8 Ways You Can Tell He Is The One
As a married woman, people often ask me, “How did you know he was 'the one'?" or “How will I know if he's the one?" Whether it's love at first sight, a sign, or simply a friendship that develops into something greater, everyone has their theory about how to know if the person is truly "the one."
Discerning between a temporary guy and the man you're destined to spend the rest of your life with isn't about finding the perfect person because that's impossible; rather, it's about being with the right person at the right time. I'm not perfect, my husband isn't perfect, and our relationship isn't perfect, but we're perfect for each other.
Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." Interestingly enough, my husband and I met in the club. Yes, we found love in the club!
Mind you, it doesn't always happen that way and some will say that's not possible but it worked out for us. Even though I didn't realize it at the moment, my husband literally found me when we first met. He spotted me through the crowd and made his way over to me.
It wasn't love at first sight or anything, but because of where I was in my life at that time - single, satisfied and finally content with my single status - I was finally at a comfortable place...mind, body and soul. Yes, I was still hesitant at first, but what I learned most at that time was to trust God's timing and not my own.
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Had I met him a few years prior to that, I wouldn't have been prepared mentally, physically or spiritually - and the same was true for him.
So, how did I know he was the one?
Quite frankly, I personally don't believe there's a single, “silver bullet" when it comes to true love or when it comes to finding the right guy or vice versa. I think it happens differently for everyone, and all of us have our own experiences. It's less about how did I know and more about what was different.
Although the list isn't necessarily inclusive of everything, it provides a glimpse and a few hints, based on my personal experiences and the experiences of some of my other married friends.
1. His actions will speak louder than his words.
If there's one thing I've learned along the way about love it's that a man's actions will speak much louder than his words. During my single years, there were times when I was left heartbroken and confused because a man's words didn't align with his actions. Nevertheless, I continued to give them my all and allowed certain things to happen (lies, cheating, etc.) even though the signs were clear and it was obvious he didn't want to be with me (side note: don't ignore the signs. Green means go. Yellow means caution. Red means stop).
I can recall a long time ago when I literally drove to one of my ex's places in the late hour, begging and pleading with him because I couldn't understand why he was ignoring me and talking to other girls. The proof was in the pudding, as they say, but obviously, I wanted jello. On the flip side; however, I'll never forget when my husband and I started dating and he told me he was going to come see me every month. I didn't believe him because he was going to be nine hours away in a totally different city. But sure enough, he made that long drive at least monthly and sometimes a few times a month. This was just one of the early signs that helped me realize he could very well be the one. Hence, now I know there is no greater sign of a man who is truly in love than a man whose words are supported by his actions. He's like a walking billboard for a Nike ad because when it comes to love his motto seems to be, “Just do it."
2. You won't have to force him to be with you.
Because of my own issues within, I used to try and force so many things. Ironically, however, when we first started dating, my husband Eric pursued me persistently before I officially became his girlfriend. I wasn't trying to be exclusive with him until he worked out his lingering "situations," especially since I knew he was going to be living in a different city temporarily for school. I was in my twenties, just moved to a new city and I was "single and ready to mingle." However, he did what he needed to do to convince me, and I didn't have to beg him to be with me. I like the quote that says, “You never have to chase what wants to stay." Simply put, if a man wants to be with you, he'll be with you.
3. Your bad habits will be replaced with good habits and old emotions replaced with new ones.
Sometimes when you're so used to things being a certain way - constantly arguing, never-ending drama - you think that's how it's supposed to be. But when it's the real thing, you quickly realize what you've been missing all along. What used to always feel like constant drama will start to feel like a dream. My tears were replaced with tenderness. My anger and bitterness were replaced with happiness. My worry was replaced with trust. I didn't have to worry about what he was doing and where he was going. I realized good men aren't bad habits. They should bring out the best in you, not the worst.
4. You will be able to look back at your past relationships as a stepping stone for your new one.
Better yet, you may not have to look back at all, only to reflect and thank God for helping you to find the "good in the goodbye." I realized my past was merely rehearsal for the present. I like to say my husband loves the hell out of me in that he loves me so much that it's as if all of the hell I experienced in the past was pushed out and replaced with his love. Believe me, it's possible to replace your fear of hurt with faith in love.
