Here's the thing about cannabis…marijuana…Mary Jane…Brown Sugar…weed. If you're not someone who smokes (or eats) it, I can assure you that you definitely know someone who does (even if they haven't hipped you to the fact). And if you're a Black person reading this, even if you don't "get down with the get down", I hope you are still in full support of decriminalizing it because the fact that so many of our people are locked up for dime bags while white people are thriving with their dispensaries is one of the most triggering things about the current legislation (or lack thereof) in this country. Ugh.
What's my personal take on cannabis? It's a plant. One that has psychoactive properties via three different types — Cannabis sativa, Cannabis indica and Cannabis ruderalis. I know that when the flowers on these dry out, we end up with what white folks call "pot". That said, roughly 65 percent of the people I personally know are either casual or religious weed consumers. I have definitely tried it, more than once (my first time was with my late fiancé), and I personally am amazed that more people are triggered by it than alcohol (more on that in a bit). Anyway, because cannabis is still considered to be illegal in many states — which I personally find to be ridiculous on so many levels — I have to responsibly advise that any fan who lives in a state where cannabis isn't legal, they should proceed with caution.
However, because I am aware of several benefits that come from the use of cannabis and because I also have a late close friend (someone who was adamantly opposed to weed before trying it) who found much relief during her cancer journey while using it, I know that no matter how much racist propaganda is pushed, this plant can be helpful on a myriad of levels. To be fair, I also know that it comes with a few challenges that need to be considered too.
So, in the effort to make sure that there is a fair and realistic approach to something that continues to be a controversial topic, let's explore 10 of the many pros and potential cons that come from lighting one up, having a brownie, enjoying a gummy — or whatever your cannabis consumption preference may be.
We'll start with the upside of it first.
BENEFIT #1: It Can Reduce Physical Pain
OK, so a bit of a breakdown on cannabis is both it and hemp come from the Cannabis sativa plant (although cannabis can come from the Cannabis indica plant too). And just what's the difference between the two? Basically, hemp contains 0.3 percent or less THC while cannabis contains more than that. As far as what THC (which stands for delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol) is, it's what creates the feeling of being high. Then there's the CBD (which stands for cannabidiol) that's also in hemp and cannabis; however, it doesn't produce a euphoric sensation. Instead, it's what reduces pain and inflammation.
CBD is why a lot of people are huge consumers of products like CBD oil because it has a pretty good reputation for also decreasing symptoms that are associated with pain, nausea, migraine and seizures.
The reason why cannabis can be helpful when it comes to treating pain is because it has a way of mimicking the cannabinoid chemicals that are naturally in your body. When THC and CBD are consumed, they stimulate your brain's receptors and reduce your pain levels. As far as if you should go with THC or CBD, it really all depends on if you want to "feel high" or not because, again, CBD can also be beneficial when it comes to reducing pain and body inflammation, although it won't give you the "extra effects" like giddiness, a heightened intensity to sights and sounds or even great and almost immediate feelings of relaxation (although I'm someone who applies CBD oil on my feet before going to bed and BABY…it's a wonder).
BENEFIT #2: It Can Decrease Stress and Anxiety
Weed affects different people in different ways. There is no doubt about that. So yes, it can actually trigger anxiety in some. At the same time, there are many people who say that smoking weed creates a feeling of calm, helps them to chill out and it is an effective way to get them to sleep quicker and more soundly. Probably the main thing to keep in mind here is since THC does provide a high effect that could potentially backfire and lead to high stress and paranoia, if you're looking to cannabis to solely help with stress and anxiety levels, something in CBD form is probably going to be less risky and more beneficial for you.
BENEFIT #3: It Can Be Good for Your Blood
Now here's a benefit that a bet a lot of you didn't know. Were you aware that cannabis has the ability to regulate the insulin in your system? What this means is it can actually help you out when it comes to stabilizing your blood sugar levels, lowering your blood pressure and even increasing blood circulation throughout your system. There are even studies to support the fact that THC and CBD can help to increase insulin in individuals who have type 2 diabetes while improving their metabolism in the process; this can be good for one's blood and liver in the long run. How dope is that?
BENEFIT #4: It Can Improve Your Sex Life
This particular point, I won't expound too much on, mostly because I've already written an article on it before (check out "7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better"). What I will say is because THC gives off a feeling of euphoria, it can do wonders for you when it comes to elevating your mood and relaxing your body, so that you can orgasm quicker (or more intensely). As a bonus, it's also helpful for men when it comes to de-stressing them and also making erectile dysfunction less of an issue (if it is one).
BENEFIT #5: It’s Relatively Safer than Alcohol
The people who are huge wine drinkers who frown on weed smokers are interesting to me. They're kind of like the vegans who frown on meat eaters even though they do things like eat fast food. OK, but I digress on that last part. When it comes to my first comparison, something that I oftentimes say is, "When's the last time you heard that someone beat the crap outta someone while they were high?" or "Who do you know who caused a car accident while they were high?" Oh, but I hear this about both of these, as it relates to alcohol, quite a bit. I've got some people in my family who victimized others via their abuse of alcohol, in fact.
And aside from the recklessness that being under the influence of alcohol can cause, long-term health risks include high blood pressure, a weakened immune system, cancer, depression and liver disease — and that's just to name a few. That's not to say that cannabis comes with absolutely no health-related issues (I'm about to get into that). Still, when it comes to comparing it to alcohol, read "Marijuana Is Safer Than Alcohol: It's Time To Treat It That Way" when you get a chance. It might surprise you, just how problematic alcohol has a tendency to be; especially, in comparison to cannabis.
Now for the flip side of the coin.
CHALLENGE #1: It Can Alter Your Moods
I'm thinking it goes without saying that it's one thing to use cannabis; it's another thing entirely to be dependent on it (and yes, many people are). And so yes, if you're relying on it to process moods or get you through the day, that's unhealthy on a few levels. For one thing, constant use of weed can increase your chances of memory loss, lack of empathy, loss of concentration or — and this is a big one — it can increase the things that are associated with any mental health issues that you may already have.
I've even read that cannabis can put teens at a greater risk of being diagnosed with schizophrenia. So, if you are currently an avid cannabis consumer yet you don't feel super stable as far as your moods are concerned, the amount of it that you are consuming could very well be the culprit.
CHALLENGE #2: It Can Damage Your Lungs (or Not)
This point is interesting because, while at the end of the day, smoke in your lungs is well, smoke in your lungs, when it comes to cannabis specifically, there are pros and cons to intaking it this way. On one hand, there are some studies which state that smoking weed can actually increase your lung's capacity while sources like theAmerican Lung Association state that long-term cannabis use can lead to stripped lining of your lungs, bronchitis, chronic coughing and an overproduction of mucous.
Then there's the risk that you run of not smoking just cannabis but whatever other substances that may be in it which could damage your lungs too. Still, with places like Harvard and The Journal of the American Medical Association going on record saying that moderate consumption of weed really isn't "that big of a deal" when it comes to your lung health, I think the biggest takeaway here is too much of anything isn't good, no matter what it is, which is why balance is key. Oh, and that edibles keep the lung issues from being so much of an issue.
CHALLENGE #3: It Makes Your Heart Work Harder (Much Harder)
Let's talk about cannabis as it relates to heart health for just a moment. There are many studies to support the fact that people with heart disease who are under a lot of stress, they end up experiencing heart pain way quicker than those who don't have these issues. That's because cannabis is able to raise your heart rate and dilate your blood vessels. Something else that's pretty daunting here is the fact that you increase your risk of having a heart attack by seven whopping times within an hour of smoking cannabis in comparison to if there was none of it in your system at all. That might be part of the reason why more and more studies are coming out citing that teens who frequently smoke weed are twice as likely to experience a heart attack than those who don't.
CHALLENGE #4: It Can Be Potentially Bad for Your Brain
We've definitely gotta be careful about using things that can mess with our brain, right? As far as cannabis goes, the main thing to keep in mind is THC tends to connect to the brain's cannabinoid receptors which are connected to the nerves that are responsible for things like your memory, appetite, moods and even pain regulation. This is another reason why adapting the motto "moderation is key" when it comes to cannabis use can be a really good idea. Also, there are studies that connect long-term cannabis use to a drop in IQ points in teens.
Brain-wise, you should definitely steer clear of synthetic cannabis (a man-made hallucinogenic substance). It's linked to things like poor motor skills, low inhibitions, seizures, hallucinations, violent behaviors, paranoia and even brain damage. Synthetic cannabis can also be far more addicting than a natural form of cannabis. For the record, some reports say that 1 in 10 adults are capable of becoming addicted to natural weed. Just something to keep in mind.
CHALLENGE #5: You Can Become Psychologically Reliant
So, let's end with something else that is a hot topic when it comes to cannabis — how easy is it to become addicted to it? What a lot of health experts believe is you are far more susceptible if 1) you've got a predisposition to it due to your parents and/or grandparents being avid users and 2) more than half of the people who do become addicted typically have a mental health issue like depression, anxiety or PTSD because while it first seems like a soothing agent, it can end up being something that users feel like they can't function without. No substance should ever make you feel that way, so if that is your current perspective on cannabis, first make an appointment to see your doctor and then consider meeting up with a therapist. Chances are, if the THC is what you're struggling with, at the very least, a CBD oil will be recommended as an alternative.
Cannabis is far too vast of a topic to be able to address everything. I hope this at least gave you more to think about whether you use it or you're someone who has been strongly against it without knowing more about it. As with most things in life, it's got a lot of good, comes with some risks and should be approached with balance. For more info on things like its legislation, various strains and where to purchase cannabis products, visit sites likeLeafly andMarijuana Moment and also read articles like "9 black-owned cannabis companies you should know", "7 Black-Owned Cannabis Brands to Support This 4/20" and "Conscious Consumption: 100+ Black-Owned Cannabis Businesses to Support Right Now". Have fun. Be safe.
For more inspiration, self-care, and wellness tips, check out xoNecole's Wellness section here.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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New year, new dating style. Courtesy of a former sugar baby.
Being a sugar baby had its (obvious) perks, but the most significant ones didn’t center around the material benefits. To date, I have a bigger appreciation for the lessons I’ve learned and applied them to my dating life.
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
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