There is nothing like giving birth to a beautiful baby. The amazing feeling you get after counting those cute little fingers and toes and knowing that they were born happy and healthy is one that every mother-to-be dreams about. For some women, it is enough to have loved ones present for that special moment and to be able to hold your little bundle of joy after hours of labor, but for others-- they want a little more.
Today, women are looking for special gifts from their men to show their appreciation for giving birth to their children. Some of these gifts are simple and sweet; others are necessary and practical. Then there are the gifts that are so exquisite and expensive that it would be in poor taste to talk how many zeros are at the end of the price tag. We are talking about the latest trend for birthing mothers called “push presents.”
A push present, also known as a baby mama gift or baby bauble, is a gift that a father gives to the mother in the occasion of childbirth. From a simple bracelet to a fast-paced car, this trend is surprisingly gaining more traction.
Keeping Up with the Kardashian’s reality star, Kim Kardashian, requested a “push present” from her husband Kanye West for the birth of their second child, Saint West. She asked for a Lorraine Schwartz diamond choker that is priced at $1M from her husband. She revealed:
“We women go through an entire pregnancy carrying a baby…of course it only makes sense that we get something amazing to show how amazing we are! LOL! Do you guys believe in a push present? I never did, but all of my friends do! We have the funniest e-mail chains discussing it.”
Kim is not the first and only celebrity granted a lavish gift for giving birth. Mariah Carey received a $12,000 necklace studded with diamonds and pink sapphires by her husband, Nick Cannon, after the 2011 birth of their twins. Jessica Alba's $54,000 Franck Muller gold and diamond watch was a special gift from her husband Cash Warren, in 2011. Let’s not forget that Latin crooner, Mark Anthony, allegedly showered his ex-wife, Jennifer Lopez, with a $300,000 canary diamond ring and $2.5 million earrings.
As this trend continues to grow, it makes us wonder, does that mean that having a child now has a price tag? Are women now demanding gifts in order to birth children for
Mariah Carey push present
men? Do women deserve these special gifts for giving birth? Will having children become too expensive for men?
According to a 2007 survey by BabyCenter (over 30,000 respondents):
- 38% of new mothers received a push present
- 55% of pregnant mothers wanted one, though fewer thought it was actually expected
- About 40% of both groups said the baby itself was already a present and did not wish an additional reward.
We did our own questioning of everyday women to get their thoughts on push present and here are their interesting responses:
ALL FOR A GIFT
Though it was laughable at first, push gifts actually aren't a bad idea to me now. Listen, if your husband (or Bae) can afford to handsomely gift you for birthing a beautiful bouncing baby after enduring an almost year-long pregnancy filled with cravings, weight gain and pregnant brain, LET HIM! I actually think it’s kind of beautiful that men want to show gratitude this way. I also don't think there's anything wrong with a woman requesting one. As long as the baby will be loved and cared for, why not? And can I also add that I'm for the extravagant gifts, too?! It doesn't have to be, of course, but they're welcome. My older sister didn't get a "push gift" per se, but for her first Mother's Day this year, her husband bought her a car. Like, a whole brand new vehicle. Seriously, lets talk about this! LOL - Ariel WilliamsI wish I wasn't so young when I had my daughter, I didn't know about push presents back then!
I think it's a sweet gesture, but not to be expected. I've seen. Some crazy push presents, like huge diamond rings, cars, etc.....just a card would even be nice. Men have no idea what it's like to carry a baby....it wreaks havoc on our bodies, our emotions, etc....showing a little appreciation is always invited! - DoorBella Rose
I never had a baby but it is a great idea. Bringing life into the world is a big deal! You're welcome. I think that we look at pregnancy as so routine. Pregnancy brings so many changes with not only a woman's body but her mind too. It’s a huge responsibility and a blessing to carry a child. Robin Hardeman
BABY IS GIFT ENOUGH
Isn't a healthy baby the ultimate "Push Present"? I would never ASK my husband for a "Push Present." I think it's ridiculous. Now on the flipside, my husband bought me a new car after I had my son because the car I had was rear wheel drive, and for our safety he wanted me to drive an All Wheel Drive vehicle because we are on the eastcoast and we have snow. Some can argue, that this would be a "Push Present" LOL! As stated before, I would never "demand" nor "request" a present for giving birth to our child. Him blessing me with our son, was the Ultimate Gift! - Aaliyah CastroA healthy baby is far more important than any push present. When a woman gets pregnant and gives birth the one thing that should be on her mind is her baby, not how expensive her push present will be. But if a man chooses to express his gratitude by rewarding you with material things then there is nothing wrong there either. If you have to ask/beg for the gift or drop hints then he probably don't think that you deserve it. - Shanice Jones
My kids are older (14 & 20) so push presents weren't a thing or a big thing when I had kids. I find them tacky and taking away from the gift of the child. Hell, being a mother of a teen and a 20 year old let's me see how a REAL push present would be a lavish spa day as opposed to some jewelry or expensive bag, but I know I'm in the minority with this as many demand it. - Sabrina Richmond Perkins
I GOT A PUSH PRESENT
I think if your mate wants to make the gesture then cool but I don't think it's an occasion for a "wish list". The hubs bought me a third band to go with my wedding ring but he chose to do that on his own when I had our son. - TaKenya HamptonI'm for them but they aren't a necessity nor do they need to be extravagant. When I woke up from a nap after just giving birth to my first child, I noticed my husband had gotten me a bouquet of flowers. It was the first thing I saw and I turned into mush. I wasn't into flowers...until then. - Shanna Fife
I love push presents. For me, I was so consumed with eating healthy and being all natural and preparing nursery... I wasn't thinking about myself at all. My present was my dream car. It felt/feels great driving alone after the baby came and hearing that engine roar LOL. It's nice to have someone think about you when you and everyone else is thinking about the sweet little baby - Shayla Greene
Many sources say that this present giving is mostly inspired by word of mouth and peer pressure. According to Linda Murray, the executive editor of BabyCenter, "It’s an expectation of moms these days that they deserve something for bearing the burden for nine months, getting sick, ruining their body. The guilt really gets piled on."
