In an ironic twist of social discourse, recent conversations around femininity have been largely led by masculine voices. With popular male internet figureheads claiming stake in the discussion of what femininity, softness, and womanly expression should look like, it’s left the definition to become a byproduct of the masculine perspective.
But walking in one’s true feminine energy is much more complex and unique than simply being defined by what masculinity isn’t. It’s intuitive and creative, seductive and nurturing, strong yet, surrendering. And while femininity may be the common thread that connects all women, it’s dualistic enough to present itself in more than one fashion.
As women actively reclaim what femininity means and embark on their feminine journey, it’s important to have a roadmap to guide you along your path.
What Is Feminine Energy? The 7 Feminine Archetypes
“Femininity is just the aspect of connecting to your womanly essence — but you can be deeply in your masculine energy and still be connected to femininity,” says Sola, the creator of Solelectra and The Feminine Frequency Podcast.
For the TikTok creator and faith-based femininity coach, embarking on the feminine path comes down to one’s ability to relinquish control and surrender to life’s divine offerings. “When one embarks on the feminine path, it’s your collective commitment to surrendering to the unknown,” she tells xoNecole. “The more that you have the ability to surrender and let go of your addiction to control, the more you're polarized towards your feminine energy.”
Sola first began the practice of discovering her feminine path after she found herself in need to control the dynamics of a past relationship. When the relationship ended, she sat with God to reflect on how she could better herself from the shortcoming she experienced during the involvement. “God was telling me that in order for the dynamics in the relationship to function, there needs to be duality,” she reflects. “Two people can't be in their feminine, and two people can't be in their masculine.”
@solelectra 3 Ways to Financially THRIVE as The “Creative Romantic” archetype. #SATC #carriebradshaw #femininearchetypes #levelup #hypergamy
Because of our collective demonization of the masculine, it can feel shameful to not present your femininity in a dainty or frilly manner, but you shouldn’t suppress your divine design. “It doesn't matter how much pampering you do, you're still in your masculine. It's this core aspect of your being,” Sola says.
The 7 Feminine Archetypes, Explained.
Many of us spend years living outside of our unique, feminine design to fit into societal boxes, but understanding where you land in the full range of feminine expression can help you unlock your feminine potential on a deeper level. Originally based on the framework of archetypes by Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, psychiatrist Jean Shinoda Bolen defined several archetypes of womanhood that are specifically associated with femininity — and they include:
What Are the 7 Feminine Archetypes?
- The Mother: represents nurturing, compassion, and unconditional love. It is often associated with the biological mother but can also manifest in other forms of caregiving.
- The Maiden: represents a youthful spirit, optimism, and vivacity. It is associated with the stage of life before marriage and motherhood.
- The Queen: represents leadership, sovereignty, and power. It is associated with mature femininity and the ability to rule with grace and compassion.
- The Huntress (also known as The Wild Woman): represents independence, strength, and self-reliance. It is associated with the ability to protect and provide for oneself.
- The Sage (also known as The Wise Woman): represents wisdom, intuition, and spiritual insight. It is associated with the ability to see beyond the material world and to connect with the divine.
- The Mystic: represents a connection with the spiritual world, mystical experiences, and an innate focus on her inner world and solitude.
- The Lover: represents magnetism, presence, and sensuality. It is associated with sexual energy and an appreciation for love, beauty, and ease.
Each archetype is directly connected to their core desire in life — with the more masculine archetypes being hyperfocused on leaving a mark and providing structure, as the more feminine archetypes are more drawn to connecting to others and embarking on some spiritual journey.
Sola shares that when it comes to finding your archetype, read through each one and see which ones you find yourself being intuitively drawn to,in order to determine your best match.
If you take The 13 Feminine Seduction Archetypes™ test, curated by the late Ayesha K. Faines, and find that you fall into a more masculine-leaning archetype, Sola encourages you to lean into the polarity and not deny the nature of your being.
“I do believe God created certain women to be more polarized to their masculine energy. That doesn't mean they can't connect to their femininity, but it all comes back to you being really honest about what is motivating your heart's desires and what is it that you actually truly seek in this world,” she continues.
From her experience, gaining a deeper connection with her feminine energy has benefited her on a personal, professional, and social level because “everything starts with the heart.” If you desire to build more meaningful relationships with others and yourself, moving with a heart-centered approach is far more rewarding than insisting on leading from a place of control or insecurity.
“You have to really check your heart and see where it's coming from,” she shares. “Because when you're coming from a place of loneliness and operating out of insecurity, you can find yourself having an unhealthy approach to creating community, getting into a relationship, and making friends. We must shift our hearts out of a place of lack — because we’re tapping into the current of God, which is love. If you’re tapping into the current of force, that’s the opposite of love.”
For women who are looking to incorporate new practices that can help connect them with their feminine energy, Sola says to walk by faith and relinquish the need for control. Finding hobbies that require you to not have an end goal in mind — like freestyle dance classes or roller skating, can be healthy ways to get your mind in the practice of relinquishing control and receiving the flow of what’s in the present moment.
“Being in your feminine is allowing yourself to be in the constant state of receiving the present moment. There's no goal. There's nothing you're trying to get,” she says. “It's surrendering to the flow of creativity and life in general.”
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“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
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Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
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This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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What Is a Praise Kink?
The concept of praise kinks isn't new, but thanks to TikTok, a lot of people are now realizing they might identify as praise kinksters. Currently, the hashtag #praisek1nk is trending with 568.9 million views, with tons of creators posting about their love for compliments and words of affirmation during sex. I, too, love a good compliment during sex. I once had a lover sing my praises about how good I was at a certain bedroom activity. His affirmations gave me WAP, but does that categorize me as having a praise kink?
How To Know if You Have a Praise Kink
Just because you love receiving praise doesn’t mean you have a praise kink. Someone with a praise kink experiences an intense level of sexual excitement from being praised or verbally affirmed by their partner during sex. You might have a praise kink if hearing your partner tell you how pretty you are makes you cum or if the thing that makes sex go from good to great is hearing your partner's thoughts about how good you are at giving head. And if, during solo play, the thing that gets you all hot and bothered is recalling the times your partner called you a good girl, it’s probably a praise kink.
Generally, a kink is a sexual activity that is needed for someone to enjoy sex. When it comes specifically to praise kinks, if you need reassurance from your partner that you're sexy, or good in bed in order to orgasm, you have a praise kink.
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Examples of Praise Kink Phrases To Try With Your Partner
If you’re new to the term and looking to explore, you probably have questions about what phrases to use. It may take a lot of communication and some trial and error to figure out what phrases work best for you and your partner. Ultimately, the best phrases to use vary from person to person and are based on what sex acts you and your partner enjoy, or what parts of their body they like complimented.
To get you started, here are some generic praise kink examples to try out with your partner:
Praise Kink Examples:
- You're such a good girl/boy.
- You're so good at [insert skill].
- You look so hot when you [insert activity].
- Your [insert body part] is irresistible.
- You taste so good. I can't get enough of you.
- You just have the perfect [body part].
- Just like that… you’re doing so good.
- Who taught you how to be so good at [something?]
While many examples of praise kink involve specific verbal affirmations, praise can also come in the form of brief words or phrases like “yes,” “keep going,” or simply a moan. No matter what type you prefer, praise kink is all about finding what feels good and exciting, and turns you and your partner on the most.
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Originally published on November 4, 2022