Butt kissers.
Suck ups.
Brown-nosers.
Boot-lickers.
These are some of the "nicer" terms of what we like to call coworkers that stroke our boss' ego to a high degree. "Butt kissers" are known to be extreme in their behavior, and are constantly looking for ways to overly impress the boss to gain respect, rewards, and perks. While I do not fully condone this type of behavior, I have to admit that the idea of "butt kissing" has a little value. I don't think that an employee should be fake and do the utmost in impressing their boss, but I do believe that an employee should look to make a good impression and build a relationship with their supervisor. While you are avoiding spending extra time with your boss because you think it will make you look like a "butt kisser", your coworker is in the office with your boss building a relationship that can possibly get them far. They are not only doing their work, but they are taking time out to establish a unique bond with the head person in charge.
If you are serious about your career and professional development, you cannot let your personal ego of not looking like a "butt kisser" get in the way of your grind. If you are thinking that working hard to build a relationship with your boss is pointless and that you work ethic will speak loud enough on its own, you are sadly mistaken. Change your mindset and think more like a strategic, well-rounded employee.
I once had a coworker that would always go visit our former boss a couple of times a week to 'just talk.' He would ask our boss about his day, his family, how his weekend went, his plans for the upcoming weekend, and other random things. As a current boss, I admit that managers are just as human as other people; in other words, we don't want to talk about work ALL the time. Sometimes as a boss, I feel closer to my staff when they talk to me about things other than work and I feel that we are building a relationship.
There were also times when my coworker would talk to our boss about things work/career related. He would bring up his work experience and passions, and would get our boss' advice on meeting his goals. Personally, I have done that plenty of times. In the company that I work for, many of our high-level professionals do not work in my same office, so unfortunately I haven't had the pleasure of meeting them in person. Nonetheless, I have never let distance or a lack of a face-to-face introduction keep me from networking and building important relationships.
Recently I decided that I needed to get to know more people in my company, just in case I ever wanted to go up for a promotion or just needed advice. I looked on my company's directory and found the emails for people that I wanted to connect with and learn from. After that, I sent a personalized email to each person and introduced myself, and also mentioned that I wanted to learn more about what they did. After they replied back to me, I emailed them back and asked if I could steal about 15 minutes of their time to further chat and learn more about them. I emailed about four people in my company and I received a positive response back from each. If you want something, you have to go after it and you cannot be timid.
Besides reaching out to people that I didn't know in my company to network with, I have also reached out to my own boss countless of times. I have met with my boss on several occasions to just chat and to also discuss my future goals and things I wanted to learn. I know the idea of 'popping in your boss' office to talk' may seem intimidating at first, or even a little weird. Honestly, it won't be weird unless you make it. Try to not think so hard about it and just use your voice and genuinely talk. Being courageous and open-minded in building a relationship with my boss wasn't something that I've always done. When I first started out in my career, I would stay in my office, with my head glued to my computer screen, trying to look and be productive. I wasn't focused on talking to my boss more than I should, or going to visit my them unless a meeting was penciled in on my agenda. I think that alone was what my problem was: I needed a perfect agenda for everything in order to make a move. Getting over this has not only landed me promotions, but it has also helped me network with others, and I have been able to build a valuable relationship with my boss.
So what can you do to build a relationship with your boss? Here are a few things that I suggest:
1.) Regularly check-in with your boss to just 'say hi.'
-Whether it is once a week or once every two weeks, take time to sit down with him or her to just chat about work-related and non-work-related items.
2.) Suggest to your boss about having a monthly informal performance review.
-Some companies only have yearly performance reviews. While a good boss meets with his or her employees informally or formally more than once a year, an even better employee will regularly seek performance feedback as well.
3.) Reach out to your boss to grab lunch with you.
-Connecting with others through good food is common. Eating lunch with your boss will not only take them out of the workplace, but it will also allow you to connect with him or her in a different atmosphere.
4.) Take initiative to learn more about what they do.
-I firmly believe that a well-rounded and more marketable employee is someone that knows more than what they were paid to do. In other words, if you are in marketing, you will be more of a well-rounded employee if you know about HR or Operations. Learning more skills will not only make your company look good, but it will make you look even better. Talk to your boss and ask them to teach you what they know. If they are like me, they will feel overjoyed and like they are making a difference.
What are some of the other ways to build a relationship with your boss? Share your thoughts below!
