Why Becky with the Good Hair Is Bigger Than Infidelity
After Beyonce’s groundbreaking release of "Lemonade" on April 23rd, social media has been ablaze with talk of “Becky with the good hair.” Many took to Rachel Roy’s (and Rachel Ray’s) feed dropping lemon and bees like there was no tomorrow accusing her of being the aforementioned Becky. Others went back and forth with Iggy Azealia who felt the line was a racial attack on white women. The reference, however, deals with a much larger elephant in the room.
From corsets to waist trainers, women have worked for centuries to keep up with the world’s ever-changing beauty standards. The women views as beautiful enough to grace magazine covers and TV screens have traditionally been white (or very light), skinny, with straight hair. Black women see this everywhere they go, yet fit nowhere in this mold.
In a Time interview with Misty Copeland President Obama speaks to this truth by stating, “Women are put under enormous pressure to look a certain way. The pressure, I think, is historically always has been harder on African American women” when asked about how culture affects his daughters. This pressure he speaks of is trying to feel beautiful in a country that says we are not.
[Tweet "Black being inferior is ingrained in our history."]
Black being inferior is ingrained in our history. Even after slave masters had no say in the division of porch and field negroes we still continued to separate ourselves according to the shade of our skin. Anyone with skin darker than a brown paper bag did not merit inclusion into many major black organizations including fraternities, sororities, churches, and civic groups.
Though the brown bag test is no longer an openly stated qualifier, women with darker skin, fuller lips, larger waists, wider noses, and short, coarse hair are still outliers on the beauty scale. This is not only true in white communities, but black ones as well. Our psyches have been drowned in European standards for so long we truly began to believe that their definition of beauty is the only one.
Growing up I don’t remember anyone specifically telling me “blacker skin is ugly”, but I do remember thinking “I don't have enough confidence to be dark skined” as early as middle school. It was as if a chip was put in my brain that switched on the moment I became interested in the way I looked. I was happy that my skin wasn’t as dark as some girls or my hair as short and nappy, but I wished day and night that my lips and nose were smaller.
Fast forward to late 2015 and people are appreciating full lips, big butts, and cornrows but not on black women. Everything we’ve ever been is taken, repackaged and celebrated. It’s seriously like a scene from Bring it On.
Lil’ Kim has recently been all over the news after debuting her new face and though people may think it’s funny, it’s really sad.
It seems easy for everyone to look at the photos and speculate on her insecurities and mental state without looking at what she’s been through. She said herself in an interview with Newsweek:
All my life men have told me I wasn't pretty enough--even the men I was dating. And I'd be like, 'Well, why are you with me, then?' It's always been men putting me down just like my dad. To this day when someone says I'm cute, I can't see it. I don't see it no matter what anybody says.Guys always cheated on me with women who were European-looking. You know, the long-hair type. Really beautiful women that left me thinking, 'How I can I compete with that?' Being a regular black girl wasn't good enough.”
When all you’ve heard is that you’re not good enough, and all you see in media is the exact opposite of you, what do you do? How do you stay strong and confident in yourself? How do you remain confident in yourself and your looks when all anyone in your industry talks about is slim red bones and foreign women?
So, here she is today with significantly lighter skin, a thin nose and blonde hair. She is one of the most public examples that people are still socialized to believe that black is not beautiful. And even after altering herself to look like what society says is beautiful she still isn’t “good enough.”
It’s sad that it’s taken this long for people like Viola Davis and Kelly Rowland to speak out and actively want to change society’s views on beauty. What’s even worse is that people are actively fighting to keep it the same.
[Tweet "Becky with the good hair is more than just some white girl."]
Becky with the good hair is more than just some white girl. It’s Vanity and Appolonia. It’s Kylie making big lips cool and claiming to have invented the wig. It’s the media saying Kim Kardashian ushered in the age of the booty. It’s being the baddest b***h in the game and your husband needing the exact opposite of you to find satisfaction.
So, if we want to be tired of Becky and want to send our cheating men right back where they came from, we will do that. And Iggy and any other woman who feel that “Becky” directly attacks them and whatever lip service they do (or don’t) like to provide --don't take offense. Becky with the good hair is bigger than you.
