Superfoods. What exactly are they? I'm gonna be real with you—the term itself is one that is used in marketing. Basically, it's a word to let you know when a particular food is so high in nutrients that it's basically off the charts. Well today, I'm gonna take out a moment to share with you 10 foods that make the superfood list. All of them are rich in vitamins and minerals. All of them come with loads of health benefits. And all of them are pretty damn good, both to and for you, from the very moment you put them into your mouth.
If something that you really want to focus more on right through here is being more proactive when it comes to your overall health and well-being, here are some of the foods that will totally have your back. (Oh, and the specific food dishes that I recommend in this? Click on the hyperlinks because they are connected to actual recipes. You can thank me later, chile.)
1. Mushrooms
Here's something that I'll share from personal experience. While my health is actually pretty good, something that I've had for years is a fungal infection. It's resulted in me having more yeast infections back in the day than I would like and even a couple of bouts of tinea versicolor (by the way, I read that a Black woman has recently invented a cream that combats this particular fungal infection; you can get more info on that here). Anyway, what does all of this have to do with this list? Well, while mushrooms are considered to be a superfood, they are also a fungus. Sooooo…if you're also sensitive to fungi, you might wanna pass on (or at least eat less of) 'em.
For everyone else, mushrooms contain all sorts of health benefits. They are packed with antioxidants including selenium. Selenium is dope because it decreases your chances of developing certain cancer cells, helps to prevent heart disease, reduces mental decline, promotes thyroid health and helps to boost your immune system. Some other awesome things about mushrooms is they contain a good amount of vitamins B and D, copper and potassium and the soluble fiber beta glucan which helps to reduce the risk of type 2 diabetes. If you've got inflammatory issues, mushrooms also have the antioxidant ergothioneine which helps to lower inflammation and, as a bonus, ergothioneine can also slow down aging signs from the inside out. All of these are solid reasons to make yourself some homemade stuffed mushrooms tonight, don't cha think?
2. Sweet Potatoes
Sweet potatoes are considered to be a "perfect food" because, so much of what our bodies need, on a daily basis, is found in one. For starters, sweet potatoes contain an incredible amount of vitamins A, B, C and E, along with iron, calcium, selenium, choline, magnesium and antioxidants. Every time you eat a sweet potato, you are taking proactive measures to manage your blood sugar, reduce your stress levels, fight bodily inflammation, prevent ulcers and, thanks to the antimicrobial properties that are also in sweet potatoes, they can help to protect your body from the bacteria that can ultimately lead to pneumonia. Not to mention the fact that the Vitamin C in this vegetable can help to produce collagen to give your skin a healthy glow while its Vitamin E can help to keep your skin and hair moisturized. All of this is a good enough reason to make yourself a baked sweet potato or some sweet potato fries ASAP.
3. Pomegranates
Pomegranates are the kind of fruit that you have to get on in the fall if you want to gain all of the nutrients that it has to offer. That's because pomegranates are at their peak between September thru November (although sometimes you can catch a good batch well into January). Personally, one of my favorite things about them is, in Jewish culture, one of the things that they represent is love and fertility.
However, as far as health benefits go, pomegranates are high in Vitamin C, fatty acids, and antioxidants (three times the amount of red wine, in fact). They also contain vitamins E and K, fiber, folate, and potassium. Eating pomegranates will help to reduce chronic inflammation, properties that help to prevent breast (and prostate) cancer, arthritis, and blood pressure. There are even studies to support that pomegranates can help to improve your memory and reduce oxidative stress so that it's easier to conceive. All that from a fruit that contains approximately 613 tiny little seeds in them. A great way to get pomegranate power into your system is to drink pomegranate juice (not drink; pure organic juice) which you can usually find in your local grocery store.
4. Bone Broth
As a doula, if there's one thing that I recommend the moms that I work with consume, it's bone broth. Basically, it's the stock that comes from the meaty bones and connective tissue that are left over after doing things like boiling ribs (before baking or grilling) or preparing some homemade chicken soup. The health benefits of bone broth are numerous. The amino acids in bone broth will boost your immune system and help to increase muscle mass. The L-glutamine in it will reduce gut inflammation. The calcium, Vitamin D, zinc and iron will help to keep your bones nice and strong. Also, on the nutrient tip, bone broth contains vitamins A, B, C, K and copper and boron. If you're dehydrated, bone broth's got plenty of electrolytes. Other properties in it can help to improve your quality of sleep, build stronger nails, provide arthritic and joint pain relief and, help to lighten heavy menstrual cycles too.
If you're not a vegetarian or vegan, you can get an easy-to-make recipe for bone broth here. If you happen to not eat meat, there are meat-free alternatives. Click here to make vegetarian bone broth and here to make vegan bone broth.
5. Cauliflower
Often considered to be the "white half-sibling" of broccoli (LOL), cauliflower contains all kinds of great goodness! It's rich in vitamins B, C and K, magnesium, manganese, potassium, fiber and phosphorus. Some valid perks that come with consuming cauliflower is it's the kind of veggie that is low in carbs and gluten-free (which is why so many people enjoy cauliflower rice). Also, it's got antioxidants in it to help fight off free radicals, promote healthy gut bacteria (remember that 80 percent of your immunity is within your gut) and, along with the flavonoids and carotenoids in this veggie, it can also help to keep cancer cells at bay. Cauliflower also contains choline to boost brain health while the iron in it can help your body to better absorb iron if you happen to be anemic or borderline anemic. Plus, the Vitamin K in cauliflower supports long-term bone health. So, how about making a pizza with some cauliflower crust soon?
6. Arugula
Arugula is a green that comes from the Mediterranean region. If you've never tasted it before, it has an acquired light peppery taste. Arugula is loaded with calcium, potassium, folate, zinc, iron, phosphorus and vitamins A, C and K. And, while all greens are really good for you, arugula makes the superfood list because it helps to strengthen your heart; keeps free radicals from attacking sensitive areas like your eyes; controls your blood pressure; aids in digestion; speeds up the healing process of skin ailments such as eczema and acne; enhances your athletic performance and, it's an excellent detoxifier. Honestly, that's just the tip of the iceberg (no pun intended) of this green vegetable. Yet if you're someone who enjoys fresh salads, add some arugula to them. You'll literally be eating a multi-vitamin, every time you do it.
7. Ginger
Ginger is a spice that, I'd actually be pretty shocked if you didn't know that it's wonderful at treating nausea (or morning sickness, if you're pregnant). Oh, but it does a whole lot more than that. The gingerol that's in it contains powerful medicinal properties. Because of this, ginger can reduce muscular pain and discomfort, lower blood sugar levels, soothe the discomfort that's associated with chronic indigestion and help to relieve menstrual cramps too. As if that's not awesome enough, ginger also helps to hinder the growth of abnormal cells (that could lead to cancer), helps to improve cognitive health and, it can even inhibit the growth of certain bacteria. So, why not treat your body by making yourself a cup of ginger tea? With some honey and lemon, while it's pretty spicy, it's also pretty damn good too.
8. Pears
Pears are another one of those fruits that are best bought and eaten in the fall; that's because they are in season from August thru October. They top the list of being one of the healthiest foods in the world because they are high in fiber, plus they've got a good amount of Vitamin C and copper in them as well.
Thanks to the fiber, they help to promote good gut health. Pears also have plant compounds in them; ones that will help to keep your skin glowing and your vision clear. Since they're also rich in the flavonoid antioxidant, pears can reduce bodily inflammation and help to fight the development of cancer cells. Also, the procyanidin antioxidants in this fruit can improve heart health while the nutrients zeaxanthin and lutein will keep your hair and skin looking and feeling healthy. A pear right out of your fruit bowl is good all on its own, but something that tastes absolutely amazing is fresh pear preserves.
9. Buckwheat
While growing up, something that my mother used to make, fairly often, was buckwheat pancakes. I actually liked them a lot. If you're familiar with buckwheat but you're not exactly sure what it is, it's considered to be a superfood because it's on the whole grain list. It has a good amount of protein and fiber in it, along with a high amount of potassium, phosphorus and magnesium. Some other nutrients that are found in this particular grain include calcium, iron, various kinds of Vitamin B and some Vitamin K too. Because whole grains are linked to good heart health, that's one reason to add buckwheat to your diet. Also, the fiber in it helps to aid in digestion and support weight loss. If you've got diabetes and you want to help to keep it in check, this is a grain that is also a complex carb; complex carbs help to manage glucose levels. And, since buckwheat is gluten-free, you can enjoy it, stress-free, if you happen to be allergic to wheat or barley. All good reasons to give this awesome whole grain a try.
10. Dark Chocolate
There really is no tellin' how many times I've written a health-related article and dark chocolate has gotten a shout-out in it. That's because it's the kind of food that is just that bomb! It's really high in fiber, manganese, copper, iron and magnesium. Believe it or not, dark chocolate has some fatty acids and antioxidants in it too. All of these things work together to lower your cholesterol and blood sugar levels, boost your immunity, reduce your heart disease risk, protect your skin from damaging UV rays and improve your cognitive function. Not only that but the theobromine compound (which is found in the cacao plant) along with the chemical phenethylamine that's also in dark chocolate can help to prevent depression.
Also, here's something that's a trip—theobromine has the ability to calm down your vagus nerve. Why does that matter? Your vagus nerve is what causes you to cough whenever your throat is irritated, so basically, dark chocolate serves as a cough suppressant too!
Just make sure that you get the kind of dark chocolate that contains at least 60 percent cocoa because, in order to gain all of these benefits, you need to eat pure dark chocolate, not a Snickers candy bar. Oh, but if you do, you will be partaking in the kind of superfood that will be looking out for you and your overall health and well-being for years to come. So, get to a store and cop you some ASAP. That and the rest of what's on this superfood list, sis!
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- Best Foods For Healthy Vagina - Optimal Vaginal Health - xoNecole ... ›
- The Whole Foods Shopping List Supermodel Naomi Campbell ... ›
- Eating Well: 10 Foods That Can Improve Your Mental Health ... ›
- Please Stop Eating These Breakfast Foods ASAP ›
- 8 Foods That Keep You Calm And Relaxed - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- 8 Aprodisiacs To Eat For Better Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- Foods That Enhance Melanin - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love ... ›
- The Best Foods To Fuel Your Body Post-Workout - xoNecole ... ›
- How to Taste Sweeter Down There - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- Superfoods Healthy Woman Should Eat - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Superfoods You Should Be Eating Regularly - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 12 Ways Dark Chocolate Can Benefit Your Body From Head To Toe - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Anchiy/Getty Images
New year, new dating style. Courtesy of a former sugar baby.
Being a sugar baby had its (obvious) perks, but the most significant ones didn’t center around the material benefits. To date, I have a bigger appreciation for the lessons I’ve learned and applied them to my dating life.
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by PeopleImages/ Getty Images