2008 and 2009 were two years that hit Makeda Smith like a speeding train.
Again and again. The real estate market crashed, causing her to lose dozens of properties in the process. Due to financial setbacks, she had to file for bankruptcy. The IRS came knockin' and she was audited. Shortly after, her home was foreclosed and her car was repossessed. Her man wasn't man enough for her, and left her for good. She had to give up her dog, too. As her life turned completely upside down, Makeda found herself suffering through more losses than she thought she had the strength to bear.
Again and again. Loss after loss.
While others might have crumbled, never having fully realized the power of their strength, under this tremendous pressure, this woman was determined to rise up not only the ladder of success, but also the pole of success. In fact, it was the pole that ultimately led her up the proverbial ladder.
While enjoying some much needed reflection time, Makeda found herself strolling on the streets of Hollywood and Vine one day. She wasn't certain of what she was looking for, but she definitely found it. A lively 74-year-old woman provided the match to ignite the spark within her. The elderly woman went by the name Magda, but what intrigued Makeda about this lady was that there was nothing elderly about her at all. The woman was lively, known for taking pictures and performing limber splits. It was like nothing Makeda had ever seen. Magda was youthful despite what her age would suggest. Makeda looked at her in awe and wondered what was the secret to her eternal youth.
In her forties, Makeda began to attempt to tap into the “fountain" and acquire some of that youthfulness displayed by Magda by taking some yoga classes. “I was inspired to take a yoga class and did, but it didn't excite me. Soon after, I saw a deal on LivingSocial for pole dancing," Makeda shares. “I figured, 'What the heck!' So, I signed up. [I took] one class and I was hooked!"
As a successful publicist for more than 25 years, and working with well-known entertainers that include Mo'Nique, Jamie Foxx, and former Tonight Show band leader Kevin Eubanks, it wasn't too far fetched that the 55-year-old Makeda strutted her stuff into the world of entertainment – but she was not sure how others would react. Especially since pole dancing can be a bit taboo for some people, despite its mental and physical health benefits.
When Makeda first started, she was very conflicted about her choice to participate in pole dancing and sharing that hobby with her friends. “One part of my mind kept telling me I was too old and just crazy to be starting this regimen at my age," she reminisces. “But there are so many women pole dancing now over 40, over 50, and even over 60-- you would be amazed."
For some, pole dancing is how they make their money (stripping, go-go dancing), for others it has become a way to get in shape and live a healthy and happy life. Makeda definitely falls more into the category of the latter. Although Makeda Smith has made it rain in the club a time or two, it is purely something she does as a hobby, she doesn't undress, and she has not quit her day job!
“My first performance was in a bikini bar, Cheetahs, in Hollywood," she shares. “It was an Amateur Pole Night, specifically for pole dance students and amateur performers."
As she laced up her 8-inch heels, Makeda couldn't help but get the jitters. Though she was so confident about her body and her moves, fear has a way of creeping in wherever there's uncertainty. “I was a little nervous, but once I hit the stage, I was ready to entertain," Makeda remembers. “The fun part about the Amateur Pole Night is you get to invite your friends to come out and 'make it rain.' The place was packed and I felt amazing."
For Makeda, hanging upside down on a pole enhances her superwoman abilities. “It is more than exercising for me," she declares. “It is total rejuvenation of the mind, body, and soul. It pushes me to limits I never dreamed of and the effects of physically doing what may seem impossible."
Although pole dancing assisted in anchoring her life and getting back her mojo, in July 2016, Makeda went viral for her skills – but not in a good way. She became a victim of cyberbullying, ageism, and body-shaming by commenters on websites like Worldstar and Baller Alert. Even comedian Earthquake got in on the humor when he asked, “Whose Granny is this???"
“I was totally exhausted after three consecutive dance classes," she explains about the video that made millions of people click and tap into the hype, “I also felt very sad with all the news of the week. People were being murdered by police and police were being murdered, and I felt compelled to dance it out because that is what dancers do."
While many might have hung up their heels and headed back to their usually scheduled agenda in light of controversy, Makeda simply shrugged her shoulders and stated, “I wasn't fazed."
She is now affectionately known by some as a #polepriestess and she has laughingly accepted the hashtag #grannyonapole.
But don't get it twisted, not all of the comments were cruel. She has also gained a lot of new watchers that radiate and outpour positivity and support of her acts of self-love and empowerment. “I don't have all haters, now!" Makeda laughs. “The admiration from men is really a wonderful ego boost as well."
Yes, this #grannyonapole is flexing her skills!
And her love life?
“For the last several years I have not had a sex life, at all. Period," she claims. “Pole dancing kept me in touch and in tune with my sexuality. Dressing up and going to class, wearing high heels, and dancing to great music is a terrific adrenaline boost. I would say that pole dancing promotes self-love!"
Because love makes the world go round, Makeda says that she has recently gotten back into the “swing of things" now that she is dating a new guy. “All my exercising and poling is finally paying off," she says blushing from ear-to-ear. “Pole dancing definitely increases your libido, stamina, and flexibility."
So, if you're thinking of clicking your heels in the air, here are a few tips from the sexy granny that will get you ready to reach the height of that pole:
- Do some research. YouTube has tons of beginner pole lessons and demos where you can actually see classes in session. That way, you will know what to expect and what you are getting yourself into.
- Google and Yelp local pole dance studios to read reviews. Reading about the various studios and the personal experiences of students will help you locate the ideal studio for you.
- Start with a beginner level classes and work your way up to the different levels. Really take your time and learn the basics first. That is how you build your strength and stamina for more advanced tricks later. Don't rush to advanced level classes until you are ready.
Do you think that there is an age cap for pole dancing? Have you been inspired to pole dance too? Drop your comments below.
To learn more about Makeda Smith, visit her website, www.flyingover50.com and visit her Instagram at: @flyingover50makeda
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Plus, if you've found yourself hitting major walls in the job search misadventures, sometimes it's best to take a pause and consider embracing a more radical approach that's less about action and more about inaction. Here's where the anti-work movement comes in. But what does this look like for Black women who literally need that coin to pay bills, take care of their children, splurge on that international trip, or reinvest in a side hustle? Let's get into it.
What Is the Anti-Work Movement?
Back in 2021, Black women led during the Great Resignation, and the Anti-Work Movement also gained steam, with more than 800,000 Reddit users "contemplating unemployment for all, not just the rich," according to Forbes. By 2023, the BBC reports, subscribers contributing to (or at least silently interested in) the conversation increased to 1.7 million.
The whole premise of the Anti-Work Movement centers on redefining what a healthy work environment really looks like. It's about taking companies to task about how well professionals are compensated for their gifts, time, and talents (or not), and to advocate for ways to make money that don't involve giving your blood, sweat, tears, and survival to a company for pennies on the dollar.
With the anti-work movement, there's also a sense of community where people can actually find others who relate to their struggles, who are offering solutions for a better way of working and living, and are calling out companies and managers who accommodate toxic work cultures and systems.
How The Anti-Work Movement Impacts Black Women
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With the anti-work movement, there's a sense of fighting for quality versus quantity, prioritizing self-care and balance, and fighting against exploitation, imbalance, and greed. For Black women, this can be essential, vital, and life-saving.
"I am only able to have a life-giving rest practice because I have boundaries that center my divinity. I don’t attach my worth to my accomplishments, to-do list or career," writes Tricia Hershey, founder of the Nap Ministry, an activism and community organization that promotes the liberating benefits of rest, recently wrote on her website. "I truly never have and I’m so grateful for this feat. Even when I was unemployed, I knew deep down I was enough and my life was worth so much. It’s as if capitalism, white supremacy, and patriarchy had not hooked its beast-like tentacles into my being. I had escaped."
And while the Nap Ministry centers on rest advocacy and not on avoiding work altogether, it presents the perfect example of how a shift in strategy and thought process—especially when it comes to the stress and anxiety associated with a high-powered, high-paying job or a very frustrating job search—can totally change your life for the better.
Hershey's insights on unemployment (and the success evidence of her platform to the tune of more than 555,000 Instagram followers, in-demand speaking opportunities, and recent book release) prove that you, too, can survive releasing the stress and reevaluating your why in order to find peace and get your sanity back.
In her research, “You Won’t Break My Soul: Black Women’s Contemporary Anti-Work Philosophies and Post-Work Experiences,” Dr. Sharla Berry, a Southern California scholar and lecturer, explores how Black women are considering and testing out contemporary anti-work philosophies and making shifts that challenge “collective action and policy” and moves toward “individual responses to the problems of work.”
When asked last year about her interest in exploring the topic of anti-work, she indicated that the curiosity was sparked by something she could relate to. “I was doing some research, I guess, to support how I was already feeling and how so many Black people were feeling which is this idea that work is not working for us,” Berry said during a July 2024 interview with Blacktivism In The Academy podcast.
“I think what’s important about anti-work is that it doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t work,” she continued. “We still live in a capitalistic society, so not working, for many, may not be accessible or practical, though increasingly Black people are to make it, so, and we can talk about that. I think the larger idea is a stance, it’s a way of thinking critically about work, it’s a way of resisting the supremacy of work in your life, it’s an approach to organizing and collaborating around resisting work, and it's a way of thinking about how you lead and the role you take on as a boss, a manager, in your own head and in others’.”
