If you thought that only women abstained from sex in an effort to wait for the one man to create their soul tie with, then you’re in for a surprise!
JimDre Westbrook, aka“Worth The Wait Guy,” has made national headlines for being a 31-year-old virgin. Women are searching high and low and swiping right trying to catch a man who meets their list of marriage material credentials: a tall, attractive, college-educated, Black man with a perfect smile. Oh, and not to mention someone who isn’t in these streets adding to his body count. So how is it that a man like JimDre–who meets all of the above–has been able to abstain from sex in the prime of his life?
Let’s just say that his unwavering faith and undeniable self-discipline has kept him from taking a dip into the pool of temptation.
At the age of 14, JimDre made a vow that he would honor his body until marriage, and attributes his personal and professional success to having Jesus on the mainline. Abstaining from sex hasn’t meant that JimDre’s life is perfect. After his 30th birthday, when he went public with his story and initially became the “Worth The Wait Guy,” he was in a near fatal car accident where he was hit by a drunk driver. It totaled his car, but he walked away with only a few scratches. Instead of wondering why the God he so faithfully served would allow that to happen, JimDre looked at the accident as a blessing. He believes that it was God telling him that he was on the right path.
Even his younger sister, Jae, believes that he’s “worth the wait.” Earlier this year, she reached out to us advocating for her big brother. “I watched [my brother] boldly proclaim to the world via Facebook that he was a virgin at the age of 30-years-old. As his little sister and best friend, I knew this all along and of course, fully supported his decision. He did what he felt was right and believes that God put us on earth to share our gifts. His actions were nothing new to me. He made a special vow to God at age 14 to remain a virgin until marriage. Growing up he always encouraged me to follow my dreams, be a leader and have the courage to go right when everyone else goes left.”
Being “Worth The Wait Guy” and proclaiming his love for the Lord continues to open doors for JimDre, who’s been a guest on The Steve Harvey Show, The Tom Joyner Morning Show as well as been featured in Essence, Ebony and Jet magazines, to name a few.
We admit to becoming a little curious as well! So we reached out to JimDre (not on the “Hotline Bling”) to discuss the criticism that he’s faced being a virgin with tattoos, why men look at sex as a sport, and to get some must-read insight as to why women need to stop settling for “Netflix and Chill.”
From a young age those who grow up in the church or in religious families are taught that sinning is inevitable, but that if we repent and ask for forgiveness, GOD will still loves us. Do you feel that abstaining from sex brings you any closer to God than someone who engages in premarital sex?
I don’t think because I’m a virgin and a Christian that I’m better than anyone else; I don’t think that it makes me feel a different way than the normal or average Christian. But I do think it makes sure that I have a direct and present relationship with God, which I think is the most important thing if you’re a believer. My relationship with him has been tied to my abstaining and waiting for my wife. That doesn’t mean that I’m perfect, I’m still human. However, I believe my choice to not have sex makes my particular relationship stronger with Him.
In the Bible, Leviticus 19:28 says, “Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves.” Are there people who think that you are being hypocritical for choosing to uphold some aspects of scripture and not others?
All my tattoos have meaning, and as mentioned, I’m not perfect. I made a personal choice to have tattoos that tell the story of my life. On my left side, I have a tat representing my fraternity, Kappa Alpha Psi and my alma mater, University of Michigan, as well as a cross to represent my relationship with God. I plan to finish my left side whenever I have a wife and kids. The tattoos on my right side tell the story of my success, the businesses that I own, and remind me of how far I’ve come.
I’ve definitely been approached by people who question if I’m really a virgin and a Christian because I have tattoos. Me being “Worth The Wait Guy” is me being the vessel to tell others it’s cool to live at your own pace and keep God first. People always want to challenge me about it, but God has always been my foundation, it’s an interesting dynamic.
I’m sure you’re familiar with “Netflix and Chill” where there isn’t any courtship, it’s just men and women hanging out and engaging in sexual acts. Why do you think so many women are so willing to settle for short-term affection?
Women get frustrated, especially the good, quality women who don’t want to settle, who have high respect and high regards for themselves. But they just aren’t finding what they want and what they deserve. As time goes by and they aren’t getting exactly what they feel they need, they choose to settle. These great women end up entertaining guys who oftentimes aren’t on their level–who don’t even deserve a ‘hello’ from them, but they’re persistent. If we want something, we go for it. If a guy wants you, your conversation, your time, if he wants to be something to you, he’s going to be very clear about his intentions.
