn't be further off the mark.
If there is a benefit that comes with dating a friend, it should be that the two of you already are pretty good at communicating, so why feel uncomfortable with sharing your heart about being in a relationship or even what your fears are concerning it? The best that can happen is you both discover you're on the same page. The worst is realizing that you're not and so you continue on as friends. Right?
Don’t Do It As a Form of Settling
Sometimes, people consider dating a friend out of pure loneliness — shoot, even sheer desperation. Since there are no current prospects in their space, they tell themselves that since they've been spending so much time with their friend in the first place, why not test things out to see if becoming more serious is a good idea.
The guy that I was talking about in the intro? That is a part of what I had going on. I wasn't desperate. I had semi-recently broken up with someone else and so I was a little lonely, though. However, the biggest point was I told myself, "I mean, we hang out all of the time and I tell him everything anyway. All I've got to do is have sex with him. It can't be that big of a shift." Oh, yes it was. Suddenly, the guys I used to tell him about and get advice on, he didn't want me talking to and the hangouts that used to happen so effortlessly, we both wanted more from (he wanted them to happen more often and I wanted him to be much more romantic when they did).
Looking back, because we had been such good friends and that served as the foundation of our relationship, that's what made everything last for as long as I did. Yet I would be lying if I didn't say that I settled — big time. I didn't love him as more than a friend. I was in love with the idea of loving him as more than a friend. And, because of that, I tolerated more than I ever should have. He sucked at birthdays and special occasions. Financially, I was in a more stable place (read between the lines on that one). When he had sex with someone else, I stayed because I processed it as "holding down my friend" when I should've taken it as my "get out jail free" card. Literally.
The takeaway here is, when you know that you're settling, in anything, it usually starts to bring on feelings of resentment — and that can never (ever) be good. So, if you're considering dating a friend because "you've got nothing better to do" — don't. Take it from someone who did it that way and lost time that I will never get back.
What Are the Benefits of Going to the Next Level?
I mean, if you're going to think about this from all perspectives, I had to share with you some of the downside potential. Now let's hit on some of the immense perks. Dating a friend means you're getting involved with someone you already know (I mean, really know). Dating a friend means you're taking things up a notch with someone you trust. Dating a friend means that you can move past that "dating the representative" BS that leaves a lot of people totally disillusioned; while there is another side to one another that you will encounter, because you started out as friends, you tend to already know a lot of their flaws, triggers, history and issues (as they do you). And since you both decided to move forward anyway, it's all good.
If they are a close friend, chances are, your family members and other close friends already know them (or know a lot about them) and have accepted them as a part of your world. Dating a friend also means that you can be certain that you both have each other's best interest at heart — that you're not just "playin' each other". All of these are huge wins. They really are.
Remember to Keep the Friendship Your Top Priority
I'm thinking that we all can pretty much agree that the foundation of any relationship should be a friendship. That's why, although there are certainly exceptions to the rule, overall, I'm a bit leery of folks going from 0-100 in only a few months.
I mean, if it took you a couple of years to really trust your girlfriends, why would you marry a guy you've only been seeing (including just met him) for a half a year? While it's kind of a rhetorical question, the answer I've got is a lot of folks are so busy trying to be "in love" that they underestimate how important it is to be "in like" and if you ask any married couple which will get you through the hard times, I can guarantee that at least 90 percent will say that it's the latter.
That's why, if you and your friend do indeed decide to date each other, there's got to be a mutual commitment to keep your friendship as the top priority. What I mean that by that is you need to remain real with one another (even if something is hard to hear), that you both are practical about where things stand (even if it's tempting for one of you to romanticize things to where you are being a bit unrealistic about your expectations) and that you nurture the friendship over feeding the relationship. What I mean by that is you both check in to make sure that you feel like the friendship is still intact.
Because, take it from me, sometimes, when you're dating a friend, you can be so focused on what you think a relationship should be like that you don't even ask yourself if your friendship (and friend) is good — if all of the things that caused you to become friends in the first place are still in a healthy space.
Be Honest: Are You Willing to Risk Ultimately Losing the Friendship?
I was recently talking to someone about how heartbroken they currently are because they dated a friend, it didn't work out and what they are now grieving is the end of the relationship and the friendship. Why did it have to cost them both? Because the reality is, even when you are super close with someone on a friendship level, there are some things that you can only experience in a relationship and if things like disloyalty, wanting different things from the relationship, being emotionally hurt on a relational level happens, sometimes that can taint the friendship because you just don't see your friend in the same way.
Personally, if I had really thought about if I was willing to lose my friendship for a chance at a relationship, with all that I now know, the answer wouldn't just be "no". It would be "hell no" because, although he and I are now peaceful, there's just too much water under the bridge at this point.
Again, I hope you don't close out this article and be like, "Damn. Dating a friend sucks" because it really doesn't have to. It's just important that you and your friend are open, honest and really clear about why you're doing it and what you ultimately hope to gain from it. If that happens, again, your odds of success are really good. On the flip, if you're not sure, keep what you already know is great — the friendship.
Because if it's meant to be, you both will know at the right time, there will be a mutual level of peace and the relationship will also move forward into something else — a long-term commitment. If you or he just doesn't feel right about all of that, at least for now, leave well enough alone, chile. Please. Thank me later.
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert