Too Young, Too Grown: Raising Your Child Around Critical People
When you become a parent, everyone else becomes a critic.
When my first son came into the world, like every other newborn, he underwent a series of newborn screening tests. These tests look for genetic or developmental disorders that aren’t noticeable at birth. In the state of New York, infants are screened for 49 disorders. Soon after his arrival, I was notified by doctors that my son had hypothyroidism and I would have to put him on medication.
Looking at the results, things didn’t seem right, so my partner and I looked into a second opinion. My mother, however, strongly believed that I shouldn’t wait and aggressively suggested I put my son, only a few days old, on the medication. Her demanding attitude overwhelmed me, and although I know all she wanted was for him to be okay, she didn’t allow me to make my own decisions as his mother. Subconsciously, I felt like she didn’t believe in me and I resented her for that.
So, I stopped talking to her for a while. I needed to learn how to be a mother on my own and without her opinions. (My son is now almost seven and healthy!)
While I strongly believe it takes a village to raise a child, I believe society could be more respectful towards how it speaks about how people choose to parent. I see it all the time in Twitter debates. It’s either parents shaming other parents, or those who have never experienced parenthood ridiculing those who have children. Outside of having to establish your own ground rules when raising a child, society gives you a heap of guidelines and do’s and don'ts to follow, especially if you have a daughter.
Don’t let her wear a two-piece bathing suit.
No heels until high school.
Do not put makeup on your daughter–nail polish included.
Don’t put color in your child’s hair–even if it’s temporary.
Don’t put extensions in her hair.
If she’s rocking natural hair, make sure it’s neat–similar to that of North West and not so much Blue Ivy Carter.
I’ve seen it all.
With social media trolls at an all-time high, celebrities experience it on another level. Amber Rose is the latest to be criticized after posting a video of her and Wiz Khalifa's son Sebastian getting his nails done in a nail salon.
[Tweet ""F--- society standards and gender roles! Let your children be great. - @DaRealAmberRose”"]
Last year, NFL dad, Devon Still posted the first picture of his daughter, Leah, after the announcement that she is finally cancer-free! Go, Little Leah! The five-year-old is growing her hair back and slaying the hair game with finger waves, but many may have missed the memo that she was diagnosed with neuroblastoma back in 2014 and lost all her hair due to chemotherapy.
Comment sections were cluttered with mentions that Leah’s hairstyle was “inappropriate” and “too grown” for a child instead of celebrating the fact that this baby-voiced tot just kicked cancer’s ass. We make judgements about children that aren’t ours based off of ideologies imparted to and instilled within us. Sometimes, we know the story. Often times, thanks to social media, we just react.
Recently, Aliya S. King published a piece on The Root called “People Say My Daughter Is ‘Too Grown.’ I Think That Idea Is Detrimental to Black Girls—and Boys.” I loved every bit of it as she introduces the story of her eight-year-old daughter, Emmy, who wears medium-sized hooped earrings, delving into her child’s self-expression, the limitations she imposes as a mother, and the acceptance that comes with some of her child’s choices.
I, too, vowed to let my children express themselves as they see fit due to my own restrictions on clothing and hair growing up. Sometimes, I make decisions for my children that everyone isn’t comfortable with, but people need to stop condemning parents for doing something with or to their children that they wouldn’t do with their own.
It happened again this week when Christina Milian uploaded a photo of her daughter Violet along with teen beauty, Zendaya. In a photo of the trio, Christina originally captioned:
It’s official. I’m a #1 Mom in my daughters eyes! Last night I was fortunate enough to bring my baby girl @VioletMadison to meet Zendaya at the #InauguralWorldAIDSDaysBenefit. You can’t imagine how much it made her day. Plus she got to see how her selflessness, positive attitude and hard work can help inspire and heal the world. Kudos to you #Zendaya & Your sweet parents. You are a great young lady and I’m happy my daughter has someone to look up to like yourself. Thank you. (And she loved V’s hair)
But as the comments poured in, Christina faced the same crossfire of comments as that of Leah Still’s pic–her child’s hair was too much for someone so young. Extending her initial thoughts, the singer added:
For those of you more concerned with Violet’s hair (understandably cause you just don’t know) her hair isn’t in the twists, it’s another method used where they are tied into her corn rows. The hair isn’t heavy. If you’ve ever grabbed a bag of afri braiding hair you know they are very light weight. But just trying new things. Violet likes it and it’s not damaging. Xo
While many celebs feel the need to openly explain their actions on public platforms that change how we view the world and communicate daily, it’s unfortunate people thought it best to question her parenting and her feeling the need to defend her choices. The same choices she has to make and live with behind closed doors are now the topic of conversation amongst mothers and childless women alike who believe Christina is damaging her child’s hair.
Does the hair look heavy? Sure. But should people refrain from sharing their opinions about a child that actually likes how she looks (which is a journey in itself for young Black girls) and on a mother that is introducing the process of decision-making early on? Absolutely. For Violet to be around one of the most influential Black teens of 2015–the same woman that has spoken up and showed out when it came to diversifying hair this year–it’s a step towards growing up outside of the constraints placed on us.
To raise your son or daughter in opposition of others’ opinions is to foster a sense of liberation in that child, and Christina and Violet, Aliya and Emmy, and Devon and Leah all represent that freedom. Whether you think what they’re doing with their children is too much because they’re too young and it’s too grown, understand we’re confined to enough boxes.
Stop parent shaming and start minding your business.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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The Power Of Your Big 3: Understanding The Astrological Significance You Hold
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
Astrology has become even more mainstream and a phenomenon than it ever has in the past. We have gone beyond the, “What’s your sign?” and have moved into “What’s your big 3?” seemingly overnight, and rightly so due to the significance of knowing these important details. Your Big 3 in Astrology represents your sun sign, your moon sign, and your rising sign.
This trifecta is thought to be one of the most significant details of your birth chart and gives you and others more of a full-picture look at who you are beyond just your sun sign.
What Does Your Big 3 In Astrology Say About You?
Knowing your big 3 is important, especially if you are someone who has never really resonated with your sun sign. You read about what it means to be an Aries, but may not align with what you see or your experience with other Aries. Meanwhile, the whole time, you have a Libra rising, the complete opposite sign of Aries, and this is why you have always seen yourself as a more laid-back and less confrontational Aries.
Elements hold a key role in your birth chart and having a big 3 where the elements are all compatible or the same often signifies someone who knows who they are and is comfortable in their skin. Whereas someone with a different element for each part of their big 3 may have challenges with identity or defining who they are or how they want to present themselves. It’s a different type of perspective when looking into your big 3, and it helps you see where your strengths and needs are in life, and how to tap more into this potential.
Your Big 3 In Astrology Explained
Your big 3 can help you navigate life by understanding which part of you comes out more in different circumstances. At home, you are most like your moon sign, when you are out and about, you are most like your rising sign. Whether you are at home or out and about, your goals, purpose, and interests are most like your sun sign.
You can find out what your big 3 is by looking up a ‘Birth Chart Calculator’ on your search engine, typing in your birthday details (you will need to know your birth date, location, and the exact time you were born), and generating your birth chart.
Read below for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
YOUR SUN SIGN
Your sun sign represents the core of you and what motivates you to shine and be your best self. This is your personality, goals, purpose, identity, ego, interests, direction, and where you light up in life.
FIRE SUN (Aries Sun, Leo Sun, Sagittarius Sun)
If you are an Aries sun, a Leo sun, or a Sagittarius sun, you are outgoing, confident, fearless, and in tune with yourself and your personal goals and desires in life. You go after the things you want, and you are not afraid to take up space. You are someone who prefers to be more independent, and you are often in more leadership roles in life.
EARTH SUN (Taurus Sun, Virgo Sun, Capricorn Sun)
If you are a Taurus sun, a Virgo sun, or a Capricorn sun, you are grounded, dependable, loyal, hard-working, and logical. You prefer the finer things in life but also work hard to get where you are. You are someone others feel they can rely on, and you are often a support for other people in your life. You are very connected to the material sides of life, and have a gift for manifesting.
AIR SUN (Gemini Sun, Libra Sun, Aquarius Sun)
If you are a Gemini sun, a Libra sun, or an Aquarius sun, you are light-hearted, free-flowing, intelligent, and communicative. You speak what is on your mind, and you love to connect and communicate with others. People know you for the things you say and your out-of-the-box ideas, and you are someone who is open-minded and provides a safe space for people to be authentically themselves.
WATER SUN (Cancer Sun, Scorpio Sun, Pisces Sun)
If you are a Cancer sun, a Scorpio sun, or a Pisces sun, you are thoughtful, generous, emotional, loving, and compassionate. You care deeply about the people you love, and you are always there for others. You may be more emotional than most, and this is due to your strong intuition and open heart. You are creative, inspiring, and motivated towards connection in life.
YOUR MOON SIGN
Your moon sign represents your emotions. This is the way you express yourself emotionally, how you process your emotions, what you need in love, what makes you feel safe and nurtured, your desires, intuition, your inner world, and what’s going on beneath the surface.
FIRE MOON (Aries Moon, Leo Moon, Sagittarius Moon)
If you are an Aries moon, a Leo moon, or a Sagittarius moon, you are someone who is not afraid to communicate your emotions or how you are feeling, and you can feel your emotions from a mile away. You are confident in yourself and are someone who stands up for what you feel is right. You have a strong need to be seen and heard in your relationships, and a certain type of understanding is needed for you to emotionally thrive. You may have some challenges with anger or high energy and are working through emotional impulses in this lifetime.
EARTH MOON (Taurus Moon, Virgo Moon, Capricorn Moon)
If you are a Taurus moon, a Virgo moon, or a Capricorn moon, you are someone who is emotionally grounded, safe, comforting, and logical. You aren’t overly emotional and may not show your emotions to people much at all, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have them. You think before you speak, and you process your emotions before acting on them, and you tend to be more down-to-earth and understanding when it comes to other people’s emotional worlds as well. You are someone people go to when they need someone to talk to you as you are a very good listener.
AIR MOON (Gemini Moon, Libra Moon, Aquarius Moon)
If you are a Gemini moon, a Libra moon, or an Aquarius moon, you are someone who is fun, outgoing, and emotionally open-minded. You don’t like heavy emotions or too much emotional drama, and you tend to be more go-with-the-flow in this area of your life. Good conversation and mutual understanding are very important to you in your relationships and you want funny banter and inspiration in your connections with others.
WATER MOON (Cancer Moon, Scorpio Moon, Pisces Moon)
If you are a Cancer moon, a Scorpio moon, or a Pisces moon, you are someone who lives by their heart and values your emotional world deeply. You crave a deep type of intimacy in your partnerships and you need a partner who is going to give you that type of emotional connection. You are more private with your emotional world and you tend to hold a lot in, but this can often lead to sudden outbursts as well. Overall, you are the definition of emotion and others learn a lot from you on what it means to love and to feel.
YOUR ASCENDANT (RISING SIGN)
Your ascendant sign represents your perception and the energy you put out into the world. This is the way you come across to others, the way you express yourself, your physical traits and aesthetics, how you manifest, society, and what you expect from the world around you.
FIRE ASCENDANT (Aries Rising, Leo Rising, Sagittarius Rising)
If you are an Aries rising, a Leo rising, or a Sagittarius rising, you come across to others as confident, bold, and stylish. You are known for the way you look or the way you present yourself, and you are usually adorned in bright colors or wearing something that others take a lot of notice of. You are someone who walks into a room, and all eyes are on you, and you love that. You want to be on the move and on the go, and you love to show up in the world exactly as you are today. You see the world with a lot of possibilities and like it's yours to have fun and enjoy yourself in.
EARTH ASCENDANT (Taurus Rising, Virgo Rising, Capricorn Rising)
If you are a Taurus rising, a Virgo rising, or a Capricorn rising, you come across to others as responsible, beautiful, natural, and dependable. You are a hard worker, and you may be known for your career or the work that you do. You are someone who walks into a room and people feel an immediate sense of comfort and like you are someone they can trust. You have strong values and goals, and you are someone who knows what they want. People love to be around your down-to-earth energy, and you make others feel safe and grounded.
AIR ASCENDANT (Gemini Rising, Libra Rising, Aquarius Rising)
If you are a Gemini rising, a Libra rising, or an Aquarius rising, you come across to others as outgoing, friendly, and talkative. You see the world as a place to learn, connect, and be inspired, and you are on a quest for knowledge and understanding. You connect with people from all walks of life, and you tend to have a pretty open-minded and unique friend group. You care a lot about your style and aesthetic and always strive to be authentically you wherever you are. You can talk to people for hours and are often meeting new people and making new friends wherever you go.
WATER ASCENDANT (Cancer Rising, Scorpio Rising, Pisces Rising)
If you are a Cancer rising, a Scorpio rising, or a Pisces rising, you navigate life through the lens of your emotions, and you are deeply connected to the undercurrents of life. You are ruled by your emotions, and this side of you is not something you can keep hidden away easily. You get emotional when you think about society and others at large, and you want to be known for the kind and sincere person you are. When you walk into a room, you feel other people's energy right away and are highly empathic and intuitive.
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