Here's the thing about cannabis…marijuana…Mary Jane…Brown Sugar…weed. If you're not someone who smokes (or eats) it, I can assure you that you definitely know someone who does (even if they haven't hipped you to the fact). And if you're a Black person reading this, even if you don't "get down with the get down", I hope you are still in full support of decriminalizing it because the fact that so many of our people are locked up for dime bags while white people are thriving with their dispensaries is one of the most triggering things about the current legislation (or lack thereof) in this country. Ugh.
What's my personal take on cannabis? It's a plant. One that has psychoactive properties via three different types — Cannabis sativa, Cannabis indica and Cannabis ruderalis. I know that when the flowers on these dry out, we end up with what white folks call "pot". That said, roughly 65 percent of the people I personally know are either casual or religious weed consumers. I have definitely tried it, more than once (my first time was with my late fiancé), and I personally am amazed that more people are triggered by it than alcohol (more on that in a bit). Anyway, because cannabis is still considered to be illegal in many states — which I personally find to be ridiculous on so many levels — I have to responsibly advise that any fan who lives in a state where cannabis isn't legal, they should proceed with caution.
However, because I am aware of several benefits that come from the use of cannabis and because I also have a late close friend (someone who was adamantly opposed to weed before trying it) who found much relief during her cancer journey while using it, I know that no matter how much racist propaganda is pushed, this plant can be helpful on a myriad of levels. To be fair, I also know that it comes with a few challenges that need to be considered too.
So, in the effort to make sure that there is a fair and realistic approach to something that continues to be a controversial topic, let's explore 10 of the many pros and potential cons that come from lighting one up, having a brownie, enjoying a gummy — or whatever your cannabis consumption preference may be.
We'll start with the upside of it first.
BENEFIT #1: It Can Reduce Physical Pain
OK, so a bit of a breakdown on cannabis is both it and hemp come from the Cannabis sativa plant (although cannabis can come from the Cannabis indica plant too). And just what's the difference between the two? Basically, hemp contains 0.3 percent or less THC while cannabis contains more than that. As far as what THC (which stands for delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol) is, it's what creates the feeling of being high. Then there's the CBD (which stands for cannabidiol) that's also in hemp and cannabis; however, it doesn't produce a euphoric sensation. Instead, it's what reduces pain and inflammation.
CBD is why a lot of people are huge consumers of products like CBD oil because it has a pretty good reputation for also decreasing symptoms that are associated with pain, nausea, migraine and seizures.
The reason why cannabis can be helpful when it comes to treating pain is because it has a way of mimicking the cannabinoid chemicals that are naturally in your body. When THC and CBD are consumed, they stimulate your brain's receptors and reduce your pain levels. As far as if you should go with THC or CBD, it really all depends on if you want to "feel high" or not because, again, CBD can also be beneficial when it comes to reducing pain and body inflammation, although it won't give you the "extra effects" like giddiness, a heightened intensity to sights and sounds or even great and almost immediate feelings of relaxation (although I'm someone who applies CBD oil on my feet before going to bed and BABY…it's a wonder).
BENEFIT #2: It Can Decrease Stress and Anxiety
Weed affects different people in different ways. There is no doubt about that. So yes, it can actually trigger anxiety in some. At the same time, there are many people who say that smoking weed creates a feeling of calm, helps them to chill out and it is an effective way to get them to sleep quicker and more soundly. Probably the main thing to keep in mind here is since THC does provide a high effect that could potentially backfire and lead to high stress and paranoia, if you're looking to cannabis to solely help with stress and anxiety levels, something in CBD form is probably going to be less risky and more beneficial for you.
BENEFIT #3: It Can Be Good for Your Blood
Now here's a benefit that a bet a lot of you didn't know. Were you aware that cannabis has the ability to regulate the insulin in your system? What this means is it can actually help you out when it comes to stabilizing your blood sugar levels, lowering your blood pressure and even increasing blood circulation throughout your system. There are even studies to support the fact that THC and CBD can help to increase insulin in individuals who have type 2 diabetes while improving their metabolism in the process; this can be good for one's blood and liver in the long run. How dope is that?
BENEFIT #4: It Can Improve Your Sex Life
This particular point, I won't expound too much on, mostly because I've already written an article on it before (check out "7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better"). What I will say is because THC gives off a feeling of euphoria, it can do wonders for you when it comes to elevating your mood and relaxing your body, so that you can orgasm quicker (or more intensely). As a bonus, it's also helpful for men when it comes to de-stressing them and also making erectile dysfunction less of an issue (if it is one).
