Mýa Talks Women Owning Their Power, Veganism & Why She Finds Strip Clubs Empowering
I was introduced to Mýa around eight years old.
I would belt out the lyrics to “Movin' On" as if I understood what it felt like to get cheated on.
And when “It's All About Me" came on the radio, I popped a cassette tape into my karaoke machine to record the song for repeated playback because I was determined to learn the lyrics, though it would be years before I made the connection to the meaning of the line “are you going to get it up?" and become tuned in with the sexual connotations laced throughout the many R&B songs that I grew up listening to.
To me, Mýa was the epitome of sexy. She had a girl-next-door quality about her that matched her seductive vocals. It didn't matter if she was rocking crop tops or one-piece suits, she could draw you in with a subtle glance that only hinted at the depths of her sensuality—something that even now, almost 20 years after the release of her first self-titled album, she still emits throughout her interviews and music. “I'm naturally sexy," she says confidently on our call. “Sexy is owning all parts of you, whoever that is. Owning it, and not being ashamed of those choices."
"I'm naturally sexy. Sexy is owning all parts of you, whoever that is. Owning it, and not being ashamed of those choices."
At 38, Mýa can officially say that she's on some grown woman shit. Gone are the days of poor relationships choices that led to heartbreak, crazy antics that could've landed her in jail, and toxic situations that had her questioning her worth. She's finally experiencing the freedom that she sang about years ago over sweet melodies: the liberty to live unapologetically on her own terms.
In the past, Mýa's “sexy" has gotten her name in more than a few headlines as gossip blogs dug for details of her supposed hookups and breakups with some of the industry's notable male bachelors. It seems with every new single release came a new beau, all of which she's repeatedly denied, even years after the alleged affairs were long laid to rest. Some labeled her a hoe, many slandered her name, and suddenly the “sex kitten" became marked as industry pussy before she could even purr in protest.
But what many didn't know was while the tabloids crucified the songstress in public, she was busy burying her real skeletons in private. In a 2007 interview with Vibe Vixen, she recalls the time she hired a private investigator to track down the other woman of a record producer she was dating, which turned out to be one of many unfaithful encounters that she had with reckless lovers. “I found the chick's address; I went riding by. I was calling her cell phone to see if he would be in the background. I had her work number, all of that. I heard things about an engagement, wedding invitations…I just wanted the truth."
Like many women, she kept the particulars between herself and her psychologist before finally breaking her silence years later on her album Liberation. And now, almost a decade later, she's choosing to take the rocks that were thrown her way and use them as stepping-stones. “I sometimes have to sit down, examine and analyze myself and say, 'what is a mistake?' I'm alive, I'm breathing right now, I have wisdom, I've definitely evolved, so some of the things that I might have considered mistakes back then were necessary for me to grow and be the person that I love that I may not have loved back then," she says.
A part of loving herself means embracing who she is at her core—someone who doesn't follow traditions and refuses to allow others to define who she is, and who identifies more closely with the social exiles than those who are closed-minded and quick to judge. It's part of the reason why she often finds herself in the strip club—for observation and good conversation, of course.
“I go to strip clubs specifically to watch how powerful women are, and I'm a person that's observant of how she carries herself and [believes] women who are not strippers have power, too. I don't care what walk of life you're from; women are just naturally sexy and have an essence about them. Fully clothed and not clothed. If everyone breaks down their walls and stops putting themselves on holier-than-thou pedestals, we can all learn from each other.
"We all have different stories, different experiences, and different obstacles, so not only do I just watch and study, I also sit down and talk to people—strippers in general—to get their journey and back-story. I share a lot of the same walks and obstacles, and I saw myself relating to a lot of people that might appear broken. I'm always connecting with what society would label the outcasts and the weirdoes and the lost souls. It's strange, but I'm learning myself just by talking with people."
On her new album Smoove Jones, she's not the Mýa who used to be bullied for being biracial and having “good" hair, nor is she the Mýa that claps back at gossipmongers and naysayers; she's the Mýa who has grown past her insecurities and imperfections to become a woman who knows herself and goes after what she wants. And one thing she doesn't want is a man who lacks passion in his own life.
“I've found that there's jealousy and insecurity attached to having a passion outside of that person if they don't have the same passion in something else outside of you. If your craft has you very rarely stationary, it can be extremely tough on the other individual. There are trust issues that come with that, insecurities if they're not able to witness how you flow and the hours you have to put in. It can be very demanding and not fair, but there will be a right place and right time.
"You can't appoint another person to save you, and I think that's usually where we go wrong. One or the other person doesn't have a balance in their life and are looking to you as the savior. There has to be a balance in both parties' lives. And it also has to start with spirituality, and nothing else."
Just a few years shy of 40, Mýa isn't pressured to pop out babies anytime soon. She's more concerned with having the right situation than to force a wrong one. Freezing eggs. Adopting children. She's open to all of that if necessary. “I believe that there's a time and a place for the right one that's meant for the true you, and sometimes your career is part of the true you. It's part of your makeup and your gift, and if you're trying to be your best and give your best to the world for whatever reason that's a problem, and there's a void that you have to fulfill within yourself and for yourself."
In the meantime, it's all about taking care of self, and she accredits her still youthful appearance to a vegan diet (she's almost three years strong), cleanses, and self-preservation. “When you invest in yourself, and I'm talking every aspect of yourself: financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically, you get younger."
"You really have to stop listening to what the world says is best for you and do what truly makes you happy."
More importantly, she's no longer listening to what the world says to her or about her. She's a grown woman, and she doesn't need validation from anybody outside of herself. “It's still possible to have a beautiful life and you really have to stop listening to what the world says is best for you and do what truly makes you happy."
Featured image via Don Arnold/WireImage
Article originally published in April 2017
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Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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'Finding Tony' Director Raven Magwood Goodson And Star Stephen Bishop On Telling Authentic Stories On Screen
In cinema, stories often serve as mirrors reflecting the complexities of our experiences. Finding Tony, the latest cinematic gem from millennial director Raven Magwood Goodson, takes us on a profound journey of trauma, redemption, and resilience. With the magnetic performance of lead actor Stephen Bishop, this film shines a light on the struggles and triumphs we face daily. Through the lens of mentorship, community, and self-discovery, Finding Tony invites audiences to journey alongside its characters as they navigate the complexities of life, love, and everything in between.
In the process, it sparks conversations, challenges assumptions, and inspires viewers to embrace their own stories with pride and authenticity. As the film prepares to make its mark on the cinematic landscape, it serves as a reminder of the importance of representation and the power of storytelling. Executive-produced by NBA star Anthony Davis, Finding Tony not only adds another layer to the tapestry of Black narratives in cinema but also reaffirms the significance of our voices in shaping the cultural conversation.
Crafting Calm in the Creative Storm
As Black women, it's crucial to carve out moments of self-care amidst the demands of our daily lives. Raven Magwood Goodson, the visionary behind Finding Tony, embodies this ethos with unwavering grace and determination. In our conversation, she shared her strategies for nurturing her well-being amidst the whirlwind of filmmaking, offering valuable insights into the importance of prioritizing self-care in pursuit of creative excellence.
"While shooting, I was all into the film. No one knew, but I was pregnant and 2-3 months along. After production, you have a long period of post-production, and we spent months editing, going back, rewatching, and adding music,” Raven explains. “During that time, I was able to prioritize myself and my family. It’s a matter of being intentional for me and knowing these are the things I have to do for the film or for other businesses I have. I'm very intentional about whether it's work or play and making sure everything gets my attention.”
Amplifying Black Narratives in Cinema
Anthony Davis (L) and Raven Magwood Goodson (R).
Courtesy
Our stories matter, serving as the heartbeat of our collective experiences. Authentic representation on screen is not just a desire but a necessity, and Finding Tony emerges as a powerful testament to the importance of reclaiming our narratives. In our dialogue with Raven, we delved into her vision for the film and its profound impact on Black stories in cinema.
