Period Sex Is Not A Turn-Off
I know, I know, I know. I can only guess where your minds are after reading this title – somewhere between interested and not in a million years, disgust palpable, at the very next exit – two extremes not at all unique to the subject at hand. There's something very taboo about a crimson dick.
For whatever reason, there has been a large degree of social stigma affiliated with something naturally occurring within our bodies as women. Periods are perceived to be a "no sex zone", off limits, do not pass go, exit stage right moment on a month to month basis for four to six days, 12 months out of the year (the schedule varies for those who are irregular or on contraceptives intended to stop or regulate monthly cycles).
I've only ever heard what was wrong about periods. What made it a nuisance, what made it painful, what made it stressful, what made it barren -- empty. It is very rare that it is flipped on its head to be appreciated for what it is. By definition, it's feminine nature, and therefore it's power. It's one of those undeniable things that make you a woman, a giver of life, a creator of life. A period symbolizes that capability and is a reminder of what your womb space and canal are purposed for. That in itself is beautiful. As an extension of me and my womanhood, why couldn't it be sexy?
The tides turned and the floodgates finally opened one night a few years into my sex life where I was honest with myself and my inner desires. During ovulation, hormones within the body are believed to be at their highest, but many women (including me) also find themselves feeling heightened in their libido. There was something about being forced to refrain from sex that made me want it more, period or no period.
I tried it.
I liked it.
And though I will be very honest and say that it is not as seamless a routine as mundane sex, it can be just as primal, intimate, and -- well -- sexy.
The conversation that led me to giving it a try was relatively easy, especially because I was inebriated and with a partner who held the philosophy of “A period doesn't stop nothing but a sentence." When I dropped my ideals and adopted his, the sex flowed, no pun intended. We put down a towel, grabbed a condom (because don't be fooled, you can get pregnant while on your period, uterine lining shedding or not), and I was able to try it out without my overthinking getting in the way of what I was feeling. And it was awesome!
I've found that not only am I more sensitive and more aroused at this time, but around day three or four of my cycle, the amount of blood down there is very minimal, especially when excited. Use a shower as your love-making setting of choice to help with the clean up efforts post-coitus. The positions you choose can also be a help to alleviate the presence of your period during sex. I've found that missionary is easiest because the level of depth can be controlled a lot better. Doggy style and other positions where depth reigns truest should be avoided at the start of the period but can be worked in as the flow becomes lighter later on in the cycle.
If blood doesn't bother you much, by all means, let it go, let it flow.
My a-ha moment with how I felt about period sex led me to wondering how others outside of me viewed period sex. I expected to hear a lot more hell no's but was pleasantly surprised at the thoughts that unfolded…
“I have no issue having sex with a woman on her period, I've done it a lot actually. From my experience, my woman is extremely horny during that time anyway, and as a man who loves sex, who am I to deny her? It's not nearly as bad as people imagine it to be." – Jason R.
“I have before. And it was really good. However, I was also drunk. But I can't say I'm against it. The mindset usually is period means 'no sex'. Learning exactly what a period is actually helped me to appreciate a woman's body." – Stephen G.
“Period sex isn't bad. If you're horny, you're horny. Put a towel down and get it to it. It's just a confirmation that I'm not pregnant. It works best in relationship though. When you're in a relationship you've kinda already passed all the boundaries of trying to be cute all the time. Plus, sometimes I get super horny on my period and just want it. So who would turn down free sex especially when it helps with my cramps and my mood? Win win." – Shantell H.
“I think period sex is fine. I don't really see a big deal with it. But personally, I wouldn't do it. I'm self conscious enough as it is and I'm not ready for it." – Anna P.
“I can't see myself having sex on a period…I like foreplay too much maybe more than sex itself and not to be able to get it because Mother Nature wants to interfere, sex isn't as enjoyable for me if no foreplay is involved." – Shannon C.
“I'm cool with it. I haven't done it often, but it was always a good experience when it happened. I've never thought that a period was something that should prevent you from sharing your love. It's human, it's womanly, it's real." – Jaden A.
