'You're Not Latina Enough': What It Feels Like To Be Black And Latina
Have you ever encountered that moment in the beginning of a conversation of someone asking you, “What are you? What’s your ethnicity?” In responding, you ever get that twisted up look of confusion on the other person’s face, with them following up with a “really?”
It's pretty annoying.
As an Afro-Latina, I’m often tasked with breaking down my ethnicity when they spot my keychain–a Cuban flag. Internally, I cringe when I get the question because I’m brought back to a place, circa 2002, when a classmate (also Afro-Cuban) questioned my Cuban side because of my hair. It was “too thick” or “too Black” to be that of someone who was of Latina-descent. Instead of viewing it as ignorance, I was inflicted by her words because maybe I “couldn’t be down.” Maybe my hair would X me out of the picture. I was too young to know myself, and often gave other people that authority to label and identify me as they saw fit.
That moment will forever stay with me, as it brought about this identity crisis of a young woman trying to find a place somewhere--trying to identify with who I was and where I came from.
In wanting my hair to be curly instead of these kinky type tresses that I covered up with protective styles, I didn’t feel like I could belong or openly say I was half-Latina.
Everyone would be that classmate and I would be transported back to that moment in my high school’s cafeteria. In wanting to be just a tad bit lighter, I thought I wouldn’t be faced with those looks of bewilderment, yet, I had women like Celia Cruz, La Lupe, and Nancy Morejon show me that Latinas don’t fit that one color-fits all box.
But I got older and inquired more about my father, where he came from, and how it was inherently a part of who I was, even if I didn’t speak the language fluently or fit the look of what a Latina is. In educating myself on my background, I blossomed into who I am today and found my place. But others, years later, are still struggling with both, self-acceptance, and societal approval in identifying with their backgrounds without the questions that follow. I recently read an article on the Huffington Post titled, “Too Latina To Be Black, Too Black To Be Latina,” with writer, Aleichia Williams, sharing her own “race crisis” and the thought that one must identify with one side more than the other. For those of mixed nationality, it’s an aggravating reality for most of us, including television personality Lala Anthony who wrote in a 2010 personal essay titled, "Yo Soy Boricua":
A lot of people don’t realize that I’m Latina, which is fine. One thing about being Latina is that there isn’t one look that comes with the territory. I don’t expect people to know my cultural background just by glancing at me. I do, however, expect that when I tell people my family is from Puerto Rico, that I will be believed and not accused of trying to be something that I’m not. It usually goes something like this: a person having a conversation with me discovers one way or another that I’m Puerto Rican and fluent in Spanish. That person then expresses their shock over these realizations for any number of reasons—common responses are, "You don’t look Latina" and "I thought you were black!" I never said I wasn’t black. And since when does being black and being Latina have to be mutually exclusive?In my experience, people tend to have an uninformed and rather narrow view of what it means to be Puerto Rican. For me, not looking like some people’s idea of a typical Latina has been challenging and often painful. I constantly find myself trying to justify who I am, and why should I? I’m proud of my heritage and my family.
She added:
I’m not angry with anyone who doesn’t understand the complexities of race and culture. And I’m also not interested in having long, drawn out conversations about how it’s possible for me to look like this and speak Spanish. In fact, sometimes I make it a point not to mention my parents’ birthplace because I don’t always feel like having the inevitable discussion that follows. Instead, I let people look at me and come to their own conclusions. As I start to get my feet wet in Hollywood, I already know that there are certain parts I won’t even be considered for. The character can be Puerto Rican and speak Spanish just like me, but Hollywood defines Latina as Jennifer Lopez and Sofia Vergara. As beautiful as they are, we’re not all one race in Latin America.
Gracias @peopleenespanol por todo el apoyo. Por tener fe en mi carrera y elevar la comunidad Latina . Por favor de recoger su copia!!! Thank you to @peopleenespanol for believing in my journey. For putting faith behind my career and uplifting the many hard working and successful Latinos in this country. Pick up for copy in just a few days!!!!
A photo posted by Gina Rodriguez (@hereisgina) on
Back in August of 2015, Gina Rodriguez was also criticized for not being "Latina enough" after using faulty spanish in a social media post promoting her new People En Español cover. After a commenter went as far as to say she was using “her heritage as marketing,” The Jane the Virgin star visited Huffington Post Live and spoke on the notion that one must be fluent in the language to fully identify with their background.
“To put us in a box is unfair...I'm going to be reprimanded by a culture that I'm supposed to support and is supposed to support me because of the way I was raised?...So often we just people by their first appearance. So often we judge people if they speak Spanish or don’t...You want to tell me I'm not Latino enough? Why don't you stop speaking and look in the mirror and speak to yourself, because you're telling me something that you actually probably feel about yourself. Because hurt people hurt people...I am as Latina as they come. And I am not defined by anybody's definition of Latina. I don't actually sit in a definition. I walk in my world, happily and confidently.”
How many of us by live “by the rules,” exemplify the traditional definitions of how things are supposed to be, and end up feeling like we were confined to an antiquated way of thinking? Like Lala Anthony and Gina Rodriguez, I don’t want to sit in a definition of what a “real” Latina is supposed to be. There comes a point where you have to fall into your own interpretation of what something is to you–and be comfortable with it. Sharing identical ways of thinking makes for a boring world with people in search of individuality at some point. Where else would diversity rise from?
A lot of people don't understand that conforming into these ideas of what makes someone something or transforming our appearance to fit that mold is a self-inflicting process.
Telling someone that aren't enough of something, questioning someone's ethnicity because of looks and language, and invalidating a person because they don't fit your archetype, isn't just wrong, but damaging.
[Tweet "I didn't love who I was for years because my “hair said otherwise.”"]
Someone had control over something they had no right to define. That's why I fully appreciate Ain't I Latina? and Latinos Break The Mold, as it challenges those “typical” models people are accustomed to seeing and highlights the diversity in being Latina.
At 29, I’ve become increasingly prepared for the questions, and while there are times I’ll provide of a breakdown of my background, sometimes I don’t care to give an explanation. I am who I am and I’m proud of it–thick hair, brown skin, non-fluency in Spanish, and all. Thank God for clarity, acceptance, and living outside of that box.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Stress Awareness Month: Sneaky Workplace Triggers Affecting Black Women, And How To Cope
We all know about the major stress triggers of everyday life, from relationship woes to monthly bills to unexpected emergencies, but there are small, subtle triggers that impact Black women in a big way, especially when it comes to work. It’s good to be aware of these sneaky stressors in order to maximize your day and find ways to incorporate solutions into your self-care routines.
Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
valentinrussanov/Getty Images
How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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