"I just want to be able to be an advocate, whether it's through the actual storytelling or my own life, for individuals that look like me. I know the importance of being able to watch TV and have an example because, being a brown-skinned girl growing up, sometimes you look and you don't see those examples,” Raven says. “To have women and little girls come up to me and say how much I've motivated them and that they want to write a book or a movie because of me means the world to me.”
Authorship Amplified: Raven's Journey to Filmmaking Mastery
Black women are no strangers to wearing many hats, navigating various roles and responsibilities with unparalleled grace. Raven epitomizes this multifaceted brilliance, seamlessly transitioning from author and motivational speaker to director. In our conversation, she shared how her experiences in these diverse domains equipped her with the skills and perspective needed to lead with confidence and creativity in the realm of filmmaking.
"I get the distinct opportunity to speak to a lot of different types of people, young people, women, men, and athletes about their experiences. I got the inspiration for Finding Tony. I've met a lot of different individuals, youth, whether that's in high school or college, that had similar experiences to [the lead character] Destiny and the film,” Raven shares. “I've also spoken to a lot of mentors, and people have gone through adversity and found themselves in a Tony space as well. My experience in speaking, writing, and getting to know different audiences shaped my viewpoint to be able to write this story.”
Game Plan to Script: Stephen's Playbook for Acting Success
Stephen Bishop
Courtesy
In a world that often underestimates our abilities, the Black community continues to excel in diverse arenas. Stephen Bishop's journey from professional athlete to actor resonates deeply with our own experiences of resilience and adaptability. As a former Atlanta Braves player, Stephen talked about how his background in sports equipped him for the challenges of portraying a complex character in Finding Tony.
“In sports, you learn a lot of life lessons and can use a lot of those to help inform your characters when you're in different roles. But specifically, this role, it helped because I’ve been an athlete who's had to retire,” Stephen says.
“I am a current coach, so I know what the transition was like. I know a lot of the emotions you go through and things you battle with when you're looking at athletes that you're trying to get to level themselves up. It was a very fortunate coincidence that I happened to be an ex-professional athlete who was going to play this role. It played a big part in me being able to be as comfortable as I was in the role.”
A Role Written in the Stars: Stephen's Path to 'Finding Tony’
Raven shares that her decision to cast Stephen in the lead role of Tony was a moment of intuitive certainty, sparked by his compelling performance in Terminal List alongside Chris Pratt. Upon witnessing his talent, she knew without hesitation that he was the perfect person to capture the essence of Tony Greene. The very next day, fueled by conviction, she reached out to her casting director, passionately advocating to do whatever it took to secure Stephen for the pivotal role. This bold move speaks volumes about Raven's unwavering commitment to bringing her vision to life with authenticity and excellence.
As Stephen reflects on this pivotal moment from his perspective, he shares, "They told me about it and sent the script. [My team and I] all read it the same day, and then the next day, we all got back on the phone, and I said, ‘I really like this.’ A lot of times in my career, by the grace of God, I've played the love interest, and I've been in a couple. I've been really wanting to move into roles where I could just be a standalone character and have my storyline drive the film or the television show without it being at the whim of the relationship. And this role came along and it was not only that, but it was an opportunity for me to really show myself and others what kind of chops I really have because there's a huge emotional arc.”
L-R: Raven Magwood Goodson, Stephen Bishop, and David Banner on set of "Finding Tony."
Courtesy
As today marks the release of Finding Tony, it's not just a film hitting the screens; it's a testament to the power of determination. Shot in a mere 17 days, this cinematic gem shows the sheer dedication and grit of its creators. Director Raven Magwood Goodson, amidst her battles, led the charge with unwavering strength and grace, proving that obstacles are merely stepping stones to greatness. Through late nights and unforeseen hurdles, her unwavering vision shone bright, guiding the cast and crew through the rollercoaster ride of production.
Finding Tony reminds us that even in the face of adversity, there's beauty to be found, strength to be discovered, and purpose to be fulfilled. So, as we prepare to immerse ourselves in Tony's journey, let's raise a glass to the triumphs of creativity, resilience, and the unbreakable bonds forged in the pursuit of art.
Finding Tony - Official Trailer
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