BENEFIT #5: It’s Relatively Safer than Alcohol
The people who are huge wine drinkers who frown on weed smokers are interesting to me. They're kind of like the vegans who frown on meat eaters even though they do things like eat fast food. OK, but I digress on that last part. When it comes to my first comparison, something that I oftentimes say is, "When's the last time you heard that someone beat the crap outta someone while they were high?" or "Who do you know who caused a car accident while they were high?" Oh, but I hear this about both of these, as it relates to alcohol, quite a bit. I've got some people in my family who victimized others via their abuse of alcohol, in fact.
And aside from the recklessness that being under the influence of alcohol can cause, long-term health risks include high blood pressure, a weakened immune system, cancer, depression and liver disease — and that's just to name a few. That's not to say that cannabis comes with absolutely no health-related issues (I'm about to get into that). Still, when it comes to comparing it to alcohol, read "Marijuana Is Safer Than Alcohol: It's Time To Treat It That Way" when you get a chance. It might surprise you, just how problematic alcohol has a tendency to be; especially, in comparison to cannabis.
Now for the flip side of the coin.
CHALLENGE #1: It Can Alter Your Moods
I'm thinking it goes without saying that it's one thing to use cannabis; it's another thing entirely to be dependent on it (and yes, many people are). And so yes, if you're relying on it to process moods or get you through the day, that's unhealthy on a few levels. For one thing, constant use of weed can increase your chances of memory loss, lack of empathy, loss of concentration or — and this is a big one — it can increase the things that are associated with any mental health issues that you may already have.
I've even read that cannabis can put teens at a greater risk of being diagnosed with schizophrenia. So, if you are currently an avid cannabis consumer yet you don't feel super stable as far as your moods are concerned, the amount of it that you are consuming could very well be the culprit.
CHALLENGE #2: It Can Damage Your Lungs (or Not)
This point is interesting because, while at the end of the day, smoke in your lungs is well, smoke in your lungs, when it comes to cannabis specifically, there are pros and cons to intaking it this way. On one hand, there are some studies which state that smoking weed can actually increase your lung's capacity while sources like theAmerican Lung Association state that long-term cannabis use can lead to stripped lining of your lungs, bronchitis, chronic coughing and an overproduction of mucous.
Then there's the risk that you run of not smoking just cannabis but whatever other substances that may be in it which could damage your lungs too. Still, with places like Harvard and The Journal of the American Medical Association going on record saying that moderate consumption of weed really isn't "that big of a deal" when it comes to your lung health, I think the biggest takeaway here is too much of anything isn't good, no matter what it is, which is why balance is key. Oh, and that edibles keep the lung issues from being so much of an issue.
CHALLENGE #3: It Makes Your Heart Work Harder (Much Harder)
Let's talk about cannabis as it relates to heart health for just a moment. There are many studies to support the fact that people with heart disease who are under a lot of stress, they end up experiencing heart pain way quicker than those who don't have these issues. That's because cannabis is able to raise your heart rate and dilate your blood vessels. Something else that's pretty daunting here is the fact that you increase your risk of having a heart attack by seven whopping times within an hour of smoking cannabis in comparison to if there was none of it in your system at all. That might be part of the reason why more and more studies are coming out citing that teens who frequently smoke weed are twice as likely to experience a heart attack than those who don't.
CHALLENGE #4: It Can Be Potentially Bad for Your Brain
We've definitely gotta be careful about using things that can mess with our brain, right? As far as cannabis goes, the main thing to keep in mind is THC tends to connect to the brain's cannabinoid receptors which are connected to the nerves that are responsible for things like your memory, appetite, moods and even pain regulation. This is another reason why adapting the motto "moderation is key" when it comes to cannabis use can be a really good idea. Also, there are studies that connect long-term cannabis use to a drop in IQ points in teens.
Brain-wise, you should definitely steer clear of synthetic cannabis (a man-made hallucinogenic substance). It's linked to things like poor motor skills, low inhibitions, seizures, hallucinations, violent behaviors, paranoia and even brain damage. Synthetic cannabis can also be far more addicting than a natural form of cannabis. For the record, some reports say that 1 in 10 adults are capable of becoming addicted to natural weed. Just something to keep in mind.