I often hear women say that “all the good guys are taken,” but can’t help but to think that maybe they haven’t done the work to figure out why they’re continuously attracting the same type of man. A lot of women get complacent because they don’t want to be alone so they start lowering their standards.
That’s how you end up having so many short-term “hookups” where you’re telling a guy to come through because you’re frustrated with what your life looks like and you’ve gotten off track from waiting for the real prize.
You have to stay focused and have faith. That’s one of the reasons why I can be a 31-year-old virgin, because I’ve never loss faith. Of course, there have been times when I say, ‘God I’m still here, hope you haven’t forgotten about me! You can bring ‘her’ to me whenever you want.’ You’re going to get down on yourself, and you may wonder why it’s taking so long. But you have to wait on God.
He’s always on time and he’s going to deliver on his promises when you’re ready!
You have to be ready for the specific things that you’re asking God to give you. And you have to ask yourself, what are you really doing with your life to get ready to receive what you’re asking for?
To your understanding, why do guys feel the need to have sex with so many women and compare body counts? Why is sex such a sport for men?
Not to say that women aren’t competitive, but men are competitive about everything. Most of us played sports growing up where we we’re taught to be better than the next man. From birth we learn that in playing a game the objective is to get somewhere before the next person. As it pertains to women, a lot of men look at it like it’s a game, and if the objective is to be “the man,” how can I do that if I only have one girl? The more women you’re involved with means the more “game” you have. It gives you leverage and it means you have options. It also makes some men feel like they’re an “expert” when it comes to women because they’ve been with so many.
I, on the other hand, don’t look at it like that. It’s not hard to engage women in conversations and date multiple women; the challenge is trying to put all of that time and effort into one woman because now you’re dealing with real feelings. You’re getting into what most men don’t want to deal with because when you’re playing all of these games and juggling all these women, there isn’t any depth to that.
Sex is oftentimes just competition with men to one up our friends.
It’s just a pressure that’s been placed on us from a young age but if you don’t buy into that and you live at your own pace then you’re okay with your one girlfriend and not out chasing multiple women. Choose to make that decision for yourself then you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing.
It seems easier said than done to abstain from sex once you’ve been sexually active. What advice do you have for women, or even young men, who have been sexually active but want to figure out how to begin abstaining?
Pray about it. If you believe in God you have to take this to Him because if you try to figure it out by yourself, it’s just not gonna happen. Be open, honest and transparent about your intentions. If a man wants to give up and abstain from sex, he has to pray for guidance and discipline, then he’ll get the love and support he needs from God. Whether or not you go to church, you can always pray. Then you have to make changes in your everyday life. If you spent your free time engaging in sexual activity now you need to figure out something constructive to do with your time. Whether it’s going to the gym, taking a class, doing community service, whatever. You need a plan so you’re not idle and you can remain steadfast and faithful to your goal.
You’re the co-owner of a clothing line, LAYOP (Live At Your Own Pace). There’s always been unwritten rules about what you should have accomplished at a particular age, and social media adds to those pressures. Can you speak to how we can “Live At [Our] Own Pace” without seeming less ambitious or less accomplished as our peers?
Live At Your Own Pace clothing is about doing what makes you happy in life. Growing up we’re told, that we’re supposed to graduate college at 22, have the perfect job by 25, get married by 28 and have all of your kids by 32 everyone paints that picture of how life is supposed to happen if you want to win. The LAYOP movement is rooted in the story of the tortoise and the hare. You may not get where you want as fast as your peers or as fast as your parents want you to get there, but all that matters is that you’re living a happy life. If you live at your own pace, you’re going to win.
What are some of your go-to scriptures that have helped you throughout your celibacy?
Romans 12:1-2 talks about keeping your body pure in God’s perfect and pleasing will, not conforming to the world because your body is a living and holy sacrifice. I’ve sacrificed my body by not having sex and giving that to God because that’s his perfect and pleasing will. Again, I’m not perfect, but the type of relationship I have with God I want to keep that as pure as I can.
At times, we’re all going to miss the mark, but I’m the “Worth The Wait Guy” because I know God is worth the wait, and I want Him to always know that. It’s one of those scriptures that’s helped me to maintain the path that I’ve been walking on. Now if abstinence or celibacy isn’t necessarily for you and you just need a verse to uplift you, Proverbs 3:5-6: ‘Trust in the Lord with everything you do and do not to lean into your own understanding. Acknowledge Him and He’ll direct your path.” Those verses apply to your everyday life. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, God should always be present. If He’s with you, you can’t lose.