Wale Talks About Love And Says Men Should Stop Running From Fatherhood
Does anyone remember when Wale used to talk about love, relationships and #thatthing as a guest blogger for Honey Magazine? Well it looks like he's no longer running from those things since his longtime girlfriend Chloe Alexis recently gave birth to their first child, Zyla Moon Oluwakemi. The couple previously experienced a miscarriage that Wale rapped about on his single "Matrimony".
One thing for sure is that Wale has wanted children for a while now. A few years ago while on a promo run he talked about fatherhood and how he couldn't wait to experience it as well as the issue with men and women staying together.
"I just feel like we just can't keep running away. I can't wait until I have kids because I've got so much love to give them. That's going to be what's going to give me that peace that nothing is ever going to be able to give me. We just can't keep running away. A lot of times women do add to it now too, like women, a lot of them like to manipulate men and use their children as pawns. I always say, 'Why use you're child as a pawn, when there should be a king and queen?' Like, a lot of women will be like, 'Oh, you're not
going to come and pick your child?,' when in actuality they really wanna say, 'You're not going to come over and make me feel okay or give me some type of attention? I've put on this weight since this baby and I ain't been looking the same and my self-confidence ain't what it used to be and I need some type of attention.' That's what it really means sometimes. They tried to make it seem like the [guys] don't care about their child or whatever. But for the most part, black women can't keep running away. That's a cycle that's been around for years."
But Mr. PYT himself wasn't always so sure about commitment and relationships; blaming his habit to shy away from monogamy on his flaws.
Wale and Bria Murphy on set of Wale's "Matrimony" video
"Because of my attitude, my greed. The nature of a man I embody that. I'm a living embodiment of all the flaws, greed, the selfishness. I've got all of those things. I'm just knowledgeable enough to speak on them and I'm secure with where I am in my life. A lot of men keep it inside or are living in denial. I just live my life that way."
At least he was honest!
There were also times when he didn't believe in love and hadn't quite figured out what it was.
"I went through years at a time where I didn't even really believe in it. I thought it was all chance and chemical imbalance. It was kinda euphoria, when its like the right time, the right place, the right shape, the right situation. When you think something is going on in your mind and in your heart but in actuality its all lust. As growing I'm still trying to figure out what love is to me. But I think it is different to everybody though. I really do think there's a different internal definition that's beyond words for everybody [and] for what love is. There's relationships where people really can feel love but there not magnums. So, everybody's description of love might be different and I'm still trying to figure it out."
It seems like all that has changed now with the birth of his daughter. We wish Wale and Chloe much happiness and congrats!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images