Why Becky with the Good Hair Is Bigger Than Infidelity
After Beyonce’s groundbreaking release of "Lemonade" on April 23rd, social media has been ablaze with talk of “Becky with the good hair.” Many took to Rachel Roy’s (and Rachel Ray’s) feed dropping lemon and bees like there was no tomorrow accusing her of being the aforementioned Becky. Others went back and forth with Iggy Azealia who felt the line was a racial attack on white women. The reference, however, deals with a much larger elephant in the room.
From corsets to waist trainers, women have worked for centuries to keep up with the world’s ever-changing beauty standards. The women views as beautiful enough to grace magazine covers and TV screens have traditionally been white (or very light), skinny, with straight hair. Black women see this everywhere they go, yet fit nowhere in this mold.
In a Time interview with Misty Copeland President Obama speaks to this truth by stating, “Women are put under enormous pressure to look a certain way. The pressure, I think, is historically always has been harder on African American women” when asked about how culture affects his daughters. This pressure he speaks of is trying to feel beautiful in a country that says we are not.
[Tweet "Black being inferior is ingrained in our history."]
Black being inferior is ingrained in our history. Even after slave masters had no say in the division of porch and field negroes we still continued to separate ourselves according to the shade of our skin. Anyone with skin darker than a brown paper bag did not merit inclusion into many major black organizations including fraternities, sororities, churches, and civic groups.
Though the brown bag test is no longer an openly stated qualifier, women with darker skin, fuller lips, larger waists, wider noses, and short, coarse hair are still outliers on the beauty scale. This is not only true in white communities, but black ones as well. Our psyches have been drowned in European standards for so long we truly began to believe that their definition of beauty is the only one.
Growing up I don’t remember anyone specifically telling me “blacker skin is ugly”, but I do remember thinking “I don't have enough confidence to be dark skined” as early as middle school. It was as if a chip was put in my brain that switched on the moment I became interested in the way I looked. I was happy that my skin wasn’t as dark as some girls or my hair as short and nappy, but I wished day and night that my lips and nose were smaller.
Fast forward to late 2015 and people are appreciating full lips, big butts, and cornrows but not on black women. Everything we’ve ever been is taken, repackaged and celebrated. It’s seriously like a scene from Bring it On.
Lil’ Kim has recently been all over the news after debuting her new face and though people may think it’s funny, it’s really sad.
It seems easy for everyone to look at the photos and speculate on her insecurities and mental state without looking at what she’s been through. She said herself in an interview with Newsweek:
All my life men have told me I wasn't pretty enough--even the men I was dating. And I'd be like, 'Well, why are you with me, then?' It's always been men putting me down just like my dad. To this day when someone says I'm cute, I can't see it. I don't see it no matter what anybody says.Guys always cheated on me with women who were European-looking. You know, the long-hair type. Really beautiful women that left me thinking, 'How I can I compete with that?' Being a regular black girl wasn't good enough.”
When all you’ve heard is that you’re not good enough, and all you see in media is the exact opposite of you, what do you do? How do you stay strong and confident in yourself? How do you remain confident in yourself and your looks when all anyone in your industry talks about is slim red bones and foreign women?
So, here she is today with significantly lighter skin, a thin nose and blonde hair. She is one of the most public examples that people are still socialized to believe that black is not beautiful. And even after altering herself to look like what society says is beautiful she still isn’t “good enough.”
It’s sad that it’s taken this long for people like Viola Davis and Kelly Rowland to speak out and actively want to change society’s views on beauty. What’s even worse is that people are actively fighting to keep it the same.
[Tweet "Becky with the good hair is more than just some white girl."]
Becky with the good hair is more than just some white girl. It’s Vanity and Appolonia. It’s Kylie making big lips cool and claiming to have invented the wig. It’s the media saying Kim Kardashian ushered in the age of the booty. It’s being the baddest b***h in the game and your husband needing the exact opposite of you to find satisfaction.
So, if we want to be tired of Becky and want to send our cheating men right back where they came from, we will do that. And Iggy and any other woman who feel that “Becky” directly attacks them and whatever lip service they do (or don’t) like to provide --don't take offense. Becky with the good hair is bigger than you.
_____________________________________________
Tiffany Perkins is the co-creator and resident natural hair guru at Tiffandcoco.com. Lover of lipstick and empowered women, Tiffany aims to encourage women to find their passion + live in it. Connect with her on Twitter and Instagram to learn more.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
6 Spring Events To Boost Your Professional And Social Networks
When spring arrives, we all want to be outside, looking fabulous, and back to socializing. And now is the perfect time to add a few great events to your calendar to get you through the quarter in order to make new friends, build new partnerships, and talk new opportunities to level up.
Spring is a high season for networking and social events for Black women, with many organizations and event entrepreneurs booking prime locations and offering dynamic experiences that you can maximize in whatever way possible. Write down your goals, and get out there. Start with a few of these events between now and the start of summer:
New Orleans Jazz And Heritage Festival, April 23 - May 3
The New Orleans Jazz And Heritage Festival is a 10-day event held over two weekends, bringing together thousands of musicians, craftspeople, and food lovers to share in common threads of culture in the heart of New Orleans. You'll get to enjoy works by artisans local to Louisiana as well as from across the U.S. and around the world.
Black Food Truck Festival, April 26-28
Hosted in Charleston, S.C., the Black Food Truck Festival includes an opening party, access to more than two dozen food truck vendors, and a time to workout with other attendees. Charleston has long been known as a Southern foodie destination, with global recognition due to James Beard-awarded chefs heading popular restaurants there and a renewed focus on Gullah and Geechee culture and food in the region. And what better conversation ice-breaker than to talk about food with a new acquaintance?
Black Women's Mental Health Conference, May 4
Hosted by New York University, this is a one-day event to tackle issues of mental wellness and health that uniquely affect Black women and girls. The keynote speaker for this year is Kim Young, MSW, LCSW, founder of Dope Black Social Worker® and host of the podcast Revolutionary Hoodrat, and leading licensed professionals in the field will offer their insights and share their experiences. And, of course, no college-led event is without time blocked specifically for networking.
Strength of a Woman Festival, May 11-12
Anything with Mary J. Blige headlining or leading is a win, especially if we're talking about women's empowerment and enjoyment. This event will be held in New York City, and beyond the performances from some of our favorites like Muni Long, Jill Scott, and The Clark Sisters, there will be a Gospel Brunch. And even if you're not able to attend or concerts aren't your thing, just being in the city during that time will mean you're bound to run into plenty of other women to network with at local bars and restaurants nearby.
Carefree Black Girl Cookout, May 4
Held in the Queen City, Charlotte, N.C., this is a day festival amplifying the voices and brands of Black women entrepreneurs, artists, and creatives. There will be vendors, glam and beauty bars, and complimentary meals for the first hour (according to the platform's website). They're hosting another cookout in Philadelphia on May 25.
Black Women Leading Live, May 13-16
Touted as an “intimate retreat + conference,” this Virginia Beach, VA event will be held on a resort and is offering a professional development experience led by Laura Knights, founder of the Black Woman Leading® program and podcast. It’s an ideal fit if you’re a mid-level or senior professional, as the topics and approach are set to cater to those levels of career experience, with coaches and speakers pouring into attendees with a holistic approach.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by PIKSEL/Getty Images