The Unique Ways Black Women Can Embrace Anti-Work Philosophy
For Black women, the foundational concepts of the Anti-Work Movement (and the subsequent self-discovery and self-exploration that can be inspired by it) present its own set of empowering enlightenment, and a rethinking of the return on investment of your grind. (And of course, there are double-edge-sword-like challenges, since we still face workplace discrimination, unequal pay, disproportionate numbers related to serving as head of household (or breadwinner), and oh, there's that disparity of white and socioeconomic privilege related to having limits on our choices when it comes to when, where and how we earn our money.)
There are ways we can empower ourselves by simply considering the different ways of thinking about how we approach work, job seeking, and placing value on how we spend our time. Here's how:
1. Rethink your ultimate overall "why" and how work feeds that "why."
This is especially important during a job search where you're not getting callbacks or you're being offered low-quality experiences for low or inadequate pay. I've experienced this, especially as a self-employed freelancer, and I've walked away from opportunities simply because I'd outgrown them and wanted more, even when I didn't have a Plan B. I just wouldn't settle for other offers to do the same work for the same pay.
I've always enjoyed pouring into others and I find joy in being able to sleep peacefully at night knowing I've made a real, tangible, measurable difference. I like being known for leadership and being visible (and openly rewarded both verbally and financially) for my impact on a company or a team.
I began to think about my bottom line, which wasn't being able to afford designer clothes or a five-bedroom house, but doing work that makes my soul smile while, at the same time, being able to afford to pay affordable basic bills, buy a few dozen new books and art every month, and enjoy the priceless elements of life like friendship, fellowship, and enriching travel experiences.
Consider taking a detour from that hyper-focus on your current industry and work a retail, remote, or gig job. Put some pressure on that side hustle and get it going. Those actions might be the better move than sending that 100th resume for that corporate marketing job.
Sometimes embracing an anti-work approach means downsizing, selling everything and moving to another city or country, finding other ways to finance lodging (ie becoming a resident assistant, live-in nurse, or joining the Peace Corps), or finally monetizing that YouTube channel that's been collecting digital dust. It might be tapping into your artistic side, applying for grants, or unapologetically going hard polyworking until you reach your sabbatical fund goal.
2. Slowly give less power to being booked and busy, and more power to self-reflection and service.
Service opportunities can put you in rooms that might have been closed to you as a random, faceless job seeker. Many CEOs, hiring managers, and executives give of their time and money to various causes, so any time you can set $50-$200 to buy a ticket to a gala or fundraiser, or you can volunteer (for free) for major causes for civic organizations, educational institutions or churches, do it.
Find people you can network with, carpool to save costs and ask for help. The anti-work movement also includes a huge component dependent on community-building and human engagement (as activism always does), so get out of that LinkedIn inbox and out in those volunteer streets.
At one time, when I was in between clients and the bills were piling up, I decided to stop with the follow-up emails and find out how I could use my talents pro bono through Taproot Foundation. I ended up connecting with a savvy nonprofit founder serving youth in Jamaica and helped the organization redevelop elements of its branding and messaging. It was a big boost to my confidence after weeks of nos and no responses and reminded me that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I was also, shortly after the project ended, able to add to my portfolio for a job I landed.
3. Release the pressure of worrying about what others might think and really lean deeply into your calling through alternative exploration.
Photo by Westend61/Getty Images
When you're forced to be creative and innovative, it's a great opportunity to see what you're truly made of and free yourself from the leash that is public (or family) approval. Many of us grow up being told that when you're not working you're "lazy," "unaccomplished," or "not winning," and there's this unnecessary shame attached to it for those of us who are accomplished, smart ambitious professionals simply going through the motions of real life.
Whenever I'd find myself unemployed--whether I quit or was let go---I'd hear my Granny's judgmental (but lovingly concerned) voice in my head saying, "How you lose a good job like that?" Sometimes that "good job" is a detriment to our physical and mental health or it can be the one thing that's hindering us from doing what we're truly on Earth to do simply because we're scared of the scorn and shame of quitting. And we have every right to outgrow a role or industry.
Taking some time off of that job search, finding ways to maximize your savings, investments, and other financial support resources, and radically rethinking your approach to making money can definitely help to strengthen your sense of self, your skills, and your ability to overcome anything life throws your way.
Listen, I've worked call center jobs, did DoorDash (where dogs all but attacked me for a huge trough of chicken on a back country road), and even lived off of a severance check for a while with no effort to look for a job at times when I decided to fully release and allow God to do His thing.
Each experience taught me something deeply profound about self-reliance and independence. They reinforced that I am a slave to no job, rejection email, client contract, outstanding bill, or title. I can do all things, as God intended, and I can live fully and abundantly regardless of an economy or unemployment rate.
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