Why One Young Couple Lived Together For A Year Before Their Marriage
It was love at first sight for two freshmen at the University of Maryland, College Park.
After meeting their very first week on campus, Kevin decided it was time to make Brittany his lady just two months later. But while the connection seemed quick, it took some time for the two to finally grow into one another before Kevin thought it best to make Brittany his wife.
Seven years of dating and a Master's degree under Brittany's belt later, Brittany moved to New York to be closer to her man. After eight months of living together, Kevin popped the question.
Brittany and Kevin will be on their way to Montego, Jamaica to wed in 2017. In the meantime, read just why Kevin asked and why Brittany said 'yes.'
On Why They Lived Together Before Becoming Engaged
Kevin: Over the seven-and-a-half years that we have been dating I have come to learn that Brittany is truly a ride or die type of woman, and she always puts God and family above all else. That trait is very hard to come by and I felt lucky to be with someone that will always be there for me. That selflessness has made me into a better person. She is also highly intelligent and is not afraid to debate on topics that she is passionate about, which can make for interesting dinners. Personally, I felt it was crucial that we lived together for a year first to ensure that we can co-exist in the same home. We learned so much about each other that you wouldn't know otherwise! At the moment when you feel truly blessed to be with the one you love it is time to start looking towards the future!
How He Caught Her Eye (And Her Heart)
Brittany: The first thing that attracted me to Kevin was his assertiveness. We both noticed each other at the Freshman mixer but he took the initiative to approach me and strike up a conversation, which I was impressed with. As we got to know each other over the first few months, I realized how caring and genuine he is, which is something that I truly appreciate years later. He is always looking out for my wellbeing and making sure that I am happy, sometimes even over his own happiness. I feel very safe and secure when I'm with him and I'm confident in his ability to lead us and our future family.
As a young black woman who is very independent, it's very reassuring to have a partner that you respect and trust to make the best decisions for you and your relationship.
Another trait that I admire about Kev is his adventurous nature. Sometimes he goes overboard, like jumping off cliffs on vacation [side eye], but I can honestly say that he does motivate me to step outside of my comfort zone and be more fearless.
When It Was Time To Discuss Marriage...
Brittany: We always talked about marriage as a goal eventually, but I didn't get serious about it until I finished grad school. When we decided we would move in together. I set real expectations that I didn't want to be a girlfriend forever, but I also didn't want him to feel pressured. I wanted him to feel 100% ready because this is a serious commitment that we both needed to be prepared for.
[Tweet "I set real expectations that I didn't want to be a girlfriend forever "]
Kevin: We talked about it over the years. I think it's a natural progression of a relationship to talk about your future, which for me included marriage. I knew that once we moved in that within a year I was going to be ready to make that big step!
How She Balanced Her Career With A Long-Distance Relationship
Brittany: Honestly, it was easy to balance when you have a partner who encourages you to go after your dreams. We have both been each other's biggest advocates when it comes to motivating each other to be our very best. Kevin was very understanding when I had to make time to study and make time for friends at school. My education has always been my number onr priority and something that my parent instilled in me from a young age. I just had to have faith that if Kevin and I were meant to be, it would work out in the end (and it did!)
Being in a long-distance relationship over the years did have its challenges, but we made sure to set weekends apart to visit each other and made the most out of the times we spent together. We had the opportunity to explore two different cities (Philadelphia and NYC), which made our dates even more fun. We would use FaceTime every night and text to check-in throughout the day to helped us stay connected. We both realized that this was a temporary sacrifice to pursue and build our careers to eventually begin building our long-term future together.
How He Got the Family Involved
Kevin: Generally, I like to think about things from a long term perspective. Months before I knew that her family was traveling from Maryland to New York to visit family that was in the Bronx. It just so happened to be the same week that my family flew my grandparents up from Florida to surprise my grandma with a birthday party, which had all of her family and friends. I knew this was my time to strike!
Knowing the time frame all I had to do was plan something I felt was worthy enough to demonstrate my love. I told her family and my family that I wanted to have a brunch for Britt's birthday which was a few days before. I also called her best friends from Maryland and told them they need to make this brunch. Overall, I think that it worked out with over 50 of our family and friends able to attend. I takes a village to cultivate a relationship so I felt it important to have them invoked if possible.
Popping the Big Question
Kevin: I can admit now that I was slightly nervous. I wasn't nervous about actually proposing, but more so nervous that my plan, which took sometime to plan was going to be executed with precision.
The day started off with us waking up early and having to first visit her family in the Bronx. Her parents and grandparents traveled that same day from Maryland to visit Britt's great uncle who just had a knee replacement surgery. We make it to the Bronx at around 11am. It was great seeing her family, but that was not my main mission of the day.While we were mingling with her family, I was texting my brother and one of my friends throughout the morning to ensure that the brunch location was set! Britt loves to be around family, needless to say it was a challenge to pry her away from them so that we could make it to the brunch location on time. We ended up taking an Uber Executive and finally arrived to the pier around 1pm. Previously, I told Britt that my brother wanted to take some photos for his website and he wanted to involve us. Given that she was dressed, hair done, nails done, perfect!
Upon meeting my brother and his now fiancée at the pier, we began taking photos, partially to stall as people were arriving late of course and so that I can start thinking about the moment to come. We started to walk down the pier towards the brunch location. My brother and his fiancée started to fade to the back as Britt and I walked up. Now at this very moment in my head I thought well it's time--man up! Finally it was just me and her. I had her face the west side overlooking the water and New Jersey. I got on one knee and expressed how much she truly meant to my life and that I wanted her forever. Once the ring came out, she was shocked! I then had her turn around and about 50 yards away were 50 of our closest family and friends! Her reaction made it all worth it!
Planning their destination wedding to Jamaica
Brittany: Since both of our families are from Jamaica getting married there was kind of a no-brainer for us. Since he planned the engagement, he jokes that I am responsible for the wedding, but he will definitely be helping me to make the decisions. We want an outside wedding with either a waterfall or beach backdrop. Overall, we just want it to be one big party with friends and family. Like Kevin mentioned, we are super family-oriented so my biggest wish is that all of our friends and family will be there to help us celebrate our union.
Kevin: I think that I am most looking forward to being in the presence of family and friends. I want our wedding to not only to solidify the union between Britt and me but also solidify the union of the village of family and friends that helped to cultivate our relationship.
Do you have a love story or proposal story that you would like to share? Contact us at editor@xonecole.com, Subject ‘Proposal Story.’ Include photos and video (if possible)!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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While I was growing up, I didn’t take a lot of medicine; it simply wasn’t the type of household that I was raised in. Don’t get me wrong, if things got real crazy (like when I had chickenpox or strep throat), a round of antibiotics is exactly what I was given. However, if something could be handled in a more holistic fashion, that’s just what my mother preferred to do.
I’m pretty sure that’s a big part of the reason why one, my immune system is still going strong to this day, and two, I’m so “pro herbs” my damn self. It’s also why I like to write about the things that I’ve learned about them as often as I can. Today, what I want to tackle is some herbs that you may have never heard of that could be just what you’re looking for when it comes to achieving optimal health.
Now before diving in, I think it would be totally irresponsible of me if I didn’t advise that you only take this as an introduction to the following eight. What I mean by that is after checking out the list, please do some thorough research on your own, please pay attention to what articles may say potential side effects may be (some herbs are pretty damn powerful), and pretty please run these by your doctor before taking them (especially if you’re currently on any type of medication). At the same time, though, as an avid herb taker myself, I wouldn’t be singing the praises of them if I wasn’t such a fan of what herbs are able to do, in general.
So, are you ready to learn about some cool herbs that you (probably) don’t hear about every day? Let’s do this.
1. Aritha (Soapnut)
If you’ve ever been curious about what Ayurveda actually means, probably the easiest way to break it down is it’s a popular form of alternative medicine. One of its main philosophies is that most diseases are brought on either by stress or an imbalance in the system — and since things like asthma, diabetes, depression, obesity, and heart disease are all directly tied to stress…Ayurveda is certainly onto something.
What does this have to do with aritha (which also has the “nickname” soapnut)? It’s something that is used in Ayurveda when it comes to achieving, well, all sorts of things. Because it’s a solid source of vitamins A, E, and K, it can help to do everything from making migraines more bearable and bringing relief to asthma to reducing dandruff and taming frizzy hair. In fact, if healthy hair is your goal this year, mixing some soapnuts with some of your favorite hair products could be what makes it so much easier to get what you’re after.
2. Brahmi
Brahmi is a really interesting herb due to the things that it is able to accomplish. If you want to improve your memory, try Brahmi. Looking to get a better night’s sleep? Try Brahmi. Sick of feeling anxious and stressed out? Yep…you already know: try Brahmi. Apparently, because of its potent antioxidants and powerful anti-inflammatory properties, it can even help to improve your cognitive function and reduce ADHD symptoms. Like I oftentimes say: the more you know, the more you freakin’ know.
3. Epazote
From what I’ve read and researched about this particular herb, it’s used in a myriad of ways, from cooking to essential oils to teas (apparently, it tastes like a mixture of oregano, mint, and citrus…hmph). The reason why you might want to consider adding it to your health and wellness regimen is that it is high in fiber (which makes it great for treating constipation and bloating), it has a good amount of magnesium, potassium, and calcium in it and it can help to boost your immunity, strengthen your bones and help you to shed a few pounds. As a bonus, epazote is also good for helping to keep your blood pressure under control, too.
4. Gokshura
An herb that gets rave reviews in Chinese medicine is gokshura. Although the West is still catching up on learning about it (surprise, surprise…#totalsarcasm), men have used it to increase their testosterone while women have relied on it for menopause symptom-related relief (including irritability, hot flashes, low lubrication, and yes, a low libido too). Something else that makes this an herb worth noting is some studies have revealed that it helps strengthen ovarian health as well.
5. Mullein
If your respiratory health is what you’re trying to get under control, try mullein. Since it’s got solid anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, and antiviral properties, this is an herb that has a reputation for keeping your respiratory state in good condition. That’s why those who are looking for alternatives to medicine when it comes to coughing, bronchitis, asthma, and overall congestion sometimes rely on this herb. The way most people prefer to consume it is either in tea or powder form.
6. Rhodiola
Are you stressed out all of the time? Maybe you’re so overworked that you find yourself feeling drained and fatigued more than you would like. For both of these issues, something that brings some much-needed relief is rhodiola. Since the roots of this herb are adaptogens, and those help your body to handle stress more effectively, how could someone who doesn’t exactly watch the clock when it comes to work not have this in their possession? Plus, if working out is another way that you try to keep your stress levels under control, this is an herb that can help to improve your exercise performance, too.
7. Safed Musli
A rare herb from India that seems to be going through a bit of an international overharvesting crisis right now is safed musli which is also known as Chlorophytum borivilianum. Whether you’re looking to increase muscle mass, boost the testosterone levels in your partner, reduce stress, help to prevent hair loss, or naturally treat male infertility, safed musli is an herb whose name comes up in all of these topics as far as natural alternatives go. Impressive indeed.
8. Shatavari
Another name for Shatavari is Asparagus racemosus, and yes, it is a part of the asparagus crew. Its antioxidant properties help to fight off free radicals, its anti-inflammatory benefits are great at keeping your immune system in top shape; and if you’re looking for something that will slow down the signs of aging in your skin, Shatavari is good for that, too. Because I will always and forever be on the lookout for all-natural things that can make your sex life better than ever, that’s another reason to do your own additional research on this herb.
Word on the street is it’s so good at balancing your hormones that, not only can it give your libido a boost, it can also make PMS more bearable, it can make it easier to breastfeed and it can help with perimenopause and menopause-related symptoms. Yeah, Shatavari is that girl.
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There you have it: eight herbs that you might not have ever heard of that can do your body a world of good. Again, run them by your physician, get them from a reputable health company, and follow the directions as given. If you do all of that, you should be on your way to having some unusual herbs doing some awesome things in your life.
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