CHALLENGE #5: You Can Become Psychologically Reliant
So, let's end with something else that is a hot topic when it comes to cannabis — how easy is it to become addicted to it? What a lot of health experts believe is you are far more susceptible if 1) you've got a predisposition to it due to your parents and/or grandparents being avid users and 2) more than half of the people who do become addicted typically have a mental health issue like depression, anxiety or PTSD because while it first seems like a soothing agent, it can end up being something that users feel like they can't function without. No substance should ever make you feel that way, so if that is your current perspective on cannabis, first make an appointment to see your doctor and then consider meeting up with a therapist. Chances are, if the THC is what you're struggling with, at the very least, a CBD oil will be recommended as an alternative.
Cannabis is far too vast of a topic to be able to address everything. I hope this at least gave you more to think about whether you use it or you're someone who has been strongly against it without knowing more about it. As with most things in life, it's got a lot of good, comes with some risks and should be approached with balance. For more info on things like its legislation, various strains and where to purchase cannabis products, visit sites likeLeafly andMarijuana Moment and also read articles like "9 black-owned cannabis companies you should know", "7 Black-Owned Cannabis Brands to Support This 4/20" and "Conscious Consumption: 100+ Black-Owned Cannabis Businesses to Support Right Now". Have fun. Be safe.
For more inspiration, self-care, and wellness tips, check out xoNecole's Wellness section here.
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
From their perspective, their friend should simply know what they should and shouldn’t do. Yeah, one day, I’m going to write an article about how a lot of relationships could be spared so much drama if we all stopped automatically expecting others to think, act, and even love like we do. Anyway, my client did pause for a moment; then she shared that there was one thing, in particular, that she had told her friend that she didn’t appreciate and her friend just kept on doing it — so much to the point where it was starting to feel not only intentional but disrespectful too. In response to that, here’s how the rest of the dialogue between us went down:
Me: “Did she apologize?”
Her: “I mean, after I about lost it and told her that I was sick of her sh-t, she did. I don’t know if I can trust it, though.”
Me: “Has the action happened again since?”
Her: “The last time was only a few weeks ago. It’s too soon to tell. I know I’m starting to put distance between us, though. I’m not sure if I want to be friends with her anymore at this point.”
*le sigh* What to do, what to freakin’ do, when you’ve got a friend in your life who does something that bothers, offends, hurts, or harms you (because those are all different things, y’all), they apologize and you’re not exactly sure what to do with their apology. That is something that I’m pretty sure that all of us have gone through, probably more than once. If you definitely have, and there have been times when it’s left you feeling stumped, let’s unpack it all a bit — just so you’ll know how to move, with complete peace of mind, for the sake of your friendship and, most importantly, your peace of mind.
People with Regrets Apologize (and Every Self-Aware Human Should Have Regrets)
GiphySometime last year, I was talking to a friend of mine about his spouse. As he was raving about all of the things that he adores about her, something that he said caused my eyes to get semi-big: “I mean, she doesn’t believe in apologizing which can get on my nerves but that’s about it.” Whew, chile. Also, another article for another time: It’s very hard for a marriage to function, in a healthy way, if both people aren’t willing to apologize and forgive because there are going to be countless times when doing one or the other is going to be extremely necessary. Why?
Because we all make mistakes and sometimes poor decisions (and no, those two things aren’t the same either) must be corrected with an apology. Not only that but we all also experience times when someone needs to apologize to us and, because of the first thing that I said, we should forgive them and LET. IT. GO.
Yeah, those “I don’t apologize” people? Talk about folks who I don’t trust because that typically either means that they have way too much pride going on or they suck and taking personal accountability for their actions — and neither of those things makes it easy when it comes to trying to have a solid relationship with someone else. Honestly, the only kind of folks who “cause me to pause” more are the ones who claim that they don’t have any regrets in life. Truly…what in the world are you talking about?
If you’ve been rocking with me on this platform for a while now, you already know that I totally and completely loathe the saying, “I don’t regret anything” (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”). SMDH. Some statements, I just think that they have been popular for so long that people repeat them without really thinking about what they actually mean.
When it comes to regret, if you look up its definition, you should see the word “remorse” somewhere in there and remorse means “deep and painful regret for wrongdoing; compunction” — and if you NEVER feel this way, that low-key sounds like either you think that you never do anything wrong (which is a completely delusional mindset) or you don’t care to “right your wrongs” whenever you do them (which makes you a pretty unsafe individual to be around).
And why am I laying down all of this foundation? Because, before getting into how to discern someone’s apology, it’s important to first surround yourself with individuals who even get that they should apologize from time to time in the first place — not because you think so but because they think so. I’m telling you, it can spare you a ton of time and potential heartbreak to follow this tip.
I say that because I ended a relationship about six years ago, mostly because the person reached out to me to help them out with something, and when I wrote out a full email about something they did that was highly offensive and would result in my not obliging them — not only did they not apologize, they didn’t even acknowledge what I said. What kind of makes it “comically worse” (utter audacity-wise) is the few times that I’ve seen them since, they’ve acted like nothing even happened. Then I had to think back to other times when I’ve brought hurt feelings or offenses to their attention and how they would deflect, play the victim, or change the subject (bookmark that).
Hmph. We talk about narcissism a lot both on and offline — uh-huh, be careful about those narcissistic friends out here. They always want to be the center of attention. They constantly put their own needs first. They have a hard time forgiving and yet think that you should dismiss whatever they do that’s wrong (or damaging). I could go on and on about those jokers. For now, I’ll just bring this point to a close by saying that if you want to trust someone’s apology, you need to trust that they care enough to apologize in the first place. And lawd, won’t that preach?
Next point.
Karma Is Attached to Apologies
GiphyOne day, I’m also going to write an article about how much forgiveness tends to be weaponized — and how absolutely insane that is. Meaning, so many people think that they deserve an apology for all of the things that they do while others don’t — and that’s not really how forgiveness works. If you’re looking at it from a Scriptural standpoint, the Good Book tells us that if you want to be right with God, you’ve got to forgive other people (Matthew 6:14-15). Science says that if you want to be healthy, it’s wise to forgive as well. Adding to both of these things, since karma (which is basically just reaping what you sow) doesn’t discriminate, if you want to be forgiven in the future, you should forgive others in the present.
And that’s what I mean when I say that karma is attached to apologies. When it comes to some completely bold and If-I-were-a-different-type-of-person-things-would’ve-gone-very-differently things that have happened to me throughout the years — what has kept things peaceful and put me on a faster track to healing is choosing to forgive others; especially when they make a point to apologize (check out “How I Learned To Forgive People In My Life Who Weren't Sorry”).
Honestly, a part of the reason why I can do closure so well is because I can accept an apology. What I mean by that is I think a lot of times, we stay in “hamster wheel relationships” (same problems, no new solutions) or we’re so super devastated (because we’re not just sad, we also beat ourselves up with guilt and yes, regret) if something should happen to someone who we used to be in relationship with and it’s partly because we don’t accept apologies.
Me? I never want to be so high and mighty in my mindset that I think I can gamble my relationship with God or my health simply because I want someone to think that what they do and ask forgiveness doesn’t deserve mercy while I’m somewhere thinking that I should be pardoned for all of my mess. I don’t know about y’all but I need God’s forgiveness, plus, it feels good — cleansing even — whenever people who I’ve hurt or harmed have forgiven me and so I give forgiveness in order to receive it — because every single human needs to receive it.
Next point.
A Sincere Apology Doesn't Deflect, Justify or Play the Victim. It Takes Full Ownership.
GiphyNow that we’ve talked about why you should only befriend people who forgive and apologize and how you shouldn’t be in relationships if you don’t know how to forgive (and apologize) — let’s talk about what a sincere apology should even look like.
Years ago, I had a friend who violated a very clear boundary of mine. She kept trying to push something on me that I didn’t want to do until one day, she did it anyway. And boy, was I pissed. When she saw how angry I was, she called me crying and, although she did say that she was sorry, she also went into all kinds of reasons why she thought that she was the bigger victim. The more that I listened, it was like she wanted me to apologize to her for violating me (whew, chile). Yeah, don’t trust those kinds of apologies because they are chocked full of manipulation.
And this is where we start to tiptoe into the difference between accepting an apology and trusting one.
Since she literally said, “I’m so sorry,” I accepted her apology because, although I think that my discernment is pretty keen and she was trying to manipulate matters, at the end of the day, who am I to brush off her efforts to acknowledge what she did? Did I trust her apology, though? Absolutely not because to trust something, you’ve gotta be confident in it, and anyone who decides to make what they did to you totally about them? They don’t really get what an apology is all about.
