This Former Stylist Quit Her Job To Follow Her Purpose Of Helping Homeless Women On Their Period
It was just an ordinary February for Chelsea VonChaz when the unexpected happened.
She was navigating through L.A. traffic on her way to drop off some clothes at a showroom—one of the many odd jobs that she had picked up to make ends meet after leaving her seven-year stint as a stylist.
As she pulled up to a red light on the corner of LaBrea and 3rd street, she spotted something simultaneously familiar and unfamiliar. A homeless woman crossing the road—not an uncommon site in the Hollywood area where pitched tents and makeshift pallets of tattered blankets and balled up clothing flank the sidewalks. But this woman was a little different than the norm.
Her chocolate complexion showed signs of wear, making it difficult to distinguish her age—not old, but not quite young either. She rocked a buzz cut and random patches of dirt covered her extremely thin frame. And as she stepped into the crosswalk in her ripped, dirty tank top and shorts serving as underwear, Chelsea caught sight of her blood-stained bottoms as the woman shuffled over to the Trader Joe's and proceeded to pull down her bottoms and squat on the side of the building—in plain sight.
“There were cars around me, and I was just tripping out when I saw it like does anybody else see this?" Chelsea says. “I was looking around and it was like the normal thing to just look and keep it pushing and go on with your life. Nobody is freaking out right now, and that just pissed me off. And I'm like okay well I'm apart of the problem too without creating a solution."
It was on that day that Chelsea, who up until that point was struggling with finding her purpose, decided to bring to fruition her idea of #HappyPeriod—a non-profit organization that provides menstrual care items to homeless communities across the country. Within a week Chelsea had reached out to friends and family members for donations to create the first set of period kits to distribute to the homeless community.
But just a few months prior, Chelsea was battling with depression and the frustration of working in an unfulfilling job. She watched as friends and fellow stylists and make up artists excelled in their own careers, but she wasn't reaping the desired rewards of her own labor.
“I just felt like it wasn't my purpose and I didn't want to do it anymore more," says Chelsea. “It wasn't feeding me anything; it was putting me in a deeper hole. It wasn't pushing me forward in my career as far as getting better clients and better gigs or more money, nor was it helping with me spiritually because it was draining. I wasn't really feeling it like a lot of people were feeling it, and then with social media, none of that really helped."
Sinking deeper into depression, the then 26-year-old began trading styling gigs for odd jobs just to pay the bills while she figured out the next steps of her life. During that time she jotted down ideas for #HappyPeriod in her notebooks, but never acted on them until after seeing the woman out side of Trader Joe's. She saw it as just the sign she needed to put action behind her talents instead of being just one of those people to look the other way.
"We're so desensitized to the homeless experience."
“We're so desensitized to the homeless experience to where we can care less as to how we make our judgments, so I felt like I just couldn't be apart of that problem anymore. It's like society just cares to an extent, but if it happens to us, it's a totally different thing. It was literally a slap in the face."
#HappyPeriod volunteer handing a kit to homeless woman.
The first distribution was a success, so much so that it begged the question: What next? Only armed with her background in fashion, Chelsea turned to her mother—who had experience working for a non-profit organization—for help. They came up with the idea of making #HappyPeriod a monthly initiative, seeking donations for money or product from friends, and Chelsea reached out to local women's shelters and homeless shelters for information regarding donations of sanitary items. The response wasn't quite what she expected. At one shelter, an employee informed her that they received more donations for razor blades for men transitioning back into jobs, than they did pads and tampons. When she asked what happened when women arrived to the shelter on their menstrual cycle, the woman gave a nonchalant response that indicated that if the employees had something on them, they would pass it along. But nothing more.
“That was a huge part of my preparation because I made the decision that we're going to do this distribution. I will make the kits," Chelsea says.
Within a couple of months, #HappyPeriod was incorporated, and by September, the organization had expanded into other locations from L.A. to New York. The need to organize meetings and help manage teams across the country required Chelsea to work on her company full-time in October, and she made the decision to sacrifice the savings that she had set aside for a trip to Fiji to ensure that she had enough income to support herself while running her non-profit. She currently takes on random assignments when necessary, not that she's complaining.
“Once December came around I saw this big random success with #HappyPeriod just from me being able to do it full time, so I was like I can't stop now; I just have to keep going. I have to just save and not spend and think of #HappyPeriod as if it's a child—I mean it is my baby. And it's crazy because when you apply it like that you literally just think about that first before you think about yourself."
Chelsea's consistent presence hasn't gone unnoticed amongst the homeless community. “It didn't take no more than two or three months to where I was called the hygiene lady. And then the coolest thing ever was when I realized they were expecting us to come out here once a month."
It's something I too notice when joining Chelsea and her team of volunteers on a Sunday afternoon in April for their monthly distribution in downtown L.A. I don't know what to expect as I drive down Rossmore Avenue past million dollar homes, before crossing Crenshaw and Venice where the grungy neighborhoods stand in juxtaposition to my previous view. I meet with Chelsea at the Fernando Pullum Arts Center, just blocks away from the well-known Leimert Park area, arriving just in time to help Chelsea and a handful of others package together tampons, panty liners and pads into 150 yellow plastic bags before moving over to the next room to help another non-profit catering to the homeless, Hashtag Lunchbag, package their lunches together because they're short on volunteers.
We load up our cars with lunches and period kits and head over to 5th and Crocker street, the coordinates for the famed Skid Row. It's crowded, and before I can even pull the bags out of the back of my car, I'm surrounded by a small group of mostly men reaching their hands out for lunches. I cautiously inform them that I'm carrying the bags for the women, some walk away in disappointment, a few, though, ask if they can take a bag for their wives, girlfriends, or women who don't have the strength to move out of their self-designated areas. “They still love each other, even though they're homeless, there's still love around," Chelsea tells me.
"Even though they're homeless, there's still love around."
We continue unpacking our cars, handing out lunches and yellow bags as fast as if we were giving out winning lottery tickets. Some women rush from dilapidated buildings when word spreads that “the hygiene lady" and her devoted entourage have arrived.
As we walk down the road towards the women's shelter, I see a large line snaking into an open parking lot where another organization is serving lunch. A handful of people, likely from church ministries, are speaking fervently or praying with those waiting in line while a loudspeaker bellows out church music. By the time we reach the women's shelter, most of our bags are gone, but we drop off a box of unpackaged product with the front desk. A woman in a wheelchair rolls up beside me and asks if we also have clothes, I tell her we don't, wishing I had a better excuse before she rolls back into the corner.
Shot of Skid Row
As we near the end of our rounds, some of the same women we've previously handed bags to come up to us. “Bless ya'll, ya'll really heaven sent," they say before walking back to their respective sitting areas.
I ask Chelsea what her thoughts are on purpose now versus when she thought she was operating in her purpose—before she dropped everything and completely reset her life.
“Purpose is just sticking to your soul, your core, what builds you, what burns you, what fuels this whole fire inside."
"Those are the simple things that just make up who you are," she says. “I found happiness within myself instead of just looking for it everywhere else, and then the lady just crossed the street one day. And I followed my instinct. I will be honest, for days I couldn't sleep because I was just thinking about it too hard. I would just wake up and get on the computer and do research, and it was driving me. So I paid attention to that."
Her leap of faith—her vision of spreading #HappyPeriod to homeless populations across the country—has not just changed her life, but the lives of the many women and even transgender persons who are often overlooked and forgotten in a world where many see selfishness instead of selflessness as a form of survival.
It's just the beginning of a discussion to a greater issue, but one that Chelsea is fearlessly tackling—this time with purpose.
Learn more about #HappyPeriod and find out how you can join the movement or volunteer today!
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?
German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” At close to two decades of working with married couples, I agree with this man 1000 percent. It’s actually the main motivation for why I once penned, “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?” because, the reality is, if you’re not friends with the person who you vowed to share every aspect of your life with, for the rest of your life, it’s going to be very difficult (if not damn near impossible) to honor that level of commitment. Without question, I will now and forever die on the hill that if you like your partner, you can make it through the not-so-in-love-right-now moments. Vice versa? Eh…not so much.
A basis for why I feel this way? Another quote immediately comes to mind. Famed author Jane Austen once wrote: “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” You know, back when I also wrote “10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships” for the platform, I shared that some of the traits of a friend — a real friend — include loyalty, honesty and compassion. And if you can’t say that your spouse is this way (as they say the same thing about you), chile…what is y’all doin’ over there?
So, why am I talking about marriage when this article is supposed to be about friendship? It’s because, something that life has taught me, kinda sorta the hard way, is we should vet potential friends — especially close friends — almost like we would a spouse.
And if you keep reading, I think you’ll get why I framed the intro in the way that I did.
Why Friendships Are Still Hella Essential
GiphyOkay, so before I get into why it seems that people have fewer friends than they ever had before, let me just say that, even as an ambivert who enjoys my own company and has absolutely no problem with being alone a good amount of the time, every personality type needs friends. That’s not just my opinion;science makes it a fact. Not only do studies support thathealthy friendships help us to feel more satisfied with our lives, but they can also reduce our chances of experiencing depression, stress, and anxiety and they increase longevity overall.
This is why — without going too deep because it’s kind of another topic for another time — it’s important to not allow past hurts and disappointments from former friends (or folks you thought were your friends) to cause you to build up walls as you declare that you don’t need anyone. When you do that, all you’re really doing is working against your own health and well-being. The saying that “no man (or woman) is an island”? It is absolutely true.
That said, even if it’s just a couple of people, make sure that you’ve got individuals in your life who you can call a friend and, in turn, they can say the very same thing about you, okay?
Are All of Those People Your Actual Friends? Or Do You Just Happen to Know a Lot of Folks?
GiphyAight but what if you happen to be someone who swings on the other side of few? Meaning, if someone were to ask you how many friends you had, you’d quickly declare that you’ve got too many to count. Listen, not to patronize or anything yet, but whenever I hear folks (especially if they are over 35) say something along those lines, it takes me back to high school — a time when so many of us thought that so long as we knew a ton of folks and/or we were popular, clearly, we had many friends.
Wisdom and pure ole’ dealing with humans on a consistent basis will teach you that an article that I wrote a few years back for the platform has a title that is spot-on: “According To Experts, We Only Have A Few Friends — Here's Why.” According to it, the average American (based on a survey that was conducted) has somewhere around 16 friends. Oh, but wait. Last fall, I wrote another article for the platform entitled, “What's The 'Five Friendship Theory' All About?” According to it, if you’re someone who takes the word “friend” and the responsibility that comes along with it very seriously and quite literally, as an adult, you can probably only maintain about five close friendships.
Why? Well, that brings in another article that I once wrote: “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient.'” Chile, I don’t know about y’all but my friends know that if I call you that, you can call me in the middle of the night, and you can have money towards your rent (I’m not your mama but we all have hard times sometimes) and I’m gonna have your back in a way where you’ll wonder where you stop and I start — and no, I don’t have a lot of bandwidth for a ton of those people.
Okay, but what if you’re someone who is like, “I know that I have more than 16 and definitely more than five friends, no question”? The next thing that I would encourage you to explore is a theory by Aristotle (check out “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends”). Without even realizing it, many of us have people who we use the word “friend” for when…it’s kind of like how social media apps say “friend”: we’re familiar with one another and enjoy some of the same things, we might even have some of the same goals; at the same time, though, we’re not “all-encompassing friends.” We just get along really well at work (utility friends) or like to go to brunch at the same spots sometimes (pleasure friends).
Taking all of this into account, are you sure that you have a ton of actual friends? Or do you just happen to know a lot of people and you use that word for the lack of having another?
And that brings me to my next point.
There’s A LOT of Space Between “Friend” and “Enemy”
GiphyIf you read a lot of my friendship content, something that you will notice me saying quite a bit is that there is quite a bit of space between friend and enemy. It needs to be mentioned, as often as possible, because there are some people who get offended if you don’t consider them to be a friend — and that is unfortunate. I say that because the conclusion shouldn’t automatically be that they are your enemy just because “friend” isn’t what immediately comes to your mind.
They can be an acquaintance. They can be “cool people.” There is someone in my life who, while we’re not friends in the traditional sense, we are each other’s confidant; years ago, we agreed that we would be the place to tell each other whatever and it would stay between us — that is the main purpose that we serve in each other’s lives. Some people, you may consider to be spiritual family in the sense that you care for them and have some deeply profound things in common and still, they are not exactly a friend (I mean, a lot of blood relatives aren’t “friends” with each other).
All I’m trying to say here is we’re all too old now to only put folks in two boxes when it comes to this particular relational dynamic: friend or enemy. So, take some time out to seriously reflect on what you consider the various people in your life to be. I can promise you from personal experience that the sooner you know and the clearer you are, the easier it will be on everybody — because needs and expectations will be clear to you (and them once you articulate them) too.
What Got Folks to Having Less Friends? The Pandemic Plays a Significant Part.
GiphySo finally on to what inspired this piece to begin with. A part of it was an article that was published last year by Big Think entitled, “Americans more than ever have no friends. Here are 5 steps to make more friends.” Another was something that The New Yorker published back in 2021; it’s entitled “What COVID did to friendship.” Y’all don’t have enough time and I don’t have enough space to get into the fact that, just because the media may be talking about it less, that doesn’t mean that we’re not still in a pandemic.
In fact,one article stated my thoughts on it quite well when it said, “The real question, then, is not whether COVID is still a pandemic, but how much COVID illness and death are we willing to accept?” SMDH. And one of the things that has come with experiencing COVID is an interesting type of PTSD: detachment. There are plenty of articles out here to support the fact that my saying that is not merely my opinion.
Even according to the American Psychological Association, loneliness damn near skyrocketed, especially during lockdown and, unfortunately, a lot of people have not recovered from it. That’s why it did not surprise me at all when I read that more than ever, many people do not consider anyone to be a best friend; fewer people are relying on friends for any type of real support, and there is a semi-steady decline in people having friends, especially quality friendships, overall.
In fact, as far as close friends go, currently, close to 50 percent of Americans say that they only have three or fewer, and a relevant contributor to that was what the pandemic revealed as far as people’s proactive participation in other individuals’ lives (I actually read that young women were the ones who lost touch with friends during the peak of the pandemic the most). I also thought it was interesting that some studies cite that 12 percent of Americans say that they don’t have any friends at all.
Is the pandemic the only cause? No. So are things like people working more hours and spending more time online than they probably should (which also increased due to the pandemic, though). To that, Teen Vogue once published, “Social Media Is Impacting IRL Friendships” and Healthline once published, “Social Media Is Killing Your Friendships.” Then we also have to factor in having families of our own which can also take up a lot of time, and that sometimes can cause us to forget to nurture our friendships; so, before you know it, they fade to black. Not due to a fallout or anything, just…life.
And all of this? Some people are saying that it has led to what is known as a “friendship recession.” A huge flag about that is there are reports that a drop in close friends can cultivate a type of loneliness that is just as health hazardous as smoking a whopping 15 cigarettes a day. Not good, y’all. Not. Good.
Quality over Quantity Is Key. Just Make Sure That You Have a Friend or Two.
GiphyOkay, so what is my overall point? That’s a fair question. Just like sometimes “life life-ing” can make us forget to tend to our friendships, if you don’t stumble across content like this, you might not even realize that you’re feeling mentally stressed, emotionally strained, or super isolated and it’s all because you need to prioritize your friendships — because your mind, body, and spirit need them. Again, science has proved it.
At the same time, if, like a client of mine, you find yourself getting a little bit paranoid because you have noticed that over the past several years, your close friend count has been far less than what it used to be, this article proves that you are absolutely not (pardon the pun) alone. Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with having a very small circle of friends because quality is gonna beat out quantity every time; you just need to assess when it happened and why so that you can be sure that you are choosing it to play out that way and it’s not due to some underlying cause that you hadn’t taken into consideration — until now.
An Italian priest by the name of Thomas Aquinas once said, “The happy man in this life needs friends.” Even if it’s just one or two people, please make sure that you have folks who aren’t just your friend but your very close friend. You need them. They need you.
Everyone else, figure out where they fall and nurture accordingly. Life is a lot. We all get by with the help of our friends. Real talk, y’all. Thank goodness for them.
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Featured image by jose carlos cerdeno martinez/Getty Images