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Tiffany Perkins is the co-creator and resident natural hair guru at Tiffandcoco.com. Lover of lipstick and empowered women, Tiffany aims to encourage women to find their passion + live in it. Connect with her on Twitter and Instagram to learn more.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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About Face: Temela Omofonmwan's Skincare Journey Started As A Family Affair
In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on a daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
Having glowing skin is an art that many strive to perfect, and Temela Omofonmwan has radiant skin down to a science. She frequently shares her secrets with her TikTok followers, opening up about products and overall skincare hacks that have given her a perfect radiance.
Skincare is a daily ritual to some, but to Omofonmwan, skincare has always been a family affair. “I like to joke that I’m a shea butter baby because my earliest memories were my mom giving me oat baths and making sure I was moisturized,” says Omofonmwan. Her mother’s passion for healthy skincare naturally weaved into her daughter. Omofonmwan began experimenting with different skincare products as she grew into her youth and was heavily guided by other beauty gurus telling her the latest skincare trends.
With enthusiasm, Omofonmwan went to her local drugstore with the goal of obtaining the skin of her idols, Angela Bassett and Halle Berry. However, Omofonmwan quickly learned the adverse side effects of trying too many skincare products. Omofonmwan tells us, “I have damaged my skin barrier. Then, I’d have to figure out how to fix that problem. It slowly became a rabbit hole of fixing different issues with my skin when I barely had anything to begin with.”
Omofonmwan experience is radically relatable to most young girls and women today. Constantly being influenced to fix non-existent issues. Still, we run to our local beauty stores, hoping to achieve skin on par with societal standards. Moisturizers, serums, and beauty tools occupy our self-appreciation for our skin's essence. We become trapped within the rat race of beauty trends, and the moment we complete the marathon, another beauty product hits the market for us to chase after.
There comes a point when we must ask ourselves if we are running towards “skin goals” or further away from who we are.
Courtesy
“I’ve learned not to fixate on things anymore. I’m not trying to fix everything that’s ‘wrong with me’ because nothing is. I was just influenced to think that it was,” says Omofonmwan. Knowing the influence of social media and being on the content creator side has allowed Omofonmwan to be aware of her influence. Along with skincare videos, she frequently shares trending sounds making fun of daily life. Her sense of humor is a nod to remind us all not to take life or beauty trends too seriously.
Still, Omofonmwan radiates as she discusses the views on the world of beauty. I couldn’t help but ask about her skincare routine. Read below to learn more about what she shared.
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Keep scrolling for more insight into Temela Omofonmwan’s morning and night skincare routines.
Temela's Morning Skincare Routine:
Step One: Gua Sha
Pink Moon
“I need this to depuff my eyes in the morning. I either use this or cold spoons to bring down my puffiness.”
Step Two: Hero Cosmetics Cleanser
Amazon
“I have sensitive skin, so I like to keep my cleanser as basic as possible. It’s also affordable, and I love that so much.”
Step Three: La Roche-Posay Moisturizer
Amazon
“I love it because it’s not too heavy. I can also wear them in the winter and summer, which is great because I don’t have to change them! It’s also an affordable product people can use.”
Step Five: Summer Fridays Facial Oil
Amazon
“I use this to lock everything in for the day. My skin needs to stay moisturized, and this helps.”
Temela's Nighttime Skincare Routine:
Step One: Hero Cosmetics Cream Cleanser
Amazon
“This is the same cleanser I use in the morning, and it works just as well at night.”
Step Two: La Roche-Posay Night Moisturizer
Amazon
“This is similar to the morning moisturizer, but it’s just the nighttime version. I loved their daytime moisturizer, and once I like something, I need it in all variations.”
Step Three: Medik8 Retinal 6
Medik8
“If you have super sensitive skin, this is a good one. It is expensive, but for me, it’s worth it.”
Step Four: Summer Fridays Facial Oil
Amazon
“Again, I love to lock in my moisture so it can last. I use this product day and night to ensure I’m as moisturized as possible.”
Extra Skin Treatment(s):
I’m From Honey Mask
I'm From
“Every once in a while, I like to include a honey mask in my routine. I gravitate to this on days when my skin feels dry. Honey masks are naturally healing and hydrating.”
Laser Facial By Dr. Michelle Henry
“I’ve been adding lasers for the past two years, and I’ve been loving them. They’ve made such a huge difference in my skin by not making me break out as much. I currently see Dr. Michelle Henry in New York City, and she is absolutely amazing!”
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Featured image courtesy