Mýa Talks Women Owning Their Power, Veganism & Why She Finds Strip Clubs Empowering
I was introduced to Mýa around eight years old.
I would belt out the lyrics to “Movin' On" as if I understood what it felt like to get cheated on.
And when “It's All About Me" came on the radio, I popped a cassette tape into my karaoke machine to record the song for repeated playback because I was determined to learn the lyrics, though it would be years before I made the connection to the meaning of the line “are you going to get it up?" and become tuned in with the sexual connotations laced throughout the many R&B songs that I grew up listening to.
To me, Mýa was the epitome of sexy. She had a girl-next-door quality about her that matched her seductive vocals. It didn't matter if she was rocking crop tops or one-piece suits, she could draw you in with a subtle glance that only hinted at the depths of her sensuality—something that even now, almost 20 years after the release of her first self-titled album, she still emits throughout her interviews and music. “I'm naturally sexy," she says confidently on our call. “Sexy is owning all parts of you, whoever that is. Owning it, and not being ashamed of those choices."
"I'm naturally sexy. Sexy is owning all parts of you, whoever that is. Owning it, and not being ashamed of those choices."
At 38, Mýa can officially say that she's on some grown woman shit. Gone are the days of poor relationships choices that led to heartbreak, crazy antics that could've landed her in jail, and toxic situations that had her questioning her worth. She's finally experiencing the freedom that she sang about years ago over sweet melodies: the liberty to live unapologetically on her own terms.
In the past, Mýa's “sexy" has gotten her name in more than a few headlines as gossip blogs dug for details of her supposed hookups and breakups with some of the industry's notable male bachelors. It seems with every new single release came a new beau, all of which she's repeatedly denied, even years after the alleged affairs were long laid to rest. Some labeled her a hoe, many slandered her name, and suddenly the “sex kitten" became marked as industry pussy before she could even purr in protest.
But what many didn't know was while the tabloids crucified the songstress in public, she was busy burying her real skeletons in private. In a 2007 interview with Vibe Vixen, she recalls the time she hired a private investigator to track down the other woman of a record producer she was dating, which turned out to be one of many unfaithful encounters that she had with reckless lovers. “I found the chick's address; I went riding by. I was calling her cell phone to see if he would be in the background. I had her work number, all of that. I heard things about an engagement, wedding invitations…I just wanted the truth."
Like many women, she kept the particulars between herself and her psychologist before finally breaking her silence years later on her album Liberation. And now, almost a decade later, she's choosing to take the rocks that were thrown her way and use them as stepping-stones. “I sometimes have to sit down, examine and analyze myself and say, 'what is a mistake?' I'm alive, I'm breathing right now, I have wisdom, I've definitely evolved, so some of the things that I might have considered mistakes back then were necessary for me to grow and be the person that I love that I may not have loved back then," she says.
A part of loving herself means embracing who she is at her core—someone who doesn't follow traditions and refuses to allow others to define who she is, and who identifies more closely with the social exiles than those who are closed-minded and quick to judge. It's part of the reason why she often finds herself in the strip club—for observation and good conversation, of course.
“I go to strip clubs specifically to watch how powerful women are, and I'm a person that's observant of how she carries herself and [believes] women who are not strippers have power, too. I don't care what walk of life you're from; women are just naturally sexy and have an essence about them. Fully clothed and not clothed. If everyone breaks down their walls and stops putting themselves on holier-than-thou pedestals, we can all learn from each other.
"We all have different stories, different experiences, and different obstacles, so not only do I just watch and study, I also sit down and talk to people—strippers in general—to get their journey and back-story. I share a lot of the same walks and obstacles, and I saw myself relating to a lot of people that might appear broken. I'm always connecting with what society would label the outcasts and the weirdoes and the lost souls. It's strange, but I'm learning myself just by talking with people."
On her new album Smoove Jones, she's not the Mýa who used to be bullied for being biracial and having “good" hair, nor is she the Mýa that claps back at gossipmongers and naysayers; she's the Mýa who has grown past her insecurities and imperfections to become a woman who knows herself and goes after what she wants. And one thing she doesn't want is a man who lacks passion in his own life.
“I've found that there's jealousy and insecurity attached to having a passion outside of that person if they don't have the same passion in something else outside of you. If your craft has you very rarely stationary, it can be extremely tough on the other individual. There are trust issues that come with that, insecurities if they're not able to witness how you flow and the hours you have to put in. It can be very demanding and not fair, but there will be a right place and right time.
"You can't appoint another person to save you, and I think that's usually where we go wrong. One or the other person doesn't have a balance in their life and are looking to you as the savior. There has to be a balance in both parties' lives. And it also has to start with spirituality, and nothing else."
Just a few years shy of 40, Mýa isn't pressured to pop out babies anytime soon. She's more concerned with having the right situation than to force a wrong one. Freezing eggs. Adopting children. She's open to all of that if necessary. “I believe that there's a time and a place for the right one that's meant for the true you, and sometimes your career is part of the true you. It's part of your makeup and your gift, and if you're trying to be your best and give your best to the world for whatever reason that's a problem, and there's a void that you have to fulfill within yourself and for yourself."
In the meantime, it's all about taking care of self, and she accredits her still youthful appearance to a vegan diet (she's almost three years strong), cleanses, and self-preservation. “When you invest in yourself, and I'm talking every aspect of yourself: financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically, you get younger."
"You really have to stop listening to what the world says is best for you and do what truly makes you happy."
More importantly, she's no longer listening to what the world says to her or about her. She's a grown woman, and she doesn't need validation from anybody outside of herself. “It's still possible to have a beautiful life and you really have to stop listening to what the world says is best for you and do what truly makes you happy."
Featured image via Don Arnold/WireImage
Article originally published in April 2017
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Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl 100: Get To Know Some Of The Most Inspiring And Empowering Women On Our List
The ItGirl 100 List, in partnership with Hyundai, is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
We often see lists featuring amazing women who are seasoned in this thing called life, and our ItGirl 100 List gives flowers to the people they’ve passed the torch to: young millennial and Gen Z women who are innovating and disrupting in today’s world of advancement.
xoNecole has partnered with Hyundai for its inaugural ItGirl 100 List to give these women their flowers today. It’s a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who have built their own tables, launched new businesses, and redefined what it truly means to be blessed, booked, and busy.
Here’s a snapshot of fun facts from a few of the women listed on the ItGirl 100, representing the East, West, Midwest, and South:
EAST
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DJ 9AM: DJ & Curator
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "On My Mama" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Nia Long
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Taurus Moon, Pisces Rising
Favoring open-format, multi-genre mixes, this DJ has created a winning reputation for rocking a crowd with seamless transitions and selections, always representing Southwest musical and cultural influences.
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Tiffany James, Founder, Modern BLK Girl
Representing:Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Lucky Girl" by Carlina
Favorite OG It Girl:Naomi Campbell
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Virgo Rising
Modern BLK Girl is one of the leading investment groups among women of color, and the founder serves as an avid investor, community builder, and advocate. Tiffany James is also a mentor, utilizing her unique combination of financial and fashion expertise.
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Kat Mateo, Casting Director
Representing: New Jersey
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Princess Going Digital" by Amaarae
Favorite OG It Girl: Kelis, Eve, Lil Kim
Zodiac Big Three: Aries Sun, Cancer Moon, Cancer Rising
Thriving as a casting director and stylist, Kat Mateo offers a unique point of view that has shaped New York Fashion Week shows, ad campaigns, and editorials. She has also been a major contributor to cultural conversations related to fashion and inclusivity.
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Denise Stephanie Hewitt, Photographer
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Experience" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Hannah Montana
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon, Aquarius Rising
This Gordon Parks Foundation scholar is a full-time student who has been working to expand her freelance career in photography. Denise is also been featured among Essence'sinaugural list of "Top 10 Creators Under 30," for her unique aesthetics and perceptions through her art.