Although I am not a mother yet, I don’t see the NEED for a push present eventhough it is a beautiful gesture, especially if it is given from the heart. I can’t see myself requesting a gift because I feel that the REAL gift would be my beautiful and healthy child. Plus, I would rather have help changing the diapers!
What are your thoughts on push presents? Will you request one from your hubby?
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That’s why, when one couple came to me and asked what was something that they could do to light the fire (pun intended) in their own bedroom, the first thing that I asked was if they had ever tried wax play before. You should’ve seen the expression on their faces. LOL.
When it comes to things like that, I think that it’s still taboo for some, simply because they’ve only seen it on a movie screen or heard about it in true extreme sexual contexts — and so, they don’t think that it’s something that is “for them” when, the reality is, with the right tips in tow, wax play can be for pretty much anyone…and everyone.
So today, let’s add something new to some of y’all’s boudoir list of activities. Here are 10 things that will, hopefully, help you to see the flames of wax play (I’ve got puns all over the place today) in a whole new light.
1. Anticipation Does Wonders for Sexual Arousal
GiphyI once read an article by a mental health expert who said that anticipation is probably the greatest aphrodisiac of all. It builds excitement. It fuels curiosity. At the end of the day, it’s like a mental form of edging because you’re getting close to something that you look forward to — although you’re not quite there yet. Listen, he’s not off base because even science says that anticipation can give you a dopamine hit that can ultimately improve your sexual experiences.
Keeping this point in mind, how can watching hot wax drip from a candle and head toward your body not fuel some level of anticipation? Especially if it’s your first few times trying it? A woman by the name of Ana Monnar once said, “Anticipation is sometimes more exciting than actual events.” Just something to consider, when it comes to entertaining bringing wax play into your world, my dear.
2. Wax Play Is Peak-Level Foreplay
GiphyWe all know what foreplay is, right? Just to be sure that we’re all on the same page, a very basic definition is it’s something that typically happens right before sex in order to arouse the people who are about to have it. And since foreplay is pretty much the prelude to copulation, it’s important that “the appetizer” is damn near as good as the “main course.” Wax play can help to ensure that because, aside from what I just said about anticipation, it can also help you and your partner tap into your more sensual and seductive sides. It’s hot. It requires being mindful. And since so much give and take is involved, it requires both people to be very into the moment. Lawd. Wax play is sexy to even just think about!
3. Temperature Pleasure Is Lots of Fun
GiphyOkay, say that you’ve never played with wax (in this way) before. Have you ever incorporated ice cubes? I ain’t gonna let y’all get ALL up in my business, so…let me just say (for now) that some ice during oral sex ain’t neva hurt nobody…quite the contrary! There’s something about the unexpected cool that mixes around with the warmth of a mouth that is truly unmatched. Along these same lines, wax play brings in the heat and, what makes temperature pleasure/play so awesome is, that it uses the sensations of different temperatures to bring out different forms of stimulation.
Another thing that’s worth noting about temperature pleasure is if you’re someone who considers yourself to be on the sexually conservative side yet you do like this type of activity, whether you realize it or not, you’re low-key participating in a form of kink (yep!). This brings me to my next point.
4. Wax Play Is an Introduction to Kink
GiphyIt’s kind of interesting how some people clam up at the thought of a (sexual) kink when the reality is, at the end of the day, it’s about having a certain type of sexual experience (as opposed to a fetish that focuses on objects or body parts; like a foot fetish, for example). So, if it’s that simple, why does it intimidate a lot of folks? Well, kinks tend to delve into people’s fantasies or unconventional ways of thinking (like BDSM or voyeurism).