Hmph. I grew up with people who would apologize and also deflect (shift blame, gaslight, go into semi-denial mode), justify poor behavior (make excuses, follow their apology with some long ass story) and/or play the victim (act like they are more hurt than you are) in the midst of their apologies and those types of individuals typically only apologize in order to “move on” from what they’ve done — not to really make sure that you are okay about what had transpired.
And those people? Whether they are too selfish, not self-aware enough or they’re simply ignorant about what a sincere apology looks like, if those three factors come into play, their apology can be accepted yet not really trusted in the sense of you believing that they will do their best to not repeat the action again. How could you TRUST it if they don’t fully OWN it? Make sense?
Next point.
Accepting Apologies and Actually Trusting Them Are Quite Different
GiphyIf you know that someday, you will need to apologize to someone, you will get again why I say that none of us should really refuse someone else’s apology. Another way of looking at this is if someone apologizes and you don’t accept it, it’s basically saying, “I don’t acknowledge that you acknowledge what you did that you are trying to take responsibility for” — and honestly, what kind of sense does that make?
Because while you are thinking that not accepting their apology is harming them, it’s really only hurting you because you are choosing to hold onto what their apology has actually released them from. Plus, y’all know that I am pretty word-literal and, at the end of the day, accepting an apology simply means that 1) you are responding to what they are saying and 2) you are receiving the effort. Over and out.
Now TRUSTING an apology? Again, that is something entirely different. I’ll give you another example. Everyone who knows me (check out “5 Signs You Really Know A Person”) knows that if I come out to a big function, that’s love — DEEP LOVE. Back when I was an entertainment journalist, I had my fill of stuff like that; these days, low-key is how I get down. Anyway, one time, a friend invited me out to a crowded and pretty important function. After a bit of convincing, I made the personal request of not wanting to go along with someone else in their world who I am not fond of (who they are now not even friends with because they discovered on their own just how shady the person can be).
My friend assured me that it wouldn’t be an issue — only for me to get to the place where we were meeting up and my friend then telling me on the way to the venue that the person would be joining us. When I tell you that we literally had the conversation about that not happening just a few hours before? Chile. My response? I left before we headed there and went back home. I am BIG on my boundaries being respected and I’m not going to be set up to be put in a position to somehow be the bad guy if I’m not kee-keeing with someone who I didn’t want to be around, intimately, in the first place. Plus, my friend needed to fully enjoy her night without worrying about what the energy was going to be like.
My friend owned that it was “bad business” to even move like that — that it was thoughtless and a bit manipulative on her part because a part of her thought that if I was pushed to the wall on the matter, I would just get over it. She apologized. I accepted it. However, I didn’t just accept it, I trusted it because, a few weeks later, she invited me to another event, out of state, all expenses paid.
Listen, if you know me, you know that it wasn’t the free trip that “moved me” because my favorite place is always gonna be at home. LOL. It’s that my friend didn’t just acknowledge what she did, she also took it upon herself to make amends — and that’s what a real apology should always include.
And what is amends? It’s “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense.” That said, when we really get the weight and magnitude of something that we’ve done to another person, it’s never enough to just toss a flippant “My bad” in their direction — it’s important to put forth the effort to set things right.
I got that my friend understood how much effort it took for me to do the initial outing with her in the first place because she took a few steps up from that and turned another event into a girls' trip — just us. That was a couple of years ago now. We’ve not had an issue in that lane since.
Your friend who hurt you and apologized? One way to know if you can trust the apology to the point where you know that it’s okay to move on fully from the matter is if they are willing, on their own, to make amends. If, in their own way, they ask you, “How can I make this right?” If you get that from them, I really recommend that you give them a chance because not only does it seem like their apology is heartfelt, but they also want to help you to heal from what they did — and at the end of the day, because none of us can change the past, just “own” our part in it, there’s not much more that a human can do.
Plus, people who go so far as to make amends, they typically also put forth the effort to try and change their behavior (or not repeat the action). And again, what more can you really ask for from any fallible individual (and we are all that)…right?
____
No one is perfect. We’re all going to mess up. If you really get that, when a friend apologizes to you, let both of yourselves off of the hook and accept it. And during the apology, if they take full ownership which includes making amends, trust your friend enough to have faith that they will try to not hurt you, in that way, again.
Accept is about recognizing.
Trusting is about putting your confidence in something.
When it comes to apologies, specifically, I hope it’s easier to now know the difference.
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