If you’re like most Issa Rae- and good TV-loving humans with a pulse, you probably ran, not walked, to catch HBO Max’s Rap Sh!t. On top of celebrating Black women in their most authentic essence, the show highlights Florida's rarely seen yet indulgent side. As a Florida-born and raised woman who loves her Cuban sandwiches, slowed-down music, rims, bass, and never-ending sunshine, seeing Rap Sh!t pay homage to my state has been like receiving an overdue love letter in high school from the guy you’ve been crushing on for weeks.
Rap Sh!t follows the unlikely yet revived friendship between Mia (KaMillion) and Shawna (Aida Osman) as they dip their perfectly pedicured toes into the world of a rap duo. The two, who belong to different worlds in the same city, in Miami, Florida, find themselves randomly paired together after connecting on Instagram and soon are drunkenly creating a viral hit called “Seduce & Scheme.” Mia, a single mother and 9-to-5 influencer with more followers than funds, finds herself intrigued by the possibility of doing the unthinkable: being a rapper. Shawna, on the other hand, is a semi-established “woke” rapper with a seemingly stalled career and a fraud scheme or two up her hotel reception sleeves.
The two are different - as most great connections and friendships are - but they make it work. They see the magic. They understand that what they have is rare. While they wade through the world of pimps-turned-managers, toxic ass boyfriends and mothers, and deferred dreams, they find that making it is the easy part; maintaining it is where it gets tricky.
Alicia Vera/HBO Max
As usual, Issa Rae authentically gets the stories of Black women right. With Insecure, we saw it come to life in California; in Rap Sh!t, we see the Black Girl Magic in the Sunshine state away from reality TV. For far too long, Florida’s music scene has been considered gimmicky hip-hop by the mainstream - with artists like Major Nine, Tom G, Tokyo Jetz, and even the show’s star KaMillion - staring at us, waiting for us to “get” it. Hip-hop in Florida is just as monumental as in any borough in NY or any ‘hood in Cali.
There’s more than the beaches and nightclubs; the show represents the duality of how something appears and the underlying beautiful spots we often don’t take the time to see. Similarly, the duality of being a Black woman in America is that, wherever you reside, and whoever you stand beside, you’ll always have the weight of working towards a dream while ensuring your superwoman cape doesn’t strangle you simultaneously. Rap Sh!t gets all the things right about being caught in the middle of doing everything for others, by others’ standards, and with everyone else in mind at the expense of your destiny.
While we sit on pins and needles waiting for season 2 of Rap Sh!t, we can rest assured that the five lessons we learned from the show will live rent-free in our heads until then. And if you haven't binged the season already, be aware that some light spoilers are ahead.
1. Be a better friend.
Alicia Vera/HBO Max
First things first, Shawna is a questionable, if not bad, friend. While I’m not saying Mia is perfect, there’s a layer of superiority that Shawna knowingly carries around with all interactions she has. From claiming to be the “pen” behind the entire group while belittling Mia to nothing more than branding, to taking it upon herself to be more focused on her boyfriend than her business (while leaving Mia to do all the work, which she doesn’t get credit for); it’s not hard to see why the two had a disconnect. In life, we have to understand that, as Oprah, we rarely meet our Gayle; so when we do, we have to work like hell to be the type of friend to them that we’d want in our corner. The connection and trust you have for someone to give them the title of “friend” are more understated than we acknowledge.
Part of me wonders if there is a conflict in how Shawna and Mia treat friendship because they’ve received friendship on opposite ends of the spectrum in the past. One from the outside looking in and the other from the inside looking out. Either way, check on your strong friends, your weak friends, your rich friends, and your poor friends. Being a good friend is as simple as showing up consistently. This season, we saw Mia showing up more for Shawna than vice versa. It could be because, secretly, Mia was searching for someone who would see her as more than the loud, popular influencer she is. She wanted someone to finally see her for her.
Still, consistently we see Shawna put herself and her ego over her friendship, her group, and the promises they made to each other. Now, Shawna has to pay the price for it by losing the authenticity of a true friendship. Point blank: Romantic relationships aren’t the only relationships that deserve your attention. Your friendships are like any other relationship in your life; they deserve to be watered, prioritized, and nurtured.
