8 Ways You Can Tell He Is The One
As a married woman, people often ask me, “How did you know he was 'the one'?" or “How will I know if he's the one?" Whether it's love at first sight, a sign, or simply a friendship that develops into something greater, everyone has their theory about how to know if the person is truly "the one."
Discerning between a temporary guy and the man you're destined to spend the rest of your life with isn't about finding the perfect person because that's impossible; rather, it's about being with the right person at the right time. I'm not perfect, my husband isn't perfect, and our relationship isn't perfect, but we're perfect for each other.
Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." Interestingly enough, my husband and I met in the club. Yes, we found love in the club!
Mind you, it doesn't always happen that way and some will say that's not possible but it worked out for us. Even though I didn't realize it at the moment, my husband literally found me when we first met. He spotted me through the crowd and made his way over to me.
It wasn't love at first sight or anything, but because of where I was in my life at that time - single, satisfied and finally content with my single status - I was finally at a comfortable place...mind, body and soul. Yes, I was still hesitant at first, but what I learned most at that time was to trust God's timing and not my own.
[Tweet "Who we are today influences who we will spend the rest of our lives with tomorrow."]
Had I met him a few years prior to that, I wouldn't have been prepared mentally, physically or spiritually - and the same was true for him.
So, how did I know he was the one?
Quite frankly, I personally don't believe there's a single, “silver bullet" when it comes to true love or when it comes to finding the right guy or vice versa. I think it happens differently for everyone, and all of us have our own experiences. It's less about how did I know and more about what was different.
Although the list isn't necessarily inclusive of everything, it provides a glimpse and a few hints, based on my personal experiences and the experiences of some of my other married friends.
1. His actions will speak louder than his words.
If there's one thing I've learned along the way about love it's that a man's actions will speak much louder than his words. During my single years, there were times when I was left heartbroken and confused because a man's words didn't align with his actions. Nevertheless, I continued to give them my all and allowed certain things to happen (lies, cheating, etc.) even though the signs were clear and it was obvious he didn't want to be with me (side note: don't ignore the signs. Green means go. Yellow means caution. Red means stop).
I can recall a long time ago when I literally drove to one of my ex's places in the late hour, begging and pleading with him because I couldn't understand why he was ignoring me and talking to other girls. The proof was in the pudding, as they say, but obviously, I wanted jello. On the flip side; however, I'll never forget when my husband and I started dating and he told me he was going to come see me every month. I didn't believe him because he was going to be nine hours away in a totally different city. But sure enough, he made that long drive at least monthly and sometimes a few times a month. This was just one of the early signs that helped me realize he could very well be the one. Hence, now I know there is no greater sign of a man who is truly in love than a man whose words are supported by his actions. He's like a walking billboard for a Nike ad because when it comes to love his motto seems to be, “Just do it."
2. You won't have to force him to be with you.
Because of my own issues within, I used to try and force so many things. Ironically, however, when we first started dating, my husband Eric pursued me persistently before I officially became his girlfriend. I wasn't trying to be exclusive with him until he worked out his lingering "situations," especially since I knew he was going to be living in a different city temporarily for school. I was in my twenties, just moved to a new city and I was "single and ready to mingle." However, he did what he needed to do to convince me, and I didn't have to beg him to be with me. I like the quote that says, “You never have to chase what wants to stay." Simply put, if a man wants to be with you, he'll be with you.
3. Your bad habits will be replaced with good habits and old emotions replaced with new ones.
Sometimes when you're so used to things being a certain way - constantly arguing, never-ending drama - you think that's how it's supposed to be. But when it's the real thing, you quickly realize what you've been missing all along. What used to always feel like constant drama will start to feel like a dream. My tears were replaced with tenderness. My anger and bitterness were replaced with happiness. My worry was replaced with trust. I didn't have to worry about what he was doing and where he was going. I realized good men aren't bad habits. They should bring out the best in you, not the worst.
4. You will be able to look back at your past relationships as a stepping stone for your new one.
Better yet, you may not have to look back at all, only to reflect and thank God for helping you to find the "good in the goodbye." I realized my past was merely rehearsal for the present. I like to say my husband loves the hell out of me in that he loves me so much that it's as if all of the hell I experienced in the past was pushed out and replaced with his love. Believe me, it's possible to replace your fear of hurt with faith in love.
5. You won't have to worry about competing for the number one spot because you will be the only one.
Like Andre 3000 said,
"So, I typed a text to a girl I used to see - Sayin that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be - And I apologize if this message gets you down - Then I CC'd every girl that I'd see see round town - And I hate to see y'all frown, but I'd rather see her smiling."
That's pretty much how it went down when we were dating. Unbeknownst to me at the time, when Eric knew he was ready to be exclusive with just me he literally sent a text around letting them know. I refused to settle for being the "sidepiece" when I knew I deserved better.
6. You will experience or remember what it feels like to be loved.
There's something about real love that makes you remember, or for the very first time know, what it feels like to love and be loved. Call me "old school," but dating my husband was practically the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to be treated like a lady by a gentleman. For a moment (or rather a few seasons), I forgot what courting and romance looked like. I forgot how nice it was to receive a hand-written poem versus just a text, but Eric reminded me very quickly. Even still today, he opens my doors for me, pulls out my chair, and treats me like I've never been treated before.
It's easy to think you might've really liked someone, but it's euphoric to know you love someone and they love you back.
7. You won't have to be someone you're not because he'll accept you for who you are.
I can be quite a character at times, especially since between the both of us I'm more of the free spirit, creative one, while my husband is more of the "Type A" personality. The good thing is we balance each other and he doesn't try to force me to be anything else other than my crazy (in a good way), emotional, driven, extroverted, "trying to do too much" self.
8. You won't have to question it.
It's kind of like the process of searching for a home or even a wedding dress, they always say, "When it's the one, you'll just know." God blessed us with female intuition and we know when something doesn't feel right and isn't right or when something feels good and it is good. For me, it's unlike anything else I've ever experienced in my life. Even during the highs and lows of our relationship, it's like a breath of fresh air. Whether we're relaxing at home and acting silly, talking or when he's wiping my tears because I'm emotional or when he's taking care of me because I'm sick, I can feel the love. As the dear and wise Maya Angelou once said, “One thing love is not is unsure."
When I sat down to write my vows, I mentioned how at one time in my life I had given up on love and how he made me believe in love again. Despite all of the craziness in our society, what we see on TV, the gossip and rumors we hear, and even the "thirsty chicks," I still believe good men do exist.
Even after reading this, some of you may still find yourselves wondering if you'll ever meet "the one" and I can't answer that for everyone because everyone has a different path, plan, and purpose. What I can say is that even though at one point you may have doubted, or you still doubt, the possibility of love it is possible to believe again.
To my married ladies, when did you know that he was the one? Let our single sisters know there's hope below!
Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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The Power Of Your Big 3: Understanding The Astrological Significance You Hold
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
Astrology has become even more mainstream and a phenomenon than it ever has in the past. We have gone beyond the, “What’s your sign?” and have moved into “What’s your big 3?” seemingly overnight, and rightly so due to the significance of knowing these important details. Your Big 3 in Astrology represents your sun sign, your moon sign, and your rising sign.
This trifecta is thought to be one of the most significant details of your birth chart and gives you and others more of a full-picture look at who you are beyond just your sun sign.
What Does Your Big 3 In Astrology Say About You?
Knowing your big 3 is important, especially if you are someone who has never really resonated with your sun sign. You read about what it means to be an Aries, but may not align with what you see or your experience with other Aries. Meanwhile, the whole time, you have a Libra rising, the complete opposite sign of Aries, and this is why you have always seen yourself as a more laid-back and less confrontational Aries.
Elements hold a key role in your birth chart and having a big 3 where the elements are all compatible or the same often signifies someone who knows who they are and is comfortable in their skin. Whereas someone with a different element for each part of their big 3 may have challenges with identity or defining who they are or how they want to present themselves. It’s a different type of perspective when looking into your big 3, and it helps you see where your strengths and needs are in life, and how to tap more into this potential.
Your Big 3 In Astrology Explained
Your big 3 can help you navigate life by understanding which part of you comes out more in different circumstances. At home, you are most like your moon sign, when you are out and about, you are most like your rising sign. Whether you are at home or out and about, your goals, purpose, and interests are most like your sun sign.
You can find out what your big 3 is by looking up a ‘Birth Chart Calculator’ on your search engine, typing in your birthday details (you will need to know your birth date, location, and the exact time you were born), and generating your birth chart.
Read below for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
YOUR SUN SIGN
Your sun sign represents the core of you and what motivates you to shine and be your best self. This is your personality, goals, purpose, identity, ego, interests, direction, and where you light up in life.
FIRE SUN (Aries Sun, Leo Sun, Sagittarius Sun)
If you are an Aries sun, a Leo sun, or a Sagittarius sun, you are outgoing, confident, fearless, and in tune with yourself and your personal goals and desires in life. You go after the things you want, and you are not afraid to take up space. You are someone who prefers to be more independent, and you are often in more leadership roles in life.
EARTH SUN (Taurus Sun, Virgo Sun, Capricorn Sun)
If you are a Taurus sun, a Virgo sun, or a Capricorn sun, you are grounded, dependable, loyal, hard-working, and logical. You prefer the finer things in life but also work hard to get where you are. You are someone others feel they can rely on, and you are often a support for other people in your life. You are very connected to the material sides of life, and have a gift for manifesting.
AIR SUN (Gemini Sun, Libra Sun, Aquarius Sun)
If you are a Gemini sun, a Libra sun, or an Aquarius sun, you are light-hearted, free-flowing, intelligent, and communicative. You speak what is on your mind, and you love to connect and communicate with others. People know you for the things you say and your out-of-the-box ideas, and you are someone who is open-minded and provides a safe space for people to be authentically themselves.
WATER SUN (Cancer Sun, Scorpio Sun, Pisces Sun)
If you are a Cancer sun, a Scorpio sun, or a Pisces sun, you are thoughtful, generous, emotional, loving, and compassionate. You care deeply about the people you love, and you are always there for others. You may be more emotional than most, and this is due to your strong intuition and open heart. You are creative, inspiring, and motivated towards connection in life.
YOUR MOON SIGN
Your moon sign represents your emotions. This is the way you express yourself emotionally, how you process your emotions, what you need in love, what makes you feel safe and nurtured, your desires, intuition, your inner world, and what’s going on beneath the surface.
FIRE MOON (Aries Moon, Leo Moon, Sagittarius Moon)
If you are an Aries moon, a Leo moon, or a Sagittarius moon, you are someone who is not afraid to communicate your emotions or how you are feeling, and you can feel your emotions from a mile away. You are confident in yourself and are someone who stands up for what you feel is right. You have a strong need to be seen and heard in your relationships, and a certain type of understanding is needed for you to emotionally thrive. You may have some challenges with anger or high energy and are working through emotional impulses in this lifetime.
EARTH MOON (Taurus Moon, Virgo Moon, Capricorn Moon)
If you are a Taurus moon, a Virgo moon, or a Capricorn moon, you are someone who is emotionally grounded, safe, comforting, and logical. You aren’t overly emotional and may not show your emotions to people much at all, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have them. You think before you speak, and you process your emotions before acting on them, and you tend to be more down-to-earth and understanding when it comes to other people’s emotional worlds as well. You are someone people go to when they need someone to talk to you as you are a very good listener.
AIR MOON (Gemini Moon, Libra Moon, Aquarius Moon)
If you are a Gemini moon, a Libra moon, or an Aquarius moon, you are someone who is fun, outgoing, and emotionally open-minded. You don’t like heavy emotions or too much emotional drama, and you tend to be more go-with-the-flow in this area of your life. Good conversation and mutual understanding are very important to you in your relationships and you want funny banter and inspiration in your connections with others.
WATER MOON (Cancer Moon, Scorpio Moon, Pisces Moon)
If you are a Cancer moon, a Scorpio moon, or a Pisces moon, you are someone who lives by their heart and values your emotional world deeply. You crave a deep type of intimacy in your partnerships and you need a partner who is going to give you that type of emotional connection. You are more private with your emotional world and you tend to hold a lot in, but this can often lead to sudden outbursts as well. Overall, you are the definition of emotion and others learn a lot from you on what it means to love and to feel.
YOUR ASCENDANT (RISING SIGN)
Your ascendant sign represents your perception and the energy you put out into the world. This is the way you come across to others, the way you express yourself, your physical traits and aesthetics, how you manifest, society, and what you expect from the world around you.
FIRE ASCENDANT (Aries Rising, Leo Rising, Sagittarius Rising)
If you are an Aries rising, a Leo rising, or a Sagittarius rising, you come across to others as confident, bold, and stylish. You are known for the way you look or the way you present yourself, and you are usually adorned in bright colors or wearing something that others take a lot of notice of. You are someone who walks into a room, and all eyes are on you, and you love that. You want to be on the move and on the go, and you love to show up in the world exactly as you are today. You see the world with a lot of possibilities and like it's yours to have fun and enjoy yourself in.
EARTH ASCENDANT (Taurus Rising, Virgo Rising, Capricorn Rising)
If you are a Taurus rising, a Virgo rising, or a Capricorn rising, you come across to others as responsible, beautiful, natural, and dependable. You are a hard worker, and you may be known for your career or the work that you do. You are someone who walks into a room and people feel an immediate sense of comfort and like you are someone they can trust. You have strong values and goals, and you are someone who knows what they want. People love to be around your down-to-earth energy, and you make others feel safe and grounded.
AIR ASCENDANT (Gemini Rising, Libra Rising, Aquarius Rising)
If you are a Gemini rising, a Libra rising, or an Aquarius rising, you come across to others as outgoing, friendly, and talkative. You see the world as a place to learn, connect, and be inspired, and you are on a quest for knowledge and understanding. You connect with people from all walks of life, and you tend to have a pretty open-minded and unique friend group. You care a lot about your style and aesthetic and always strive to be authentically you wherever you are. You can talk to people for hours and are often meeting new people and making new friends wherever you go.
WATER ASCENDANT (Cancer Rising, Scorpio Rising, Pisces Rising)
If you are a Cancer rising, a Scorpio rising, or a Pisces rising, you navigate life through the lens of your emotions, and you are deeply connected to the undercurrents of life. You are ruled by your emotions, and this side of you is not something you can keep hidden away easily. You get emotional when you think about society and others at large, and you want to be known for the kind and sincere person you are. When you walk into a room, you feel other people's energy right away and are highly empathic and intuitive.
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