WEST
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Nayamka Roberts-Smith, Aesthetician
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Tomorrow 2" by GloRilla & Cardi B
Favorite OG It Girl: Meagan Good
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Capricorn Rising
Nayamka Roberts-Smith is an award-winning professional in the skincare industry and serves as an educator, offering knowledge on beauty culture. She also is a well-sought-after speaker on beauty and women’s issues, with a following of more than 1 million on social.
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Desiree L. Talley, Esq., Vice President, Legal & Business Affairs, Revolt TV
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice" by The Carters
Favorite OG It Girl: Issa Rae
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Cancer Rising
An attorney and storyteller, Desiree L. Talley meshes relatability with her legal smarts for the culture. She advocates for cultural advancement and societal change through her POPLAW Podcast while balancing her executive duties at Revolt TV.
Marley Rae
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Marley Rae, Organizer, WalkGood
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice For What" by Drake
Favorite OG It Girl: Mariah Carey
Zodiac Big Three: Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon, Leo Rising
Marley Rae is a Nike Athlete, certified yoga instructor, COO, and Director of Health and Wellness for WalkGood LA, a family-founded non-profit organization. She is dedicated to fostering understanding and care in local and global communities.
MIDWEST
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Shawnee Dez
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "FreeBody Freestyle" by Shawnee Dez
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Morrison
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon, Cancer Rising
Shawnee Dez is an artist who's all about captivating her audience through encouragement and empowerment. Her music features fluid harmonic layering, live instrumentation fused with digital production, and her unique multi-talented voice in an alto melodic tone.
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Bianca Pastel, Visual Artist
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: Anything by Whitney Houston
Favorite OG It Girl: Grace Jones
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Leo Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Bianca Pastel's artistic portfolio includes fine art, illustrations, and animation, and she's worked with clients including Disney Pixar, and the NFL, to name a few. Her focus is "empowering the experience of being a Black child and dealing with mental health issues."
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Donyale Walton, Founder, Hoop Mobb
Representing: Detroit
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Yeah I Said It" by Rihanna
Favorite OG It Girl: Aaliyah
Zodiac Big Three: Virgo Sun, Libra Moon, Capricorn Rising
Donyale Walton's brand Hoop Mobb, celebrates the Black and Brown fashion and cultural impact and presence of hoop earrings. It's grown to earn more than seven figures in annual revenue and a nationwide community of loyal consumers.
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Ticara Devone, Content Creator
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "She's a Bitch" by Missy Elliott
Favorite OG It Girl: Ananda Lewis
The Zodiac Big Three: Libra Sun, Taurus Moon, Virgo Rising
A trusted sneaker enthusiast and content creator, Ticara Devone uses dynamic storytelling to hold space for others with a passion for sneakers. A published writer, she’s worked with brands including Nike and Footlocker and inspires us all by ensuring women are vocal and seen in the multi-billion dollar shoe space.
SOUTH
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AllyiahsFace, Content Creator
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Go Off" Doja Cat
Favorite OG It Girl: Gabrielle Union and Halle Berry
Zodiac Big Three: Gemini Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Rising
AllyiahsFace's YouTube channel has more than 830,000 subscribers, and she's been hitting the ground running since 2015. Her content creation, which centers on beauty, fashion, and lifestyle, has led to a lucrative career and drawn a close-knit social and real-life community to view and be inspired.
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Jaycina, Executive Director, Tender
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "All I Got" by Amel Larrieux
Favorite OG It Girl:Tracee Ellis Ross
Zodiac Big Three: Leo Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Jaycina is a signed model with a nonprofit that works to provide support and community for single mothers in Atlanta. She's also appeared in campaigns for brands including Fenty and GAP as well as features in all your favorite magazines and on billboards across the country.
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Asha Christian, Founder, Coily App
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "It's My Life" by Mariah Carey
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Childs (Girlfriends)
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Leo Rising
Asha Christian created Coily to provide beauty recommendations utilizing social data. It offers a more personalized, AI-driven experience for users and part of her mission is to provide solutions related to diversity and put the focus back on the consumer. Meshing tech and culture, Christian is innovating with options that exemplify the Black girl magic needed in tech.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty