Kori's Story, as told to Brenda Alexander:
Although I hate to be categorized, if I have to check a box on a US Census form, I would identify as lesbian. I always have.
I've been in long-term committed relationships with women and despite my mother's desire for grandchildren the "natural way" and her loving skepticism regarding my "lifestyle," I've always been confident in my partnerships. And that has been accepted from those who love me.
However, I do not conform to normalities.
I consider myself a free spirit. I'm a lover of people and attracted to energy. I'm a user of mood rings and sage, someone who goes with the flow and believes in constant evolution and recreating and/or redefining oneself as one continues their journey of self-discovery. That too is known by all those close to me. It's the reason why when I ended up pregnant after a celebratory week in Vegas for my birthday, my friends did not question how it came to be.
It seemed like a set up from the beginning. I had just gotten out of a dysfunctional relationship with my ex-live-in-girlfriend of several years. It was one of those relationships where one took on the role of teacher, or as my mama would say "a clean up woman," where you work tirelessly to mold and groom your significant other into the person you believe is a true representation of their full potential. But the drama it took to get them there was a complete and utter turn off that left you drained and eager for a spiritual cleanse to get rid of them.
My birthday was approaching and I figured a girls trip to Vegas would be a great way to celebrate being singleand ring in my personal New Year. I booked my flights and Airbnb and was determined to take Vegas by storm! We were all flying in from different cities and since I was traveling alone, I figured I deserved the absolute most. When the service attendant asked me if I wanted to upgrade from coach to first class for a small fee upon check-in, I said, "Yes."
With free champagne and a meal, I was off to a good start. And then I saw him.
While walking to my seat, he called my name. "Kori," he yelled.
Caught off guard, I turned and gave him a hug when I recognized it was him. We shared a mutual friend who he went to college with. We hung out over the years and he was always into me but I never gave him the time of day. But, that didn't stop his pursuit of me. Whenever I did see him, he'd always remind me, "I know you aren't interested but if you change your mind, I'm here," he'd tell me. Our friends thought we would be perfect together. I thought he was nice looking, a cool and sweet guy but paid him no mind. I NEVER saw him in that way.
We chatted for a moment. He told me he was headed to Vegas on business and ironically knew from our friend's social media that I was headed there for pleasure. "Maybe we can all link up at some point," he said, hopeful. That was the end of our conversation. I went to my seat, sipped on my prosecco, and mellowed out before takeoff.
This wasn't your usual party all day and night Vegas experience. Instead, I wanted to bask in my new freedom with some adult-like excursions. We traded three nights worth of club hopping for a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon, wine and bourbon tastings, high tea at the Cha Garden, and a host of lunches, brunches and even a four-course dinner. Cocktails flowed consistently and there were many outfit changes accompanied with Instagram postings for my followers to envy.
Then came the night in question.
On our final night, instead of paying a cover charge and waiting in line with 4-inch heels to get into the latest hotspot on The Strip that we would have to Uber to and from, it made more sense to me to throw a kickback-style shindig at our Airbnb, fill up the fridge with some gin and juice, and top it off with bottles of Hennessy X for us to share, which I later learned was the Devil's nectar.
He was invited and brought some of his coworkers along with him to make it an even number of girls and guys for a full-on house party. The ratchet playlist was in full-effect and the drinks were on pour. He made his way over to me and we ended up in our own corner. We're talking, laughing, and enjoying the libations. It was the first time in a long time that I could be my authentic self, with no restrictions. Of course, the punch gives liquid courage; but nonetheless, I was enjoying myself with him.
As the night went on, the rest of the group dwindled into their own worlds. Some went outside to enjoy the chronic, others went into separate rooms and there were a few who just couldn't hang and called it an early night. He and I went to my room where we continued our conversation. While there, he kept telling me how much he has always been into me and this time, I was more flattered than in the past. After a while, he started looking and sounding more attractive than before.
I think every woman has at least one instance in their lives when they have that moment where they know it's going down - when they want it to go down - and this was mine.
I thought to myself, "I'm single, I'm in Vegas and I'm with him. So why not?!" What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right?
Wrong! Because just a little over a month later, Aunt Flo, who always calls and raises hell at the same time each month, decided to go on her own vacation and not give me a heads up.
The symptoms were subtle but I knew something was off. As a girl who never cramped during her cycle, I all of a sudden had unbearable stomach pain. I've always enjoyed a good nap or two, but I was sleeping almost all day and could barely get through work. I knew it was a strong possibility so during a trip to Walmart, I picked up a few tests.
Before I could even finish peeing on the stick, the two lines generated and confirmed my suspicions.
Hell, blame it on the Henny.
He and I kept in touch post our Vegas rendezvous and began to develop something special, so I wasn't hesitant to tell him, but this was something life-changing. In case he decided to ghost me, I let him know that abortion was something I personally would not do and that I had no problem relinquishing him of his parental rights early and moving along with our one hit wonder by my lonesome.
Of course, he was thrilled to have seemingly trapped me. The idea of him not being a father to our child was out of the question for him. And, possibly having a family together, if I would have him, was ideal.
So here we are - expectant parents and in a new relationship of sorts. As always, I am taking this new journey in stride and excited for the possibilities to come - and the modern family I've created.
All I have to say is, Thanksgiving dinner with the family will be interesting this year.
- As told to Brenda Alexander
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissons@xonecole.com
Featured image by Getty Images
RELATED
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Feature image courtesy
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris