

There is this order that life is supposed to follow.
Meet him.
Date him.
Love him.
Marry him.
Reproduce with him.
I've just never been that cookie-cutter. I tend to be sporadic and off-centered.
I was the type of woman who knew she wanted to be a mom and while dating, I quickly eliminated any guy who didn't fit my vision of what a father should be. When we found each other, we clicked. We vibed. We were also a bit of inseparable. I knew this man would be the father of my child. The question was, when? Would it be before or after the wedding? After the careers, after the courtship? I didn't know but I knew that I wanted it to happen when I felt ready and when I was at a time of my life when I could be the best motherly version of myself.
The one thing that I was most certain about was the fact that in the event that something happened to me, or if our relationship failed, my unborn child would have an amazing father in the man that I chose. I knew that I would have the most amazing parenting partner; one who would never leave me to be a "single parent" no matter if I were married or unmarried, if I was in a relationship with him or not. That was enough for me because I wanted to be a mom. Whether I got to be a wife and a mom would be a bonus but I definitely wanted to be a mom. It was enough for me.
So much so that at age 29, when I began to have strong feelings about wanting to become a mom, we chose not to rush into a marriage. Instead, we decided to plan a pregnancy and we decided to focus on parenting. Even while friends and family deemed my pregnancy a mistake or when people would say I got “knocked up" because they didn't see a ring, I knew that this was very well thought out. Six months of trying to get pregnant and the stress of that “two-week wait".. this was far from a mistake.
I knew that I decided to become a mom at a time in my life when I was ready and I didn't want to wait until someone gave me permission or rush those other areas in my life that I didn't consider ready. We were not ready for marriage. We knew it would come but we were not there yet. We were ready for parenthood and that is the direction we went in. Ass-backwards right? Maybe not, but definitely unconventional.
My son was 4 months old when I turned 30. Parenthood took his dad and I on a ride unlike anything we could have ever imagined but it made us stronger. It brought us closer. We learned so much about each other and we overcame many tests. After focusing on our son for the first year of his life, we were now ready to focus on us. Individually and as a unit. We had many nights of pillow talk about our new life and he spoke to me about how he had become a new man and wanted to be a better leader. I had evolved as well.
Motherhood brought this sense of serenity to my life. In the middle of all the chaos, I feel so much peace. I wanted to learn about this new person I had become. I was so proud of my decision to become a mom. It was the best decision that I had made, it made me better and I wanted to get to know this new me as quickly as possible. For me, that meant tuning in and listening closely. Eliminating distractions and becoming one with my spirituality. I began to meditate more and spend time alone.
For us, that meant getting passed the physical attraction that we had for one another and find ways other than sex to show our affection and adoration. We began to listen more, date more, and laugh more. We chose to be present in each moment we were together and we are falling more deeply in love every day.
For us, first came love, then came the baby, then came the house for our family with marriage next on our list.
Now, after the baby, we are challenging ourselves to remain abstinent until our wedding night and we are so excited about this journey. Sex is so easy when you are into each other but finding alternative ways to show that love takes a deep understanding of self and your partner. You have to be so deep into each other and willing to drown yourself in the overflow of love just to stay near.
I am in deep.
I won't let go.
What this has taught me is that things don't always work out the way society says it should. Do what feels right. Keep the end goal in mind and switch the middle part up if that makes you happy.
Kimberly Fleming is an author, speaker, and self-proclaimed motivator. Her life's mission is to encourage people to be the best versions of themselves while presently choosing happiness at each stage of their journey. Her work lives on her personal writing stage, graylove.com and on Instagram/Twitter @iam_KIMf.
Featured image by Getty Images
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'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Swipe Right For Sisterhood: Reginae Carter Talks Teaming Up With BLK To Make Friendships Front & Center
You know the vibes: dating apps aren’t just for finding romance anymore—at least not for Gen Z! As young people continue to redefine connection, BLK, the leading dating app for Black singles, is shaking things up with the launch of Social Mode. The new feature allows users to toggle between dating and platonic connections. Yep, you read that right—friendship is now just as easy to find as love.
To kick off this game-changing launch, BLK teamed up with TV personality and socialite Reginae Carter for the ultimate Girls’ Night In, proving that sisterhood is just as important as romance. The exclusive event was a celebration of the new feature and the power of Black women coming together to uplift one another.
“Your circle is everything,” Reginae shares with a smile, and she’s not wrong. She’s all about creating spaces where we can come together, let our hair down, and vibe with like-minded women. “We deserve spaces to meet, uplift, and vibe with each other. BLK is making that happen,” she adds.
A New Era for Friendships—Social Mode Is Here!
Gen Z is all about building meaningful connections, whether it’s with a date or a new brunch buddy. That’s why Social Mode is such a big deal. Research shows that 65% of Gen Z values friendships just as much as romantic relationships. With BLK’s new feature, users can easily toggle between “Dating” and “Social,” opening up a world of platonic connections—no swiping right required.
Bahja Rodriguez, Reginae Carter, Breaunna Womack, Lourdes Rodriguez and Zonnique Pullins attend OMG Girlz "Make A Scene" Single Release & Video Viewing Party at Trap City Cafe on March 27, 2025 in Atlanta, Georgia
Photo by Prince Williams/WireImage
Reginae Carter Hosts the Ultimate Girls’ Night In—Powered by BLK Social Mode
What better way to show Social Mode in action than with an exclusive Girls’ Night In, hosted by Reginae? The event brought together top influencers, tastemakers, and press for a night of luxury, self-care, and real talk about love, sex, and relationships. From tarot readings to perfume-making and signature cocktails, the evening embodied the “soft life” vibe that many Black women are embracing in 2025—peaceful, intentional, and full of joy.
Guests mingled, laughed, and bonded over the importance of finding a tribe that supports you. It wasn’t just about fun (although there was plenty of that!)—it was about creating a circle of inspiring, strong women. “We need to stick together. We need to be each other’s village,” Reginae says, emphasizing the power of community over competition.
Sisterhood: The Real MVP
For Reginae, it’s all about friendship—and not just the surface-level kind. “We need friends who keep it real with us. The ones who can tell us when we’re right, when we’re wrong, and when we need to calm down,” she says. As someone who navigates the spotlight, she’s got the best of both worlds: friends who understand the grind and those who can give her an honest, grounded perspective.
Her advice for building strong, intentional friendships? “Be confident in yourself and know your worth,” she explains. “Also, hurt people hurt people, so make sure you’re coming from a good place when you’re building relationships. It’s not always about being nice—sometimes it’s about being real.”
Reginae couldn’t have summed it up better: “When you have the right circle, the right tribe, everything just feels easier. And that’s exactly what BLK is giving us—space to connect, laugh, and grow with each other.”
To learn more about BLK’s Social Mode, download or update the BLK app in the App Store or Google Play Store today. Who knows? You might just find your new bestie or your next brunch crew.
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Feature image by Prince Williams/WireImage