5. You won't have to worry about competing for the number one spot because you will be the only one.
Like Andre 3000 said,
"So, I typed a text to a girl I used to see - Sayin that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be - And I apologize if this message gets you down - Then I CC'd every girl that I'd see see round town - And I hate to see y'all frown, but I'd rather see her smiling."
That's pretty much how it went down when we were dating. Unbeknownst to me at the time, when Eric knew he was ready to be exclusive with just me he literally sent a text around letting them know. I refused to settle for being the "sidepiece" when I knew I deserved better.
6. You will experience or remember what it feels like to be loved.
There's something about real love that makes you remember, or for the very first time know, what it feels like to love and be loved. Call me "old school," but dating my husband was practically the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to be treated like a lady by a gentleman. For a moment (or rather a few seasons), I forgot what courting and romance looked like. I forgot how nice it was to receive a hand-written poem versus just a text, but Eric reminded me very quickly. Even still today, he opens my doors for me, pulls out my chair, and treats me like I've never been treated before.
It's easy to think you might've really liked someone, but it's euphoric to know you love someone and they love you back.
7. You won't have to be someone you're not because he'll accept you for who you are.
I can be quite a character at times, especially since between the both of us I'm more of the free spirit, creative one, while my husband is more of the "Type A" personality. The good thing is we balance each other and he doesn't try to force me to be anything else other than my crazy (in a good way), emotional, driven, extroverted, "trying to do too much" self.
8. You won't have to question it.
It's kind of like the process of searching for a home or even a wedding dress, they always say, "When it's the one, you'll just know." God blessed us with female intuition and we know when something doesn't feel right and isn't right or when something feels good and it is good. For me, it's unlike anything else I've ever experienced in my life. Even during the highs and lows of our relationship, it's like a breath of fresh air. Whether we're relaxing at home and acting silly, talking or when he's wiping my tears because I'm emotional or when he's taking care of me because I'm sick, I can feel the love. As the dear and wise Maya Angelou once said, “One thing love is not is unsure."
When I sat down to write my vows, I mentioned how at one time in my life I had given up on love and how he made me believe in love again. Despite all of the craziness in our society, what we see on TV, the gossip and rumors we hear, and even the "thirsty chicks," I still believe good men do exist.
Even after reading this, some of you may still find yourselves wondering if you'll ever meet "the one" and I can't answer that for everyone because everyone has a different path, plan, and purpose. What I can say is that even though at one point you may have doubted, or you still doubt, the possibility of love it is possible to believe again.
To my married ladies, when did you know that he was the one? Let our single sisters know there's hope below!
Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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This Luxe Hotel Made My First Time In Memphis The Perfect Vacay
Memphis is one of those cities where, when you visit, you instantly feel its soul. The southern metropolitan, nicknamed Bluff City, is located right on the banks of the “mighty” Mississippi River. It is the headquarters for some major companies, such as FedEx and AutoZone, and it is home to St. Jude Hospital and the world-famous Beale Street. Conveniently placed near the action are Hyatt Centric Beale Street and Caption by Hyatt Beale Street. These sister hotels, which are connected, have a lot to offer guests, especially those who are visiting Memphis for the first time, such as myself.
Hyatt Centric Beale Street Memphis
Hyatt Centric Beale Street Memphis rooftop bar Beck & Call
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Sitting along the Mississippi River, both hotels offer breathtaking water views from the rooms, and Hyatt Centric’s rooftop whiskey lounge, Beck & Call, which is the city’s only riverfront rooftop bar, captures expansive views of both the river and the Memphis skyline. Grab a cocktail and take in the beautiful sites Memphis has to offer or enjoy the light show the Hernando de Soto Bridge, aka the “M” Bridge, has every night. On Fridays, guests can unwind and listen to live music.
Hyatt Centric also has CIMAS Lobby Lounge, which provides breakfast bites in the morning and cocktails in the afternoon and evening. CIMAS restaurant has a delectable menu that includes Latin-infused dishes for breakfast and lunch. Other amenities include room service, an outdoor pool with a cabana and poolside dining, a concierge, a fitness center, and more. My room was comfortable and the perfect place to unwind after a full day of exploring the city. I even had a view of the river.
Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis
Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis
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While I didn’t stay at Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis, I did frequent its coffee shop/eatery called Talk Shop. Talk Shop is a laidback hangout spot that encourages community among its locals through its events like Blues & Brews and everyday activities like work (for all the remote workers) or meeting a friend for coffee or a cocktail in its beer garden. Its menu is full of variety, having everything from soft pretzels to BBQ pork sandwiches.
Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis is built into the historic Wm. C Ellis & Sons Ironworks and Machine Shop building. Everywhere you look, you are reminded of its history due to the building’s industrial charm. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t modern. The rooms are colorful and incorporate a lot of iron rods into the design, a nod to the ironworks building.
What is the Difference Between Hyatt Centric Beale Street Memphis and Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis?
Caption by Hyatt Beale Street's Talk Shop and Beer Garden
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If you’re looking for more luxury or traveling with family, then Hyatt Centric might be the better option for you. If simplicity and vibrancy are key, then you may prefer to stay at Hyatt Centric’s sister hotel, Caption by Hyatt. Either way, you can’t lose.
Memphis Attractions
Beale Street sign
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Both hotels are walkable to all the city’s attractions, but of course, I have to start with the iconic Beale Street. Beale Street is where blues orginated and it is one of Memphis’ most popular places for tourists. Walking down Beale Street, you are quickly transported into another world, especially at night. Lights fill the streets as an array of restaurants and bars entice guests with its electrifying music. If you enjoy live music, B.B. King’s Blues Club is the place to go. The restaurant was created by the legendary singer B.B. King, who got his start in blues performing on Beale Street.
BBQ Chicken Nachos at Rendezvous
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As revered as Beale Street is, it's not the only spot in town to find good food and a good vibe. For breakfast, take a quick ride to Sunrise Memphis and take your pick from the mouthwatering biscuits on its menu. If BBQ is your thing, then you are in the right spot. Memphis is known for its BBQ, and Rendezvous is one of the city’s best BBQ joints. The highlight for me is the BBQ chicken nachos, which is a Memphis stable. If you’re looking for fine dining, then Amelia Gene’s is a must. The food is exquisite as it serves food pairings that are unique and full of flavor. I especially love the food presentations of each dish, which adds to the restaurant’s ambiance.
Amelia Gene's
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Other walkable attractions are the National Civil Rights Museum, the Blues Hall of Fame, and the Orpheum Theater. The National Civil Rights Museum is located at the Lorraine Motel, which is where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was killed. However, the motel has become a memorial for Dr. King as well as the work that many historical figures have done over the years, specifically during the civil rights movement.
The Blues Hall of Fame is near the National Civil Rights Museum, and it features exhibits dedicated to blues artists and culture. It has over 400 inductees and focuses on the history and achievements of each one. The Orpheum Theater is across the street from the hotels, and it is one of Memphis’ treasured venues. Its opulence is displayed inside and out as it stands at the intersection of Main St. and Beale St. As you walk in, you are greeted by a grand staircase and crystal chandeliers hanging above.
The Orpheum Theater
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Touring the theater, you see its beauty, but like many southern businesses that have been around for generations, you also learn about the segregated history. Walking around to the side of the building, there’s a “colored entrance” that was used during segregation. You can even watch a video from people who grew up during that era as they each reflected on their experiences of going to the theater. Many cited all of the steps that they had to take to get to the balcony, which was the only area Blacks were allowed to sit.
Issac Hayes 24k gold Cadillac in Stax Museum
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If you want to take a ride around the city, then hop on the Memphis Mojo tour. This bus tour stops at many landmarks, including Sun Studios, where Elvis Pressley and other artists recorded music. Or you can explore on foot by visiting all the haunted properities on the Memphis Ghost Tour. But we all know Memphis is known for blues, so I can’t end the story without mentioning Stax Museum.
The museum is named after Stax Records, which was a record label based in Memphis that housed a number of talented musicians like soul singer Otis Redding and Grammy award-winning artist Issac Hayes. What makes this museum exciting is that it showcases a variety of photos, records, costumes, and more from the artists on the label. But the highlight was Issac’s 24k gold Cadillac, which was put on full display.
Memphis is a charming city with a rich history and tons of activities for solo travelers, friend groups, and even families. So why not add it to your travel bucket list? By staying at one of the sister properties, Hyatt Centric Beale Street Memphis and Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis, you will be surrounded by everything you need.
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