Are You And Your Ex Putting The 'P' In Petty?
There is nothing that gets the Petty Crocker popping in all of us quite like dealing with an ex or a fresh serving of heartbreak.
From Instagram posts to shady subliminals, some people take blasting your ex to a whole new level. If you aren't sure if you've been jamming to Petty Girl Rock yourself, here's how to tell:
Petty behavior is any action or comment that doesn't serve any purpose other than making the situation worse than it has to be.
Petty behavior is when you detour off the high road onto Smart Ass Avenue just because you want to win the argument, have the last word, or make the other person feel as bad as you do. At its worst, pettiness happens in a sad attempt to piece your pride together when you feel someone has destroyed it. Like the quote says, “If people are trying to pull you down, it means they think you're above them.”
All pettiness does is prove that someone touched a nerve and hit you where it hurts the most. Sometimes the best thing to do for a bad situation is to leave it behind you.
If you're still not sure if you've been pulling some Petty Wap moves of your own, here are a few signs you need to lay your immaturity to rest in the Petty cemetary:
1. Removing all evidence of your ex from social media.
You listening? Just because you remove any picture from your Instagram that features your ex, his sneakers, his toothbrush, or even those earrings he bought you last Valentine's Day doesn't mean the rest of us have forgotten how sprung you were for the last two months when we had to see his behind cheesing on your timeline every #MCM. I can respect the process of moving on and getting over someone, but just make sure you're cleaning up your mind and spirit as much as you're cleaning up that timeline.
2. Being extra with your “ex."
If you're tagging the summer fling you haven't heard from since 2007 in pictures of your newborn, you're officially doing the most.
I get it. Maybe you still have a little leftover pain from when he just ghosted you no sooner than the last Labor Day firework, but the best way to prove that you're totally winning that “life after him" thing is to actually move on. And moving on means you don't have to prove yourself to him by bringing his attention to pictures that have zero to do with him.
3. You start creating loans that never existed.
It was all fine and good when you were clicking “Confirm" on Travelocity without a care in the world of whose account that Playa del Carmen vacation was coming out of, but now that the relationship is through, suddenly you're tallying up every extra value meal homeboy got on your dime. Unfortunately, one of the casualties of any relationship is the cash that flowed freely between hands when your heart was in it, but a breakup doesn't entitle you to a refund on everything from movie tickets to Starbucks.
I remember when my now husband and I had our first blowout argument. After agreeing to take some time apart, he started seeing someone new. I remember the only thing I bought him at the time was a bathroom mat and some coasters and I took the first opportunity I could to make a scene out of throwing that ish on his lawn. I looked like a damn fool, but at the time, it was all I brought to the relationship. But let's be honest: Dude didn't really care about stepping out of the shower onto cold tile in the morning, nor did he care about the water rings his glasses were leaving on his coffee table. Let that ish go, girl. You look silly making a scene over all those in-app purchases he got in your name knowing damn well you shouldn't have added him to your family plan in the first place.
4. Suddenly making that person out to be the ugliest/dumbest/craziest person ever.
Contrary to popular belief, every break up doesn't have to be on bad terms. You don't have to force a friendship where you're giving dude advice on how to approach the co-worker he's nursing a crush on, but your ex can still be a good person even if they're not good for you. I can't tell you how many times I've seen friends write Pettysburg addresses on their Instagram about their “broke, trifling" ex-boyfriends and I can't help sit and wonder, “Where were all these bad qualities when you were making that man spinach omelets every morning?" It's OK to vent when you're fresh from rejection, and no one is perfect, but please do try to refrain from the frontin' and making your ex-boo out to be a total bad guy when he was the baddest bae to walk the earth a week ago.
5. Putting your ex on blast out of the blue.
If nothing else, you shouldn't send for someone you don't want coming for you. We've all had moments that we're not proud of or that we'd rather keep private. If your ex is somewhere minding his business, not making your life a living hell, there's no need to start making jokes on Instagram about his nasty nose picking habit unless for whatever reason, dude is still on your mind, sticky fingers and all. Leave the pettiness to high school cliques and continue being the grown woman you are who's too busy to be playing games.
What's the pettiest thing you've done after a break up?
Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
Courtesy
I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
Courtesy
That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
Courtesy
So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
Courtesy
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy