

I celebrated my 30th birthday recently. I have not perished into a pillar of salt, so I guess you can say I'm doing pretty well. Society puts so much emphasis on turning the big 3-0 that we forget the gift of aging and the fruitfulness of life. It's time to reframe your focus around a milestone birthday and thinking you have to have everything figured out. You do not have to marginalize your success because it happened after 21, 30, 40, or beyond. Your only job is to take stock of all that you have accomplished despite internal battles, naysayers, and physical discomfort.
The fact that you are still standing is proof of your strength and tenacity.
On my journey through womanhood, I am lucky enough to have learned a few invaluable life lessons. I have thirty years of memories, some great, some good, and others are OK. Each memory has stretched and molded me into the person I am today. Below, I share with you my thoughts on turning thirty and things you should consider.
30 Thoughts on Turning 30: Lessons to Live By
- We have the power to manifest the things we want and desire by focusing on specific goals. The more clear and concise you are, the better.
- Write everything down you want to do, even if you are not brave enough to say them out loud.
- You do not have to be loud to be seen by others, but you need to show up and do the work.
- Everything on your mind does not have to be shared or tweeted.
- Being a strong woman is not a badge of honor, and you are allowed to ask for help and accept it. Even Wonder Woman had the Justice League to support her.
- Some of your biggest heartbreaks will not come from romantic relationships but the loss of a friendship. Take the time you need to process what happened and wish them well.
- You are not obligated to stay with anybody who does not see your worth; staying prolongs the inevitable.
- Bad relationships do not dictate the rest of your life. It can, however, showcase a pattern where you are the common denominator.
- Becoming a mother at 21 did not cripple me; it gave me purpose. Whether you had a child before you were ready or not, know there is help for those that ask.
- Creating the life you want to live takes courage to put yourself out there, action to get started, and discipline to follow-through.
- Travel alone at least once in your life. You will make new friends along the way if you are open.
- Parents make mistakes. Forgive them for what they do not know.
- Happy people have green grass - water often.
- Forgiveness is for you, not others.
- Before you can love anyone else, you must love yourself.
- A smile is universal. But you are not obligated to do it.
- Practicing gratitude will help you remember all the good in your life. It will also help you express compassion, build stronger relationships, and improve your mental health.
- Boundaries are a form of self-care.
- No is a complete sentence, period.
- Relinquishing control does not make you weak. Sometimes it can give you the time to focus more on yourself.
- Establish systems to help you excel in life. Part of success is knowing what you are not good at and finding ways around it.
- A good therapist is hard to find. You are allowed to keep looking until you find the right fit.
- Generational curses are no match for the favor you have over your life.
- Women are dynamic. You can twerk, love a mimosa without orange juice, and still handle your business.
- You have to teach people how to treat you. The way you believe you should be treated sets the standard for how others approach you.
- Big girls take accountability for their actions and accept the consequences. When the roles are clear, people are held accountable, and work gets done efficiently and effectively.
- If you have the knees of Meg Thee Stallion, then you are blessed. Do some hot girl shit.
- Think before you speak. Your words hold power.
- It's important to establish a healthy relationship with money. Save money from each paycheck, even if only $20.
- It is always a good idea to celebrate yourself. It does not have to be a special day or your birthday to indulge in the things you like.
Keep glowing, girl.
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Ayana Iman is a certified life coach, professional speaker, and mama of one based in New Jersey. She's also known for her love of big hair, travel, and cooking. Find her across social @AyanaIman.
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Love Is The Muse: How Skylar And Temi Built A Creative Life Together
When Temitope Ibisanmi DM’d the word “muse” to Skylar Marshai, he knew he was shooting his romantic shot. He didn’t realize, however, that he was connecting with his future business and creative partner, too.
“I was the boyfriend,” Temi says. “Everybody out there knows, you’re the cameraman at that point.”
Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Today, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak