This Publicist Quit Her Job And Turned Her Former Employer Into A Client
Just over a year ago, Chardae Jenkins decided that it was time for a change.
She had a job that she enjoyed as a junior publicist for Allied Moxy, the African-American marketing arm of Allied Integrated Marketing. She worked with a team that she loved—a small group of go-getters committed to bringing entertainment marketing campaigns to life for films such as Straight Outta Compton and Barbershop 3: The Next Cut. Not to mention that the pay wasn't too shabby either, enough for Chardae to stack almost eight grand in her two-and-a-half years at the company.
But as enviable as her job sounds, Chardae knew that she had more to offer than what the position allowed, so she cleaned off her desk and packed away her self-doubts and made the leap into entrepreneurship as the CEO of her own PR and digital marketing company, The Transparency Agency.
“All of our clients at Moxy were film," says Chardae. “I think film is great but it's not the only stuff I'm interested in, so to me it was like now that I get film, let me like try something else. Let me see if I can do music or brands or personalities because if there aren't any films booming, then what am I supposed to do?"
Chardae is just one of many millenials who've said goodbye to the traditional job and jumped head first into the role of b-o-s-s. But unlike those who take the leap because of poor paychecks, bad bosses, and unfulfilling positions, the California State University grad departed due to her discomfort with stagnancy and desire to go to the next level in her career.
Leaving a steady paycheck wasn't easy, though. In fact, it go to a point to where Chardae literally couldn't stomach the thought of making such a huge leap with no safety net to catch her. “I felt sick and I felt like something wasn't right with my spirit. I couldn't sleep. I would be up all night just thinking," she says.
She shared her concerns with a close friend who encouraged her to try out a beach meditation in hopes of coming to a place of clarity. “That was like a push forward because it was a very emotional meditation for me. I was thinking about my family, where I came from and not wanting to disappoint [them], and I had gotten a wave of reassurance like don't worry about it, you're going to be good. Walk by faith and not by sight, and just do it."
"Walk by faith and not by sight, and just do it."
On October 2, Chardae quieted her qualms and with little prior planning or preparation left her job with nothing more than potential leads, a working knowledge of running digital marketing and influencer campaigns, and a few thousand dollars in her bank account to keep her afloat in the costly city of Los Angeles. “I was determined that even if I get down to my last six dollars, I'm not going to quit. I don't have kids. I'm not married. I don't have any commitments and I'm young, so if I want to try something it might not work out, this is probably the time to do it."
It was risky, but rewarding. Thanks to her admirable performance while working with her former employer, deep knowledge of their processes and systems, and strong relationships with the company's clients, the same job that she submitted her two-weeks notice to reached out to become one of her first clients. “A lot of people that work places and leave, their boss is like okay have fun. I didn't leave on bad terms; they were like you know what, Chardae understands how we work."
It's a testament to the power of relationships and speaks to the importance of why it's better to close a door than to burn a bridge. For Chardae, it gave her an opportunity to not only work on her own terms, but to work with a client that she already knew and trusted. “I have love for Moxy because they gave me my first start, so when they came to me I was more appreciative than anything because they didn't have to come to me. And I knew that I was still going to produce the same work, if not better, even though I wasn't there."
Chardae with Clients
In just a few short months the 25-year-old has signed on clients ranging from film partners to radio personalities and lifestyle brands, and thanks to lucrative social influencer budgets, admits that she's far from struggling and was profitable enough this year to hire a digital coordinator. One thing that she wishes she would've don't differently, though, is taken out a business loan as opposed to tapping into her savings. “I think I could've educated myself more on applying for business loans. I could've done more due diligence on that instead of being like I got the money, I just want to do this now. Not that bootstrapping is a bad thing, but if you can use somebody else's money it's like why not?"
Lesson learned. Thankfully pinching her own pennies didn't stop her from pursuing her dream. Chardae credits her father, who suffered from a massive brains stroke that left him paralyzed when Chardae was just 12-years-old, for being the quiet motivation that she needed to keep going even in the moments of uncertainty. “Everyday for the last 13 years that he's been paralyzed my dad has not quit on trying to learn how to walk, talk, or trying to figure out how to learn how to eat. So when I was looking at my dad and the situation that I was going through, I didn't have an excuse. I would go home and tell my dad about stuff and he would just tell me to go get that money. So I'm like alright dad, if you're not going to quit on what you're doing, I definitely can't quit. If something doesn't workout then it doesn't work out, and I'm just going to keep on going and figure it out."
If you had asked Chardae a couple of years ago where she saw herself in her career, she would've proudly shared her goal of climbing the corporate ladder and becoming the Vice President of a company. Now that she touts the title of CEO, she's glad that she can create a life where she can go to the gym or get a massage in the middle of the day if she chooses. “Things change and life changes. You form into a different person, and I think that's kind of the beauty of everything, the growth to say that, you know what, this was cool when I was thinking about it two years ago, but I was a different person and this isn't fitting for the person that I am now. And that's not in a negative way, it's just a development of your experience as a person and as a woman."
For the San Diego native, making her own rules and fearlessly pressing reset has allowed her to define happiness on her own terms, and that's the most priceless reward.
Originally published August 30, 2017
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
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Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
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Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images