Swipe Right: There Is A Tinder For (Girl) Friends
Growing up watching Girlfriends and Sex and the City, I always dreamed of having a similar girl squad. You know a team of successful, genuine friends that you could make money with, grow with, and then later get cute and turn up with. In my mind, of course I would be Joan or Carrie, but in order to fulfill my ideal squad goals, I still needed my Maya, Toni, and Lynn or my Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda.
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When I first graduated from college and moved back to my hometown, I noticed that I wasn’t the social butterfly that I was in college. The BFFs that I met in college either lived in a different city or were still in school. The few friends that I had back at home were either married or had children (so you can so ‘goodbye’ to turning up on a Tuesday). Besides those girls, the only other people that I knew were old high school friends that I didn’t even talk to anymore.
I never imagined how hard it would be to establish new and genuine friendships as an adult - especially after college. This is common for most people, especially for those people that move from city to city because of family or their careers. Most people make new friends at work, but that’s not really my forte. While I do love my colleagues, sometimes I want friends that I can talk about random things with that are not work-related. Even more, sometimes I don’t want to even think about work so when I’m with friends from work, I’m still reminded of work.
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Recently, two female entrepreneurs created an app that can help women find their ideal friends. This app called Hey! VINA is a match-making app that helps women network establish friendships with each other. This app works by matching women with similar interests, and who have compatible personalities. To make this work, Hey! VINA, doesn’t just show its users pictures and profiles, but it also uses a matching method that takes into account information like mutual friends via Facebook, location, and data from quizzes that can be taken in the app. “It's super easy to find a date on the Internet, but why isn't it as easy to find a new friend?" said Olivia June Poole, cofounder and CEO of Hey! VINA.
“We built this app to solve for our own needs as women who have moved, traveled, changed careers, and shifted lifestyles and life stages. Through our adult lives we go a lot of places that our existing friendships don’t always support and it becomes time to expand our circles,” said Poole.
Down the line, she says, the app will release optional fun quizzes users can take, as well. The responses to the new quizzes will be open for sharing with your existing friends, and will be able to be used within the app to pair women with potential new friends.
So how does this new app work?
First you will need to download the app. As of right now, it is only available on iOS.
After downloading the app, you would need to take a brief, introductory quiz so that the app can gauge your interests and personality. Once you’ve done the quiz, you can start swiping away to find your potential friends.
Next after the app finds a match for you, similar to Tinder, you will receive a “Ditto!” message on the screen, along with a suggestion that you and your potential friend meet in person. For Poole, it is important that all connections on the site meet in person as soon as possible to quickly nurture the relationship. The app will also suggest activities for you and your potential friend to do like going to brunch, wine-tasting, or to a happy hour (the event ideas will be created based off of both parties interests).
Although Hey! VINA just launched, it's still in the beginner stage. As a result, it's only available in New York and San Francisco at the moment, yet there are plans to expand into other cities in the upcoming months.
What do you think of the concept behind this new app? Would you use it to network and meet new friends?
Brittani Hunter is a proud PVAMU alumni and the founder of The Mogul Millennial, a business and career platform for Black Millennials. Meet Brittani on Twitter and on the Gram at @BrittaniLHunter and @mogulmillennial.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Some Signs Your Casual Relationship Is Getting Serious
In this modern era, establishing romantic connections has become increasingly challenging. From knowing what to say on the first date to knowing when to make things official, the rules have changed and this ain’t the same dating game that led to our parents falling in love and starting a family.
Because times are hard and dating is harder, we had to look to an expert to help us understand when that casual fling becomes something serious. So we chatted with Karina F. Daves, a relationship coach who has made it her mission to teach women how to enjoy more satisfying partnerships.
As a relationship coach, Daves leverages her experience as a former social worker and adjunct professor of women’s studies to teach women how to strategically evaluate their personal identity, values, and standards so that they can elevate their relationships and themselves.
She tells xoNecole, “You should not be with somebody for their potential. The key is being with somebody for their patterns. Instead of looking at it as one specific milestone, look at it as there are multiple patterns at which this person is showing you what role they want to play, what their values are.”
"You should not be with somebody for their potential. The key is being with somebody for their patterns."
Daves’ work has amassed more than 240,000 followers across her social media platforms, and her videos have reached close to 25 million and half a million alone this month.
According to the relationship coach, some key indicators that a relationship is going from casual to serious are:
“You talk about it going to a serious level, and you talk about intentions. Intentions are very clear in a relationship that is serious. At this point, you intend to date each other either for fun or you're dating for marriage. This is something that is very comfortably talked about.” She adds, “You enter each other's worlds fully. This means that you meet people in each other's world, but you also become part of their routine. You're not a task that they have to do, you are just a normal part of their day-to-day life."
“You're not a task that they have to do, you are just a normal part of their day-to-day life.”
In terms of how partners can communicate effectively about their expectations and intentions as a relationship becomes more serious, Daves shares:
“You will want to become serious by being vulnerable and having this conversation. Before the actual communication part occurs, you have to identify what it is that you want this relationship to be. What is it that you want out of a future partnership?”
Daves emphasizes the need for clear communication and suggests doing away with the potential you see in the person and instead focusing on what you want in love. "This is an opportunity for that person to say that's not who they are and that they can't give you that."
"Relationships should also be fun. We do not want to forget that these conversations can be serious, but also a source of fun and joy. They do not need to feel heavy. If you see that they are joyful, this can be a good indicator of what the rest of the relationship would be like when you're getting ready to have serious conversations," Daves concludes.
We know that specific milestones or stages in a relationship can help signify its deepening commitment; Daves has these tips for navigating these transitions:
Introducing one another to each other's worlds can be a big indicator that the relationship you share is getting serious. "When you start meeting each other’s friends and families, this is a big milestone and a vulnerable place to be." Another sign that things are getting serious is openly professing the "L" word. "Communication is significant as far as proclaiming that you love your partner. These are really big milestones that shouldn't be forced."
Speaking of communication, Daves adds that “another big indicator is how you overcome your first moment of misalignment. This is a huge indicator of the rest of the triumphs that you will face. Were you both open? Did you both feel safe sharing? Did you respect each other's point of view? How did you resolve the issue?”
"Communication is significant as far as proclaiming that you love your partner. These are really big milestones that shouldn't be forced."
Lastly, Daves suggests assessing one another's level of emotional investment:
One of the ways Daves suggests we assess the level of emotional investment is by doing a simple activity called “eggs in a basket.”
This activity involves discussing important and valued aspects of a relationship. Daves explains, “The way to assess the level of emotional investment is to test their heart posture. 'Heart posture' is referring to where their heart stands when it comes to this relationship and how it logically has made sense of it all.”
In those instances, ask each other the following questions:
- Do you feel clear about our intentions and where our relationship is going?
- Do you see me as a life partner?
- Are we past potentially seeing us together to understand each other's patterns and choosing to make that commitment?
- Are we a part of our life’s plan?
- Do you still have individual goals?
“This isn’t just about seeing their investment in the relationship but also how they’re choosing to invest in themselves as people. You don’t want a partner that will lose themselves in the relationship because you won’t have a partner anymore, you’ll have someone to parent,” Daves said.
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