Do you ever feel a little upset with yourself after spending the money you grind for on yourself?
Well, you're not alone. It's an unfortunate fact, but often times we'd rather put that new lipstick back or think twice about joining our girlfriends on vacation because we simply don't think we deserve it.
Fact: Money is a tool.
It is used to fulfill monetary obligations for services, pay off debts, and living expenses, but it is also a means to an end to enjoy the life we want to live.
We work hard for our money. Real hard. Bills, student loans, and other obligations lock our mental state in fear of constant financial instability. We feel pressure to adopt a scarcity mindset. It doesn't help that the economy is what it is and it's increasingly more difficult for folks to grab jobs – with or without a college degree.
Talking and dreaming about travel can be attainable with the right plan set in motion. It is important to implement financial balance into our lives.
While I'm not advising anyone to go out and blow money fast with every opportunity, I am advocating finding a way to make your money work for you. Beating yourself up after investing in a new wardrobe or booking a flight to someplace new is counterproductive. Remember, you are in charge of your purse strings.
You can include small splurges in your monthly budgeting – that isn't irresponsible, it is actually genius. Set a cap on what you'd like to spend and stick to it. When I vacation with my girlfriends, we have a set cap on what we'd like to spend. Even though we sometimes go a bit over (sometimes it's hard to put a cap on having fun), preparing for those expenses helps with keeping guilt from surfacing and interrupting your treat yo' self moments.
Leave that guilt at the door with these three steps:
Include Fun in Your Budget
Whether you're new or a veteran to budgeting, for those of us who love lists, creating a “fun" fund will make loosening up the purse strings while shopping or booking trips less of a traumatic feat.
Get the Most Bang For All Your Bucks
With a bit of extra work, hunting down deals can become exciting so that you get the most for the money that you spend. Discount codes are hidden in plain sight across the Interwebs, not to mention on sites like Groupon. Deals are a goldmine for vacations, dinners, adventures, and spa services.
Set Caps on Your Fun
While traveling the world, set a cap on how much you can comfortably spend without breaking bank. Consider your expenses and take note of all the excursions you might want to see. With a number in mind, you can comfortably and responsibly spend money without the fear of overdoing it.
There is more to life than paying bills and budgeting. You have an entire full life to live and holding your money close to your chest for a rainy day that might never come is not living fully, it's living in fear.
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Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
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How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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