2. Chase those dreams.
Alicia Vera/HBO Max
I’m not gonna hold you long on this one, sis. The known dream for one (Shawna) and the unknown dream for another (Mia) came together by simply stepping out of their comfort zones. Imagine if Shawna kept her nose turned up at the “Seduce & Scheme” track or if Mia had politely turned the opportunity to freestyle down because it wasn’t her “thing.” Too many of us stay in places where we’re comfortable simply because we’re scared of what happens if we fly.
Be more fearful of the magic you’re leaving behind if you DON’T fly. Chase those dreams. Do all the things. Even if every inch of your body trembles. Have something to reflect on and say, “I’m glad I at least tried.”
3. Pivot!
Alicia Vera/HBO Max
Shawna starts the season off as a “woke” but not watched rapper. Sure her rhymes have bars that would likely impress someone on a BET Cypher, but beyond that…nobody’s checking for it, and she knows it. Sometimes, you have to be flexible about HOW you get to your destination (within reason) without sacrificing the journey itself. There is so many layers of who you are that exist and the intersection of change and more change. Sometimes the pivot is truly your purpose, shifting gears. With Mia, they laughed and doubted her transforming from an Only Fans model and influencer into a solid rap artist.
Both ladies leave us with an important reminder of just how important it is to be flexible and open to change. That’s not to say you need to abandon your dreams, but it is to say that sometimes the vehicle to get to your destination isn’t quite what you picture in the Lyft app in your mind. Be open to change. Be open to the pivot. Be as aggressive about both.
4. Don't be a Reina Reign.
Alicia Vera/HBO Max
Be you. Do you. Authentically. Even though Shawna was probably less likely to throw on Trick Daddy before hanging with Mia, that music, that beat, that feeling is in her Miami-born DNA. So she’s able to bring the pieces of her that aren’t the traditional sides seen in Miami and fuse them with the parts of Miami that make it one of the most intoxicating cities in the world.
Then there are Reina Reigns of the world. The ones who will code switch their way out of their blessings and purpose simply because it sells. Or because people like it. Or because people will click. Peeling back all the layers of who they are will reveal the truth, but the mask has to get hot and heavy on the surface. Be you. Do you. Love you, sis. ‘Nuff said.
5. Say bye to toxic men.
Alicia Vera/HBO Max
Cliff is trash. There, I said it. As women, we can sometimes find ourselves clinging to what was for fear of what maybe-kinda-sorta-may-never-be-again. Stop blocking your blessings by holding onto dead weight, begging to be let go. Also, when someone shows you who they are - believe them. I think at one time Cliff (Devon Terrell) genuinely loved Shawna, as long as she fit into the box of what he deemed her most valuable. If a man makes you choose between the deliciously honey-drenched versions of yourself, don’t hesitate to decide for him.
If you can’t embrace me in all of my Caresha excellence, don’t expect to ever witness my Michelle O. magic.
The moment she stepped out of that box he’d placed her in, he began to treat a diamond like an empty roll of toilet paper; sadly, Shawna allowed it. There are so many relationships in my past that have me wishing I would’ve done things differently, but the reality is no one could’ve told me what was toxic until I was detoxed from it enough to see it. Still, we know when the ones closest to us hurt us in the ways they know will penetrate us the most: words.
It’s easier said than done, but you deserve better than toxicity in any relationship in your life - especially the one you lay up with while they minimize your greatness—hard pass. But don’t worry; they’ll spin the block once they realize they can’t find your replica. That’s not your business, though. Focus on your focus and love who (shows and proves) that they love you right back.
Rap Sh!t was a fantastic journey into our layered and often complex relationships with our friends, love, and dreams. Whether you’re chasing one or all three simultaneously, you deserve all the good sh!t - no seduce and scheme, necessary.
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Featured image by Alicia Vera/HBO Max
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Sooner than later, you may feel drained, depleted, and resentful due to unmet needs and boundary violations.
When your needs aren’t met, you will serve someone else's standards while neglecting your own. This is why it is so vital that we take inventory of our relationships and assess if they are relationships that honor our needs, our boundaries, and our truth.
1. You allow yourself to build more intimacy in your relationships.
Im Free Stephen Colbert GIF by The Late Show With Stephen ColbertGiphyIntimacy is the heart of a healthy relationship. When we understand our partners, we build intimacy with them. Vulnerability is a conduit for emotional intimacy in safe relationships. Our relationships thrive when we feel emotionally connected and supported by our loved ones.
Nevertheless, a healthy relationship does not mean a perfect relationship, and sometimes we need to assess and address what's working in our relationships and what may need some fine-tuning. When we are open to learning, growing, and developing deeper bonds with our loved ones, we invite them to preserve our relationship through open dialogue centered around honesty, love, respect, and safety.
2. You are choosing yourself and are being honest with yourself.
When you consider spring cleaning your relationships, you offer yourself a token of love. You are communicating that YOU matter, and your feelings, energy, and the overall health of your relationships matter. Spring cleaning your relationships allows you to be there for yourself.
When we choose ourselves, we advocate for ourselves.
So many of us are starting to realize that we have every right to advocate for ourselves, even if the environment we grew up in did not support our emotional or physical well-being.
Now that we can advocate for ourselves as adults, we get to choose our relationships, not from a place of obligation or fear but from a place of reciprocity, love, and respect.
3. It can help you to get clear on things you may have suppressed.
Michelle GIF by The BacheloretteGiphySuppression happens when we actively push uncomfortable thoughts and feelings out of our minds. When something painful happens, and we are left with no resolve, we can suppress how we truly feel as an act of self-preservation for the relationship.
Nevertheless, with honesty also comes vulnerability with yourself. Maybe you have been unhappy in certain relationships for a while, but it was too painful to address, or maybe you have been suppressing how you feel because that is what is expected of you in your relationships.
Although concealing your feelings may protect you from experiencing them, keep in mind that the body stores all of our emotions. There can be serious long-term side effects of emotional suppression, such as physical ailments linked to autoimmune disease.
Our mind, body, and heart are all interconnected, so assessing your relationships through spring cleaning not only improves your overall wellness but can also prevent anxiety, depression, and other chronic illnesses.
4. You can reflect on how you’re showing up in your relationships.
This one is my favorite! Spring cleaning your relationships gives you an opportunity to see yourself more clearly. If you are going through an imaginary checklist of what everyone in your life is doing wrong, you may be a part of the problem. Spring cleaning your relationships is not about what everyone else is doing wrong; it’s about accountability.
Take this time to reflect on how you show up in your relationships.
Are you kind and respectful to your loved ones? Do you honor their boundaries? What can you do to improve? How can you become a better listener? A better communicator?
Use this time to put a flashlight on your heart and take inventory of the places you love people from. Relationships are co-created, meaning both people play a role in the dynamic. Assess your role in your relationships and be the change you want to see.
5. Setting boundaries will reveal the health of your relationships.
Family Vacation Fox GIF by GrandfatheredGiphyNedra Tawwab, the author of Setting Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, defines boundaries as a "verbal or an action that you communicate to someone to feel safe, secure, and supported in a relationship." As we are spring-cleaning our relationships, it’s imperative that we check in with our boundaries.
As humans, we are forever evolving, growing, and changing. As we grow, the boundaries that worked for us ten years ago may no longer serve us today. This is why it is important that we communicate our boundaries as they change. People cannot read our minds, and it is unfair to expect them to, no matter how much you think they should just “know” you.
All relationships need boundaries because people need to know how we want to be treated. In healthy relationships, boundaries are honored, and differences are respected. In unhealthy relationships, boundaries are constantly violated and not taken seriously.
When you learn to set healthy boundaries and you start communicating them through your season of spring cleaning, allow your boundaries to reveal the health of your relationships. This may come with a sigh of relief, or this may come with immense grief, but I once heard someone say, “Struggling with the truth is much better than being comforted by a lie.”
Let your relationships reveal themselves to you so you can form healthier bonds, repair broken bonds, or release connections that no longer serve you.
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Originally published on March 24, 2023