At the same time, the cool thing about kinks is you control how deep you want to go. Just know that if you do participate in wax play, there’s no point in turning up your nose to the whole kink thing; wax play technically qualifies.
5. Soy Does One Thing. Paraffin Does Another.
GiphyOkay, so let’s spend a couple of moments talking about the things that you need to get the most out of your wax play experience. First, please don’t be out here imitating movies. While they will have you believing that you should pull a taper candle from your dining room table and go ham with it, it’s best to go with massage candles; they are specifically designed for wax play and body massages (The Knot has a recommendation list here and Women’s Health has a list of their own here).
When it comes to candles, in general, I’m always a fan of soy because they burn cleaner and last longer. However, when it comes to wax play, two other reasons why soy is best is it’s natural and “burns lower;” this simply means that once the wax hits your body, it won’t be as hot as, say, paraffin wax will (because it has a higher burning point).
What all of this means is if you want a more comfortable experience, go with a soy (or even a shea butter or beeswax) candle. If you want to play with the big (wax play) kids, try paraffin.
Oh, and if you’re wondering if you can never use “regular” candles — I mean, it’s your body. All I’m saying is some candles are designed for wax play; birthday candles? They are not. Feel me?
6. Massage Candles Feel Incredible on Your Muscles and Joints
GiphySo, here’s the thing about massage candles: If you’ve ever had a professional massage before, your massage therapist may have used them. And if you’ve gotten a high-end mani/pedi, some paraffin wax may have come into play (no pun intended). That’s because the wax from both types of candles has health benefits that include relaxing muscles, improving joint mobility, and increasing blood flow throughout the body. And when you factor in the fact that the better you physically feel before sex, the better sex will be during it — isn’t that just one more plus for and perk of wax play? I definitely think so.
7. The Aromatherapy Is Incomparable
GiphySomething else that’s awesome about most massage candles is they have a wonderfully alluring scent to them, by design. Yes, that matters too because there is plenty of data out here to support the fact that aromatherapy does everything from reduce stress and relieve bodily discomfort to treat headaches and fight off infections (word on the street is that it may even help with menstrual cramps and menopause).
As far as your sex life goes, aromatherapy is supreme because certain essential oils double up as aphrodisiacs. Lavender, neroli, and rose are proven to improve your sexual function. Geranium reduces anxiety. And listen, if climaxing is your ultimate goal, check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm” and then look for massage oils that smell like, say, vanilla, saffron or jasmine. Bottom line, a good massage candle that smells amazing is going to be worth every cent that you spent to purchase it.
8. You Will Learn Communication (and Dirty Talk) on a Whole ‘Nother Level
GiphyOne of the reasons why I once penned, “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?” for the platform is because, if there’s one thing that I think is so awesome about sex, is it finds a way to incorporate all five of your senses (sight, touch, taste, sound and hearing) as well as your top love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch and gifts — if you’re open to it).
And when it comes to hearing (and words of affirmation), this is another area where wax play can be a winner because, as you’re learning what works for your partner and they learn what works for you, words have to be exchanged… perhaps even dirty ones.
And why is dirty talk so damn effective? According to scientific research, it has the ability to activate your entire brain (the biggest sex organ that you have) and when this is going on while you’re being physically stimulated — chile, the sky truly is the limit!
9. Wax Play Is Completely Customizable
GiphyYou know back when I was talking about soy candles vs. paraffin ones? Something that I didn’t mention, by design at the time, is that, although I will forever be Team Massage Candles when it comes to this particular topic, there are some known as wax play candles too. What’s the difference? Wax play candles tend to remain pretty hard (after being lit up) while massage candles are designed to melt into a liquid that you can massage on your partner’s body.
Why am I bringing this all up now? Well, it’s to serve as a reminder that wax play can be “dialed up” or “turned down” based on what you want to do. If you just want to put a twist on a massage, you can do that. If you’d like to test your partner’s tolerance level by applying more heat for longer, do that.
Just make sure that you use the kind of wax that doesn’t fully melt on shaved areas of the body (pretty sure why is self-explanatory), that you moisturize your skin beforehand (it’s easier to remove the wax…or whatever is leftover) that way and that you pour around 15-20 inches away from your partner’s body; that gives it time to cool somewhat on the way down. Oh, and if you don’t want to jack up your sheets, you might want to lay down a protective drop cloth (like this one here).
10. It Sure As Hell Ain’t Boring
Season 1 Friends GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyLast point — and it brings all of this full circle. Now that you’ve read all of the ways that wax play can benefit your sex life, how in the world could you associate it with “boring” on any level? Anything that can get you hype, cultivate eagerness, and enhance what you’ve already got going on…that is worth putting on your sex bucket list and trying at least one time, wouldn’t you say? And why can’t that time be…TONIGHT? Shoot your man a pick of a massage candle with a heart and watch him beat you home.
Then report back (with edits…LOL).
Something tells me that you’ll become a wax play fan — SOON.
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