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To my surprise, that came in the form of social media.
Now, you might be wondering how someone might be able to juggle their work in a creatively-dominant career like writing while still having the mental capacity to produce ideas for their own personal brand, and well, that answer didn’t come easily.
In 2021, I hit a wall with writing and content creation.
With the stress and uncertainty that came as a result of the pandemic, to being burned out from having to live off my creativity, I reached a breaking point. For me, writing was always a space to explore my thoughts, process heavy topics, and express concepts that only words could bring reason to. However, when I didn’t have the brainpower to write or create content, I knew it was time to set parameters around my hobby of content creation and my passion for storytelling.
In this case, the biggest challenge was finding the balance between the two by releasing the guilt and shame of taking a break from both in order to reconnect with them.
Through years of trial and error, the fog finally cleared, and I was able to hit my stride in 2023. From garnering over 10K followers on TikTok, building an Instagram community around lifestyle and creative encouragement, along with my wellness collective, Black Girl Playground, and writing for xoNecole as a lifestyle contributor, the creative juices have been flowing steadily.
And it all happened by creating a strategy that allowed space for planning, resting, and creating. Today, I’ll be sharing my top tips to help you find your balance between your side hustle and passions.
On staying inspired and motivated when working on various content creation and freelancing projects:
Early this year, I came to the bright conclusion that I needed to shorten the gap between ideation and execution — and it completely changed how I create.
Oftentimes, when we have an idea come to us, we let it sit for too long, and then before we know it, we’ve either lost the enthusiasm to put it into action, or someone else grabs it. If you want to stay in a flow of creativity, whether side projects or full-time work, it’s important to not get slowed down by self-doubt, procrastination, or perfectionism.
Give yourself permission to act on your ideas as they come to you. Even if they’re a little muddy or not “perfect,” you can always fine-tune them later.
@yagirlaley shrinking the gap between [ideation] + [execution] 🧠💡#fyp #creativeadvice
On the importance of choosing a niche:
If there’s one thing that has helped me balance my work as a writer and content creator, it’s putting each in its own niche (or category). By definition, a niche is a specialized segment of the market or a specific area of expertise.
When you are creating in the same niche that you’re also making a living in, that’s an easy way to get your wires crossed. And at times, this could lead to feeling as if you don’t have any ideas for yourself because you’ve given them to the other area you're juggling.
When balancing two, you want to have enough fresh ideas to give to your personal projects and your full-time work to avoid any overlap. This ensures that your personal creative vision isn’t compromised when working on client projects while still having some for yourself.
On the strategies that have helped to maintain a consistent workflow in both areas:
I can’t stress enough how important it is to create a workflow and structure for yourself as a freelancer — this applies to those with a 9-5 in the day and a 5-9 at night, too.
As someone who admittedly has ADHD tendencies, object permanence can sometimes create a block in time and project management. That’s why I encourage creatives and professionals to create systems that allow you to see the work that’s ahead of you.
Personally, I can’t live without having multiple calendars going at once. My Google calendar keeps track of interviews for articles and events, while my physical calendar helps me keep track of important dates. I also work out of an Excel sheet where I can log in ongoing stories and track their status from drafting to submission. I’ve also heard great things about the Notion app for planning and tracking.
When it comes to creating content, spending time doing bulk content days has been an asset to my creative workflow. When I complete the videos, I save them to my drafts and upload them as needed.
Credit: Amberita
Courtesy of the writer
On the best advice for someone who is considering pursuing both content creation and freelancing simultaneously:
Don’t be ashamed of taking a break and resting — because both are essential to the life of a creative. Last month, I returned to Instagram after taking 6 months off from posting. During that time, I worked on growing my TikTok page, using the platform to practice vulnerability and allowing myself to put the fun back into creating content. Without the time, I can’t say I’d be able to approach Instagram with the same ease and playfulness; but thanks to that time away, it was possible.
Resting, letting our minds wander, or simply doing nothing are all just as productive as creating. No one can produce at all times, we have to allow ourselves the space for new concepts and ideas to flow to us. In addition to that, when we take breaks from social media, it allows us to stop the wheel of comparison and consume more than we create. So if you feel like you’re in a creative rut with all you want to balance, it may be time to take a step back, unapologetically.
Your creativity will thank you for it.
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Featured image by Sir Taylor
