You Can Love Without Losing Your Mind, Money & Blowing Your Credit
“You’ll lose a lot of money chasing women, but you’ll never lose women chasing money,” goes a famous quote featured in the Chris Rock movie I Think I Love My Wife. Ironically, this quote is geared towards men, but it’s a lesson my mother has been teaching me since I was a little girl.
When I was younger I fantasized way more about climbing the career ladder than I ever did about my dream wedding. Even as an adult my career continues to be something that I work hard investing in. It’s not that I’m using the fact that I’m an independent career woman to excuse any pitfalls I may have had in the past on romance, it’s just always been important to me to be able to hold my own and not have to be at a man’s mercy to have the things that I want. I believe that it’s possible for all women to thrive both professionally and personally, even if society sometimes makes it seem like we have to choose. Let’s be real, Oprah may not be saying yes to the dress anytime soon, but even one of the richest women in the world has Stedman by her side.
In addition to remembering her working hard at a hospital for almost all of my life, I remember my mom always pulling a stash of rolled up twenties from under a cat figurine on her nightstand or dipping into a separate savings account set aside in case of a family emergency. It wasn’t because she was hashing some secret “leave her husband” plan, it’s because she believed in being able to contribute equally to the household. It was important to her that in the event that if someone lost a job or some other unfortunate life surprise, one person shouldn’t hold all the weight, financially or otherwise, when it came to supporting a family. She taught me being independent isn’t about just being able to get your nails done without waiting for your man’s payday, it’s about being in love but not letting your life fall apart if for whatever reason the love ends or looks a little different over time.
When I heard the story of Barvetta Singleton, the White House staffer arrested for first and second degree assault when she fired her lover’s service weapon after a dispute, I couldn’t help but wonder about the chronic problem many women face where they momentarily lose their minds over a man and end up forfeiting their own personal success because of it. Not too soon after lottery winner Marie Holmes’ name was in the headlines for spending $9 million of her $188M windfall to bail her boyfriend out of jail not just once, but twice.
I try my best not to pass judgment on other women. The truth is we’ve all made mistakes and had moments we’re not proud of, but I must say time and time again I’ve witnessed our nurturing spirits taken advantage of by men who would never pass an opportunity to do business over being in love. And I’m beginning to think it’s our own fault.
When I first started seeing my husband as an undergrad, I remember being so sprung over that man that I would dip out early on Friday classes just to beat the traffic and make the two-hour drive to see him because he had the night off. Do you think he ever turned down some overtime to see me? Of course not, at least not in the initial dating phase. It got to a point where I had to literally cut myself off from him when I realized my grades were suffering and I was completely about to blow my plan of getting my bachelor’s degree in four years and nothing more.
Don’t get it twisted. I’m not saying you can’t lose your mind a little every now in then when all you want to do is be laid up with an Idris Elba clone you’ve just started seeing. Love can make you do crazy things. What you shouldn’t do is allow a man to come hijack plans you have for yourself that were made when you had common sense and not drunk in love. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen Facebook friends disappear for a few weeks after getting their #RelationshipGoals on with their new guy, and then after a messy break up renew their commitment to going to school or getting a promotion. Losing your mind in love is why there will always be plaintiffs on Judge Judy suing ex-boyfriends over ruined credit because of the bedroom set they bought that he’s now laid up on with the next chick. Why do some women think they can only invest into one area of their life at a time?
[Tweet "Love doesn't ruin your credit score, result in a criminal record or overall disturb your well-being."]
It shouldn’t take you to a point where you’re willing to sacrifice your career or personal goals to pursue it. And any man you have to jeopardize your own personal success for probably isn’t worth having.
Have you ever did some crazy things in the name of love?
Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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6 Flexible Entry-Level Remote Careers That Truly Require No Experience
It’s always frustrating when you’re new to the job market, transitioning into something new, or you’ve taken a few gap years to care for children, and a so-called entry-level opportunity actually requires experience. If you’ve just graduated from your program or you’ve been working in another field for years, how is this possible?
Well, there are job opportunities, according to the experts at FlexJobs, that require no experience and are perfect for those who are looking to make a change or are new to an industry or role. And many of these roles are fully remote, allowing you to make money while at home (or almost anywhere in some cases.)
Here are six remote jobs that require little to no experience to help you get an idea of where to start:
1. Administrative
According to FlexJobs, there’s a demand for virtual and executive assistants who can provide support to others using the transferable skills they’ve learned either working in another industry or that they’ve been trained to do in college or a trade school. These roles require “clear communication skills and efficiency will impress potential clients and employers.” And the fun factor: You can choose what type of company or type of assistance work you want to do, oftentimes can set your own hours, and if you find purpose in helping a visionary reach their vision, this is a hit.
2. Language & Translation
Working as a translator involves “translating verbal files into written documents, using video to interpret virtually, or proofreading and cleaning up translated files.” You can also use these skills in education or for corporate communications, so if you have certifications or you’re fluent in multiple languages, this might be a good fit.
Maca and Naca/Getty Images
3. Social Media
We all know social media is here to stay, and there are lucrative ways to leverage. Brands and larger companies need passionate professionals to manage their pages, automate posts, or provide strategy, and while some professionals bring marketing degrees to these jobs, this industry is wide open for those who have skills in using popular platforms, videography, art direction, and creative voice.
4. Sales
For those who have worked in retail, have a natural gift of gab, or are motivated by the hustle, this career lane is a hit, especially when it comes to online sales jobs. Some entry-level sales positions involve working in a call center, but if you’re able to sell your transferable skills well, you can apply for sales jobs at various companies with experience from another field or a college degree from a CG in a call center environment and either taking inbound calls or making outbound calls in order to sell a product or service.
5. Customer Service
While this one can get a bad rap, it’s a great opportunity for someone looking for a change who loves serving others. Oftentimes, you can find gigs that are web-based, and several openings require no previous customer service experience. There’s also potential for growth and thriving in customer service if you’re great at sales and you land a gig at a company that rewards meeting goals every month or year. Skills in communication, typing, and professional conflict resolution are valuable in this field.
6. Travel & Hospitality
Jobs like being a travel agent allow you to help vacationers and corporate leaders alike plan, book, and troubleshoot trips, whether for business or pleasure. You can also find opportunities to work for a hotel or resort or even for small businesses that specialize in offering Airbnbs. For this job, you’ll typically need to have “good people skills and the ability to easily learn new software programs.”
Find out more about remote jobs where you need little to no experience via FlexJobs or follow them on Instagram.
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Featured image FG Trade/Getty Images