“Period sex is a part of life for all but some people indulge. I've indulged before. I've had protected and unprotected sex with a woman on her cycle but during the last day and maybe the first. It's not something I aim to do, but it's definitely something I'm conscious of." – Neilson B.
How do you feel about period sex? Share with me below!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Wellness And Spiritual Coach Koya Webb On Taking Up Space As A Black Woman In Yoga
There are some misconceptions about yoga and people who practice it, such as it's only for people who are flexible, thin, and/ or considered elite. However, none of those things are true, and Koya Webb is the perfect example. Koya is an international holistic health and wellness coach and yoga instructor who represents much of what yoga can do for others by allowing it to manifest in herself. The former track athlete began practicing yoga after a sports injury that affected her not only physically but mentally. As she was trying to push through the pain with yoga, she was facing another obstacle: isolation. There weren't many others who looked like her in her classes, so she felt alone.
She reflects on that tough moment in an exclusive interview with xoNecole. "When I started, it wasn't that many of us in there, and it was painful, to be honest. I couldn't touch my toes. No one looked like me. I was mentally hurt. I felt like I was gonna get my scholarship taken away. I felt hopeless," she tells us. I felt like I didn't belong there. This is not for me, and I could barely breathe, and I just wanted to cry."
However, her yoga instructor was very encouraging and helped her through her practice. "And the teacher came to me and she was just like, just breathe with me. And she just took this deep inhale, exhale, and I felt the Holy Spirit like in my body— that I identify as spirit which is full body chills. And that's how I knew I was in the right place."
"And the teacher came to me and she was just like, just breathe with me. And she just took this deep inhale, exhale, and I felt the Holy Spirit like in my body— that I identify as spirit which is full body chills. And that's how I knew I was in the right place."
She continues, "So, even throughout the pain and throughout the stiffness in my body, and even though I felt like I didn't fit in, I didn't belong. I just did it anyway, and I cried through the pain. I breathed through the pain, and after a year, I completely healed my body, strengthen my mind, and I came back to win the conference championship in the heptathlon and was ranked 13th in the nation."
But like many of us have done, Koya fell back into old habits, such as not taking care of herself and stopping yoga altogether, which resulted in another injury. This time, however, when she returned to yoga, she stuck with it and got certified as a yoga teacher. From there, she created her own online certification to encourage more Black people to teach holistic health and yoga. As a Black woman in the wellness space, Koya was in the minority and had to do some soul-searching to effectively make a change.
"It was really hard because I experienced a lot of microaggressions that I had just normalized. And I had to normalize it just to be safe, and I didn't realize I was doing it at that time. I really realized a lot during the pandemic. When I started reading like Caste, and I started going deeper into my own journey of, like, life and what does it mean to be a Black woman? You know, and what does it mean to be a leader? You know, because I would just say yes to people who would reached out to me," she says.
"I got very far in my career and then I realized it's time for me to reach out to people that are afraid to reach out. Until I start focusing on other Black women and reaching out and saying, 'Hey, let's do this.' You know, and I think that was a really pivotal point because I feel like a lot of times because we've experienced so much trauma, we're just afraid. We've been hurt so much. We're just afraid and not just the the people that don't look like us but even each other."
It was really hard because I experienced a lot of microaggressions that I had just normalized. And I had to normalize it just to be safe, and I didn't realize I was doing it at that time. I really realized a lot during the pandemic. When I started reading like Caste, and I started going deeper into my own journey of like, life and what does it mean to be a Black woman? You know, and what does it mean to be a leader?
Through her many efforts, Koya has become well known throughout the wellness community with her yoga classes, coaching, podcast, The Lifestyle Design podcast, and events like the Mind, Body + Sol Retreat. She also has a new book coming out focusing on lifestyle design, which she describes as intentionally incorporating wellness in every aspect of your life. Koya also uses her social media to motivate others to live a life of joy, love, and wellness. While she promotes positivity through her work, she also wants others to know that they, too, can start on their holistic journey by adding these simple yoga principles.
"I feel like just waking up and breathing, just mindful breath. You know, of course we're breathing all the time, but like, deep inhale, deep exhale like 10 deep inhalations and exhalations when they wake up and then just some gentle stretches in bed," she says.
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